Work Text:
Zhang Zhehan considered himself a simple man.
He spent his whole life making all the right choice. Of course, when he was in his early twenties he had a rebellious phase trying to figure out why his country was the way it was, but at some point he made peace with it. He decided he would do everything that depended on him to live his life as sincerely as possible. The rest would come into place somehow.
By the time he reached his late-twenties, he’d had a diverse acting background – a variety of roles in Chinese dramas, which didn’t make him as famous as his younger self would have hoped but gave him a solid work experience and skills.
Never had he thought that the peak of his career, and also its demise, would come in the form of a BL drama.
When Xiao Yu first suggested Shan He Ling, Zhehan was skeptical. But the moment he read the script, he was sold. The story was something really different from anything he had worked on, even when we don’t count the bl. The characters were so real and full of contrasting emotions and there was something very innocent about the whole feeling of the drama.
Zhehan wanted to play Wen Kexing. The producer said no. Zhehan said okay.
No one expected that this project would reach even half of the success it did. The cast and crew knew damn well how non-existent the budget was and had no great expectations about anything. They just all seemed to have great fun filming it and being outrageously obscene on set towards Zhehan and Gong Jun.
Ah, yes. Gong Jun. That kid had to be coddled so carefully until finally he loosened up so much that everyone would start the work day accompanied by his singing. They eventually got used to it and even started looking forward to the start of each new day. Or maybe it was just Zhehan who was looking forward to it.
Gong Jun. He was even less known in the industry when they started shooting. He was always nice, friendly and readily following Zhehan’s every advice to improve his acting.
It was only a month ago when they were still a hot topic on Weibo. Who could imagine that their CP would reach the level of Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan. But here they were. They had been.
Now, it was over.
His and their CP’s fans were missing and even Gong Jun’s were on alert. At least, Gong Jun kept his upcoming roles and endorsements. Zhehan was glad that he managed to erase most of the Gong Jun content on his account before Weibo blocked him.
Zhehan turned his head towards the beeping phone on the table. It was yet another message from Gong Jun – he had left about (100+) messages and (50+) phone calls. Zhehan hadn’t taken any of them. It was too dangerous. Their social media lives were always observed. He couldn’t let Gong Jun be dragged down with him. No matter how much he missed him.
A month after the events, Zhehan was still processing everything, he would only speak to Xiao Yu about meeting with brands to terminate contracts. He didn’t want to see or talk to anyone, even his best friend.
A ring on the front door almost caused him to throw his phone away. Was it Xiao Yu again?
The moment he looked through the peephole, he froze. It was Gong Jun.
“Zhang-laoshi, I know you’re there,” the boy on the other side said. “Let me in, please?”
Cold sweat started running down his spine. He spoke through the door:
“Gong Jun! What are you doing here? You should leave!”
“If you had picked up your phone, we could have avoided this, ge! Now, open the door!” Gong Jun was trying to sound unbothered but Zhehan was familiar with the way his voice sounded when he was in distress.
“Junjun, someone may see you! You need to leave now!”
He had to leave before Zhehan changed his mind, it was hard enough to tell him to go away once.
“Oh, someone will definitely see me if you don’t open the door. I’m not leaving until you let me in.”
Why was this boy so stubborn? Zhehan was still mortified by his Esquire photoshoot. Was he trying to deliberately ruin his career?
“I can hear people talking nearby, Ge,” Gong Jun said again.
Fuck it, Zhehan thought and opened the door.
He pulled Gong Jun by the lapel inside and closed the door, leaning on it, facing the younger boy.
“Lao Po,” Gong Jun barely whispered and surged towards Zhehan, pulling him in a suffocating embrace.
“Lao Gong,” Zhehan’s words came out muffled into Gong Jun’s shirt and he let the boy hold him like this.
Zhehan wasn’t sure how long they stayed like this, but eventually, he pulled away, holding him by the shoulders, not too far – just enough to look at him.
“You fool!” he said but his voice came out fond. “You shouldn’t be here! Why do you insist on sending your career down the toilet?”
Zhehan started walking towards the living room, expecting Gong Jun to follow him.
They settled on the couch, facing each other.
“So, you’ve seen the Esquire photoshoot?” the younger boy smiled shyly.
“Yes. It’s all people are talking about. I don’t know how they let you pull this off…”
“I didn’t leave them much of a choice.”
“Why?”
Zhehan had to look away but he couldn’t. Now, he could clearly see the dark circles under his eyes and his pale face. Was this because of him?
“Are you really asking me this, Ge?”
This time he managed to look away. Looking at Gong Jun was causing him physical pain now. Not because of envy, but because just a month ago he thought that they still had time. Time to explore what was clearly happening between them. Now, they had no future. Being close to Zhehan was dangerous for him and he couldn’t be selfish with him.
“Why didn’t you answer my texts?”
“It’s too dangerous for us to keep talking, Junjun,” again, he couldn’t NOT be gentle with him.
“Why don’t you let me decide this?”
“Junjun…Your career is flourishing and mine ended. I can only drag you down.”
“That’s not true. They’ll find something else to talk about very soon, you’ll see!”
“Yes, they’ll start talking about you. They’ll try to find anything to ruin you, they’ll dig and dig until they know everything about you. And if they don’t find any dirt, they’ll make it up.”
“I don’t care.”
“Don’t be childish!”
They kept staring intensely into each other’s eyes. Was this saying goodbye? Zhehan had hoped he’d never have to push him away while looking into his big puppy eyes. But here they were. Gong Jun didn’t leave him e choice.
“Zhehan,” Gong Jun’s fingers crept in between his own. “I’ll always be on your side. I won’t let them forget about you. Please, don’t push me away…”
“Jun…”
Zhehan didn’t dare breathe in. He didn’t want this moment to end. He didn’t want to walk him to the door and never see him again. But he knew this was what he was going to do anyway. Because he wanted to protect him. Because he loved him.
“You can go to Taiwan. Or South Korea. Or Japan,” Gong Jun kept insisting. “And I’ll go with you.”
“If I leave now, I won’t be able to ever return in the Chinese industry.”
Maybe Gong Jun was right – why would he stay in a place where he wasn’t wanted? But the truth was that, despite everything, he loved his motherland.
He walked Gong Jun to the door, each step harder than the previous one.
“Goodbye, Gong Jun. Take care of yourself,” he said with his voice breaking.
“You too, Han-ge,” Gong Jun opened his mouth to say something else but changed his mind.
Zhehan closed the door after him, pressing his forehead against the cold metal, sighing desperately. Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn’t they have a happy ending? Why couldn’t they at least try? Why was he so selfish, not wanting to let him go?
Something snapped inside of him. He had already lost everything. He didn’t want to lose the only good thing left. Why should he give up on Gong Jun?
He unlocked the door, prepared to start running with the hope of catching Gong Jun before he disappeared forever.
He didn’t have to. When he opened the door, Gong Jun was still outside – his hand raised in a fist, ready to knock.
“Gong Jun.”
“Han-ge.”
Zhehan pulled him back inside and closed the door pressing Gong Jun’s back against it.
He’s not sure who leaned in first, but ultimately, they were kissing like their lives depended on it.
Gong Jun’s fingers were in his hair, pulling gently without hurting him but still, intense. Zhehan’s arms were travelling up and down his back, pressing him impossibly close.
Those same lips that Zhou Zishu had been staring at all summer were now sweetly pressing kisses against his own, drinking him up and pulling him in.
At some point, they felt wetness dripping down their necks and neither was sure whose tears they were.
“Don’t leave me, Lao Gong,” Zhehan said shaking in Gong Jun’s embrace, their lips still connected.
“Never, Lao Po,” Gong Jun started kissing each part of his face, until Zhehan was ready to let out the breath he’s been holding for months.
Zhang Zhehan considered himself a simple man. Loving Gong Jun came as simple and natural as it could be. He knew he could start over, he had already done that. Now, however, he had someone to hold his hand every step of way – to his magnificent return.
They could try to take everything away from him, but not his soulmate.