Chapter Text
A great big bang and dinosaurs
Fiery raining meteors
It all ends unfortunately
But you're gonna live forever in me
I'll guarantee, just wait and see
Stretching her arms, Juliet tried, in vain, to reach the higher spot on the wall, holding the paintbrush with the tip of her fingers as to lengthen it the most she could. The boring white was quickly covered by a light, calming blue. The small glow-in-the-dark stars, still on their packages, would soon be glued on top of the fresh paint, along with bright meteors and dinosaur stickers.
She couldn’t help the bittersweet smile from crossing her face, briefly.
Dinosaurs. They reminded her of him.
Suppressing a frustrated sigh, she finally managed to paint the corner she had been struggling with for the past fifteen minutes. Feeling her arm sore and numb, Juliet lowered the limb, bending it slightly, to drop the paintbrush on the floor, inside the tray.
As she straightened herself up, her hand came automatically to rest on her tiny bump. Although she was almost five months pregnant, only now she had started to show. Gently running her fingers up and down, she caressed her belly, covered by a thin tank top. The tears welling up in her eyes since she started setting the room, began to spill in light drops. Ones that she didn’t bother to dry.
By now, she was already used to it.
Honestly, she was done with crying, having shed more tears in those four months than, probably, in her entire life. But Juliet couldn’t stop them from falling. Sometimes furious and thick, like a flood invading all rooms of a house, tearing down wall by wall until all crumbled to debris and soggy wood. Sometimes so light, so delicate, she almost didn’t realize them falling until she would see the stains they left on her shirt.
Taking in shaky breaths, she calmed herself enough to allow a genuine smile to adorn her tired and sad face. Although everything in her life was gone, her memories, which she held onto like a lifeline, were the only thing keeping her sane and fueling the small spark of hope - that used to shine more and now was almost out of glow - in her heart. Her story had ended. But at least he would forever live in her. And now, not just in her mind, as she thought it would be, but in the eyes, in the face, in the life of someone else.
It was hard for Juliet to permit her mind to wander about the features of her baby. The color of his hair, his eyes, the shape of his little nose, and the thousand other details of the life being formed inside of her. Will he be like his father? Charming, joyful, witty, brilliant. Will he be a little stubborn and incredibly kind-hearted as she was?
Juliet didn’t care really. All she wanted was for him to be healthy, to be happy.
If she closed her eyes she almost could feel her husband’s hand above hers, embracing her tightly as he planted soft kisses on the top of her head, telling her one more time how much he loved her, that reassuring happiness, she knew it would be fulfilling his heart, of watching their family grow, their deep and lasting love being transformed in the most perfect baby.
Once he had told her, just after a case with a terrifying twist that led him to be kept hostage and separated from her for almost two days, that no matter what happened he would never leave her, his green eyes piercing her soul with a guarantee, with a promise so strong she didn’t dare counter.
In a way, he kept his promise.
Parts of me were made by you
And planets keep their distance too
The moon's got a grip on the sea
And you're gonna live forever in me
I guarantee, it's your destiny
Watching the sun setting through the window, the beautiful orange glow flooding the room, made Juliet crave for some fresh air and a stroll on the beach. It was the only activity that could calm her mind enough for her to sleep through the entire night.
The ocean breeze welcomed her. That familiar salty embrace inviting her to the sand path just across her home. Although the North Carolina weather was considerably colder than the typical Californian dry and warm one, Juliet found comfort in the similarity between the ocean in front of her and the one back home.
As she watched her neighbors cross by her, holding hands, shooting gleaming smiles, the only thing Juliet could think of was Shawn, and how much he had changed her. How much of him she carried in her. If he was there right now, she was sure a snort comment about the couple, about the ocean, about the city, or any movie references, would have been already verbalized.
But he wasn’t there. So she remained silent.
Contemplating the furious waves, crashing at the shore, sometimes reaching her bare feet, Juliet revisited her most fond memories of the man who carried half of her heart, no matter where he went. His smell, still intact in one of the hoodies she managed to steal and keep in her rushed departure from San Francisco. His adoration and breakfasts in bed. How Shawn had molded her into a happier, more relaxed, more trusting woman.
The full moon started to make a shy entrance, peeking through the clouds that were hiding its gleam. Still, the white reflection was distinct above the water, now calmer, as if assuring Juliet that sooner or later her troubled heart would settle too.
She gazed at the sky, slowly beginning to be adorned by little dots, as far from her grip as she felt from who she used to be.
Life is full of sweet mistakes
And love's an honest one to make
Time leaves no fruit on the tree
But you're gonna live forever in me
I guarantee, it's just meant to be
Juliet knew the risks going in. She knew what she was giving up if she took that path. But the bloody, beaten-up image of her husband, laying on that hospital bed - a memory she still struggled to keep from invading her mind every single night - was what gave her strength enough to leave.
She had to protect him, whatever it took. So if breaking his heart, and hers, was the price to be paid for the safety of Shawn’s life, she would gladly do it.
Was that a mistake? Perhaps.
But she had to do it. Just had to.
Life was full of mistakes, she was aware enough of that. And if she had to commit any, why not the most honest one?
Love was what convinced her to leave. Aa love so pure, so deep, she couldn’t consider any other option.
Shawn meant too much for her to gamble his life with the uncertainty of the future.
As long as she was targeted, as long as that psycho was out there, Juliet would be as far away as she could from Shawn. Anything to protect him. She didn’t know if she could survive watching him fighting for his life again. To see him attached to several machines that helped him to accomplish the basic functions of a healthy body for almost a month.
And if you asked her, she didn’t regret it. If asked, Juliet would do it all over again.
Sure, when Karen Vick, the only person aware of her location and the one leading the case that brought them all to this unfortunate arrangement, reported how Shawn was coping with her “death”, Juliet gave some serious consideration in ending her plan and returning. But after a while, with the help of their friends and family, he got hold of himself.
Karen didn’t tell Juliet about the fact that Shawn was consumed with the desire to put behind bars the man who murdered his wife. But she hadn’t to. The Head Detective was aware of that unspoken matter. But confident enough that her husband was being taken care of, that he had support and people who could watch over him when she couldn’t.
The only regret she had was that Shawn was out there, without a single clue that she was carrying his child.
Despite common assumptions, Shawn was the first to bring up children to the table, being the one full-on board when they got the chance to really talk about kids. They have been trying. But, between the stress of failing to catch the stalker who threatened Juliet’s life and the altercation, to put it very lightly, her husband got involved in an attempt to protect her, she didn’t address the changes in her behavior and mood to a pregnancy.
It was just when she first settled in Stumpy Point, being no longer Juliet Spencer but Margareth Collins, that she realized something wasn’t adding up. The grief couldn’t be causing all those symptoms she had been experiencing. Three pregnancy tests, and a doctor’s appointment later, confirmed that a little Spencer was growing inside her tummy.
Still to this day, if she ever managed to come home, Juliet would regret the fact that Shawn wasn’t there to share the tears of utter joy after discovering that, within a few months, a half-her half-him baby would be welcomed to the world.
But she didn’t regret leaving. Not if Shawn was safe. Not if it meant that, one day, she could come back home, come back to his arms.
And when the pastor asks the pews
For reasons, he can't marry you
I'll keep my word and my seat
But you're gonna live forever in me
I'll guarantee, just wait and see
Juliet returned to her house, after her long walk, resting on the couch with a relieved sigh. Plopping her feet above the coffee table, something that infuriated her every single time Shawn did and that now seemed so natural and unimportant, she closed her eyes, trying to mentally prepare herself for the day ahead.
Being away from Shawn made routine painful torture. But that particular day waiting for her would be the hardest of them all.
Maybe that was why she had decided to paint her son’s nursery that afternoon. It would serve as a good distraction. But now, in the silence of her living room, at the emptiness of her small house, the words of Karen echoed in her mind.
Shawn was getting married.
The feeling of her heart sinking to her toes remained, even after she listened to the whole explanation attached to that impulsive and heartless action. After all, she was gone for only four months now.
The Chief had explained the link Shawn had found between his “future wife”, who Juliet would put in quotes because she was still his wife, and wouldn’t accept any other way, and her stalker. Through familiarity and the fortune that woman brought with herself, Shawn was one step closer to ending that madness and, unknowingly, helping Juliet be one step closer to coming home.
So, she would have to suppress her jealousy and remind herself of the love Shawn promised her, and only her. Remind herself of the feelings he’d never had or offered to any other woman, the life he built for her, and what he was willing to give up to bring justice to the person whose heart beats as the other half of his.
Against all advice from Karen, Juliet demanded to be a part of the wedding. It didn’t matter how painful it would be, how much it would shatter her heart to listen to Shawn vow things to anyone but her.
She had to be there.
At 10 A.M. of the next day, Juliet’s cell phone rang, the one she kept as the only device connecting her to her past. Without saying a thing, she answered the call, already listening to the soft music playing in the background.
It would be a private ceremony, thrown by the family of the bride at a country club just outside San Francisco. Fewer of their friends would attend, as protocol procedure, the guests being mostly related to the wealthy socialite.
Juliet made sure to put on a white dress, to remind herself once more that she was the real wife, that she was the one Shawn chose. Her and only her. Fidgeting with her engagement ring, sitting above the golden band embellishing her finger for about two years, she listened attentively and silently to the short ceremony, using her imagination to picture the venue she couldn’t see.
And as the pastor asked the croweded pews for reasons why Shawn couldn't marry the woman, Juliet kept her words and her seat, tears streaming down her cheeks as every single piece of her heart shattered with pain, loneliness, and a life-threatening desire to be the one saying yes to all the promises Shawn was making to someone else.
Glancing down, cell phone still held against her ear, Juliet caressed her bump, her baby boy, who she wished more than anything to be the spitting image of his father, assuring her that, no matter what happens, Shawn was the only one for her. He always had and forever would be.
Her departure was an attempt to mend the problem. That misplaced and strange marriage a step closer to her way back home. Her baby, the hope of better days. And her love for Shawn the proof that he would forever be the life inside of her.