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Oikawa put two fingers down his throat and felt nausea wash over him. Tears slipped from his eyes.
He gagged.
His mind was black, they screamed at him and clawed at his mind.
Puke it, Tooru.
Puke it now.
Not good enough .
Fat shit.
Your thighs touch.
Your arms are fat.
You have rolls, everywhere.
You can barely see those collar bones.
Brown, dull hair.
Remember that pimple from last week?
You've eaten so many calories.
Calories.
Calories
Calories.
Calories.
Fat.
Fat.
Fat.
Fat.
Fat.
Count the fucking calories.
Count them.
Puke it out.
Puke it out.
Now.
.
.
.
He flushed the toilet. It was a splendid sound. He felt perfect. Empty. He smiled to himself as he washed his hands, his pale long fingers that were just down his throat.
He went back into the restaurant, the old captains from high school were chatting happily with their old rivals. They were beautiful, Oikawa thought. With their bulky bodies.
Kuroo looked up at him through long lashes, eyes glowing gold in the restaurant lighting. He smiled that signature smirk, that grin that turned Oikawa's heart and twisted it into that mangled dark mess it was.
.
.
.
They ran in the dark, the parking lot was empty now that all the captains were gone. Oikawa breathed in Kuroo's scent. He knew what Kuroo fantasized about. Kuroo knew what Oikawa fantasized about.
They had barely had time recently to spend time with eachother, the past few weeks were hard training for them.
Oikawa was pressed against the back of Kuroo's van. They laughed like children with eachother. Stealing kisses and muttering comments about eachother under their breaths. They were just outside of town.
"Do you remember when we were on the bed in my room? And you told me you had a boyfriend, even though all we seemed to talk about was sex.." he whispered in Oikawa's ear chuckling and giggling like a teen.
Oikawa hit his shoulder giggling, "and you had that tongue peircing that Yuuji got you when you two were drunk the day before!" Oikawa laughed out in accusation.
Kuroo faked a gasp dramatically, putting one of his hands over his mouth. "And who told you that?!" He laughed and pecked Oikawa's nose bringing him closer, the van slightly moved.
Oikawa laughed and wrapped his arms around Kuroo's neck "Yuuji told me right after you pierced it, you rascal!".
Kuroo felt Oikawa's hips underneath his boney hands, palms gently rubbing on them. Oikawa saw horror across his face, a type of nausea, sickness.
"Tooru, have you been..been..b-been...eating? You're spiralling again, aren't you?" Kuroo said it ever so gently Oikawa felt the wet, hot tears in his eyes.
"N-no?" He stuttered. Kuroo looked so cool in the dark Miyagi evening.
Kuroo's face softened, he looked so sad, like he was going to cry for Oikawa. He breathed out, they were still close enough that oikawa can feel his hot breath on his nose. Kuroo smelt like coffee.
Kuroo's electric soul looked so pained. Oikawa felt own soul ache a similar pain. Kuroo picked oikawa up, like a piggyback ride, instead at the front. Oikawa's breath hitched. Kuroo buckled Oikawa in the front seat of his van which was graphheted for Kuroo's band. Neither of them said a thing. Oikawa just waited for an outburst.
Anything from Kuroo.
Why wasnt he mad?
.
.
.
Kuroo pulled Oikawa onto his lap, a hot cup of ramen noodles in his hand. The rain pattered against the asphalt, Kuroo looked Oikawa in the eyes, soft, golden eyes of Kuroo Tetsurou. Oikawa thought.
"I need you to eat, just a little, for me" Kuroo muttered and blew the steam off the noodles he held with chopsticks. Oikawa nodded and swallowed the nausea. His mind screamed for him to run.
Get away from it.
The calories.
There are so many calories.
He won't let you puke it out .
Get away
The calories.
How many?
How many?
He won't let you puke it.
Oikawa took a bite and Kuroo muttered praise.
"You're doing well baby, you're so beautiful"
He took another bite, once again, praise from Kuroo's lips.
"Well done, my love, just a few more"
Another bite.
"I love you, you're doing great"
Another bite.
"You're gorgeous, you're body is perfect"
Another bite.
"Just a few more, Tooru"
Another bite.
"Beautiful, so beautiful, you're doing amazing"
Another bite.
"Just two more. You're almost done, lovely"
Another bite. Oikawa gagged this time, kuroo rubbed circles on his back and wrapped him quickly in a hug. Carful not to squeeze too hard
"Okay, that's enough baby. You did well" he tangled his fingers in those brown locks.
Oikawa stifled another gag and sobbed, kuroo takes gently rubbing his hands on his back, circles with his thumb on Oikawa's thigh.
"Beautiful, gorgeous, I love you, you want to sleep? We can sleep if you want" he whispered.
"I love you" he said once again, Oikawa trembled, but smiled.
"I love you too"