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they have kissed multiple times and each time was a different experience for takumi. each time, too, he could feel that junki was holding himself back. at first, it wasn’t such a concern to takumi, because he likes his boyfriend and he understands whatever it is junki’s reason for holding back was not because he isn’t enoughㅡjunki has proven him of his worth so many times. takumi has gotten used to pushing it to the back of his head when the thoughts came but today, his curiosity has won him over that it stays in his mind all day.
junki has finished all his classes and just now arrived when takumi was preparing himself some snacks, he’s planning to finish the new original series on netflix before he gets busy with school next week. and he thinks this might be a sign for them to have a talk, seeing as the atmosphere feels comfortable enough to bring up any kind of relationship concerns. it’s embarrassing, the old takumi would say it without hesitation and while it does feel a bit embarrassing, takumi is determined to find out with the courage that he has gathered today.
he can hear junki’s voice in the living room, singing the same songs he’s been singing all week. a smile spreads across takumi’s face. junki has always stayed true to his passion and there is really nothing more beautiful than watching someone doing what they love the most. takumi steps out of the kitchen to where junki is sitting on the couch and as soon as he hears his footsteps he turns around to greet takumi with a wide smile, “hey.” then looks down at the bowl of strawberries and chocolate dip in his hands. “netflix time?”
“hey,” takumi greets bashfully, “and yes… but also not.”
he watches as junki’s face turns confused but doesn’t question it until takumi is settled next to him. junki seems to have sensed the atmosphere and it makes takumi wonder if he’s really that easy to read but then again, it’s junki, someone who’s been with him for three years and counting. junki puts his bag away to relieve himself of today’s struggles. it’s almost as if he knows there’s something important and he needs to be a little more attentive than usual.
“so, what’s up?” a hand comes on top of takumi’s head and it starts brushing through his hair softly. It’s junki’s habit. so natural like breathing, everything he does to him. and takumi is just falling even deeper that there’s no turning point. “are you tired?” takumi almost gets lost in his train of thoughts before he remembers he has curiosities, swimming around inside his pretty little head so he shakes his head and takes a deep breath.
it’s not like he’s nervous (okay, he’s a little nervous) but he doesn’t know what to expect. he’s never going to expect less from a such a boyfriend like junki but there’s still a part of him that seeks for the exact answer, something concrete on the why. and maybe it can be some kind of a validation for takumi to keep going. “how about you? are you tired?” there is no way for junki not to be tired since he’s been taking more classes than last semester and how hard he’s working his part-time job so he can pay his share of the rent.
“not at all? see?” spreading his arms, junki replies and it sounds so genuine that it hurts. it’s one of those days where takumi asks how could he be so lucky to find a man like junki and how he probably doesn’t deserve him and that it will someday disappear. darn, he really should do something about his tendencies of being a pessimist. they said opposite attracts and takumi guesses it’s true and junki shows him that it is. so, what more could he possibly want from him?
trust junki to make him laugh with the simplest gestures. “you can tell me when you’re tired and i’ll prepare something for you, okay?” takumi shrugs junki’s heavy arms off his shoulders in a joking manner and his boyfriend’s grin gets even wider. “oh, like what?” and now it turns into a teasing one that somehow always makes takumi want to squeeze it out of his face or hide, there is no in between. he does neither at the moment, though.
“i don’t know, like warm bath water?”
junki shifts his gaze to the bowl of strawberries, suddenly getting distracted. takumi watches as he picks one up and eats the whole fruit in one bite. “can i eat the strawberries?” he says while munching one.
takumi hits him on the chest, mildly annoyed. “what’s the point of asking?”
he decides that the series can wait and takes one for himself now that they’re distracted. he dips it in the chocolate fondue just like how he likes to eat his strawberries. “it’s really good!” he exclaims, hands reaching out to take another one but junki stops him before he can. for a few seconds, it’s just silence until his heart starts thumping loudly inside his ears. junki is staring at him with such intensity. it’s familiar, takumi has seen it before. can he say he’s excited (and a little bit scared) of what’s coming?
“what?” takumi’s voice shakes as he tries to break free from junki’s grip on his wrist. he swears if it’s because he cannot eat more strawberries, he will-
“hold still,” junki’s voice is a whisper but his gaze is no longer as intense.
takumi is pretty sure he’s holding still (holding his breath, even) but why does it feel like junki is closer and keeps coming closer. it’s only when their lips meet that his mind is registering that junki is kissing him and there is tongue involved. takumi gasps and it only grants access for junki’s tongue to lick into his mouth. they taste like strawberries and chocolate and it’s sweet and it’s making takumi’s head spin. and before he realizes, he’s kissing back and he can feel that the kiss becomes even more intense.
there’s a hand on takumi’s nape that pushes him forward and even closer towards junki as if they aren’t already sitting chest-to-chest. takumi loops his hand around junki’s shoulder to accommodate him better and not let their annoying height difference get in the way (even when they’re sitting) but junki has another idea. he pushes takumi down the couch slowly without breaking the kiss while gently caressing the back of his head. takumi is loving every second of it and he thinks he’s about to lose his mind with how hot everything feels.
junki shows no sign of stopping even after he leaves takumi’s mouth to move to his neck. the sensation leaves him breathless and his already flushed face turns a darker shade of red. “ah!” he cries when junki bites at the sensitive skin on his neck that surely will leave a mark. junki keeps kissing around and down his neck to his collarbones and it’s so hot, takumi wants to cry but he’s very much enjoying it. just as junki’s hand slips into takumi’s shirt, he snaps his eyes open before then slowly leaning back, his eyes look wild, his breath heavy. “there was something on your lips…” junki says, “...chocolate.”
there it is again. junki is holding back when things have started to pick up further than the last time. takumi doesn’t know why he feels sad but at the same time relieved that they were able to go this far. “junki, do you think…” takumi pauses to look at his boyfriend whose gaze has softened and he thinks junki looks a little guilty (which is so unnecessary). “do you think, after three years, we can go further than that?” takumi can’t believe he finally said it. and it does feel so embarrassing because junki has a surprised look on his face like he never expected it from him.
“takumi, have you been worrying about this all this time?” junki’s hand is back on his head, carding through his bangs gently.
“yes.” he admits with a nod.
“i hope you don’t get it wrong. it’s not that i don’t want to but i really don’t want to break you.”
takumi hits junki’s chest weakly with his fist. “what kind of excuse is that? do you think i don’t want it if we do more than just kissing like a high schooler? don’t you think even i want more than that?”
junki lets out a breathy laugh. “of course, i think of those possibilities but-”
“but what?”
junki sighs when he sees takumi’s pout. “are you sure?”
takumi really hates having to repeat himself so he just grunts. “don’t you want to do something about that?” he says, referring to the tent on junki’s pants.
junki runs a hand across his face, probably feeling a little embarrassed about it. he reaches out to caress takumi’s face after. “tell me when you want to stop.” he tells him with such a gentle voice that takumi might just burst into tears right there and then. but he doesn’t (he applauds his tear ducts for being able to hold it) and instead, he picks up another strawberry to dip it with chocolate and puts it into his mouth, smears the corner of his lips with chocolate on purpose and lets the liquid from the fruit dribble down his chin.
to which junki raises an eyebrow and warns, “you will not be able to stop me even when you want to, so you better be ready to take the consequences of your actions, kawanishi takumi.”
and before takumi can even react, junki sealed their mouth together for another intense kiss and this time, takumi is free from both his curiosity and anxieties.