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youngeun just can't seem to fall asleep.

it's still relatively early, she thinks. the lights in the corridor are still turned on, seeping under the door and youngeun can catch faint laughter coming from some of the girls who were probably off to different dorms for a quick break. most of them might be doing the same as she is ; getting their well deserved rest after another long day.

her mind is running a mile per minute, thoughts scattered as her eyes burn holes into the white plaster ceiling above her.

she turns her head slightly to her left, seeing xiaoting fast asleep, her soft snoring resonating through the silence in their shared dorm. youngeun can't help the smile that makes it's way onto her face before she trains her eyes back to the ceiling. she remembers the elder girl's concerned glances across the room during their team practices, mouthing an "everything okay?" to her to which youngeun just purses her lips together and manages the brightest smile she can offer before nodding her head to reassure xiaoting. remembers the way xiaoting slightly squeezes their clasped hands together when the whole leader situation comes to an agreement.

times like this makes her remember of how grateful she is to have such people around her. xiaoting and yurina who have been there for her through it all, even when they were in different teams, patiently listening to her as she rambles on and on about what could've and what should've. it never fails to amaze youngeun how the three of them always just seem to understand each others frustrations, somehow knowing the right thing to say, in sentences stringed by broken korean mixed with the mother tounge of the two elder girls amongst the three. youngeun smiles to herself, feels the weight on her chest slightly decrease at the thought of her two former cell mates.

an arm tightening around her waist pulls her out of her reverie. "go to sleep. i can hear you thinking from all the way over here." youngeun snorts slightly at the raspy voice that breaks the silence in the room before turning around to face the other girl. "jia ya." youngeun starts, hushed voice sounding amplified in the darkness of the room. the girl in question looks up from where her face is half buried in the crook of youngeun's neck. jia frowns at the serious look on her face. "is everything okay?" she asks, concerned and youngeun feels her heart clench at the sight, at the tone of jia's voice, at the thought of them and the future.

( y𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘶𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘺𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘥𝘢𝘺. 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘹𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘹𝘪𝘢𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘢'𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯. 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯𝘴.

𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘶𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘧 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘺𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘮. 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘫𝘪𝘢'𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘧 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘹𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴. 𝘫𝘪𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘵𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳. 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘶𝘯 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘴𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘱 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵.

𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦'𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥, 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘶𝘯 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘵 𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘴, 𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘩 𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘩𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥. 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘦𝘤𝘩, 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘥𝘳𝘪𝘧𝘵 𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘴, 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨. 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘥𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘫𝘪𝘢 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘯𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘮. 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘶𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘬𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩, 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘢 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘵, 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘩.

"𝘫𝘪𝘢...." 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘶𝘯 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴, 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯, 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘴. 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘫𝘪𝘢 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦.

𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘶𝘯 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘢 𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩, 𝘺𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘢'𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘮 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘶𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯. "𝘭𝘦𝘵'𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘪 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶." 𝘫𝘪𝘢 𝘯𝘰𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘱𝘦 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴, 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦. 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘶𝘯 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘧𝘧.

𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩.

𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘶𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘬𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘫𝘪𝘢'𝘴 𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘶𝘯'𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥.

𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘪𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘧, 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴. 𝘫𝘪𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘵! 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘯! 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳! 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘶𝘯 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘪𝘵.

𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯, 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘨𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘹𝘪𝘢𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘢, 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘻𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘶𝘯'𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘭𝘺. )

and now here they are. in the same team. albeit, the competition in snake team is high and it leaves youngeun's head spinning when she thinks of how much work she has to put in to stand out amongst the other trainees but she has jia (and xiaoting who never fails to help youngeun in areas where she's lacking) and that's all that matters.

jia who gives warm hugs that take up almost all of youngeun's personal space, clinging on to her like a koala.
jia who slots her calloused fingers into youngeun's whenever she senses the other girl is having a rough day, offers youngeun a shoulder to lean on.
jia who tells youngeun over and over that she's so much better than the voice in her head claims her to be. that youngeun is strong and beautiful and brave. jia keeps giving and giving and youngeun feels like she isn't giving anything back.
she'd be downright stupid to say that the fear of losing jia doesn't scare her. it grips her by the throat everytime she catches jia's fingers fiddling with the K10 sticker on her shirt, eyebrows knitted together before she looks up and meets youngeun's gaze, throwing a wide grin her way.

"youngeun?" jia asks again, pulling youngeun out of her thoughts. she unconsciously starts chewing on her bottom lip, feels anxiety slightly flood through her body. "jia ya." she repeats, her throat feels dry as her eyes roam over the other girl's face, drinking her in. "i'm really happy to be here with you." she finishes. youngeun sees the gears turning in jia's head before her brows relax and the concern on her face morphs into understanding, sharp eyes beginning to soften. jia shoots her a smile and youngeun can't pretend like she doesn't notice how it doesn't reach her eyes. she looks down to the space between her and youngeun. when she looks up again, she's still smiling but her lips tremble slightly before she presses them together. youngeun sees the tears forming in her eyes. she can't bring herself to look away.

"i'm happy i'm here with you too."

+

(jia falls asleep shortly after, right arm still thrown lazily around youngeun's middle, face resting closely in the crook of her neck.

youngeun's suddenly hyperaware of everything.

jia's mint scented shampoo, jia's fingers occasionally brushing on youngeun's elbow, jia's warm breath on her collarbone.

youngeun lets out a shaky breath and closes her eyes, torn between wanting sleep to come to her or for tomorrow to never arrive.)

+

youngeun fidgets in her seat, hand coming down to smooth the front of her skirt for what feels like the hundredth time. on stage, ruan is in the middle of thanking the viewers and youngeun honest to god is trying to give her full attention on the japanese girl out of respect but her eyes keep wandering to the row of seats to her left.

youngeun tries (and fails) to remember everybody's rank but if she were being completely honest, the words K10 on a lighted up billboard sign keeps flashing in her head the more she tries to figure it out. her eyes drift to jia who's slightly turned towards youngeun's way as she mentions something to chia yi, wide grin plastered on her face. the chinese girl nods in agreement which has jia beaming in return. youngeun somehow feels slightly better seeing the other girl joke around with her teammates.

a tap on her shoulder makes youngeun turn to her right. yale's eyes follow her initial line of sight before she looks back at youngeun. "you...." the elder girl hesitantly starts in korean, the word hanging in the air as she tries to form a sentence. yale shakes her head in defeat, soft smile on her face before she continues in english. "worried for jia?"

youngeun mentally shuffles through the english words she's managed to learn at school when she isn't busy daydreaming and eventually understands what yale is trying to ask. she nods, eyes trained on the shiny purple skirt of her uniform. yale shoots her an understanding smile when she looks up. "she is my best friend." youngeun says, turning her head slightly towards the stage, realising that bora has already finished with her thank you speech. she looks back at the other girl, and finishes her sentence in korean. "i want to debut with her."

+

youngeun gets called for fifth place and she barely registers it when the other trainees come to congratulate her with hugs and words of "good job" and "you did great" as she stands up from her seat. before she realizes it, jia's on her right, engulfing her in a side hug so closely that youngeun can catch the hints of mint from her shampoo. something funny settles in her stomach at the way jia is congratulating her but she pushes it aside and makes her way to go on stage.

+

it's when they're about to announce the 8th place that youngeun realizes that the strange feeling she felt earlier, the feeling that's coming back tenfold as her eyes scan the remaining trainees infront of her, was fear. her stomach sinks at the sight of jia fiddling with her fingers, teeth worrying at her bottom lip, a habit she does when she feels anxious. youngeun tears her eyes away as manami gently taps her knee to ask her a question.

+

the director yells cut and youngeun can't seem to stand up from her seat. she's aware that most of them are already making their way down to the eliminated trainees, ready to bid their goodbyes and exchange tearful wishes. youngeun's fingers fidget with the edge of her skirt as she takes in the sight of trainees gathered together below her.

"youngeun." a soft voice makes her turn her head and she can't fight the smile that makes it's way onto her face. yurina stands on the steps next to youngeun's empty row, manami and wen zhe having left their seats right after the main cameras stopped rolling. behind the japanese girl, stands xiaoting, who shoots youngeun a reassuring smile. "are you heading down?" xiaoting asks. youngeun turns her head towards the sea of trainees and it's to nobody's surprise that the only one she's been avoiding eye contact with is already looking up at her.
youngeun feels her stomach flip.
"yeah, just give me a minute."

+

the moment youngeun manages to weave her way past all the trainees to reach jia, she immediately throws her arms around the other girl, thankful for the warmth she's grown familiar with to help calm her down. "you deserve this" and "you need to make it okay?" keep leaving jia's mouth and youngeun wants to disappear into thin air.

jia deserves this just as much as she does, maybe even more.
jia has worked ten times harder than she has.
jia jia jia.
they promised to debut together.

jia seems to understand what was going on in youngeun's head and chooses to bring her in again for another hug and this time youngeun can feel the way jia's body trembles slightly as she holds in her tears.

"don't worry youngeun ah. i'm okay. you'll be okay too."

+

youngeun tosses and turns in bed seven hours later, never quite finding a comfortable position to sleep in. the aircond's too cold, the fabric of her blanket feels itchy against her skin, the muffled sounds from the trainees outside are suddenly too loud for youngeun's liking. she huffs and turns to her right.

this time there's no warmth of another body pressed to her side, occasionally letting out snores that drive youngeun up the walls especially on the days where jia's tired to the bone and the bruises scattered on her legs seem more visible but youngeun would never complain about it out loud.

this time there are no fingers prodding at youngeun's side, raspy voice calling out to her just to end up asking the dumbest question that youngeun has ever been asked.

this time there's no soft thrum of another heartbeat that lulls youngeun to sleep.

youngeun sighs before slinging an arm across her eyes and only prays for sleep to come easily to her this time around.