Work Text:
“hey, mc? it says you have a dentist’s appointment on the calendar,” beel says, looking up from the fridge door. “what’s a dentist?”
“oh! i know!” asmo interjects. “it’s like a guy who pokes your teeth, right?” at this, satan looks over, raising his eyebrows.
“what would you need one of those for? any of us could poke your teeth just fine.”
stifling a laugh, you search for the best way to explain a dentist. “a dentist is a doctor for teeth and other oral issues. basically, they make sure your teeth are okay and fix any problems you may be having.”
“you have a problem with your teeth?” frowning, lucifer looks at you like he wants you to say ‘aah’. “why didn’t you say so?”
“it’s just a check-up,” you assure him. “which means there’s nothing wrong with my teeth, per se, but i go in anyway so that they can double-check that and make sure that all of my current brushing habits are good.”
“that seems pointless,” mammon points out and belphie, cheek pressed against the table, nods in agreement. “why would you go if there’s nothing wrong? it seems like a waste of money.”
“yeah, but it’s covered by insurance, so it’s not coming out of my pocket. and it’s to make sure nothing will go wrong.”
“what do these… oral doctors do?” satan looks like his notes app is open on his ddd, and his fingers are poised to type.
“well, for a check up, they just poke around in your mouth and check to make sure you don’t have any cavities, which are like rotted holes in teeth, clean them off, take off any built-up plaque, which is like a film that coats teeth and is bad for them. if you’re there for a special reason, like say, getting x-rays done, they do those too.”
“cavities? those sound serious,” beel says around a mouthful of food, and you nod.
“they can be. they’re left by food or sugar that isn’t properly cleaned off of teeth and need to be treated as soon as possible. to treat them, the rotted parts of the tooth are removed, usually via drill, and replaced with a new substance, like metal, or resin,” you reply, ignoring mammon’s horrified look.
“does it hurt?” belphie asks, and you shrug.
“i mean, yeah, but that’s why you get a numbing injection beforehand.”
at this, even lucifer looks a little green.
“humans are so weird,” satan muttered, and everyone nods in agreement, making you laugh.
“our bodies are just built different, is all. does anyone have any other questions before i move on?”
asmo raises his hand. “what’s insurance?”
━━━━━━
“you’re all coming to my appointment?” you ask, arching an eyebrow, decidedly unimpressed. “there are seven of you. you’ll fill up the waiting room, not to mention be in the way.”
the brothers exchange looks, obviously seeing the logic in your argument.
“look,” you sigh. “i’m going to get ready. decide amongst yourself who is going to come. no more than three of you can, alright?”
stepping into the bathroom to floss and brush your teeth once more, you roll your eyes, hoping that they’ll be able to figure it out. if they don’t, well, you guess you’ll just go alone.
once you’re ready, you grab your wallet and keys, preparing yourself to walk into a warzone. instead, the living room is surprisingly calm, though you do see mammon quickly hide a pout.
“who’s coming?” you ask, and satan, asmo, and belphie step forward. interesting- not who you would have thought. deciding not to question it lest you cause a fight, you just nod. “alright. get in the car.
*
“i hope you don’t mind that i’ve brought visitors,” you say to the receptionist,, a bit chagrined. “they’re from somewhere else and want to learn about the local dentist practice.”
“well it is a bit unorthodox.” the receptionist shifts. “but you’re the last appointment slot for today, so i suppose it’ll be alright. if one of them would like to go into the room with you, that’s fine, but the other two will have to remain out in the living room.”
you hear some shuffling and whispering behind you, and a moment later, satan speaks up. “i’ll go.”
no doubt he’s the one accompanying you because of his ability to assess situations accurately and logically. the brothers likely decided he’d be able to give the most accurate retelling.
“sounds good.” the receptionist types something on his computer. “they’ll be ready for you in a moment. for now, take a seat.”
it doesn’t take long for you to be called in, and soon enough you’re lounging in the chair, bib around your neck. satan is in the corner, watching you with shrewd eyes.
the dental assistant makes quick work of checking your mouth, making small talk all of the while, and you easily allow her to look over your teeth, scraping away bits of plaque and other gunk. satan eyes the sharp tools warily, but thankfully isn’t impulsive enough to intervene, trusting the professionals.
after rinsing your teeth, the dental assistant smiles. “the dentist will be in in a moment,” she promises, quickly taking her leave of the room.
“did that seem so bad?” you ask satan, who shrugs.
“no,” he admits unwillingly. “but there’s still more.”
the dentist is efficient too, and nothing sets satan off. he actually seems a little disappointed, but you can’t bring yourself to care, not with all of the trouble they’ve caused you regarding this.
“you’re good to go,” your dentist says, moving the chair back into a sitting position. “make sure to schedule your next appointment before leaving.”
“of course,” you say, tongue running over the fluoride applied to your teeth. “thank you.”
when you return to the waiting room, asmo and belphie jump up, anxious.
“how did it go?” belphie asks, and while satan explains it to him, you work with the receptionist to place your next appointment. asmo joins you, watching the interaction.
“so, insurance covered this amount,” the receptionist says, pointing at a figure, “so you only have to pay this.” you hand over your wallet, and once the payment has been accepted, you step away, working to get the brothers out the door. once you're in the parking lot, asmo is the first to speak up.
“i still don’t quite understand insurance,” he complains, and you stifle a laugh. oh, asmo.