Chapter Text
Carina double checked the blood results that had just arrived on her screen, a wide grin spreading across her face as she re-read them. The one and only thought passing through her mind was that she had to tell Maya. Now. She had thankfully finished her shift as she grabbed her things, locking up her office as she threw on her coat, desperate to get to the fire station. The drive was short and Carina was very quickly walking into the fire station, going up to the front desk. “Is my wife around or is she out on a call?”
“Hey Dr. DeLuca. She’s in her office.” The receptionist said nodding towards the Captain’s office.
“Thank you.” Carina smiled at the receptionist before heading straight through, not even bothering to knock.
“Hey.” Maya greeted seeing her wife and always glad to see the brunette.
“Hey. How are you bella? How is your shift?”
“Boring. I can’t wait to come home. You finish early?” Maya asked looking at her watch.
“Not really...well yeah..I guess I did. I wanted to come here and see you.” She pushed Maya’s office door shut, heading over to her wife.
“Is everything okay?” Maya asked suddenly concerned. Carina looked anxious.
“Yep..yes...it’s all good.” She wrapped her arms around Maya, loving the feeling of having her so close.
“So, is this a social visit or…?” Maya was trying to figure out why Carina had stopped by. She always wanted to see her wife but they tried to keep some semblance of professionalism.
“Always a social visit if I get to see my beautiful wife.” She kissed her softly.
“I love social visits.” Maya said tugging Carina into the Captain’s bunk.
“Not that kind of social visit though I’m afraid.”
“There are other kinds?” Maya asked confused.
“We probably can’t have sex for a little while.”
“Why? You said you were okay.” Maya said concern flooding back to her. They had a very healthy sex life.
“I am okay. More than okay. We both are.” she placed Maya’s hand on her stomach.
“Both? Both? Oh…” Realization hit Maya of what Carina meant. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open and for a moment she couldn’t breathe.
“It worked.” Carina grinned, excited to share this news with her wife.
“Wow…both you and…it. Do we call it it or…” Maya looked down at Carina’s very flat stomach still.
“Uh..how about peanut? I never liked ‘it’.”
“Less scientific than I was expecting but it works. How do you feel?” Maya asked focusing on Carina.
“I feel fine...great even.” She grinned. “Not sure how long that will last, but for now. I’ll take it.”
“Makes sense. We did the last implantation six weeks ago?” Maya’s head was spinning. What had she gotten herself into.
“Yeah, 6 weeks tomorrow.”
“You’re pregnant.” Maya breathed her hand still pressed against Carina’s stomach with Carina’s hand over hers.
“I am bella. We’re going to have our very own bambina.” Carina was so happy she could barely contain it.
“A baby. We’re gonna have a…baby.”
“Mhm, yes we are.”
“Okay. What do we do now?” Maya liked plans. She liked to think quickly to come up with solutions and plans of attack. That was her comfort zone.
“Nothing immediately. We can book our first scan in for a few weeks time.”
“Medical history, blood work and exam.” Maya had read all about it.
“Yep, that’s exactly right.” She smiled proudly at the blonde.
“I read about it. Uh in the books they have that kinda stuff. Figured I’d need to know.” Maya said moving away from Carina.
“You already got some books?” Carina knew Maya loved to read, but didn’t think she’d have read anything on pregnancy yet.
“Yeah. Just a few.” Maya said opening her locker to show Carina her stack of books. There were the obvious ones What to expect when your expecting all the way to the more obscure ones.
“Oh wow...that is an extensive collection bambina.”
“Not really. Some of those I don’t trust the establishments they got their medical degree at.” Maya said having read all of them.
“You’ve read them all already?” Carina looked at her wide eyed.
“I figured I needed to know right?”
“Yeah, you’re a very smart woman Maya Bishop.”
“Just trying to keep up with you Dr. DeLuca.”
“You’re the cutest.” Carina grinned.
“I just like to be prepared. See how to take care of you and…peanut.” Maya said gesturing to Carina.
“That means so much to me, it really does bella.”
Maya nodded, she was trying to show Carina that she was happy about this. She was supposed to be happy about this. They wanted this.
“I am so pleased we are going on this journey together.” Carina has dreamed of this for years.
“It’ll be a journey. Do you want to sit?” Maya asked gesturing towards the bed.
“I’m good. Do you want to sit?”
“Yeah I think I should.” Maya said sitting down on the bed.
“You okay?” Carina checked quietly.
“What? Me? Yeah I’m fine. Good.” Maya said quickly.
“Sure? I know this is a lot.” Carina sat beside her.
“I’m good.” Maya smiled.
“Okay.” Carina kissed her cheek, hoping Maya really was okay.
———
“So this is where you’re hiding out hmm?” Andy stood by the open door to the gym, arms folded over her chest. “I checked the gym twice already. You know, you’re pretty hard to find when you clearly don’t want to be found.”
“Maybe you should take the hint.” Maya huffed dropping the dumbbell onto the mat. Her muscles screamed at her to stop.
“Or maybe, you should stop running from whatever is bothering you and talk to your best friend.” She closed the door to the gym, sitting herself down on the workout bench she had no intention of using.
“Carina’s pregnant.” Maya stated.
“Oh wow. That’s great...Right? Are we happy about this?” Andy was trying to read the look on Maya’s face.
“We’re supposed to be happy about this. This was planned. We planned this.” Maya started. Though her tone was anything but happy.
“And how are you really feeling?” Andy probed gently.
“I thought I wanted this. Because she wanted this. But now that it’s real? I don’t know. She’s…god she’s so excited.”
“What are you unsure about?”
“It’s stupid. And doesn’t make me look like great.” Maya muttered under her breath.
“Hey...this is me. You can tell me anything Maya...no judgement from me.”
“I love Carina. She means more to me than anything. She’s my world.”
“That’s very okay...” She nodded, waiting for Maya to continue.
“I don’t love it.”
“The baby?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s okay. Not everyone loves their kid the second it’s conceived. Do you think it’s something you’ll grow to love?”
“I have to don’t I?”
“Technically no. You decide who you love.”
“I just thought I’d feel what Carina feels. She’s so excited. She’s so happy. I just think about this thing taking my wife from me.”
“I know right now, it feels that maybe you don’t have enough love for Carina and your baby. That it will only detract from what you and Carina have. But I promise you, it won’t. Your heart will expand, there’s enough room for both and will only bring you closer.”
“I hope so. I-I just want her to be happy without losing her.”
“You won’t lose her. Not if you don’t want to.”
“I can’t protect her from everything.” Maya shouldn’t have looked up maternal mortality rates.
“You can’t. But she’d an OB/GYN. No one could be more knowledgeable on keeping safe.”
“You’re right. I just don’t know what to do. How do I pretend that I’m excited.”
“You don’t need to pretend. The excitement will come naturally when you’re ready.”
“I don’t want to ruin this for her.”
“You won’t. Promise.”
“I don’t think I’ll be a good mom Andy.” Maya confessed.
“You’ll be an amazing mom Maya. Anyone can see that a mile off.”
“I don’t know about that.” Maya had never thought she’d be good at it.
“I do. I’ve seen the way you are with Maddie. And simply what a wonderful friend you are. Any kid would be so lucky to call you their mom”.
“With Maddie it’s different. I can hand her back if I don’t know what to do.”
“But that’s the whole point. You do know what to do.”
“But I can.”
“You can. And if you need a break, you have a whole family at 19 who will willingly help out whenever you need.”
“But me as a mom Andy…” Maya said running her hand through her hair. “You can’t tell Carina that I’m freaking out about this.”
"God no, of course I wouldn't."
“Thanks. I’ll figure it out.”
"You don't have to figure it out alone."
“I just don’t have any connection to this baby. It’s my kid. But…I thought I’d feel connected somehow.” Maya said. She remembered taking the hormones, she remembered the egg collection and neither of them had been particularly fun. But it had mattered to Carina that they use Maya’s egg. As if she knew this might happen.
"Not yet you don't, but doesn't mean you're never going to."
“When did you? With Maddie?”
"When I saw her on the scan and she was actually there, moving around inside me."
“That is very sweet of you, but I promise I’m okay. I’d tell you if I wasn’t, and if I didn’t, Teddy or Amelia would.”
———
Mornings were always the worst when it came to morning sickness. Carina tried to throw up as quietly as she could so as not to disturb Maya, but today seemed worse, her throat burning from the acid leaving her stomach.
“Hey.” Maya had woken when Carina leapt from the bed. Hearing Carina be sick Maya had taken a detour to the kitchen for some water before returning to the bathroom. Rubbing Carina’s shoulders lightly.
“Thank you.” Carina was still huddled over the seat of the toilet.
“Can I help?” Maya knew there was likely nothing she could do. But she needed to offer.
“Cuddle me back in bed? My stomach hurts where it was so violent.”
“Yeah of course. Can you walk or do you want me to carry you?”
“I can walk.” She promised.
“‘Kay.” Maya said helping Carina stand and walk back to the bedroom. “I got you water.”
“Thank you.” Carina was grateful to be back in her bed, the soft mattress hugging her aching body.
“Can I help?” Maya asked afraid to touch Carina at the moment for fear of doing more damage.
“Hold me...please.”
Wrapping her arms around Carina, Maya let Carina move into her arms.
“Thank you..feels so much better in your arms.”
“Anytime.” Maya said running her fingers through Carina’s hair.
“Can we just stay like this all day?”
“Anything you want.” Maya said though she doubted Carina would really want to do that. Once she started feeling better she guessed that Carina would want to get up.
“You’re so good to me.” Carina was the luckiest woman on the planet, Maya’s actions and love reminded her of that everyday.
“You’re growing a human. You get special cuddles.” Maya commented.
“Only because I’m growing a human?” She pouted playfully.
“And because I love you.”
“And I love you too. Very much, I don’t tell you that enough.”
“You tell me plenty.” Maya said her hand dropping instinctively to Carina’s stomach.
“I want to tell you endlessly.”
“I won’t say no.” Maya said running her fingers lightly over Carina’s stomach.
“Good to know” Carina grinned, massaging Maya’s scalp lightly.
“How are you feeling now?”
“Better.” She wasn’t sure for how long, but for right now, she was good.