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PITHIA
”Come on, let’s go.” Achilles said, tugging on my arm. I looked nervously around the room, to see if anyone would notice us leaving. Everyone around us seemed to have forgotten we where there long ago. Achilles tugged again, and I followed him.
”Where are we going?” I whispered. We walked out into the corridor and I though he would continue, either back to his room or out in the courtyard, but instead he let go of my arm and leaned against the wall. His eyes were closed, his head tilted back. I stood still, unsure of what to do. He cracked an eye open and waved at me to join him, and then slid down the wall to a sitting position. I hurried to his side.
”It was getting boring.” He said and I nodded. The dinner that had been thrown for the visit of some other king, an old friend of Peleus, had quickly tuned in to a party that was sure to continue until the sun rose. I was expected to sit with Achilles now, but luckily it was easy to blend into his shadow. I had no interest in talking to old diplomats I’d never met before. ”Did you have fun?” He asked, eyes fully closed again.
”I, well…” I started, trying to figure out what to say. Achilles broke out in a wide grin beside me. ”What?”
”It’s alright if you didn’t. You can tell me.” He said, and I felt the heat rise in my cheeks.
”Well, it wasn’t very fun.” I said and Achilles nodded. We sat in silence and I leaned my head back and closed my eyes as wel. I listened. I could hear the sounds of the festivities, the booming voices of old royalty and the upbeat music of the band players, both fighting to drown the other out. The clatter of glass and plates and the quiet and quick footsteps servants running around. A strange feeling arouse in me. In the darkness of my closed eyes, with the noise sounding so far away, it was as if I was alone in the world, like I was floating in an untouchable space. I recognized this feeling, I remembered it. I had been right here, in this space, many times before. I knew I was imagining it, but it was as if among all the booming voices from the beyond the wall I heard my fathers. As I sat listening to the sounds, the only things I was aware of at this point, I became aware of how the music seemed to become louder. Clearer. Overpowering the voices, the clatter and the footsteps. The amount of time it took for me to realize that the music was coming from beside me was a testament to just how far away I was.
The realization hit and I was jolted back into reality. I opened my eyes. The hallway looked just as it had when I closed them but Achilles, who was the source of the music, was gazing at me. He looked almost worried, and his song was a soothing one. Our eyes only met for a couple of seconds before we both diverted our eyes and looked forward, staring at the wall across. We had touched on something we weren’t ready to face yet. Achilles kept singing.
PELION
He was a silhouette against the setting sun. A warm, golden light shone around his head and the lyre in his hands was glittering. Chiron was tapping his fingers to the beat of the tune and I was laying on my stomach, watching him play. Achilles usually preferred making up his own melodies and songs, but Chiron had insisted on teaching him some well beloved songs from around Phthia. He said it could be useful once we got back to court. I preferred not to think about that.
Instead, I focused on the way his fingers moved back and forth over the strings, how his hair fell over his shoulders. The concentration on his face, a completely relaxed sort of concentration that ensured there would be no faults to his performance. I loved moments like these, moments where I didn’t have to shy away from looking at him. Who in their right mind wouldn’t be looking at him at a moment like this? When he met my eyes I didn’t panic, didn’t look away, but kept my gaze steady. He smiled at me. He knew no one could look away in moments like this.
”Patroclus,” He said, almost singing my name. It went straight into my chest. ”Do you want to join me?” I shook my head in response. Achilles knew I preferred to listen, but that never stopped him from trying to get me to join.
”It is alright.” I answered, and he shrugged his shoulders and kept playing. In the corner of my eye I saw Chiron watching our exchange. I glanced over to him and our eyes met and saw how amusement colored them. Before I could even start to wonder what he thought was so amusing about this situation, Achilles started to sing. My focus was immediately snapped back to him. It was one of those things I hoped I would never get used to.
TROY
I looked up when I heard him approaching, and met his eyes as soon as he entered the tent. He smiled when he saw me waiting for him and pulled me up from the bed and into his arms to greet me.
”Are you finished for today?” I asked him and he hummed a confirmation, tracing his hands over my back and into my hair as I felt myself relax.
”You seem tired.” Achilles said.
”It was a long day.” I answered. I had spent the day taking care of the soldiers who we hadn’t been able to help yesterday, or the ones we hadn’t been able to help enough. The last weeks had been more hectic then any we had seen during the war. I had asked Achilles if he knew why we had so many injured coming back now and he told me he hadn’t noticed that anything was different.
His hands were around my face, studying me closely. I felt the need to tuck my head down, but did not want his hold of me gone. I looked away from him, and saw in the corners of my eyes how he smiled at my embarrassment. His hands dropped from my face, and before I could turn back and and complain about the loss of contact he grabbed my back and pulled me into his embrace again. I tucked my chin onto his shoulder, closed my eyes and breathed deeply. My hands were resting on his shoulders, my arms folded between us.
We stood quiet for a while, but the silence was soon broken as Achilles started humming. Quietly at first, but rising in volume and soon I recognized it. I could have probably joined him, as familiar as the tune was, but I preferred listening to him.
After a while, he started slowly swaying side to side, and I followed him. His face was rested on my head and I could feel a smile growing. His sways became bigger, his humming louder and more upbeat. I let myself be led by his rhythm, following when he started stepping back and forth.
”Achilles…” I said, chuckling as he pulled back and put his forehead to mine. His only answer was to keep humming. His hands travled up my back and down again over my arms, finding my hands and grabbing them. He pulled and pushed to the rhythm, and I followed him, learning the pattern and following it. He filled out the humming by singing some of the words and he was looking at me expectantly. He wanted me to join. I shook my head and let go of one of his hands, spinning myself under the other. When I came back around I only saw a flash of his wide smile before he tugged my hand and pulled me in for a kiss. He did not stop his humming. My free hand found his waist, as his rested on my chest, and we stood swaying with our fingers entertained as Achilles humming slowly died out. I pulled back and dragged him backwards so we both fell down on the bed. I ran my hands through his hair, he wrapped his around my back.
”Do you feel better?” Achilles asked, and I nodded in response. ”We’ll need to go to dinner soon.” He reminded me.
”But not yet.” I said, leaning in so our noses were touching.
”Not yet.” He repeated. Our smiles grew brighter.
TROY
The sound of celebrations echo across the camp. I watched Achilles in the dark of the tent, as he was alone for the first night in forever. I was waiting for him. My existence was strange, chained only by my ashes. My consciousness was floating around, my mind everywhere. One moment the world was so clear around me, the next it was clouded in darkness. I wished for peace, a sense of reality once more.
He was not sleeping. Since my death he had managed to sleep once and I suspected it would never happen again. It was, like everything he had done the last few days, alarming. To say the very least. His eyes were open, but far far away. I wish I knew what he was thinking of, I wish I could ask him about it and drag him out of the darkness he was trapped in. But I could do nothing about it now. It was like a final punishment for my foolishness. I watched as he rolled to his side, and if I had a physical form he would be looking right at me now. He still slept at his side of the bed, leaving room for me. His hand came up and brushed over the blankets and I knew he was imagining me, that if I had still been there his fingers would be brushing over my cheek. I watched him closely, waiting for the moment his face would fall and crumble, but it never came. I heard loud shouts from the celebrations. The greeks didn’t waste a single night now that the tide had turned. I knew that tonight, after my funeral, some of the celebration was for me. But I could not drag myself to see what they were doing or what games they would play even though I for the first time I truly longed to be a part of it. Once again I felt the darkness cloud my senses, my soul pulling me down where I could yet go. I longed to follow it. The world became hazy, the distant noises a confusing cluster. I knew this feeling, I had gotten to know it well the last few days.
But this time, something pierced through the darkness. It woke my senses from the clouded haze I had found myself in, and I saw Achilles clearly again. His mouth was moving. He was singing.
The shock I felt was stronger than any emotion I had felt in that state. Even before my death it had been so long since I heard him sing. So long since the war took that from us, like it took everything. I focused every piece of my existence on the melody that sprung from his lips, only coming out as a hoarse whisper. It was far from the beautiful tune I was once used to hear him sing, but in that moment no sound could be sweeter to me.
The music from the celebration, it dawned on me, that was what he was singing. I knew the song, having heard Achilles and many others play it through the course of my life. His eyes were glistening with tears, and I could see how he was slowly letting them fall. I wondered what had triggered him to sing, what he thought of when he heard the distant song.
I thought of memories beyond this shore, of happiness so bright that when I look back I couldn’t imagine feeling like that. I though of our youth. I though of songs echoing through halls and caves. I thought of sunsets and dark nights shared with no one but each other. I though of Achilles and I hoped he was thinking of the same things. And then, as if I was still by his side, I joined in with his song.