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The rain had just stopped. After days of pouring down inch after inch of water, the clouds finally emptied. I could still smell it, though. The smell of earth just after the rain - petrichor. It always made me smile, even if the day wasn’t a kind one. I left the backdoor open to allow the scent from outside to work its way in. It filled the house with a coziness no candle could replicate. There was a purity in it that I loved.
The grey furred cat that ruled over the house rubbed against my leg, an audible purr rumbling in his throat.
“Trying to tell me something?” I asked as I took the cue and walked to the container of cat food. “There you go, your highness.”
He didn’t utter a thanks as he ate from the bowl that he always wanted full. Spoiled little thing, but I loved him nonetheless. It was hard not to.
The coffee pot was full, as it always was on the weekend. Morning, noon, and night were all perfect times for a nice warm cup of coffee. To some, the caffeine would be too much to allow sleep, but for weird people like me, it was just a comforting beverage. It took me to a place of peace.
It was Saturday, and weekends were never too booked. I liked my time off to relax and not worry about fulfilling obligations to other people. I usually kept to myself, a close circle of friends consisting of no more than three people. My past life was chaotic and messy. The less chance of people finding out about it, the better.
I never had visitors, so a knock on my door on a Saturday afternoon wasn’t in the realm of normalcy. Setting my coffee cup down, I cautiously walked to the door and opened it, hand on the umbrella next to the door. What good an umbrella would do, I didn’t know, but it was better than nothing. In theory, at least.
However, my legs almost gave out when I saw who was standing at my door. He was soaked, like he’d been out in the rain all day.
“No,” was all I said.
“Please.”
But I shook my head and tried to shut the door, but he stuck his foot in the way, forcing his way into my house.
“Damn it!” I yelled. “I don’t want to see you! Ever! I thought I made that perfectly clear.”
He nodded and held up his hands. “I know what you said, but…” He took a deep breath. “I can’t keep living like this.”
“Then wipe your own memory, or get Cas to do it if you’re too chicken. I don’t care what you do, just leave me alone, Gabriel.”
I tried shutting the door again, but I was forced back as Gabriel shoved his way inside my house. “I’ve had it,” he said, slamming the door closed behind him. “I’ve had it with this crap. I just want it to be over.”
“Well,” I said, gathering the strength to actually talk to him. I’d ignored him for over a year now. “You should have thought of that before…”
He swallowed. “Say it.”
I hesitated.
Gabriel took a step forward. “I should have thought of that before what?”
“Before you saved me.”
I might as well have slapped him across the face. It was something I told him to never do. If it came down to saving me or the world, always choose the world. It was an agreement that we made in order to avoid something like this, and he didn’t listen.
“You really think I could live with myself had I just let you die?” Gabriel shook his head, frowning. “I couldn’t just let you die.”
“Everyone else could!”
“No, they couldn’t!” he snapped back. “You really think Sam or Dean would have just left you behind?! Well if you do, then you really don’t know them as well as you claim!”
“They understood!” I yelled, pointing in some random direction, apparently toward Sam and Dean. “They got it! I would think in all your millenia of existence, your archangel brain could handle a simple request!”
He paused, obvious hurt in his eyes. “Simple?”
Gabriel’s voice changed from furious to perplexed.
“Simple?” he repeated. “What part of the love of my world requesting to leave her for dead is simple to you?”
“Pretty damn,” I said back, maybe a little too quickly.
“You think you're disposable.” It wasn’t a question.
I crossed my arms and turned away from him, walking just to create some distance between us. “All humans are, according to most of the other spiritual beings.”
“Yeah, but not according to me.”
“Well great. A whopping .00001% disagrees.”
Gabriel stepped forward, and I made sure to keep the space between us. “Look. Just because my brothers and sisters are monumental dicks doesn’t mean all of us are. Look at Cas, for crying out loud. Or Anna. Or any of the others that have tried to help you guys.”
“Excuse me for not liking them very much since so many have tried to kill us.”
“Fair. But do you really expect me to flip some switch the second you’re on the verge of death, like some robot?”
I shrugged. “Yes. I kind of do.”
He shook his head and I could see the small tick in his eye. Aggravation. Annoyance.
“Just what do you think I am, huh? An emotionless thing? A toy? A soldier you can order around? Well, sweetcheeks, if that’s what you think, I’ve really made the wrong impression.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?!” Gabe balled his fists. “Because it sure as hell sounds like it!”
I swallowed down the anxiety that told me to shut up and pushed on. “I meant, that when someone you care about asks you to not do something, you respect it. Even if it’s difficult for you. Even when you don’t think it’s the best decision, you’re not in their shoes. Whether or not you like it, you respect it.”
Gabriel looked dumbfounded, like I had said something so detestable I might as well have suggested the extinction of honeybees.
“You can’t seriously think I’d just leave you for dead. Did you really think I was ever going to keep my word when I said yes to that?”
I nodded. “Yes, yes I did.”
“Well.” Gabriel walked even closer, but I couldn’t bring myself to move away this time. “Then you really had no idea what you meant to me. What you still mean to me. I never cared for anyone or anything like I care for you. You’re like some puzzle piece I didn’t know I was looking for. And I can’t just walk away so easily. Living with that would have killed me.”
“Gabriel -”
He interrupted me. “I’m not finished. Out of all the universes and all the people my father created, you stood out among all of it. And it honestly scared me. Suddenly there was this beacon that I couldn’t ignore no matter how hard I tried. Do you know how unsettling that was? To go about existing without much of a care for anything other than an end to my brothers’ feud until BAM! There’s a light shining in my eyes, practically pulling me towards it. When I found that light, I was not expecting a human that worked as an Uber driver in St. Paul. I sure wasn’t expecting that same human to end up working alongside the most notorious hunters in the known world.”
He paused. Swallowed. Took a deep breath and let it out.
“I can’t let that light go out. It goes against everything in me. I can’t explain it. But when I fell in love with you, it was like everything made sense again. Even in the messed up world this has ended up to be, it all made sense. So…” His stern, annoyed look came back like a switch. “Forgive me if I can’t follow the request to just leave you behind if the world goes to shit.”
I just stood there, dumbstruck, staring at the archangel in my living room. Neither of us said anything for what felt like ages. We just stared at each other, his amber eyes piercing through the wall I tried to hold up. The longer I held his gaze, the harder it was to keep myself from falling apart.
The truth was I had missed him so much more than I thought I could miss anyone or anything. Gabriel knew me better than I knew myself, and the wedge I forced between us was more unnatural than a pink caribou flying through gumdrop clouds with a beaver on its back.
I didn’t know how long we stood in the living room, but I eventually blinked and shook my head, stepping away from him and walking toward the kitchen. He didn’t say a word. He barely even followed me. I reached for a tumbler and decanter. As I took out the stopper, Gabriel’s hand suddenly and gently reached for the bottle.
“Let me,” he said.
He had the bottle before I could pull it back, and I gripped the edge of the kitchen counter.
“Still the same?” he asked. “Double on the rocks?”
And I just nodded.
I knew the answer was not alcohol, but there was so much flying through my brain that I needed it all to stop so I could sort out all my thoughts. Even though I knew I was pushing down the one thing I wanted more than anything else.
Him.
Gabriel said nothing as I stood there, sipping from the glass held in my fingers. The cat snaked between my legs, and I ignored him, just trying to get over myself. When I asked Gabriel to leave me behind if it came down to me or the world, a part of me knew he wouldn’t actually keep true to it. He would find a way to save both, but it was almost too late for the world. And when I saw the consequences of the choices made, I was livid. Almost a billion people died to save one. How could he weigh my life as more important than over a billion? It was completely illogical. It still didn’t make much sense, but I also knew Gabriel wouldn’t change his mind. He would never say he made the wrong choice. The fact he was in my house after not contacting him for over a year was proof of that.
The final swallow of whiskey down. I set the glass on the counter and took a deep breath.
I understood what Gabriel said about a beacon. He was one to me as well.
“I’m not coming back with you,” I said.
Gabe almost seemed surprised by my voice, but it quickly subsided. He frowned at my answer, but he didn’t respond. He just waited.
“I have a life out here away from whatever you and the boys are dealing with. I like it.”
His eyes were hopeful.
“I don’t even want to know what’s going on in the world, to be honest. I’d rather ignore it. But…”
I could feel his hand inching closer and closer to mine.
“But I’d be willing to see you from time to time.”
Gabriel’s lopsided grin spread across his face.
“On one condition.”
His grin faded. “And what is that?”
“You leave work at work. I don’t want anything to do with it.”
He quirked an eyebrow. “That’s going to be kind of hard and all seeing as I’m an archangel and everything.”
“I know. But...try. Just...don’t talk about it. Don’t bring any angels here. And…” I swallowed, “don’t bring the boys.”
“They miss you, you know.”
“I miss them too, but where the Winchesters go, something is right behind them. It always is, and I’m trying to go back to a normal life. It hasn’t been easy. Now there’s the nightmares and actually knowing what was behind that animal attack on the news. So...if you wouldn’t mind...no dilemmas.”
Gabriel’s eyes were kind. “I’ll do my best.”
“And an amendment to our arrangement.” I averted my eyes from his. “If it comes down to me or the world…”
“We’ve been over this.”
I held up a hand. “Let me finish. If it comes down to me or the world, take me to some safe place if you have to then go save the world. I don’t know where that would be, but you’re an archangel. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
“Deal,” he said. “Now, sweetcheeks. I have a question for you.”
He gently took my hand, and the last brick in the wall crumbled into dust. Sometimes you don’t know you’re craving something till you have it.
“Can I kiss you or do I have to live in agony?”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’ll alleviate your pain.”
And then I was kissing an archangel in my kitchen. My heart ran right back into Gabriel’s embrace just like it had never forced itself away.