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“hyung, that's a lot.” dowoon says as he approaches younghyun and sungjin at the school gates. he reaches out and takes two of the many paper bags from younghyun's arms.
it was valentine's day and being one of the school's heartthrobs, younghyun didn't escape the flood of gifts from admirers who gain the tiniest bit of courage only on this day.
the student council prepared a fundraising event where students can buy paper bags of different sizes filled with goodies of various chocolates, candies, bear wands, and other valentine-y stuff, and the proceeds would be donated to a local heart center organization. other than that, a letter-writing booth was also set up for the students to write their hearts out and have the option to either have it delivered to the receiver or they give it themselves.
as much as these students say that they're broke, they seem to have a reserved budget just for this day of the year. even younghyun had something prepared for his friends: a portion of spaghetti he cooked that dawn, placed in a little square container topped with a bright red bow tied by his mom and a little tag on the side with the name of his friends, scrawly written with a silver glitter pen. to say the least, it was an effort for their last year of valentine's day in high school together.
“it is. thank you, dowoonie.”
“these are his too.” sungjin shakes the ecobag he was holding to show dowoon, to which the younger just whistles lowly in response.
“there they are!”
wonpil and jae walk towards the three while eating what seems to be tteokbokki in a paper cup. younghyun notices that they both have a fair share of white paper bags, where a red bear was peeking from one of wonpil's.
“the spaghetti tasted delicious bri. you definitely got godly hands and taste buds. just...” jae gathers his fingers and kisses them rather exaggeratedly, “chef's kiss.”
younghyun rolled his eyes at jae's attempt in imitating the chef meme but he can't really keep the smile on his face down from the compliment, “thank you. i'm glad you liked it.”
with that, they started their walk home, wonpil holding some of the flowers that younghyun received.
⁕⁕⁕
“you should've seen the way everything was piling up on hyung's desk by lunch time! you couldn't even see what color his desk was.” wonpil recounts the earlier events to the others, munching away on a chocolate bar from younghyun's paper bags.
a small smile forms on younghyun's lips as he listens to his friends. he kicks a rock on the road with his battered converse, and kicks it again every time he approaches the spot where it lands. it's the same road they've taken since the five of them started walking home together. just like every day, the walk home was comfortable—the same chatter and laughter heard by the trees that became their daily companion. the same feelings that hung in the air around them.
except for one thing.
he takes a peek at sungjin on his right, who's just a little bit ahead of him. he's been a little quiet for a while now, which was quite unusual of him. sungjin usually would be the one to contribute the most chatter just next to wonpil. did something happen today that's got him responding with only chuckles and nods? ah, he must have just had a long day, younghyun concludes. he remembers that sungjin did have that review earlier for his upcoming competition in the next few weeks.
“you can take some home if you want.” younghyun tells wonpil, pulling his attention away from sungjin. “i don't think i can consume everything before they expire and i'm not much of a fan of sweets anyway.”
the younger's eyes shined in surprise, “are you sure? you don't really give out stuff you receive as gifts, though.”
true enough. younghyun thinks that it's kind of unfair for the giver if he just gives away what they've given him. but the thing is, he really did receive a lot. aside from the desk pile during lunch, they doubled when afternoon came, that by the time he got back from the cafeteria during their afternoon break (where he also received some flowers and letters from admirers he crossed paths with along the hallway), not only was his desk filled but also his chair. jinyoung, one of wonpil's friends and their classmate, lent him an ecobag to place all the gifts in for easy carrying. however, there wasn't enough room to fit all of them, to think that it was already a large-sized ecobag.
“yeah, i'm okay with it. you can take some of the flowers too if you'd like, for your mom and older sister. my mom's quite allergic to pollen.”
he's grateful, of course. although he has no idea what he did to deserve all the gifts and admiration from a large number of people. but even if he did receive a lot, there's still an undeniable space left that's seeking someone to fill it in with their presence. willingly, if they must, for younghyun is too scared to ask for something that he wants, for something that he needs. so it feels like a waiting game he's been playing for years now.
perhaps it's too much to ask for a person like him.
⁕⁕⁕
the sun was already halfway approaching the horizon when it's younghyun and sungjin were the only ones remaining. it's the same routine every day, jae being the first to reach the street he lives at, then wonpil, and then dowoon. the two of them would walk together for a few more minutes before separating at a three-way intersection, their streets just across each other.
whatever this day gives to others, he hopes he could get some of that too. younghyun inhales deeply and hugs the remaining loose paper bag closer to his chest, his hands already free from the other paper bags dowoon and wonpil took home. he braves his restless mind and, as subtly and as silently as he can, walks closer beside sungjin.
“come on.” sungjin tugs on to younghyun's hand, unknowingly gripping it tight.
younghyun flusters more, eyes wide and cheeks aflame at the sudden action from the older. “um, to where?” words become unfamiliar to him at the moment. what the heck is breathing, either?
he briefly closes his eyes and scolds himself. pabo, as if it's the first time he's ever held your hand.
well, technically, in the way he's holding it now, it is a first. his mind retorts.
oh my god shut up.
“one-o-eight.”
“huh?”
“one-o-eight cafe.”
“the usual?”
they abruptly stop in their tracks, two streets short of reaching the intersection. sungjin looks back at younghyun, not letting go of his hand.
and younghyun has always loved sunsets. he finds them beautiful in the way the sun glows differently than when it rises. how it indulges the world in softer colors. how it touches him as though it was telling him you did well today. the sunset was a friend he looks forward to greeting at the end of the day that puts him at ease.
but the situation right now is making it difficult for him to do so. his eyes were drawn to something else. sungjin in front of younghyun, directly facing him now, with his hand still in his, holding it as if he has no plans of letting him go. as if younghyun would suddenly run away if he releases his hand. as if their hands had a pair of strong neodymium magnets like the one in their science class where they sit next to each other. as if there's something else other than paper bags of chocolates and bear wands and flowers in between them.
the sun didn't give off enough heat as it does at two in the afternoon, but younghyun could might as well just melt there and then. sungjin is still not saying anything and is only looking into his eyes. warmth rushes into his system and spreads instantly across his chest and up to his neck.
this gaze... it's familiar. he had seen this before. where...?
ah.
it's the same gaze his parents often hold when speaking to each other, to younghyun as well.
and it's the same gaze he's given sungjin on occassions that the other wasn't looking.
how he knows? through secretly-taken pictures in wonpil's phone and jae's constant feedbacks of dude you're so obvious, i don't know how he doesn't even know yet.
in this moment, sungjin looks ethereal. the sunset's rays were perfectly behind him, giving him a glow so otherworldly. god, he would kneel without any questions. how can he look at the sunset if sungjin's in front of him looking like this?
he notices a faint red brushing the apples of the other's cheeks. it reminds him of the red bow he himself carefully tied sungjin's spaghetti container with. the cause of the tinting piques younghyun's interest. he wonders... was it from the pinkness of the their surroundings or the sun's heat or—
no, it can't be. could it?
sungjin's gaze and the thumb softly brushing on his hand doesn't help one bit. younghyun, if it was even possible, shrinks further into himself, mentally and emotionally retreating from the affection in the eyes looking into his. he tries shutting it all—his eyes, his ears, his feelings, his thoughts—afraid that sungjin would find out what he thinks about him. but they frustratingly won't quiet down. there's ringing in his ears. his head feels lighter with each passing second. his heartbeat racing against the setting of the sun. it's all too much.
do you feel the same way as i do?
maybe he likes this sight more.
“yeah, the usual.”
oh, definitely.
“okay.”
just like that, the longing, empty part in his heart was filled overflowingly. younghyun doesn't think that the contents of the ecobag (or anything at all) can compare to their usual of donuts and iced tea together on a friday night. to sungjin.
and maybe, with the hope that's being brewed by their intertwined hands and occassional shy glances, this wouldn't be like their usual at all.