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cadillac converter

Summary:

lan zhan's car starts making weird noises so he takes it to get it repaired. the new mechanic does not look like he knows what he's doing. good thing lan zhan is no fool.

or: lan zhan makes a complete idiot out of himself but hey, it scored him a date with a handsome mechanic so it's all good.

Notes:

i saw this tiktok and i LOST IT. wrote this in, like, half an hour because i just had to lmao so don't take it too seriously, ok? i was just having fun. also: i, much like lwj here, don't know much about cars so... enjoy!

note: i feel like i should point out that i don't think lwj is stupid in any way. this was written for fun so don't look too much into it: you won't find anything.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The only reason Lan Zhan has a car is that it’s practical. It gets him from point A to point B and that’s all he cares about. 

 

He doesn’t care about how a car works or why it makes the noises it does. He doesn’t care about the brand of windshield fluid he’s supposed to use because he’s never even changed whatever was inside when he got the car. Those are all things Lan Zhan doesn’t concern himself with because you don’t need to know windshield fluid brands or blinker fluids if that is even a thing. 

 

That being said, whenever his car does make noises he deems unusual, he takes it to the mechanic down the street from his apartment. The workers there tend to be very efficient and get the job done without asking too many questions or giving him information he doesn’t ask for. They’re no-nonsense kinds of people and Lan Zhan likes that about them. 

 

It’s not often that Lan Zhan needs to get his car repaired but it happens. This Friday morning just happens to be when his car decides that it is now tired of producing the same old, normal noises and begins acting up. Lan Zhan does what he always does: he calls ahead to inform Yiling Mechanics that he’ll be stopping by, gets in his car, and drives down the road. 

 

What greets him once he arrives, though, is something new. 

 

See, Lan Zhan is used to dealing with an older man who communicates in grunts and frustrated groans. He’s the one who usually fixes Lan Zhan’s car, so he expects to be greeted by him when he pulls up to the shop and gets out of his car. Instead, the person who greets him is one Lan Zhan has never seen before and who just looks like he talks like it’s a competition and he’s trying for gold. 

 

He’s dressed in dirty overalls and has his hair tied up in a bun and there’s a smudge of grease on his right cheek. It’s 9 o’clock. How is he dirty already? He’s also grinning brightly and waving at Lan Zhan like Lan Zhan can somehow not see him when he’s the only person standing there. 

 

“You must be Lan Zhan!” He nearly shouts, looking a little too happy to see a complete stranger. It’s strangely… endearing, for some reason. 

 

Lan Zhan nods. 

 

“I’m Wei Ying,” comes the introduction. “What seems to be the problem?” 

 

Lan Zhan looks at him. “I am not a mechanic,” he tells Wei Ying. 

 

Wei Ying seems to think that his response is hilarious because he throws his head back and laughs, showing his long neck that looks soft and like it would be easy to bite into. That’s a strange thought to have, Lan Zhan thinks and looks away, clearing his throat. 

 

“That would be me,” Wei Ying says, and steps closer to Lan Zhan’s car, giving it a quick once-over. “I’ll take a look. It shouldn’t take more than half an hour so you’re welcome to wait here.” 

 

That much, Lan Zhan expected. “I will wait,” he tells him and keeps the part where he’s staying because this Wei Ying doesn’t look like he knows what he’s doing to himself. 

 

Look, Lan Zhan isn’t like that, okay? It’s just that Wei Ying looks like he could easily be on the cover of fashion magazines with his symmetrical face and sharp jawline or be a hand model with how long and delicate his fingers look. He looks like a model and not like a mechanic, so forgive Lan Zhan for wanting to stick around just in case. 

 

The half-hour goes by relatively quickly. During that time, Wei Ying goes around Lan Zhan’s car, lifts its hood, gets under it-- all things that look right, for all Lan Zhan knows. He looks like he maybe knows what he’s doing if the furrow of his eyebrows is any indication of that. 

 

“Okay, so,” he finally says, standing up from the ground and cleaning the palms of his hands on his thighs. “I’m gonna need to take it inside so I can get a better look underneath it. You can wait out here or  get a coffee or something and I’ll call you once I’m done?” 

 

“I live nearby so I will wait at home,” Lan Zhan, for some reason discloses to this complete stranger. Wei Ying doesn’t care where he lives so why did he have to go ahead and give out that completely useless information? This day isn’t going as well as Lan Zhan had hoped. 

 

“Great! I’ll call you,” Wei Ying beams at him and turns to get in the car so he can drive it in the shop. 

 

“Do you not need my number for that?” Lan Zhan asks, looking pointedly at Wei Ying. Perhaps this is his first day and he’s fumbling a little. It’s understandable, Lan Zhan thinks. 

 

“It’s in the system,” Wei Ying says and, suddenly, his eyes sparkle. “But if you want to give me your number for--” 

 

“My apologies. I am leaving,” Lan Zhan announces and speed-walks away from the shop with burning ears. Perhaps he is the one fumbling because never in his life has he embarrassed himself in such a way, especially in front of such a good-looking person who may or may not be Lan Zhan’s ideal type.  

 

Why is Lan Zhan even thinking about this? He’s not sure but he’s blaming it on going to bed an hour after his usual bedtime because everyone knows that disturbing your routine results in you making a fool of yourself in front of good-looking people. It’s common knowledge. 

 

Two hours later, Lan Zhan is back at the shop, waiting just outside for Wei Ying to come out and tell him what’s wrong with his car. He hopes this goes fast because he needs to go home and wait for tomorrow to come lest more casualties occur. 

 

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying emerges from the shop looking even dirtier than before but no less happy to see Lan Zhan. “I’m pretty sure your Cadillac converter is the problem,” he explains and Lan Zhan wants to scoff.

 

He looks at Wei Ying. “I have a Changan Alsvin,” he deadpans. “I do not have a Cadillac. Were you even looking at the right car?” 

 

Wei Ying seems to, once again, find Lan Zhan hilarious because he laughs, almost doubling over with the force of it. “Ah, Lan Zhan! You’re too funny,” he says, wiping the corners of his eyes with the back of his hand but, when he sees that Lan Zhan’s expression remains unchanged, his chuckles die out and his eyebrows shoot up. “You’re… Are you-- Um…” he clears his throat. “No, um, it’s a part of your car. It’s the, you know, the Cadillac converter?” 

 

Lan Zhan is growing frustrated. “I do not have a Cadillac,” he repeats. “Furthermore, I am positive a car cannot be converted into a different brand of car. That is ridiculous,” he rolls his eyes, confirming that Wei Ying has no idea what he’s doing. Good thing Lan Zhan isn’t a complete idiot. 

 

Wei Ying, by this point, looks speechless. His lips are parted and he’s staring at Lan Zhan like he’s grown a second head. He also looks like he’s close to laughing again (probably to distract Lan Zhan from his failed attempt at fraud ). 

 

Lan Zhan interrupts him before he can continue his lies. “Clearly, you have no idea what you are doing so I am just going to leave. I will take my keys back myself.” 

 

With that, Lan Zhan goes into the shop, gets his keys, and leaves. 

 

He can’t believe someone would think him so stupid as to think you can convert a car. What is this nonsense? He’s well aware he doesn’t know much about cars but even he knows that converting cars isn’t possible. This isn’t an animated movie. Plus, the fact that Wei Ying thought such idiotic deceitful lie would work on Lan Zhan is, honestly insulting. 

 

Noisy car or not, Lan Zhan takes it to his brother’s apartment because he’s too worked up to go back to his own. He needs to calm down and talk about what happened and ask for advice. Should he inform Wei Ying’s boss about what he’d tried to do? It’s probably a good idea because he could very well try this same trick on someone else. Lan Zhan can’t let that happen. 

 

-

 

“Lan Zhan, you look troubled,” his brother notes once Lan Zhan is seated on his couch and has a cup of tea in his hand. “What’s bothering you?” 

 

That’s all the prompting Lan Zhan needs before the morning’s happenings come spilling out. He explains the noises his car was making and how he took it to the shop, and then he, in great detail, tells his brother about Wei Ying and his laughable attempt at making a fool out of Lan Zhan. 

 

When he’s done and he looks at his brother, Lan Zhan is confused. 

 

“Brother?” He finds he needs to ask because Lan Huan is looking at him like Lan Zhan has suddenly grown a second head. 

 

“Oh, Lan Zhan,” Lan Huan shakes his head with a fond but pained smile. Then, slowly and with careful annunciation, he says: “Catalytic converter. It’s the thing that converts toxic gasses and pollutants into less toxic pollutants by catalyzing a redox reaction…” 

 

Lan Zhan stares at his brother for a couple of seconds before suddenly standing up and announcing, “I need to be somewhere,” before leaving in a hurry. 

 

Oh, no. What has he done

 

-

 

“... and then he goes: a car cannot be converted into a different brand of car,” Wei Ying, nearly choking on his spit, laughs. Tears are streaming down his face from how hard he’s laughing and he’s positive his face is red. It hurts to breathe. 

 

“It should be illegal to be that fucking stupid,” Jiang Cheng snorts from under one of the last cars they’re fixing for today. 

 

“He’s such an idiot,” Wei Ying chuckles, trying to calm down but, just as he’s getting his breathing under control, he thinks of Lan Zhan’s furious face and he’s sent into another fit of laughter. “Such an idiot,” he gasps, having to lean against the wall so he doesn’t fall over. 

 

“I hope this doesn’t make you want to--” 

 

“I’m so in love with him. I’m gonna date him,” Wei Ying declares because Jiang Cheng has even finished speaking. It causes Jiang Cheng to almost concuss himself as he rolls out from underneath the car to glare at him. 

 

“Wei Ying, no,” he snaps. 

 

“But Jiang Cheng!” Wei Ying stops his foot. “You didn’t see him! He looked so serious! You should’ve seen him! He--” 

 

They’re interrupted by the door to the shop opening and-- Wei Ying has to blink to make sure he’s not seeing things because that looks an awful lot like Lan Zhan standing there. 

 

“I have been informed of my mistake,” Lan Zhan says, speaking fast and oh, his ears and cheeks are red. “I would like to apologize.” 

 

Wei Ying is speechless for only a second before he chuckles and straightens up. “Lan Zhan! Didn’t expect to see you back here so soon,” he can’t help but tease, watching with fascination as Lan Zhan’s blush darkens. “No need for apologies, though. Mistakes happen,” he grins. 

 

Lan Zhan nods. “Thank you,” he clears his throat. “I would… I still need to get my car fixed…” 

 

“Tell you what: why don’t you buy me dinner and I’ll fix your Cadillac converter for free?” 

 

There’s a snort from somewhere behind him, but Wei Ying is only looking at Lan Zhan who, much to his delight, looks back at him. “That sounds doable,” he agrees. 

 

“Good! Pick me up tomorrow at 6 and we can talk more about… doable things,” Wei Ying winks, just to see Lan Zhan sputter and almost run out the shop after a quick nod of agreement. 

 

“Great,” Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. “The morosexual found himself a moron.” 

Notes:

thanks for reading!! you can find me here: twitter or shoot me any questions here: curiouscat

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