Chapter Text
It was no secret that Technoblade was a rather… well no, extremely was a better fit, private person.
You didn’t need to be friends or even strong aquatenaces with the man to know that, his legacy so strong people quivered at the mention of the pig in a crown. Not that he really had all that many friends to begin with, so he said, George begged to differ. Everyone loved Technoblade, for the most part, we don’t talk about how he would absolutely embarrass everyone in PvP.
But he got along well enough with most people; casual banter, joking about subscribing, whatever that meant, or even just plain ignoring was enough for most people.
The main fact was that he could make casual acquaintances, before he had enough of playing fair and takes your life. Or at least dignity.
‘If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.’ or some quote of the sorts, Sun Tzu, of course.
Opting to not keep people close for long, a weakness to some people, it left him open a lot of the time, with no one to back him up. And there were exceptions of course; even those he trusted with his life knew very little about the man. He was never willing to show any weakness to anyone so everyone just assumed he had none.
The closest thing George could remember to some sort of emotion from the pig was just pure rage and bloodlust.
Not exactly a weakness when there was a new war every week.
Something like that could be exploited, used as a weapon, sure, but it wasn’t a weakness. And certainly not something you'd want to be on the tail end of. Not that George would have to worry about that, hopefully…
Even since the alliance to save a certain green bastard from prison came about, George couldn’t pinpoint anything that stood out emotionally about Technoblade.
Call it an obsession with how much he wanted to become, God forbid, friends with the piglin but there wasn’t really much going on in the faux prince's life other than well… this. So it made sense to be a little interested in the man he was working with.
And maybe paying his acquaintance a visit was a terrible idea and maybe George was absolutely dreading knocking on the door and talking to the absolute unit of a pig on his own land that he had to have known like the back of his hoofed hand. Did George actually have a reason to feel fear? No, but it was a normal reaction, even Dream feared Techno!
He just had this… aura.
That, however, had all turned around when he had actually arrived, unannounced, at Technoblades cottage. Well, he supposed it was slightly announced or at least he should have been expected by the piglin at some point.
Just maybe not yet. But did he need a reason to visit someone he considered a friend? Probably, it was Technoblde after all. Everything he did, he did with intent.
See, George and Techno were currently… on neutral terms, honestly it was further than most people got. With the whole Dream in his prison arc George needed assistance. More so he needed someone who was known for executing plans to the highest standards George could even dream of. It was a big plan and needed a big brained person to set an idea in stone.
And well, there was really only one pig who could help him out with what he needed.
So he’d borrowed something from the known hoarder and was now simply back returning it to its rightful owner, that was his excuse when Technoblde inevitably asked him why he was disturbing him in his own house.
And no he didn’t steal it! As a matter of fact Techno gave it to him ‘t’ keep ya outta danger.’ he had said. Okay, maybe it wasn’t those exact words but it was the intent! But now he was out of danger and didn’t need it anymore so here he was returning it.
Or at least that's what he planned on doing; to say the brunette was met with a sight he didn’t know how to comprehend was an understatement.
Sure George didn’t exactly warn the other before paying him a visit, or even knock on the door before entering. Simply inviting himself into the ‘retirement home’ because fuck standing out in the snow, some of us aren’t built like a brick shithouse and have very poor circulation.
What he was expecting was to see the pinkette in his own house fumbling around with potions or whatever he had fixated on, like usual whenever he had dropped in on the other. Maybe even see him by the stable talking to his horse!
Instead what he saw was well… a small, he'd go as far to call it a baby, piglin. Wrapped up in what could only be described as a blanket nest in the middle of Technoblades living room.
The only light illuminating the room was from some sort of cartoon on the tv he was pretty sure he’d seen Karl watch before, it didn’t even click that all the curtains were also pulled closed.
But that wasn’t even the strangest part.
As the piglet, piglinlet? Was alerted to someone opening the door and entering it had turned around facing the intruder, recognisable red eyes going wide with a panic George wouldn’t ever associate them with.
Instantly George had known exactly where he’d seen those eyes before.
They were for sure the eyes of the pinkette he was looking for. Before he could even form a sentence he noticed an intricately decorated pacifier in the usual stoic man's mouth, muffled distressed sounds blocked by it.
Uh oh.
He really didn’t want the baby to start crying, how would he deal with that? He's never even seen a real baby before let alone whatever had happened to Techno! How could someone even do this to the piglin to begin with?
“Techno..?” He hesitated as he spoke, still not 100% sure this was actually Technoblade, it could have been a brother, a son; he didn’t know what the blade got up to in his spare time! He was just not wanting to cause anymore stress to the small piglin.
Something in the atmosphere was incredibly fragile and George wasn’t so sure he should break it, or if he were to he wasn’t sure what would happen.
He finally got his response, a… squeal?
Perhaps not the response he wanted. It sounded scared.
Okay.
He could- he could deal with this, right? It was just a baby piglin, just a baby…
Just Technoblade.
But a baby.
“Hi, you are Techno? Right?” He'd never seen anyone, let alone the usual feared man look like this, never even heard rumours about anything like this.
Logically he knew Techno was a piglin hybrid, the obvious pig snout, tusks and ears a huge giveaway. Also the fact that the man towered over almost everyone on the SMP made it pretty obvious. But for him to transform into such a small defenceless child rather than an expected piglin brute?
Something didn’t add up in George's mind.
Then again he wasn’t exactly an expert on animal hybrids. The only hybrids he personally knew were all prey animals, ducks, sheep... Whatever BadBoyHalo was. Maybe Technos piglin form was normal and in piglin years he was just a baby?
That could probably happen, right? But then again the man had been around for far longer than George so maybe that assumption was completely wrong.
All he knew for sure was this had to be Technoblade.
He waited a few more moments for any sort of response, hoping the ma- child could actually understand him.
Still nothing more than a panicked, tearful look. George wasn’t that scary, was he?
“It’s okay, I’m- i won't hurt you.” Not that he could anyway. It was no secret that piglin children were just as lethal as their adult counterparts and he had no doubt even as a baby Technoblade could dropkick him without hesitation.
But the other seemed too deep into whatever was happening to realise what was going on, or perhaps he was too young to understand or even recognise George.
He looked a bit more closely at the anxious piglin, from his droopy ears pierced with several different golden trinkets he recognised, to the thin layer of fluff that covered his entire face. That's when he saw actual tears in the child's eyes, making their way down his face at an alarming rate. It was something he was definitely not ready to deal with.
Technoblade never cries.
“Hey, Techno. Don’t cry.” Slowly, ever so slowly, he made his way over to the sofa kneeling in front of the piglet hoping he didn’t seem too intimidating. Something about making himself smaller, like when he had the kitten. Make his voice soft, his movements slow.
“What’s…” Wrong? Happening? Could techno even speak currently?
“Do you want a hug?” He spoke before fully thinking over the words.
Hed just asked Technoblade, the most reserved, antisocial person on the smp if he wanted a hug.
He was going to die.
This was it. This was how he was going to lose a cannon life.
To a baby!
“Gogie?” It was said so quietly, so softly that he wasn’t even sure if he actually heard it.
He didn’t die.
He did however get frowned at by the pink baby and the piglet's voice was unmistakably Techno-like, perhaps not as deep as he was used to and more slurred in a way a babys would be but also unmistakably Technoblade.
It made George's heart melt with the immediate need to protect the small, defenceless baby.
“Yeah?” He made his voice even softer, with the atmosphere still off, hoping the other might engage into a conversation.
He didn’t get an answer, but the piglin moved his legs from where they were spread out on the sofa and to his chest, not that it made any difference to the small amount of space he took up, pulling a blanket with them presumably so George could sit down too. That or he was still extremely anxious. Either wouldn’t surprise him.
“I can sit?”
Techno looked away but nodded gently, shyly George would go as far to describe.
Techno wasn’t usually shy, or unsure of his actions at all. Sure the taller man was usually quiet and possibly anxious, but he was positive in all actions he performed. A fake it ‘till you make it sorta vibe.
Before George fully approached the empty side of the sofa he got a clearer view of the now tiny warrior.
He was so incredibly cute.
Bundled up in a soft circle of mostly golden yellow blankets; a small bird plushie held in one of his hands and a few more golden trinkets scattered about the makeshift, again, what he could only describe as, nest.
Red eyes wearily met his own as George continued to scan the scene in front of him. He decided to kneel once again in front of the pinkette and try to get him to tell him what was going on.
“Hi.” Just a few blinks from the pig in response.
“I like your birdie.” At the mention of the plushie the piglin held it closer to himself before looking the brunette over again.
“Does he have a name?” George was thinking about whether Technoblade was currently an actual baby or just himself in a smaller body. But from the way the piglin was acting he was going with an actual baby.
Maybe Techno wouldn’t appreciate being talked down to like a child but George could deal with that when the man was back to normal, well no he’d just run but the point still stood.
He was pulled from his thoughts by a small voice.
“Chat.” That was familiar… and now that he noticed the bird was a crow. And well, Techno did live with a known avian.
An idea came to mind.
“Like Philzas chat?” He'd seen the alleged crow father always tailed by a flock he referred to as chat, it made sense.
The piglin nodded his response, eyes beginning to light up slightly at the mention of the crow man, before looking around seemingly for something important. He looked very stressed for a small baby.
“What are you looking for?” George asked just as the piglin made his way out of the nest.
A new problem occurred.
The baby had nothing on other than a formal, white, button down shirt that was far too large for his small frame. Not to mention he started to physically shiver.
He must have been freezing the poor thing! No wonder he was bundled up in all of the blankets, George went to speak again but was cut off.
“Baba an seve.” It was said quietly, not enunciated properly, George probably would have missed it if he wasn’t paying close attention.
Techno only made a scowling face as he continued his searching. So logically George made a note to watch him carefully in case he were to trip over the shirt that was mostly dragging on the floor. He didn’t want the warrior to accidentally hurt himself!
“Can I help find them?” He smiled at the other in a hopefully reassuring way. Techno looked at him and blinked once. Right…
“I think we should find you something to wear as well, are you cold?”
The piglin was shivering, of course he was cold. Piglins lived in the nether where it was inhumanly hot, surely the tundra was the last place you'd expect to find one.
Techno nodded again, hesitating before taking one of the brunette's hands, or well a finger, pulling him along to another room. Or he would have but something seemed to catch the baby’s attention.
Before he knew what was happening Techno was looking over his hand with a glisten in his eyes. Oh right. He had a few golden rings, that was probably what caught the piglins attention.
They liked gold.
And Techno was no exception. He tried to fiddle with the rings, moving them enough George knew exactly what he was going to do.
“Techno, those are mine.” And the look he got for the pig was enough to make him regret calling him out. He was not about to be manipulated by a baby.
There was no way this baby was about to...
If he was a ring down as he followed the piglin diligently to a room which had been locked every time he'd ever visited the anarchist, that was no one's business but his own.
And the room itself was locked all of the time for good reason.
It was suitably decorated for a child.
Blues and whites for the walls making the room seem bright like the sky George thought.
Even with the curtains closed the room was still very bright, but that didn’t stop George as he made his way over to the curtains ready to open them before being tugged, unbelievably harshly, back by a panicking piglin. That proved Georges point that the baby could hold his own if there was danger.
“No…” A small voice wobbled, panicked. He had tears in his eyes once again and George wasn’t sure why. Were all babies like this?
“Don't cry Techno, what's wrong.” He was just going to open the curtain and hopefully see someone outside who could help.
The piglet pointed to the window and shook his head, breathing rapidly like he was about to have a panic attack.
“You don't want the curtains open?”
Geogre questioned and Techno nodded, using the hand that wasn’t holding Georges to wipe at his eyes. At least he knew the usual stoic man could cry, not that he'd do anything with that observation.
“That’s okay they don't have to be open. But shouldn’t someone be here to look after you? If they are open we can see if they come back.”
The piglin shook his head as still tearful eyes met his own again.
“Fil.” Was all that was exchanged as he pulled lightly to get George to follow him to another nest; this time situated on the floor. More pillows and blankets were in this one along with far more golden things. His ring was added to the hoard.
“Phil?” Techno nodded again. It would probably make sense for Phil to look after Techno while he was… like this. But…
“Where is he?”
Techno just blinked at him again. Instead of answering he let go of George's hand to pick up two polar bear plushies.
“Want me to stay until he comes back.” The piglin looked up again, more hesitant before a small nod.
“Want to show me where we can find some clothes for you?” Another nod as he tucked one of the polar bears under his arm holding the other in his hand. With the unoccupied hand he pulled George along to a rather large wardrobe, still not letting go of the brunette's fingers when they reached the goal.
“Seve.” He was handed a polar bear in his spare hand.
“Sieve?” A bit of an odd name for a polar bear. Techno scowled at him again.
“No, seve.” seeve?..
“Steve?…” And if the squeal, and rather cute ear flick, was anything to go by George assumed that was right.
And then he was handed another polar bear.
“This one baba?”
Techno nodded while trying to open up the wardrobe, unsuccessfully.
“Want some help?” Another meek nod as he reluctantly let go of the brunette's hand.
So George opened the door and was immediately overwhelmed by the amount of small clothes.
There were more clothes there than in the whole of Kinoko Kingdom! And Karl had a lot of different clothes so that was saying something.
The piglin however, did not seem overwhelmed. Drawn to a small pink onesie which he picked up and handed to George who already had his hands full.
“Can I put the bears down to help you change?” Probably best to ask in case Techno took George putting the plushies down the wrong way and started crying again.
Techno nodded, still holding out the onesie.
George carefully put the bears on the floor kneeling down to the piglet's height, holding out his hand for the piece of clothing.
“Do you know how to put it on?”
Techno shook his head, taking George's fingers again and leading him to a table.
“What's this for?”
Techno ignored him to open the little cupboard built into the table. Inside was nappies, baby powder, wipes and a few other cleaning things.
Oh.
Right Techno was like an actual baby baby. George could probably put a nappy on him, it couldn’t be that difficult right?..
It turns out it was very difficult.
Not only that but the piglin did not seem to be a fan of George not knowing what he was doing; in turn making the baby more anxious as he seemed to latch onto Georges own nervousness.
So far, he’d picked out a nappy and put it up on the changing table.
It was apparently the wrong kind of one because Techno immediately made a distressed sound.
“What?”
The piglin tugged George back down and picked up a different coloured one.
“Does the colour really matter?”
Techno made another sound that didn’t sound pleased. Okay the… yellow? nappy it was then.
He thought perhaps the piglet would prefer the blue one, seeming as most of the room was blue but obviously he was wrong.
“Boo for nite nites. Lellow is day.” That was the most he had heard the man speak. Well, no use arguing with that George thought. He didn’t even know there were different ones for night and day but he supposed it made sense.
“Oh okay! Thank you for teaching me Techno.” He gave a heartfelt smile to the baby who returned the look with a more anxious smile, but it was definitely a smile and George called that progress.
“How about we get you up here, yeah?”
George held out his arms ready to pick up the piglin to lift him to the table.
Techno didn’t move.
“What’s up cutie? I thought we were getting you changed so you won't be cold anymore?” He was getting the hang of this whole babysitting thing.
At least he thought so.
Perhaps it had been less than ten minutes but George was already sure he was a pro.
It was probably odd for the piglin that George was helping him out, and he understood that.
He’d be patient with the baby.
“Hey Techie, I need you to let me help you get dressed. I promise you will be a lot more comfortable after and then we can go back and watch what you were watching on the tv while we wait for Philza!” The piglin did not look convinced at all.
So George turned to a tactic he just knew would work.
Bribery.
Taking off one of his golden bracelets he offered it up to the pig whose eyes immediately lit up making grabby hands for the gold.
“Nuh uh, not until you get dressed.”
See, professional.