Archive of Our Own

“Thanks again for making time for me, Recovery Girl. I really appreciate it.” 

Hizashi sits a bit awkwardly in the small, floral print armchair tucked away in the corner of her living room. She nods and smiles warmly as she takes her seat on the sofa opposite him, offering him a steaming cup of hojicha to sip at. 

“We’re off duty, dear. You can call me Shuzenji for now.” She says. “And it’s no problem. Considering how urgently you reached out to me, I can only assume it’s something serious that you’re concerned about.” 

“Oh, um, yeah. Fairly, I would say.” He replies, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s about Shouta.” 

“Also an assumption that I made.” Shuzenji tilts her head. “What’s going on, sweetheart?” 

Hizashi sighs. At least Shunzenji’s approachable and calm demeanor alleviated some of his anxiety about discussing this situation. He couldn’t think of anyone else to go to about this. She’s the one who oversaw Shouta’s entire pregnancy. She closely monitored his behavior and overall health and if anyone knows how to handle what might be a cognitive issue with Shouta, it’s her. 

“So, I’ve realized that Sho’s been acting kind of... strange, lately?” 

“Strange how?” 

“Well, uh,” he squints, looking toward the wall as he attempts to figure out how to phrase his thoughts. “His behavior’s just been really out of character. Like, it was subtle at first. I noticed him zoning out a lot more than usual but I didn’t really think anything of it at the time.”

“Mhm, and that escalated from there?” 

Hizashi nods. “Yeah, pretty dramatically, actually.” He says. “There would be times where I’d find him aimlessly fiddling with the girls’ toys. 

Shuzenji raises a brow. “Oh?” 

“I didn’t really think it was weird until Shouta snapped at me about it.” Hizashi goes on. “I thought he was just, you know, bored or something? Or making sure none of them were choking hazards. He’s pretty anal about stuff like that.” His brows knit worriedly. “But then when I asked about it, he got really defensive out of nowhere.” 

Shuzenji purses her lips and takes a small sip of her hojicha, narrowing her gaze inquisitively. “What exactly did you say to him?” 

“Well, I was just teasing, but I joked asking him if he was having fun playing with their little puzzle toy and he just lost his shit. He went off on me saying that ‘he didn’t appreciate being made fun of over something like this’ and I was just? So confused?” He explains, frowning. “Then he just threw the toy across the room and stormed off. I can’t make sense of it. Sho’s been temperamental since the twins were born, but not like that-- and definitely not over something so trivial.” 

Shuzenji looks as if she’s thinking behind those big, wire rimmed glasses she wears off duty. She doesn’t provide any insight yet though and just asks Hizashi to continue. It’s a little frustrating. He can tell she has something to say, but she’s waiting for more information before providing any answer to his concerns. Then he remembers that she’s a medical professional and that that’s usually how diagnoses worked. 

“Alright, so, the most worrying thing happened about a night ago.” Hizashi says. “I woke up around three in the morning...” 

And Shouta wasn’t in the nest with him. 

It took Hizashi a moment to realize that he’d apparently never come to bed. They’d been up past the twins’ normal bedtime trying to get them to sleep. Yumiko had been relentlessly fussy, crying to be fed despite getting more than her fill over the course of the day. And because they seemed to share some sort of psychic, identical twin connection, Kazuye refused to go down without a fight as well. Not as long as her sister was upset. 

It took over an hour of gentle rocking, even a little bit of Hizashi singing to them in order to lull them to sleep. Kazuye drifted off in his arms while Yumiko stirred every time Shouta attempted to put her down. Eventually, Shouta shoo’d his husband off to bed, insisting that he’ll sit with Yumiko until she's fully asleep, enough that she won’t fuss when he leaves. 

Hizashi agreed after some pushback. They did have work in the morning, and they had to drop the twins off with Hitoshi and Denki. Luckily, Hitoshi patrolled at night and Denki was more than eager to look after their pups while on his maternity leave. Hizashi thought it had something to do with the omega being a month out from giving birth himself-- his maternal instincts must’ve been raging like crazy. Hizashi wasn’t complaining though. Free childcare from a trusted and close friend was more than he can ever ask for. 

Hizashi figured that Shouta must’ve fallen asleep in the nursery. He didn’t hear either of the twins crying or fussing, so there was no reason for him to still be awake and busy tending to them. 

He also knew that Shouta shouldn’t be sleeping in that damn rocking chair. It was horrible for his already bad back. Their heavy ass twins really did a number on his spine while they were in utero, and Shouta didn’t need anything else exacerbating that pain while he had hero work to do. 

So, Hizashi pulled himself out of the nest, yawning and stretching his arms as he lazily trudged down the hall. The soft blue glow of their kitty-night lights guided him to the twins’ room without issue. He didn’t want to wake them by flicking the overhead lights on anyway, so Hizashi just gently slid open their door, poking his head in to scan for Shouta around the room. 

Weirdly enough, however, Shouta isn’t propped up in the rocking chair like he expects. It’d been a little too dark for Hizashi to see the entire room without his glasses on, so he stepped inside, confusedly looking for where the hell Shouta could possibly be.

He glanced at Yumi’s crib, then over to Kazuye’s crib, not seeing anything out of the ordinary until he spotted a breathing mass huddled up in the corner of the room. 

At first, Hizashi jumped, startled by the sight of something sleeping in the shadows of his daughters’ room. When he looked closer though, he realized that this unidentified mass is in fact not a demon, but his husband, curled up on the floor beside Kazuye’s crib. 

Shouta had pulled one of the twins’ blankets from the closet, the one that they sometimes laid out on the living room floor if they wanted to play with them in a more spacious area. He’d cocooned himself up tight in said blanket and surrounded himself with miscellaneous stuffed animals. At least five including the gigantic stuffed cat that they’d won at a festival last year. Hizashi thought it would be a good toy for the twins to have when they started to crawl and walk. It would be cute to see them snuggle up to it and nap to their heart’s content. 

But instead, Shouta was cuddling with it, resting his head on its soft, furry chest. 

The floor was almost worse than him sleeping in the rocking chair though. Hizashi made the executive decision to wake Shouta up regardless. He’d probably be cranky as all hell about it, but he’d thank Hizashi for it later.

He walked closer, preparing to reach down and shake Shouta awake so he could sleepily trudge back to the nest, but he stopped mid action. Hizashi froze when he saw something so bewildering that it threw him completely off what he’d been doing. 

Shouta was sucking his thumb. 

Hizashi straight up didn’t know how to process what he’d seen. The act of him sucking his thumb alone wasn’t alarming in and of itself; it was the fact that it’s his thirty-four year old husband doing it. 

Unable to form any other response in his head, Hizashi inadvertently blurted out “What the hell?” far louder than he’d meant to. Shouta was a chronically light sleeper and he jolted awake immediately, barely getting a moment to get his bearings before he realized what was going on. 

When Shouta makes out his dumbfounded and borderline freaked out expression, he went paler than Hizashi had ever seen him. He yanked his thumb from his mouth and scrambled to his feet, throwing off the blanket and bolting toward the door. 

Hizashi snapped out of his stupor and followed after him. “Sho-- Sho, wait! I’m sorry!” He pled. “I didn’t mean to say that, really!” 

“I don’t want to talk about this.” Shouta was fast enough to reach their bedroom before Hizashi could get another word in. The door slammed shut and locked and he was left standing alone in the hallway, completely baffled at the the fuck just happened. 

He tried to get Shouta to open the door to no avail. He didn’t hear him move a single inch after he’d locked himself inside. 

Hizashi had no choice but to sleep on the couch, restless and confused as to how he was going to deal with this in the morning. 

“Hmm, alright. I can clearly see why this might have caused you to worry.” Shuzenji says, a bit wide-eyed as she takes in the story. “How long has this all been going on?” 

“About two weeks?” Hizashi guesses. “Like I said though, I didn’t really worry about it until now.” 

She nods. Her mug of tea sinks from her grasp to the table and she crosses her hands in her lap, looking intently at her guest. “So, the good news is that I have a pretty strong idea of what’s going on with him, and it isn’t anything to be majorly concerned about. It’s quite common, actually.” 

“It is?” 

“Yes, particularly in omegas who are also new mothers.” She says. “I think that Shouta is showing signs of regressing.” 

Hizashi’s brows nearly shoot up to his hairline. His mouth hangs slightly agape and he blinks in disbelief. “I’m sorry, ‘regressing’? As in acting like a kid regressing?” 

“It’s a little more complicated than that, but in the barest sense, yes.” Shuzenji explains. “You see, what often happens with new dams is that their postpartum hormonal imbalances can cause a myriad of emotional issues, but it most commonly presents as postpartum depression. This can take a few weeks, sometimes a few months even.” 

Hizashi’s still confused. It explained why this was suddenly happening now, but it still doesn’t quite make sense in general to him. “I don’t... I don’t think I’m following.” 

“Did Aizawa seem particularly needy when he approached his due date?” 

“Oh yeah, definitely.” 

“And you found yourself taking care of him a lot more than you would normally, yes?” Hizashi thinks for a second and ultimately nods. “I think it’s safe to say that you, to a certain extent, took on the role of a caregiver as his pregnancy progressed, no?” 

Hizashi has to digest that statement before he replies. He hadn’t really thought about it like that before now. Shouta did have quite a few mobility issues during his third trimester. Seeing him waddle uncomfortably around the dorm and struggle to do simple tasks by himself made Hizashi painfully upset. He’d ended up helping him get dressed sometimes, made sure he went to bed at a certain time and got enough rest, he’d even helped Shouta during the times when his poor bladder-- that had two restless pups constantly kicking it-- gave out on occasion. 

 “Um, sure. I guess you could say that.” He replies. “What does that mean?” 

“That he got very used to being cared for. Especially his omega side.” Shuzenji says. “Now that your pups are born, he’s been thrown to the opposite end of that spectrum. In short, he’s not exactly coping well with being a caregiver.” 

Hizashi frowns, defensive. “Listen, Shouta is not a bad mother by any stretch of the imagination--” 

“That isn’t what I’m saying, dear.” She cuts in. “He’s just incredibly overwhelmed, and hormonally, his mind is trying to compensate for that lack of attention he was getting before by regressing. I don’t believe that he’s unaware of what’s happening, he probably just doesn’t understand it.” She pauses. “Usually, these feelings grow stronger over a long period of time. There’s a very real possibility that Aizawa’s just been suppressing these urges to regress until now.”

“You really think that?” 

“Why do you think he reacted so strongly when you first pointed out the change in behavior, Yamada?” She asks, almost in a knowing tone. “He realized that his ability to suppress these feelings is slipping. That entire outburst was more than likely, well, a tantrum, to put it plainly.” 

That hits Hizashi like a roundhouse kick to the face. Of course it was a damn tantrum. He’d been regressing in the moment he’d been called out. Clearly, he hadn’t fully slipped out of that headspace before lashing out at Hizashi like that. 

“That actually...” Hizashi exhales heavily, rubbing his temple. “That actually makes a lot of sense now that I think about it.” 

“Yes, and I implore you to be more gentle than you have been with him.” Shuzenji’s voice takes on a more stern air. “I know this must have been jarring for you to see, but I think it’s very obvious that Aizawa is fairly embarrassed that you saw him regress. I doubt he would’ve fled the room otherwise.” 

That makes a twinge of guilt prickle in Hizashi’s gut. He’d never meant to make Shouta feel so alienated. He just reacted poorly in a situation that he wasn’t at all equipped to deal with. It was still a shit reaction, though, and Hizashi knows he needs to make it up to Shouta somehow.

“What can I do to help him?” He asks, concern ingrained deep within his voice. “I don’t want him to think that he has to hide this around me.”

“Well to start, I wouldn’t mention anything directly to him in regards to what you know now.” She says. “It would be best if you waited for Aizawa to open up about this himself. I think that a direct approach would only make him retreat more.” Shuzenji rolls her eyes tiredly, looking over her glasses. “We both know how difficult it is for him to be vulnerable around others.” 

Hizashi scoffs out a laugh for the first time that afternoon. “Yeah, we do.” 

“Given that, If Aizawa does end up regressing into a littlespace around you again--” 

“Wait, ‘littlespace’?” 

She waves him off. “It’s a slightly less technical term for the phenomenon. I can direct you towards some resources that could explain it in more detail than I am right now.” 

“Ah, okay. Gotcha.” Hizashi nods. “You were saying?” 

“To just let it happen.” Shuzenji finishes. “The best thing that you can do for him in that moment is meet him from a place of understanding, not judgement. You’ll be seeing him in arguably the most vulnerable state he’s ever been in, and it’s not the place to overwhelm him even more by trying to force him out of it.” 

Hizashi hears that message loud and clear. All he wants to do is help Shouta. If venturing out of his comfort zone and acting as, well, his caregiver is what he needs right now, then he’ll do it without hesitation. 

“Okay, I can do that.” 

Shuzenji’s face relaxes to her normal amiable demeanor. She takes a moment to remove her phone from her sweater pocket, swiping through a few apps before handing it to Hizashi. 

“Good. Write down your personal email address and I’ll forward you those references I was talking about.” 

Hizashi watches Shouta carefully over the next few days. 

He doesn’t seem very different for the most part, just his normal, sleepy and somewhat irritated self. It takes some time for Hizashi to realize that Shouta might be putting more effort into suppressing his urges after the nursery fiasco. He swears he can see it behind those dark eyes-- a brief flicker of timidity every now and again that gets snuffed out whenever Shouta catches his mind straying too far.

The most he catches is him staringly a bit too longingly at the girls’ stuffed animals sometimes. That wasn’t ridiculously abnormal for him though, and Hizashi can’t definitively say that had anything to do with him wanting to regress. 

It isn’t until the following night where finally, that flicker is reignited. 

While the twins might have been sleeping through the night now, it’s a hollow victory because Hizashi absolutely is not. If he doesn’t wake up at least once to pee, he’s waking up around the time Yumiko used to start crying in the middle of the night-- around 2 AM. Bleary-eyed, Hizashi blinks himself awake, preparing to carefully step out of the nest so he doesn’t wake Shouta.

But to his surprise, his husband isn’t in bed with him. 

A dull wave of anxiety flushes through Hizashi’s chest. The bathroom light isn’t on from his vantage point, so he knows that Shouta hadn’t woken up for a late night pee break. 

He follows his first instinct to check the nursery. He expects to open the door and find Shouta hulled up in the corner again beside Kazuye’s crib, but he doesn’t. The only people sleeping in the nursery are the twins, and for a moment, Hizashi’s brows furrow in confusion. If not here, then where? He thought that Shouta might’ve deemed this room a safe space-- a place where he felt fully comfortable regressing, but maybe not?

When he hears the sound of something creaking from down the hall, however, his attention turns elsewhere. Slowly, Hizashi closes the door to the nursery and continues toward the living room, surveying the dim room for any sign of Shouta hidden away somewhere. 

It’s hard for him to make out in only moonlight, but eventually he spots him. 

Shouta’s perched on their couch, his back turned to him as he fidgets with something that Hizashi can’t see. He hesitantly takes a few more steps forward, trying to smooth out the blurry images that his less than stellar vision leaves him with. Once Shouta’s figure becomes fully clear, he realizes that he’s surrounded himself with a hoard of the girls’ stuffed animals. Shouta’s resting his head against the giant cat plushie again. Hizashi spots the few teddy bears they’d gotten as baby-shower gifts a few months ago as well as the normal sized stuffed toy he’d gotten when Shouta was only a few weeks along. They’re all encircling him like some sort of make-shift wall, something to shield him from anything that might harm him right now. 

Hizashi takes a few deep breaths. He can do this, he read every single article Recovery Girl had sent him. He has a strong grasp of what “littlespace” really is and he knows he’s prepared to deal with this. He exhales through his nose, quietly approaching Shouta as he sits on the couch. 

“...Sho?” 

Clearly, he didn’t hear Hizashi walk into the room, because he jumps and whips his head around to stare fearfully back at him. He’s never seen Shouta look so... small. Not physically, they were damn near the same height, but in his body language. He’s nearly curled up into a ball with his legs tucked underneath him. Shouta’s holding the same toy he’d thrown across the room a week ago, clutching it tight to his person as if Hizashi were going to snatch it away from him. 

He doesn’t know why it took him this long to realize it, but Shouta’s got on onesie. Nemuri and Emi had gotten matching ones as Christmas gifts for them last year, one decked out in calico cat print for Shouta and cockatiels for Hizashi. He’d loved the gift and wore his on the occasional cold night, much to Shouta’s chagrin. He’d deemed their gifts thoughtful, but childish. Shouta didn’t see himself ever wearing it, so it lived in the recesses of their closet until now. 

Shouta must have dug it out at some point, because he’s bundled up tight in its soft material. He even has the hood pulled slightly over his messy hair. Cat ears stick up off of them and Hizashi has to stop himself from smiling. The onesie is really cute, after all. 

Shouta still looks at him with those terrified eyes. Hizashi’s so afraid that he might flee again that he holds his hands up, almost to signal to him that he doesn’t mean Shouta any harm. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay. Don’t worry.” Hizashi says, trying his best to smooth out any harshness in his expression. “I just wanted to come check on you. You weren’t in the nest.” 

Shouta blinks vacantly back at him before looking away, his eyes casting downward towards the toy. He still doesn’t say anything which isn’t the exact reaction Hizashi wants, but it’s better than him bolting to their bedroom. 

This is progress. 

“Is it okay if I sit with you?” He asks, lowering his hands. “You just look really comfy. I think I wanna be comfy too.” 

“Allow your little to let you into their space. Don’t make any attempt to force your way in.” 

Hizashi repeats what he’d read over in his head. Shouta needs to be comfortable with what’s happening to him, every step of the way. He cuts his gaze over to him for a split second before nodding shyly and Hizashi’s relieved. Without getting too close, he gently moves one of the stuffed animals to the side, taking a seat next to Shouta. 

He’s so hyper focused on this toy. Shouta’s barely taken his eyes off it this entire time. Hizashi remembers when they’d bought it for the girls, among other things during that day-long shopping trip with Nemuri. He knew that they were too young to play with such a thing just yet. They could barely hold their heads up on their own, let alone try and fit wooden-block shapes into pre-cut holes. He also remembers that he tried to bring that to Shouta’s attention, that they should wait on getting toys that require that much cognitive function, but Shouta was oddly insistent about it. 

Now it makes sense why. 

“Seems like you like that toy a lot.” Hizashi says. “Is that why you wanted to get it so badly back then?” 

Shouta looks up, but not at Hizashi. His eyes focus straight ahead at the wall while his face flushes a dull crimson color. He stays silent as an obvious bout of shame overtakes him, and Hizashi speaks up before Shouta can shrink away any further. 

“It’s okay. You can be honest with me. I’m not here to judge you.” 

After another beat of silence, he nods. “Yes.” 

Hizashi almost gets a little too excited when Shouta finally uses his words. That’s progress-- major progress. He’s coming out of a nonverbal headspace. “I thought so. Is it fun to play with?”

Shouta tilts his head. One of his hands snakes up to grasp a lock of his hair and he slowly brings it to his mouth, nodding again. “It... helps. When my head’s fuzzy.” 

Hizashi raises his brows. The way Shouta’s mannerisms evolve while he’s little is fascinating. He already had a tendency to pull at his hair when he was stressed or anxious. Now it’s manifesting as... an oral fixation? It tracks with the thumb sucking thing.

“I get that. It’s really hard to do stuff when your head’s fuzzy, isn’t it?” Hizashi takes the risk of carefully entering Shouta’s space, placing a hand on his thigh. “Especially big-person stuff.” 

Shouta doesn’t pull away from him. He glances at Hizashi’s hand, almost as if he’s evaluating whether or not he likes being touched in this way. Thankfully, it seems as if he doesn’t mind. “Yeah, it is.” 

Hizashi watches him push a star-shaped block into the plastic ball. “How long have you been awake, Kitty?” 

Shouta perks up. Hizashi hasn’t used that nickname for a while. The last time he can remember is during the earlier months of Shouta’s pregnancy, when his mood swings really started to throw his days out of whack. There were nights where he’d lay with Shouta on his chest, helping soothe him while he cried for no identifiable reason and calling him the pet name offhandedly. Hizashi figures that since Shouta’s already familiar with the term, he might react a little better to it.

“Um, I don’t know.” He replies quietly. “A little while.” 

“More than an hour, you think?” 

Shouta nods timidly. 

“Hm, that’s a long time.” Hizashi says. “You didn’t wanna sleep in the nest with me? It’s got all your favorite things in it.” 

“I... I know, but-- I didn’t wanna...” He starts fidgeting with the oversized sleeve of his onesie. “Didn’t wanna be around you cause...” 

“Cause you’re little?” 

Shouta looks at him with wide eyes, like he’s just made some huge discovery and put a word to exactly how he’s feeling. “Yes.” 

“That’s okay. I get why you might be scared to show off that side of you.” Hizashi feels Shouta flinch a little bit, then another few times. He realizes that he’s sniffling now, holding his head down so his face can’t be seen. Hizashi lifts his hand from Shouta’s thigh and cups his cheek, studying him worriedly. “Kitty? What’s wrong?” 

Through his sniffles, Shouta mutters. “I-- I don’t know why I wanna be little.” He hiccups. “I’m not little, I’m a big person. I’m a teacher--” 

“Yeah, and you’re a hero, you’re a mama, and a mentor.” Hizashi guides his head to look up at him. “You’ve got a lot on your plate, sweetheart. I think it’s safe to say that you’re really, really, overwhelmed.” 

Something about that statement makes Shouta’s sniffles turn into full on tears. His chest stutters out breaths and he squeezes his eyes shut, rubbing at them with his sleeve. “I-- it’s just so hard, Zashi! I don’t know why I can’t do it! You can do it!” 

Hizashi has to stop himself from saying his knee-jerk reaction, which is laughing and saying “ Barely”. This isn’t about him, it’s about Shouta. He needs to focus on him right now. 

“You can do it, Kitty. You’ve been doing it all this time, haven’t you?” Hizashi wipes away a few tear droplets from his cheeks. “You’ve been such a good mama, you know that? You’re so good with our girls and they love you so much.” 

Shouta shakes his head. “I can’t be there for them, not-- not when I’m little--” 

“You’re not little all the time though, are you?” Hizashi counters, now stroking his hair. “I know it probably feels like there’s no room for you to be taken care of anymore, but that’s not true. It’s okay if you need a break sometimes.” 

“But I have to be a mama--” 

“Not right now you don’t. Look at me, Kitty. Please?” Hizashi urges him. Shouta weakly pries his eyes open, still blinking away tears and hiccuping out shaky breaths. “The girls are asleep. You fed them really well and we both rocked them ‘till they were knocked out. I think they’ll be okay until the morning.” He smiles tenderly. “You can be little right now if you want to.” 

Shouta seems to finally get himself together, dropping the lock of hair from his mouth and leaning his cheek into Hizashi’s touch. “Will... will you stay with me? Please?” He asks, unsure of himself. “I like being little with you.” 

Hizashi didn’t know how at peace he’d feel upon hearing those words. One would think that after all these years of knowing each other, of loving each other, that Shouta wouldn’t be afraid to show Hizashi every single facet of himself. Realistically, that isn’t the case. Shouta’s such a complex person that he still has to chip away at those outer layers just to reach the vulnerable parts he doesn’t want anyone to see. 

He wants Hizashi to see them now, however, and that brings him a level of happiness unlike any he’s ever felt before.

“Of course you can. Come here, Kitty.” 

In a complete one-eighty from where they’d started this interaction, Shouta drops the toy, climbing across the couch so he’s curled up in Hizashi’s lap. His head rests on his chest and Hizashi pulls back the hood of his onesie, continuing to stroke his frizzy hair. He can still feel Shouta crying softly. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” He repeats those words like a mantra. He wants to make sure Shouta hears them. “I’m gonna take care of all of you. I’m your alpha. That’s what I’m here for.”

Shouta’s hand wrenches tight in his shirt as presses his face into it. “Thank you, Zashi.” He says quietly. “Love you.” 

Hizashi feels a tear roll down his own cheek as he sees him silently slip his thumb into his mouth, fully open and willing to relax around him. He cranes his neck a bit, planting a kiss on the top of Shouta’s head. “I love you too, Sho.” 

The next morning, Shouta wakes up still on the couch. 

He’d been sleeping at a weird angle. His shoulder aches a bit as he sits up straight, squinting as early morning sunlight bleeds in through their windows. What time is it even? It can’t be past eight. The twins would’ve woken up crying to be fed by now. Once he gets his bearings, Shouta staggers to his feet, making his way down the hall to check on them. 

To his surprise, they’re not alone in the nursery. Hizashi’s back is to him, but he’s got Kazuye laid on the changing table, gurgling and cooing as her papa fastens her diaper shut. It’s then that Shouta remembers exactly what happened last night, how he’d slipped into littlespace and confined himself in the living room until Hizashi found him. 

It was different than the last time he’d found him, though. 

Hizashi stayed with him. He held him and didn’t judge him and promised to be there whenever he needed time away from the stress of his day to day life. He said he’d always take care of him and their daughters. 

It almost doesn’t feel real to Shouta. 

Hizashi still hasn’t turned around yet. Softly, Shouta clears his throat, trying to make his presence known in a non-intrusive way. Hizashi perks up and turns around, smiling when he sees his mate standing in the doorway. 

“Hey you. Good mornin’.” He lifts Kazuye from the table, cradling her in his arms. “Someone drank her milk a little too fast and had a little bit of a shit-splosion after breakfast, but she’s all good now.” He holds her up, kissing her nose. “Aren’t you?” 

“...You could’ve woken me up.” Shouta says. Usually, he handles the shit-splosions if they happen. Hizashi isn’t against changing their diapers; he’s their father and he deals with it of course. He does still have a weak stomach, however, and when it comes to that level of nasty, Shouta doesn’t mind when he has to tap out.

Hizashi shrugs. “It’s fine. I just found a chip clip for my nose and powered through it. No worries, babe.” 

Shouta nods, despite not being fully convinced. He looks at Yumiko’s crib and walks over to it, surprised to find that she’s still fast asleep. “Has Yumi eaten yet?” 

Hizashi shakes his head. “Not yet. She fell back asleep while I was feeding Kazu. I was gonna try again after I finished changing her.” 

Shouta reaches down and lifts her from her swathe of baby blankets. Yumi stirs and whimpers until he shushes her, bouncing her slightly in his arms to keep her calm. “I can nurse her. She doesn’t like being bottle fed anyway.” 

“It’s really not a big deal, babe I can--” 

“ Hizashi , stop.” Shouta snaps at him. Hizashi flinches, taken aback by his reaction. “I can do this myself. Stop trying to-- God--” He swears under his breath. “This is exactly why I didn’t want you to see me when I was lit-- like that.” 

“Wait, what? I don’t understand--” 

“You’re not taking me seriously!” He exclaims. “You’re acting like I don’t know how to take care of our own pups!” 

Hizashi’s expression twists in confusion. “Shouta, that wasn’t my intention at all. ” 

“It doesn’t matter what your intention was. I’m telling you right now that it feels like you’re babying me because of last night.” He clenches his jaw. “I knew that was a mistake. I never should’ve let you be around me then.” 

Shouta starts toward the door and Hizashi moves to stop him, being careful not to jostle their pup. “No, no, please , Shouta. Please don’t shut me out again.” He begs. “I’m sorry. I genuinely, honestly and truly did not mean to make you feel like you can’t take care of yourself anymore. I just-- I know how stressed out you’ve been lately. I can see the effects of it even outside of last night. I just wanted to try and take some of that stress away.” 

“I’m an adult, Hizashi. Stress is a part of being an adult.” Shouta says. “But it doesn’t feel like you see me as one anymore.” 

“Are you kidding me? I-- babe,” Hizashi scoffs. “If anyone is the more mature one in our relationship, it’s you by a longshot. I am far more confident in your ability to function like an adult than mine and that is the honest fucking truth. I’m the twins’ father. Yeah , they need me, but they need you way more than anyone else. I doubt I could do any of this shit without you keeping my head on straight.” He says. “Hell, I just had to clip my nose shut so I could change a diaper . Do you really think I feel like you can’t handle being their mom anymore?” 

Shouta doesn’t want to think that, but he’d woken up to some of his agency already being taken away from him. Logically, he knows that Hizashi would never think less of him, even after last night. His rational brain isn’t the one with the issue, though, and it’s making it impossible for him to parse out this situation. 

“Just... can you please not do things for me unless I explicitly ask you to? I know I’ve been bottling up my stress too much and I’m going to make an effort not to try and take on everything myself.” Shouta says. “I promise to be more honest about when I need help, but I need you not to make unilateral decisions for me. Do you remember last night? How you asked me before you did anything? I need you to give me that same level of autonomy when I’m not like that.” 

Hizashi stays quiet for a beat. His expression is somewhere between shocked and apologetic. Shouta recognizes that face. It's a clearcut example of when Hizashi knows he's overstepped. 

“I’m sorry.” He finally says. “I didn’t think about it like that. The last thing I want to do is make you feel like you can’t be open with me.” 

“I want to be open with you, but you have to turn off your alpha brain for a minute and let me be an adult when I need to. Understand?” 

Hizashi nods. “Absolutely. I promise that I’ll check in before taking tasks off your hands.” 

With that, Shouta breathes a sigh of relief. This whole ordeal had him wound up so tight that he feels the beginnings of a stress headache coming on. He’s so fucking grateful inside that Hizashi gets it, though. That euphoria almost outweighs the tension in his skull right now. 

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.” He says, pausing before continuing. “Hizashi?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you for, um, taking care of me while I was... like that.” He says. “I know that must have been... a lot to deal with. I didn’t want to hide it from you, but I just didn’t want you to see me like that. Especially after a few nights ago--”  

“Sho, it’s okay .” Hizashi cuts in. He holds Kazuye against his shoulder and walks over to him, stroking Shouta’s cheek with his thumb. “You don’t have to explain yourself, really. I know how hard it was for you to be that vulnerable around me, and I’m honestly surprised that you let me stay with you.” 

“I...” He hesitates. “Everything feels so much bigger when I’m like that. It’s hard to explain, but it felt a lot better with you around.” 

Hizashi’s smile widens. “I’m really, really, glad to hear that.” Shouta returns the smile, but he looks as if there’s something he wants to say and isn’t. Hizashi reads him like a book. He cocks his head, raising a brow. “What is it?” 

Shouta glances toward the wall. “Um, I think that when we put the twins down for a nap, I... might want to be little again for a while.” He looks back at Hizashi. “If that’s okay?” 

He gives Shouta a look that’s so tender it makes his chest flutter with a comforting warmth. He leans forward, pressing a chaste kiss to his forehead before pulling away. “That’s more than okay. Did you wanna do anything specific then?” 

Shouta shrugs. “I don’t know, just cuddle some more? I kind of discovered this one cartoon I like a lot recently. Maybe we could watch that?’

“You got it. You want me to make some taiyaki for us too? I know how much you’ve been craving it lately.” 

He leans into his touch, letting his eyes slip peacefully closed. “I would. Thank you, Zashi.”