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Nothing about the mission was enjoyable. Not the everlasting awkward silence, not the shuffling of the heavy boots in the snow, and at last, not the insufferable murmurs of Dr. Lipovsky as he shook the ice off his shoe.
The blizzard softened, like a tender drizzling it settled. The mountain scenery became redundant, making the Soldier, the woman, and the Doctor tiresome of it. However, objectively, they follow the right path, even if maddening. The Soldier led them, walking in front of the two, carrying a gun on his back and a rifle on his dominant hand, even though he could smell a threat miles away. He muttered here and there when to stop, turn, and be quiet. Scolding the two that walked lazily behind him, like two enraged children in time out.
The crypto messages were sent and received, quickly taken to mind by him. A simple task of rescue, not unusual but still, he would usually go into it by himself, not with two heavyweights attached to him. The complaining doctor and the mute bird, the tiny meek of a woman that followed him. The HYDRA base was close, a few kilometers ahead if the maps were right. It's technically easy. The task is to retrieve the scientists safely, Dr. Lipovsky would collect the research with the modernized gear and the woman would do her job, as far as the Soldier saw, she was part of the administration sector. Perhaps obliged as well.
In a flowy Russian, the Soldier ordered them two stop and reckon before the final stage of the task. A brief analysis of their situation. Dr. Lipovsky, with his superiority act, demanded rapidity from him. The Soldier read the crypto again, seeing that, from an expertise gaze, casualties may happen in the upcoming future.
After a couple of minutes escalating through the shuffling trees, the rural castle was noticed within sight. No enemy movement was caught by any of the three, who now had their eyes more open than ever. The doctor was hasty, eager to check his obligation off the list. He stood back when told to, shaking like a broken stick being ruffled by the harsh wind, looking down to the ground as the Soldier explained their next steps.
He'd continue to go first. Needing to be the first man to get in and out of the places, the attacker and first responder. The Doctor didn't give two ounces of bother. The woman feared her importance as she speeded her pace in the high snow.
"It's likely to have company from SHIELD. Be aware of noises. The area is supposed to be abandoned." He said, checking his bullets before proceeding steadily to the closer foreseeable door.
The woman, as the ugly duckling between swans, observed the ruins and rotten wood of the castle. Left to be disgraced by time and buried into memory by whoever lived there. Looking from outside, it'd never announce that it is infested by modern human cockroaches. Running in and out of the doors, building tables and technology and emergency living stocks inside of it. A construction so lonely that none of the locals of the village bothered to get to know why so many noises disturbed them in the dead of winter, despite the common deadliness of the season.
In parallel ways, this deadly silence belonged to the Soldier as well. He, when initiating their journey, gave her a small but effective weapon. A semi-automatic gun and a softly hidden butterfly knife in her left boot. The situation assumed her security, but so did he. Lipovsky, on the other hand, had only his arrogance as a shield.
***
Dr. Lipovsky assessed the files as the woman revised the untagged documentation and the Soldier kept watching through the sly windows for any sudden movements. The three present scientists discussed in hushed bore tones, labeling their experiment as quickly as possible.
Despite the fast pace or prior checking of safety, a sudden burst came into the Soldier's attention. A movement of vehicles in a street that's supposedly closed for civilians due to the bigger risk of accidents. With no time to react fittingly, the Soldier kicked behind the woman's right knee, yelling down for his protegées as he shot viciously at the foreign enemy.
"Go by the back, now. Sky attack. Mission dismissed." He raged, sending a stern look to Lipovsky and his company, as well as a sympathetic look to the shocked woman, who by instinct, placed her hand into the gun.
"Almost done".
Lipovsky clawed back. The last shouted words of the first shot man. The Soldier cursed, groaning in a complaint of the casualty. He rushed to the other scientists, yelling for them to form a line with bent knees to be more secure. He ordered them to aim for the exit door, and to never get fully up to not be seen through the windows, who whilst dusty and tainted, gave the enemies a considerable advantage.
The Soldier grabbed Lipovsky's suitcase while on fours, close to the woman who waited in despair to know her faith. The Soldier pushed every possible document inside, caring little if it'd ruin it or not. A few wrinkles wouldn't matter.
He then picked the forgotten backpack, also filled with essentials, but this one was her supplies only. Despite that, the Soldier opened it and pushed a brown paper bag with heavy files. Closing the clasp on the front of her chest, murmuring a calming sentence, for the sake of saying it. She didn't see it, but while escaping, her body was shielded by him.
She ran awkwardly, panting heavily due to the big winter clothing suffocating her and her bruising leg.
"Go down the stairs. There's a hidden exit, it'll lead us to the village."
The SHIELD helicopters were loud. Flying over the falling castle as the four ran nonstop to the exit, it looked more like a basement than a way out. With a precise kick, the Soldier knocked the rotten door down. He gestured for the men to go first, unknowingly by them, the Soldier didn't care about them. The mission was the documents that the meek woman was carrying so close to herself, which made her his priority.
Shots were fired relentlessly, almost hitting the scientists as they ran from one side of the curvy street to the other. The Soldier's arm often snaked around the woman's body, protecting her fiercely, whilst catching her weakening cries, flinching at the mere graze of their bodies.
A bullet hit the ankle of the oldest-looking scientist. "Abandon", the Soldier commanded. Pointing with the gun for the remaining man to keep walking, now out of the sight of the SHIELD officials. They invaded empty houses to escape the snipers, walking like small animals to contain the telling noises of their whereabouts.
With a touch of skill and patience, the Soldier led the woman and the scientist far from the castle. Approaching a hidden HYDRA cabin, that looked nothing less than a vacation home to foreigners. The sun was already going down, peeking lazily through the high trees as they continued their path to the safehouse.
Even with no signs, or at least blatant ones, of being followed, the Soldier had a gut feeling that something would happen before they'd get there. He side-eyed both of his companions. The scientist wore oversized winter attire, making him appear poorly mannered, the mismatched patterns bothered the view. The woman was sleek looking, she had off-white attire that hid her decently in the plain snow. Her hair was hidden under the hood, letting her frosty nose be the main feature of her face.
She looked like a white ferret, a little uneasy and alert between the wolf-like Soldier and Dr. Markov gazed at her like a preying fox at moments that she wasn't supposed to notice. During the next ten to fifteen minutes, they walked. Sustaining themselves on the large pines, squatted to shrink and be more undetectable. The Soldier peeked into his device, which as far as she could guess, was useful to know if people were close to them. Whilst gulping some sips of the water bottle, she was yanked by the Soldier, pulled up by her back, and slightly lifted for a few seconds, to give her the initial push to run.
"We have company. Don't stop."
***
The Soldier threw the freshly cut logs into the fireplace, hitting it a few times to provoke harsher flames. The important documentation was thrown on the table, left alone as the remaining people, the Soldier, and the woman rested their minds and bodies after the restless day.
The initial safe house was compromised. Therefore, after Dr. Markov was quickly taken down, he switched paths, pushing the woman into walking for more than half an hour towards the small cabin, coated by pearly snowflakes right below the enemies' nose.
He noticed she was shaken. Trembling as he carried her to the rusty door, she was lightweight to him, just enough for him to feel he was carrying something in his arms. He wasn't good at conversations, so he kept his silence while doing what needed to be done. Chopped wood, lit it up, checked the electricity and water system before making sure that they'd be as safe as possible inside.
Gladly, nothing was too rusty, or broken, or rotten. The old-fashioned bathtub was in a relatively good state for the long-unused time, a rug was enough to rub the gunk off. They helped each other in a dreaded quietness, and with his courtesy, as if he was the cabin's host, he prepared the first bath, handing her the found thin blankets to dry up and giving her the navy blue backpack with spare clothing.
He averted his eyes when she, in a timid girlish tone, asked for him to close the curtains of the bathtub, as the cold was severe and she'd rather not get up all wet. It'd be a lie to say he didn't glance, even if with guilt, her tender exposed flesh, drowned in the steaming water. Before forgetting, he apologized for the kick.
Without proper notion, or care, for hours, they dined together. They ate heated canned beans, with the said promise from him that it'd be safe to shop for some food in the village, as long as they were discreet enough. She thanked him, with her usual broken tone of fear. Her cheeks burned as he looked down to see her, nodding a yes to her gratitude and picking her dish to put in the sink.
***
Three days passed rather quickly. During it, the Soldier tried, with frustration, to regain contact with his superiors, as his only communication device seemed to have broken all of a sudden. The woman was kept entertained by her cataloging, tagging, and separating the documents, piling them, and patiently reading them to not do anything by mistake. He bought some canned soup, served it hot as she closed one of the brown packages filled with classified documentation.
"Eat."
She glanced up, seeing his lake-blue eyes peering down at her, "Thank you, Soldier."
"Don't call me that."
She nodded like she usually did for anything he said to her. The woman, who reminded him more of a girl than an adult, cared little for talking or anything involving more than being two people on the run. He was curious about why she even worked in the same place he was kept, a girl like her doesn't seem the type to be dragged into shady organizations at will. She said goodnight after finishing, not giving him the delight of her sight for more than a few seconds in between putting the bowl in the sink and hopping up the stairs.
He went to sleep better than when in the base. His mind was constantly disturbed, no sleep was ever peaceful or even desirable. Her presence was comforting because of that, like a growing flower amongst grey cement. Her existence by his side was inviting, as he could, for the foreseeable future, be someone that neither of them knew.
The raggedy blankets did their work. Heating him enough for the night, especially because he gladly didn’t need much to do that. That way, he could somehow take care of her, handing the heaviest quilts to the girl. In the moments of closing his eyes to drift off and falling into rest, her face floated through his mind, filling gaps of sinful acts that his dreams formed. It was familiar enough for his body to feel it through, as it was a memory and not just a vivid imagination. When awake in the chilling morning, he couldn’t help but wonder if it really could be the mix of memory, however, when trying to remember, his mind seemed too fogged.
***
The girl kept focused on her work, a little worried about what they were gonna do now that his device seemed unsavable. Both knew that it wasn’t like they had the freedom to take over the course of the mission completely, their superiors would punish their insolence despite the reasons behind it.
Most of the days were spent separately, each doing their own thing. It was obvious that she wasn’t keen to be so close, her body shrank, dodged, and bristled when he came close. Both tiptoed around each other, although he's the one who noticed it.
The bathtub was located in her bedroom, in the openness of her comfort. There wasn't much privacy in the cabin, he didn't quite care. It wasn't like he was used to it. The cheap clothing he bought in the village was thrown on the floor, just waiting to be put in again. He cupped water on his hands and rubbed his face. One of the rags found around the cabin was cleaned and used as a scrubbing tool, useful for the sweaty mess that they became due to the cold sweat brought by the night. The fireplace didn't manage to keep them heated throughout the whole night, and both were somewhat heavy sleepers.
He heard her footsteps come closer he wasn't meant to notice her. So he pretended not to. The girl's eyes aimed for him unconsciously. With the excuse of wanting an extra blanket for her legs, she tried to be an invisible shadow like he was when wanted. Despite the effort, his head cocked to the side, letting him catch her watching him from the door. She flinched, running off and slamming the door shut behind her.
The Soldier didn't mind. In fact, if she stayed, he wouldn't tell her to leave. This voyeur moment differs from his previous ones. He was desensitized from being seen, handled, poked. He wondered if she was like him. He felt ashamed but wished she had at least something like him. Even if it was being captive.
He remembered certain things. Images of himself with gelled back hair, or a man that was too similar to not be scary to the thought. To be fair, his mind was his worst enemy. Kept hostage by his superiors and useless to himself. It didn't make him empty-headed, just fragmented.
In the absence of her sweet nature, he kept rubbing himself with the rug.
***
Below the starry night, with the curtains opened, delighting her with the white glowing stars, she kept herself occupied with dinner. They bought canned soup, she heated two in one of the big pans they found earlier on the cabinets. Adding spices that she made him buy while they ran errands. The table was set quite nicely, the mirroring setup was pleasing to see.
She poured the soup into the bowls and the juice into the cups, then she held a long stick to incite the fire that was drifting to sleep in the fireplace. The girl was satisfied by not having to sort more paperwork for the day, thankfully she would end her duty soon and be free of it for the foreseeable future. While the Soldier could wander around outside the cabin, deal with the damaged device and handle the technical details of the final stages of their mission, her sole job was cataloging paper. Pulling it from Dr. Lipovsky's suitcase and separating accordingly.
She was a glorified secretary, taken into this somewhat risky mission because of the inability of the three scientists to organize their own work. Be it bad or good, it’s not like she made the calls. Her clothing was intact, she shook them to freshen up and walked through the front door, to see the Soldier sitting on the porch bench with the communication device.
“Dinner’s ready.” She smiled, inviting him back in.
They sat side by side, facing the windows that allowed them to look at the pines, the snow, and the lonely homes that were far from the village. Just like the one they’re in. He did his best to not notice her, as a matter of fact, it’d be better if he just acknowledged her with him instead of letting her presence sink in. Especially now that she is the embodiment of his mission.
With the three scientists down, there was not much to do, to care about, or prepare. The money was more than enough for two people, a comfortable quantity of blankets and easy wood pieces to burn. No one had to sleep on the ground above quilts or lay close to the fireplace in the middle of the night to heat up.
The Soldier slept in the bed close to the fireplace and the girl on the second floor, which held just a decent-sized bed, the bathtub, and the toilet. It was comfortable despite the circumstances. The two didn’t draw attention to themselves, acting like they were simply foreigners resting in the outskirts of the small eastern village. The winter was harsh, so nobody looked twice to the gloves he never took off.
A dainty feeling washed over him. A whisper of laughing, a warmth that tickled his belly and made his peach fuzz bristle. A faint sound of memory, if he dared. It was gentle as if someone spoke not too far or too close of his ear. It felt familiar, in an uncomfortable way. The wave repeated itself when the woman walked around him, spreading the scent of freshly heated chicken soup. Like a weird dejá Vu.
Contrary to the expected, the last thing he wanted was to develop the feeling. He'd rather forget. Memories, and even the concept of them, confused him to no end. The things he remembers are a lot for the same. The base, the officers, the loud screeching machines, the encapsulation of himself. Nothing quite worth holding on to. The girl didn't belong to these types of memories, maybe it's why a mere second of her disrupting presence incited such a response.
The Soldier dismissed it. Shrugging the weird prickling feeling that made his throat feel ill. He just needed to go back to the base, deliver the files and maybe get some well-earned rest.
***
No efforts could spare his dreams. It was a long one, where it had a beginning, a thick middle, and an ending. He saw a woman, similar to him, a child just a tad smaller than himself and a boy, with dirty blonde hair and sickly looking face. They ate and talked. Exactly like he just did at dinner, although it was not as warm as in his dream.
He woke up with the weirdest feeling. As if half of himself was shaken by an unseen force that he couldn't control. It was impossible to ignore the dreadful feeling that he just took off rose-colored glasses after a long time, that he was finally seeing the truth of things, rather than the version that his superiors wanted him to see.
He glanced at the cabin twice to every corner. Stepped the creaking floor with caution, opened the cabinets and drawers and windows to peek at what was hidden in it. Unstable, perhaps. The steps of the woman on the top floor was enough to disconcert him again, settling back into his prior mode. Where his mission was still the important point to check off at the end of his deadline.
He listened to her yawn, with the little squeak she let out at the end of it. The Soldier drifted off to his imagination, which like he sometimes caught saw on TV due to his whereabouts, she could hop down the stairs and peck his stubbled cheek. Wishing him good morning before he went on his way, like husband and wife. It'd be nice, he thought whilst looking at his bare feet on the humid floor.
***
"Our communication is dead." He said before sipping his coffee. "As usual we have a week of deadline to report back or we're deserters."
She hummed a soft ok, not minding much. He didn't mind her reaction, the control he held over their planning soothed his fear of possible punishments. But they would not fail. He knows shortcuts and hiding spots well enough to make sure to go back to the base just in time. Errors weren't allowed, and not an option if they wanted to be left alone after the tiring task.
The Soldier took her plate and left it in the sink as she finished her food. The domesticity was soothing even though unfamiliar. Instinctive, if he dared to name it this way. She settled at the table to continue her work, he peered at her working for a while before going his way to pick more wood for the night.
"We leave in three days. Be ready.”
She nodded. Not saying much about his final call despite her distaste with it, if the odds were in her favor, the Soldier should remain clueless to it.
***
By the bed where he laid, he could see her moving around. She woke up earlier than usual. Set the table for them, with the ordinary coffee, some milk, and a relatively good blueberry cake.
The noise of the ceramic hitting the surfaces took over the rising morning. She placed all her things meticulously, rushing to get everything set and done. The smell of the fresh coffee invaded him, whilst his eyes were still closed, shut in an attempt to deny waking up to the frozen cold day. The Soldier felt like he should have said something, or that this frame of time should mean something. But waking up to a beautiful woman arranging things around him was unfamiliar.
His lips curled into a half-asleep smile, there was no effort behind it, almost instinctive. The Soldier rubbed his eyes, yawning. He snaked close to her, stopping her from hitting him with her back as she walked backwards with the warm pot of milk. His large hands clasped around each of her shoulders, and he muttered for her to be careful.
"I'm sorry, sir. I didn't see you woke up."
"It's fine. Do you need any help?”
"No." The girl said. Then, she handed him his plate with a slice of cake and a fork, their coffees were already poured and sugary when she sat in front of him.
He couldn't help but keep watching her so closely. Her knitted sleepwear had an exquisite measure, where it was small enough to not fall off her shoulders but big enough to hide her accentuated curves. The rounded figure of her chest incited him, especially when she leaned forward, and her sweater hung loose, with an attentive peek he could see her bare skin. He ate with eagerness. Deep down, his hunger was misguided. He could swear that just a mere taste of her would make him remember whatever it is he's dying to recall.
***
During the everlasting evening, the Soldier decided to take a walk around the village, enjoying the bit of freedom he still had. She preferred to not delay her obligations, staying at the cabin with enough wood burning to not make her get up until he went back.
He expelled her from his mind, opting to look with appreciation to the trees that looked like sugary treats from the thin layer of snow coating them. It was exciting to just walk, no defined destiny, no goal to meet. There aren't many people on the streets, a few locals pass by, nodding in greetings while going on with their days. The Soldier picked the longest path to the village's central square, where he'd find some souvenirs and fresh berries.
The money he had was just right to buy something nice. Whatever that meant. He couldn't buy something and keep it, so he chose to buy freshly baked biscuits that a sweet old lady was selling in front of her house. It'd be his memory to keep, hopefully.
His head tilted up, watching the sky as he devoured the sack of sweets whilst sitting on the bench. The dimming sunlight warmed his cheeks, which had now a prominent stubble, it’d drift the attention off his face, especially with his hair reaching below his ears. However, his gaze was still too intense to not catch people’s eye when he passed by. Even his guarding officers trembled and gulped when he trotted. The Soldier did enjoy that small yet noticeable intimidation, it felt like leverage over his captors.
A whine made him turn his head to the right. A woman, with a height similar to the one back in the cabin, handled her baby in her arms, nursing it back to quietude as they took a walk around the fountain of the square. A man with a trolley came to a few steps behind her, the Soldier saw the man’s eyes glow whilst looking at the woman and the baby. Then, the man grinned and in a joking manner yelled for her to wait for him.
The Soldier didn’t follow them with his eyes. He also preferred to expel them from his mind. The rawness of those two was unfamiliar to the type of raw brutality he knows. While one cultivated life, he ended it. There was no pride in it. No shame as well, to be honest, he didn’t think much of it most of the time. The inevitability of his situation made it laughable to do so. He checked his pockets and his bag of sweets before getting up and heading back to the cabin.
***
On the following day, in the middle of the afternoon, the girl finished her documents. She packed them up neatly, compressed to occupy the minimum amount of space needed. He glanced at her back and forth, just keeping tabs on her progress as he occupied himself cleaning their weapons. The Soldier saw her slowly tire herself until falling asleep on the ground, with her mouth slacked open above the papers.
He took her upstairs, crawling her into his embrace, taking in her sweet scent and warmth. It wasn’t a burden to place her in the bed, that regardless of their efforts to be comfortable, still had stuck dust to it. He watched her move, groaning in her sleep as she accommodated herself in the covers. He was prepared to leave her to rest, but a shining spark reflected into his eyes.
Her dark blue backpack was open. The flickering gleam wasn’t the zipper, especially because it was rusting and becoming bronzer each passing day. There was canned food on top of her folded clothes, when he opened the bag a little wider he also saw a closed water bottle with a label he didn’t recognize. By the unfamiliar name, he could assure that he didn’t buy that one. In a rage, with burning eyes, he threw the contents of it out.
The hitting sounds awakened the girl easily.
“Sir? What's wrong?” She mumbled, yawning and rubbing her eyes.
The Soldier was disappointed, it didn't matter if he should or shouldn’t be, he was. “What is this?”
She didn’t answer. Simply looked away from his frowning face. He picked up the objects thrown on the floor, one by one. Folding her long-sleeve blouses and heating pants, putting the food in pairs, and noticing that the butterfly knife he gave her was going with her. Clever, he thought. Although, she’d need much more than a knife to defend herself from HYDRA.
They could find the Soldier if needed, they already did before. He wondered how she would ever survive out there. She’s replaceable but holds too much knowledge of the insides, and you can’t have an untied knot, can you? They’d go after her, in the second he went to the Base alone. HYDRA values him due to the weapon he is, he would always be brought back alive and relatively fine. Her? It was a death wish.
“Did… Did you always plan to run?”
She took no time to fall into her knees, crawling with swollen eyes to the Soldier’s lap. The man had his bottom resting on his ankles, looking lost and confused about what was happening. The girl sobbed into his chest, her fingers clasped around the fabric of his sweater, yanking it until he was obliged to straighten her back up to see her face.
“Why? Did I mistreat you?” His voice was coarser than usual, hesitating.
“I don't wanna go back to the base. I can’t,” His hand brushed off her lonely tears. “Go alone, tell them I'm dead, sir, please.”
“They’ll know. They’ll kill you,” The Soldier told her, unsure where to place his hands as she hid her face in his chest like a scaredy-cat. “They’ll kill you, dear.”
“So come with me.”
The Soldier let her cry into his chest, shaking his body as her own was shaken. Her words hammered in his mind, his heart, holding more significance than he expected them to. This time it was him that didn’t answer, although it was more of a plea than a question. He pecked her forehead and waited for her to sleep again before laying her on the bed.
***
The Soldier made their table, poured their drinks, sliced their cakes, and placed the forks and spoons. He, despite whatever thoughts ran through her mind, didn't have the planned idea to stop her. Or to denounce her. If she was certain of her decision, it was done. Whatever issue she holds with HYDRA is above his power to prevent.
She knew her plan was exposed, in fact, during their breakfast, she told him what she did. If he was certain that she’d be hurt before, he was even more now. Half of the documents were gone. Burned in the quiet of the night. While he bathed, she’d burn. All the documents that held no power over HYDRA were now ashes in the firepit, the remaining proof of their existence was in her camera. He’d pat her on the back for the courage she had.
Going back to the Base or not, she was done. And he, more than all, knew that he would need to kill her or to hand her in to not be punished. The Soldier kept staring at her during their meal, as he couldn’t fathom the guts that the girl had to do it all with him by her side. Did it mean she saw that he was human too? Trapped, like her? Would it mean she trusted him, even if just a little?
Come with me, she said again.
The girl told him the plan. She’d take her backpack, her local cash plus some foreign if anything went wrong, and two bus tickets to different locations and a train one, that would take her to her next stop. It was a solid plan, especially for a girl that was nothing but an endangered administrative assistant.
He envies her. A plain girl with doe eyes and that with no effort could remain invisible in the crowd. Either for being too soft-spoken or blending too well into backgrounds.
I can’t, he said.
She nodded in defeat, squeezing his hand to tell him that it was fine, that she’d be fine. The day passed and he watched her re-do her backpack, he helped and hid some more money in one of her clothing pockets. They sat together on the couch, dodging the many holes in it by being glued to each other. His hand stiffed as she placed her over, she didn’t move hers, just kept caressing his.
In secrecy, during the night, while she rested for the upcoming day, he folded his clothes and put some more cans of beans in his backpack. Just in case he changed his mind.