Work Text:
"Long ago," Nayru started, "there was a Hyrulean princess called Zelda, a gentle and noble soul, who possessed the Triforce of Wisdom."
"And there was a young knight Link, the bearer of Courage."
"And there was-"
"Not yet, Din."
"Oh, come on! My characters never get any action until halfway through!"
"That's because they're overpowered, dear," Nayru said calmly.
"They have the Triforce of Power, what do you expect them to be?"
"Just wait a while, please."
---
"...The stranger introduced himself as Sheik and told them not to grieve for the Princess, for she was not dead and they would reunite with her soon. Together with the mysterious warrior they battled long through the caves..."
"Wait, they bought it? They seriously bought it?"
"It was an ingenious disguise."
"No, it wasn't. At least not when you were describing it a minute ago."
"Just roll with it, Din, okay?"
----
"...And from Cia's soul untangled the ghost that had possessed her, the spirit of the Demon Lord Ganondorf, and took to wrest the Triforce pieces from her grasp..."
"Now you're talking! On to the action!"
"...But before he could succeed, Cia managed to send the Courage and the Wisdom back to Link and Zelda, and with the Power she banished the Demon Lord so he could not interfere with her plans..."
"W...what? That's all? Why would you even bring him back if he just pops up for a second and then he's gone again?!"
"Because you wouldn't stop whining about him otherwise."
"Farore!"
"My Din, I understand your feelings, but please calm down and listen."
---
"...And then the great general Impa said that true strength comes from one's friends, and Link understood that, and behold – the shadows that haunted him disappeared in an instant."
"Awesome! True strength comes from your friends! That's great!"
"That's... kinda lame."
"Hush, Din."
"I mean, he is fighting beings of pure darkness and evil. He's literally battling his overconfidence! The shadows can't just disappear because some other guys decided to show up!"
"Oh, my poor dear, you just don't understand words of true Wisdom."
Din hid her face in her hands.
"...The heroes were victorious... Din? Din, are you mad at us?"
"What if I am," she growled.
Nayru looked at her and slowly continued:
"...But there was no time to celebrate. Suddenly the whole Temple, forces of Cia and Zelda alike, shook in terror when they acknowledged the presence of a powerful Demon Lord that had just entered the battlefield..."
"Wait, seriously?"
"...Zelda decided to face the danger. The rapier in her hand was steady, but her heart fluttered with anxiety..."
"Oh yeah!"
"...Horrified, Link's friends guided by Midna ran away through the Western Gardens to try and save themselves from certain demise..."
"Oh yeah!... but if the word use there at the end was intentional, Nayru, I swear..."
"...Ganondorf appeared against the lightning-ridden night in all the destructive glory of the storm, on a horse as black as his heart. Link and Zelda rose both their swords against him, and he rose both of his as an answer..."
"OH YEAH!"
"...They clashed fiercely. And the newfound might in Link burned brightly, much too strong for him to be defeated..."
"OH YE... wait, what?"
"...On this night, this frightful but eye-opening night, he simply knew the Dark Lord had to fall..."
"What? Nayru!"
"He is the bad guy, darling. Besides, everyone would say it came out of nowhere if he won."
"That's... no!"
"Hey, let's just go with the story."
---
"And... the end."
"Wait, what?" Din asked confused.
"The End. Hyrule was safe. Link and Zelda lived happily ever after. All was good."
"But... but what about my characters?"
"Well, Cia is dead, and we already had the mandatory fight with Ganondorf back in the Temple of Souls chapter. I think we're done here."
"But..."
"Oh goodness, look at the time! We've been here writing forever. Din, be a dear and edit what we have so we can put it up tomorrow, alright?"
"Of course, Nayru. Of course."
---
Farore felt a headache approaching fast.
"Din?" she called in a sweet voice.
"Mhm?"
"The fic appears to have miraculously grown additional three chapters overnight."
"Is that so?"
"Strangely enough, all three are about Ganondorf."
"Are they?"
"Yes, Din. And he kills Zelda and Link. And gathers the Triforce. And takes over Hyrule."
"Wow, that sure is strange-"
"Din!"