Work Text:
The door leading to the roof is always sticky. You have to jiggle the handle a bit before twisting it or the lock won’t budge. A bit of beer splashes onto Donghyuck’s hand when he does it, and he slurps it off his skin as he shoves the door open with his shoulder. Because of the door that the building owner hasn’t bothered to do something about despite complaints, not many tenants come up to the roof. Donghyuck isn’t going to let a broken doorknob get in his way. The all but guaranteed privacy is nice, too.
He flips the light switch before he exits, and a soft white illuminates the rooftop. A couple months ago, he brought some chairs and a small table out. He takes a seat in one, sitting his beer on the round, glass table and wiping his hand on the back of his pants.
Leaning back in the chair, Donghyuck glances up at the sky. The only thing he can really see is the moon, which is to be expected here in the center of the capital. In all the places he’s lived, he’s never been able to see the stars without the mask of pollution. It’s never been something he’s thought much about before, never one to pay attention to the night sky, but now that he’s missing his boyfriend, Donghyuck wishes he was somewhere out in the countryside where he could appreciate their beauty.
Doyoung had always loved this kind of thing, which was a surprise when they first met because Doyoung definitely didn’t seem like the type to ride the train out for hours to some tiny town just to lay out a blanket in the park and stare up at the sky until the sun woke up to start the day. When they first met, Doyoung always talked about how much he cherished sleep because he worked two jobs and always felt tired. He never wanted to go clubbing or bar hopping, never really wanted to do anything at night if he could help it.
Looking at the stars? He always made time for that.
Reaching for his beer again, Donghyuck sips at it and tries to figure out if the speck of white he sees in the sky is a star or a satellite.
Doyoung would know. He’d call Donghyuck stupid for not knowing the difference and then kiss him softly and say something like ‘how are we supposed to see any stars when the brightest one ever discovered is sitting right here’. Last year when Doyoung first described their relationship as ‘binary stars’, Donghyuck almost cried because no one says poetic shit like that randomly after they’ve gotten chicken for dinner.
No one but Kim Doyoung.
The real star between them.
“It’s probably a satellite.”
Sighing, Donghyuck lets his eyes close. It’s hardly peaceful, the city full of odd noise and sirens, but it’s comforting nonetheless. Here, on the roof where no one comes, just him and the wide expanse of the sky.
His chest constricts and Donghyuck bites down hard into his lip.
Three months ago, Doyoung mentioned wanting to get a house. An actual house outside the city because while it’d be a longer commute to work, the cost of living would otherwise be cheaper. Donghyuck thought it was too early in their relationship to think about getting a whole house, but Doyoung never said anything about him moving in too, Donghyuck had simply inserted himself into the topic because why wouldn’t he.
If you asked Donghyuck three months ago if he could see himself with Doyoung for the rest of his life, he would have laughed awkwardly but have nothing but “yes” running through his head.
“Fuck.” Donghyuck holds himself back from squeezing the can in his hand as he covers his eyes with the other.
Doyoung would have blushed all the way down to his chest but still proudly said yes. And he did. They said the last message he sent Donghyuck — i always thought we were about the same, but i guess in our binary system, i had the bigger mass. you’re such a bright star, hyuck, i know you’ll end up even more beautiful in time. for now, i’m sorry i think i’ll have to leave you alone for the night. i love you — was sent almost thirty minutes before they found him.
At first, Donghyuck was mad Doyoung’s phone wasn’t stollen too by the people who left him for dead. He doesn’t think there’s anything more heartbreaking than reading your boyfriend’s goodbye to you and not understanding what he was trying to say until you get a call from his family a few hours later.
Sometimes Donghyuck goes back to look at that message, reads over his reply at the time of well that’s random but thank you? lol and it’s okay it’s not like we were gonna do anything but watch tv and sleep. don’t worry about it. love you too. Sometimes he wants to text the now disconnected number and ask why Doyoung didn’t tell him something was wrong in plain language. Sometimes he wants to text and say I love you or I went to the planetarium and cried again or I looked at houses in that neighborhood you were thinking about or I miss you.
Slamming the beer can on the table, Donghyuck presses his palms into his eyes, hoping it’ll stop the tears from falling. It doesn’t.
His therapist is waiting for the day Donghyuck stops rereading those messages. It’ll be a little while longer before that happens.
Donghyuck is waiting for the day he stops coming up to the roof of his apartment building in this polluted city to play star or satellite, hoping that one day, he’ll find Doyoung in the constellations.
It’ll be a little while longer before that happens too.