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Amy has been testy lately.
Well, Amy’s always testy, so that’s not really anything new. What’s new is that she’s quite testy about Donna, specifically, and Donna is not really a fan of that.
When Amy comes home at night, after Donna is already in bed, she turns off the lamp, lays on her side, and turns away from Donna. At first, she thought Amy was just having a rough couple of days. In actuality, it seems, Donna has done something wrong.
It’s not that Donna hasn’t had experience with passive-aggressive partners. A lot of her ex-boyfriends were petulant little things that got upset if her work schedule conflicted with making dinner. And it’s not because Amy is her first girlfriend, either—she’s experienced plenty of passive-aggressive women, her mom and sister among them.
It’s more that she likes Amy more than anyone she’s dated in a long time, and she’s afraid if she asks what’s wrong it’ll inevitably lead to a breakup. Donna does not, at any cost, want to break up. Honestly, she’s a little scared of how much she doesn’t want to break up with Amy. She thinks she probably should want to break up with Amy. How do you explain to your friends and family that you’re dating your boss’s ex? Furthermore, how do you explain that your boss’s ex is also a woman?
But despite that, she doesn’t want to break up with Amy. At all. Which is why Donna taps her fingers rapidly against her bare thigh as she leans over to Amy’s side of the bed and asks what’s wrong.
“Nothing’s wrong,” says Amy, with a little Amyesque eye-roll. “Frankly, I don’t know why you would think that.”
“You can’t use your political tactics on me, babe. Something’s wrong. You’ve barely spoken to me in a week.” Donna stops tapping her fingers and moves her hand to Amy’s shoulder, gently scratching it. “You can tell me.”
Amy sighs and brushes Donna off. “I’m not being political. We’re fine.”
Donna’s hand rests between her stomach and Amy’s back. She thinks, like she’s thought a million times in the past few weeks, about what it could possibly be. Her eyes land on the photo of Amy’s family on the nightstand, grinning in ski gear in front of a Pennsylvania lodge.
Oh. Oh.
She hadn’t thought anything of it. A few weeks ago, Amy had brought up the C-phrase. Donna is not a huge fan of the C-phrase, and told Amy as such. Amy didn’t push it, and Donna thought it had been resolved, but maybe…
“Is this about coming out?” she asks.
Amy shifts minimally.
“It might be.”
Donna puts her hand back on Amy’s shoulder. “Well, why can’t we talk about it?”
Amy turns over so she faces Donna, and grabs her hand gently. “There’s nothing to talk about,” she says. “I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for.”
“Then why are you sulking?” Donna’s a little nervous, but she doesn’t know if she would say she isn’t ready. After all, they’ve been dating under the radar for quite a while. She just hadn’t considered the real possibility of coming out, and needed to process.
“It’s not sulking,” Amy says sulkily. “It’s politics.”
“I thought we weren’t doing politics.”
“That was a lie. That’s politics.”
Donna rubs her thumb along Amy’s palm and muses for a bit. “What if I told you that I was ready to come out?”
“I’d ask you if you’re sure.”
“And if I was?”
“I’d ask if you’re sure enough to do it tomorrow.”
She thinks for a second.
“I don’t know about… everyone.”
“One person?”
“I could do one person.” But who to tell?
Amy kisses her cheek. “That’s more than enough.” She pauses. The warm light gives her dark hair a little extra shine that Donna loves. “Who will you tell?”
Donna thinks for a moment. Certainly not her mom. Maybe her sister? No, Caroline wouldn’t take it well… maybe…
“How about Josh?” Yes, she thinks after asking the question, Yes, Josh is the one to tell.
Josh understands her. And as much as he claims he doesn’t, he understands Amy, too. Hopefully he’ll get it, and if he doesn’t, he at least knows how to keep his mouth shut.
“Josh? Really?” Amy raises her eyebrows.
“I think he’ll get it,” says Donna.
Amy lays her head on the pillow and shrugs, letting go of Donna’s hand. “Sure. Whoever you want.”
So the next day, when Josh makes it into work (no fewer than eight minutes late), Donna pulls him into his office and shuts the door.
“Whoa! What’s the hurry? I’m sure the Friday schedule isn’t that important,” says Josh, scrambling away from Donna and behind his desk.
Donna stands in front of him, arms akimbo and mouth pursed. “This isn’t about the schedule. This is about me, and you have to promise to keep quiet.”
Josh slides pinched fingers across his lips and mimes throwing away a key. “If you say so, Donnatella. I didn’t know you were keeping state secrets, now, though.”
She sits. Breathe in, breathe out. A couple more times. Deep breaths.
“Hey, Donna, I do actually have a schedule to read. And to keep.”
“Okay, okay.” Donna breathes in and out again, mentally preparing for what’s to come. “So remember how you sent me to get dinner with Amy a few months ago? Because you didn’t want to deal with any lobbyists?”
“Yes. But correction: I didn’t want to deal with her.”
“Not the point,” Donna says, toying with the edge of her skirt. “Anyways-we-might-have-slept-together-after-and-have-been-dating-for-six-months.” She exhales all in one breath, unable to stop the words from tumbling out.
Josh slams his fist on the table. Donna jumps back in her seat. “I knew it!” he says. “I knew you were dating someone.”
Donna squints, confused. “Nothing to say about the person being your ex-girlfriend? Or a woman?”
“Well,” Josh says, “A few questions, maybe. A stern talk about how you’re too good for her, perhaps. But we can talk about that later. The important thing now is that I’m right and Toby owes me money.”
“Hold on,” says Donna. “You all had a bet?
Josh shrugs. “Look, when you started coming in on time instead of early, I knew something was up. Toby didn’t believe me. You know how it goes.”
Donna shakes her head in disbelief and pats her hands in her lap awkwardly. “Well,” she says, “I guess that’s that. Your schedule is on top of your portfolio.” She gets up and walks, dazed, to her desk.
“Donna!” yells Josh. She turns around. “Just keep it outside the office, ‘kay?”
Now that Donna wouldn’t dignify with a response. Exactly what kind of professional did Josh think she was?
And later that night, when she recounted the story to Amy (finally willing to cuddle with her), Donna felt as if a weight had been lifted. It was weird that Josh knew, but at least Josh knew. She would no longer have to hide anything from her best friend.
“Did it feel okay, at least?” asked Amy, stroking Donna’s hair.
“Better,” said Donna. “It felt like relief.”