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September 18 — Today is a very special day. My birthday.
It's raining outside. The hazy clouds reunited in one place as if the sky was their party and the moon was their main guest.
While writing, I looked at them through my closed window. Something in the back of my mind is nagging me to open it so I can feel the breeze push my locks away, feel the raindrops slightly touching my hands and face… for it is a sensation I miss. During rainfall, I always sat by the balcony of our home in Paris for that. It was quiet and refreshing. It was nice.
The only downside for doing that now would be that the diary would get wet, and I don't want that to happen… it would be really sad if it did. This entry will be special, and, even if unfinished, it already is special for me. Maybe later would be the best.
I really love the rain that pours at night… but I also love the clear skies when the sun sets at five in the afternoon.
I'm locked in my room at the moment, with a weak warm light on, just enough for me to see what I’m writing. Kaito-san told me to stay here. I was confused at first, but then Momo kinda spoiled it for me, whispering to me he was actually preparing a surprise gift… but I’m not upset about that at all! In fact, I'm even more excited! And in a way, I kinda expected this was the case… Kaito-san is not very good at keeping surprises a secret sometimes.
I want to see what that is so bad…
And, ah! I hung out with Tomoyo and Sakura the whole day, too! We had lunch at Tomoyo's and then we went out together to various places in Tomoeda. The city seems even smaller when you're having fun with your friends…
When I received Sakura's message in the morning, I almost couldn't believe it… I was snuggled up in my blankets, trying to suppress my happiness, but to no avail. I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. She sent me the sweetest birthday wishes, and I was reading them with the silliest smile possible. She said her gift wasn't ready yet so she wasn't able to give it to me today, I'm so curious to see what it is… but her message was already a big present for me.
When I got there, they were waiting for me with soft smiles, and I smiled at them, too. I feel like, at that time, my cheeks were super red. I can't really hide my emotions that well.
Tomoyo gave me a painting book, together with various painting supplies… I still need to start it. There are so many pretty pictures, and I hope I can do them all justice.
What is still making me so emotional is that… they remembered it. They remembered my birthday. And I could spend this special day with my friends. I never got to do that before.
While living in other countries before, I never really managed to make friends… I was too shy to introduce myself to the others, and in the end, no one talked to me either. I felt really lonely… but at least Kaito-san was there for me all along.
Kaito-san is my bestest friend. In a way… it's like he's the family I never had. But I never had friends my age before coming here… initially, it costed me to believe that the girls would like to be friends with me, of all people in school… but… I'm so glad they did. And now, I feel like… I can trust the world, even with all of its faults. Even with all of the bad memories… there's still hope, somewhere…
At four, we went to the botanical garden. The flowers were still as full of life as they were the last time I saw them from afar. "The autumn equinox is right at the door, isn't it?" — Tomoyo pointed out, and Sakura excitedly replied with — "Your name is related to autumn, isn't it, Akiho-chan? That's your special season!" — I smiled and softly replied to her with a yes.
We joked around and talked about various things, school, the weather, and shared the experiences of our days. Tomoyo also shared with us some of the upcoming releases of the Daidouji company. I really felt like a special guest listening to that, and there are some of the releases I’m actually really looking forward to.
Later on, we went to a place filled with sunflowers, so we could watch the sun saying its farewells to the day. At this point, the clouds looked more like colored cotton, and for some reason, they seemed to have their own flavors. The pink-colored ones were strawberry-flavored, while the yellow ones were vanilla-flavored. The mix of both was… well… is there a flavor with both? I don’t think so, but it was very pretty.
Tomoyo brought her camera with her and offered to take photos of me. I hesitated at first, but then ended up accepting, since that place was so beautiful I couldn’t miss the opportunity to register it in some way.
The photos turned out really good. Tomoyo really is a great photographer. She gave them to me, and I placed them neatly in my bag. I will cherish them forever.
What I didn’t expect, though, was that… I would suddenly go through the urge to cry, as if a storm was about to begin… initially, they weren’t sad tears, but… for some years now, I have had the impression that whenever I cried, a disaster would happen. I always blacked out and would then wake up to worried faces around me. I felt dread engulfing me every single time, and this year… it happened even more.
I tried to hide my face in my hands so that they wouldn’t see it. But I know they did see it, and I started apologizing…
I kept thinking about things I didn’t want to hear. “You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve them, because…”
I felt like that would happen again, but… I got a hug. Sakura hugged me and told me not to worrybecause we were friends after all. Her eyes sparkled as she said that, and I think that made my heart sparkle too.
This time… nothing bad happened.
The dread I once felt now turned into a sweet warmth, and even though many hours have passed since that moment, I still feel it in its full power.
Tomoyo handed me the handkerchief she had on her purse, and I used it to wipe my tears.
There are so many things I need to keep reminding myself of. To not feel guilty about things that were not my fault is one of them. It’s a bit hard, but… I’m really trying my best.
And I also need to remind myself that… I'm not lonely anymore. Now I realize that Kaito-san, Momo, and my friends are here with me. And… I can’t be more grateful.
That was a rollercoaster of emotions, for sure, but everything ended up well at the end of the day.
When the stars started to appear, we laid in the grass and stargazed for some minutes, back in the place we were before. It is a shame that we couldn’t register that view. It was truly beautiful.
Distracted, I looked at them and clung to the ground. I didn’t want this moment to end, but each passing second reminded me that we would have to part ways sometime soon. There are more days to come by, though… so we could always try again another time. I just need the initiative and confidence to reach out to them.
When we parted ways, it was a bit sad, but I'm still very happy to be home.
This day was the best gift I could gift for, and I don’t think I have thanked everyone enough.
It’s still so bright.
And now, I looked outside my window again. I was so distracted writing and remembered that I didn’t even notice...
Now, it was raining somewhere else.
A voice called me from outside the room. I think the surprise might be ready!
Below, I attached one of the photos she took of me. I especially loved this one.
Now I have to go, but really I hope I can write many more entries as special as this in the future.
Even though only I can see this, to everyone, I want to say… “thank you so very much”.