Chapter Text
Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the--
“What are you doing?”
I looked up from my swirling cup, which held more cream and sugar than coffee.
Standing in front of me was a man with silver-toned skin and yellow eyes.
“Oh, I was just thinking,” I smiled politely at him.
I didn’t find it all that strange, the way he approached me to ask. For one thing, I had been staring down into my cup as if it held the secrets of the universe.
The main reason I wasn’t at all perturbed by his question is because I was familiar with alien cultures. In fact, I was an expert; my job was to analyze different cultures and help others to understand them and help them to understand us.
I had just received an assignment, and I was in Ten Forward on the new ship I would serve on: The USS Enterprise.
I’d like to say that I chose to serve on this ship for some profound reason, like I admired the captain or thought it would be a nice place to spend the next few years… but really, I just jumped at the chance to serve on a ship named the “Enterprise”.
My father had always been interested in the history of World War II, and in my desire to be like him, I found myself fascinated with it as well. Namely, I was fascinated with one little aircraft carrier by the name of “Enterprise”.
The man with the silver-toned skin sat down across from me.
“I thought you may be in need of assistance. You see, humans can experience seizures in which they simply stare absently,” he cocked his head at me. “However, I can see now that you are fine.”
“Yeah, I was just daydreaming,” I tapped my fingers on my mug, grinning at him.
“Daydreaming?” he looked away for a moment, then a look of realization came onto his face. “Ah. I see. Daydreaming: to think pleasant and usually wishful thoughts while awake. To muse, be lost in thought, stare into space--”
“You’re accessing a computer with your mind,” I realized and leaned forward in my seat, fascinated.
“Yes. I am an android. I can access a variety of information.”
“Fascinating,” my eyes practically sparkled with excitement as I gazed at him. “What’s your name?”
“My name is Data,” he answered.
“I’m Fae. Kitali Fae, but everyone just calls me Fae,” I stuck my hand out. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Data.”
He shook my hand, and his skin was surprisingly soft; like flesh.
“Likewise,” he said with a nod in my direction.
I leaned forward further in my seat. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be disrespectful or anything, but I’d like to hear more about you. You’re an android; where did you come from? Do you know who created you? How old are you?”
“I was found on Omicron Theta by the USS Tripoli in 2338,” he responded. “Beyond that, I have little information about my origins. However, that was 26 years ago, and I have no memory prior to my activation. So I guess you could say that, by human standards, I am 26 years old.”
“You’re older than me, then,” I smiled, leaning back in my chair. “I’m only 19. From my understanding, I’ll be the youngest officer on the bridge.”
“I see,” Data looked thoughtful for a moment. “And you are anxious about this?”
I laughed.
He raised an eyebrow at me. “I do not understand. What is humorous about what I have just said?”
“I’m not nervous, Data. I’m proud of that fact,” I grinned at him. “I’m the youngest officer serving here; it’s quite an achievement.”
He looked more confused now. “Your age plays a factor in the significance of your role here?”
I nodded. “It typically takes a human thirteen years to finish school, plus four more if they pursue a bachelor’s degree. That adds up to seventeen years; I finished it all in thirteen.”
“If that can be achieved in thirteen years, then why must others attend for seventeen?”
“Well,” I took a sip of my coffee, preparing for a lengthy explanation. “It all depends on the person. Everyone learns differently, and everyone has a different level of motivation. I just happened to learn more quickly than the average student, and I was motivated to complete my work in a year. I pursued knowledge on my own time, all throughout my childhood, so by the time I reached a certain grade, I simply tested out and moved on to my studies and research in anthropology and alien cultures, as well as attending Starfleet Academy. Not every human can handle the rigorous schedule that I had. It was quite stressful on me, as well.”
“I see,” he looked down as if he was thinking, then his eyes met mine again. “Do you consider yourself superior to other humans?”
“No,” I answered without hesitation. “Not superior. Maybe more intelligent, more booksmart, but not superior. Everyone has their strengths, and I don’t believe that I surpass the average human in every one of their strengths. There are definitely skills that I’m less than average in.”
I shuddered, thinking about the short while when I had done baseball as a kid. I had been good at running, batting, and throwing… but catching the ball had proven to be an issue.
After I caught the ball with my eye, the coach agreed that it would be best if I was in the outfield, where only the occasional ball could threaten me.
Eventually, I quit baseball because its time conflicted with choir.
I was opening my mouth to speak again when the comm beeped and the computer’s voice came through.
“Lieutenant Fae and Lieutenant Commander Data to the bridge.”
We stood and began making our way.
We walked side by side, and I wondered about his questions.
“Data, you asked me if I consider myself superior to other humans. So I’m wondering, do you consider yourself superior to humans?”
“I am superior, in many ways,” he nodded.
I maybe should have found that insulting, as someone who valued my intelligence, but instead I grinned.
“But, as you said, there are things that humans can do that I wish for. I would give it all up, if I could just be human.”
That surprised me. I couldn’t imagine what it was that he could want. He could do so many things that I wished I could; he could access information, process things so quickly.
“Like what?” I stared up at him as we walked.
“I wish to feel, as a human does.”
“Feel?” I cocked my head at him. I stopped walking, and he halted to turn and face me. His expression mirrored one of confusion.
Without thinking, I reached out and placed both of my hands on his face.
His yellow eyes gazed down at me, and I didn’t feel like I was looking at a machine. I could see so much intelligence in those eyes.
“Can you feel this?”
“Yes, I have many touch receptors.”
He didn’t make any move to remove my hands from his face, or to continue walking.
“So when you say you wish to ‘feel’…” I trailed off.
“I mean to feel emotions, as you may feel them,” he answered. “I am incapable of feeling emotion.”
I blinked at him. I had already watched his face mirror the emotions of intrigue, confusion, and more during our conversation.
“I don’t believe that,” I shook my head. “I think you can, you just don’t believe you do.”
He rose an eyebrow at me and tilted his head.
“See there?” I pointed at him. “You’re expressing confusion with your face. How can you say you don’t have emotions?”
“Because I do not have emotions,” he looked down at me, secure in his position. “You see, I have practiced emotions in a mirror, in order to blend in with humans better.”
That shocked me, sending my spiraling back into a memory of my years as a child.
I had never been a very expressive child. For a while, my parents suspected that I may have been autistic or had some sort of mental deficiency. I began speaking at a very young age, then I stopped and refused to speak any more.
I made up my own hand signs so that I wouldn’t have to speak. After that, my mother used different videos to teach me sign language, and hired a speech teacher to coax me into speaking again.
Eventually, I figured out that I couldn’t get everything I wanted if I didn’t speak, so around the age of four I began creating complex sentences once again.
I still didn’t express my emotions, but at least now I was speaking and asking for things.
Then, in middle school, I was made fun of for being so inexpressive. They called me a robot, among other names, and I didn’t have any friends.
I dealt with it by turning it around on the kids who bullied me, waiting until they had me cornered and there was a crowd of people to watch, and then in front of all those people, I picked out their deepest insecurities.
After that, everyone was too afraid to make fun of me, but they were also too afraid to be my friend.
At that point, I began my study of human expression. I watched my classmates in conversation, and associated different emotions with different expressions. I practiced them in the mirror, and in conversation, until I learned to be “normal”.
In high school, I wondered for a while if I even had emotions. I reasoned that, if I had them, expressions should come naturally to me. Everyone else seemed to be so overwhelmed by their emotions, like theirs were more extreme than mine. I came to the conclusion that I felt emotions in a far more shallow manner than others.
I realized later that I sensed others’ emotions. I could be moved to tears more easily by the collective grief of others at a funeral than I could by my own grief. When my classmates were enjoying themselves, their joy was intoxicating, like a wave washing over me.
So I found myself identifying with this android more than I ever had any human.
That all went through my head in a moment, and then I came back to reality.
Data was simply gazing down at me patiently…
With his face still between my hands.
“Oh,” I removed my hands from his face. “Sorry, Commander. I… kind of got lost in thought for a moment.”
“It is quite alright, Lieutenant. However, I do not believe we should delay our trip to the bridge any longer.”
“Right,” I moved out of the way, gesturing for him to go first. I stayed put and watched him walk for a little bit.
He feels emotions. He just feels them… differently. I was convinced of that. He was like me.
A slow smile spread across my face, and I jogged to catch up with him.
We walked side-by-side until we reached the bridge.