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The journey started off perfectly normally, west down the motorway out of London, following the signs for The West Country, Beard’s playlist on the car stereo.
The hour passes easily enough, Ted chatting about the team, about his latest book. Beard likes to listen, it helps him think things through.
The next hour is singing along to show tunes, topped off with Stonehenge.
The traffic was going so slowly past the ancient monument Ted hung out of the window like a beagle and Beard felt safe enough to take his eyes off the road to take it in.
After Stonehenge Ted was quiet for a while, except for the comfort break at the service station. Beard was anxious and just about to pipe up with a fact about the Battle of Sedgemoor when Ted spoke.
“ My boy’s been telling me about his classmate Briar, he says they are non-binary, and uses they them pronouns.
“The Oxford English Dictionary traces singular they back to 1375” agreed Beard.
“Thing is this little fella,uh, this little kid, Henry’s been playing ball with them recently, because they aren't allowed to play for any teams.”
“Good kid you got there”
“You betcha, Jessica Fletcher!” Ted paused then said, almost to himself, “the ball game, now that's a whole ‘nother ball of wax”.
Beard glanced across, concerned. Ted was staring out the window, resting his chin on his hand.
“You know I love being Dad-shaped”
“And it loves you”
“there are three butts in this car, when there should only be two”
“Oklahoma Ted”
“It made me think about myself, being underestimated, being seen to be different but in an intangible way, that I could never really put my finger on, but this idea, not a man, not a woman, just a Ted, fits like fresh sneakers.
It's not even about clothes, although I wouldn't mind a bit more nail varnish in my life”
He looked at his nails wistfully, first in a fist, then turning his hand and gazing along his fingers.
“Am I just having a midlife crisis?”
Would you tell Henry’s friend it's just a phase?
“I would not”
There you go.”
Ted went back to looking out of the window at the countryside zipping by.
“Hey look we're in Devon now, must be nearly there, can’t want to see the actual Hound of the Baskervilles”
They carried on steadily down the A38 towards Plymouth, Ted still talking about Sherlock Holmes and that time he went to 221b baker street but it was empty, so he went to 236 instead as it was a museum and it was just like the books, while Beard was on the lookout for the turn off onto Dartmoor.
--
Later in the hotel restaurant Beard remembered something.
“Quinn plays for OL Reign”
“Quinn?”
“first out nonbinary athlete to win a gold medal”
Ted pulled out his phone.
“Who coaches Reign?” he asked already opening his emails.
“Laura Harvey, former Arsenal coach, current USWNT coach”
“Houston we have liftoff!” yelled Ted far louder than any British person expected in a gastronomic context. A mutter rose from the other guests, and Beard glared at them.
Ted grabbed his plate and ran back to the room to call Henry.
Beard followed his friend, gathering up the rest of the meal with a tray a thoughtful server handed him.
“They’re from Kansas” said Beard by way of explanation.