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Towa woke up with a start. Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear it inside of her ears.
She looked at her mother and twin sister sleeping next to her. Setsuna was usually the one who had nightmares; Towa was the lighter sleeper of the two and would always wake at the same time as Setsuna to comfort her sister. But for now, her twin and mother were sleeping soundly, their breathing slow and steady. She glanced over to the smaller futon where Jaken slept on the other side of the room. The imp was snoring softly, an occasional bubble protruding from his beak.
Watching them all sleep made Towa feel terribly, terribly alone. She felt tears start to pool in her eyes and bit her lip to keep from waking Setsuna and Rin. Even at the age of three, she always tried to think of them before herself. Her twin and her mother were everything to her.
“Towa.” A soft baritone voice called.
Towa turned around. Her magenta eyes widened as she saw her father sitting on the floor beside the futon. She had not known that he was coming to visit them. Normally, he would visit in the late afternoon and spend time with them before Jaken tucked her and Setsuna into bed so that her parents could have what her mother called “grown-up time.” (“Papa and I don’t get to see each other a lot, so we need a little grown-up time to ourselves.”) Towa and Setsuna would usually whine and protest, knowing that their father would be gone in the morning, but he always kissed them on their foreheads and hummed a lullaby until they fell asleep.
“Papa,” she said softly. She crawled over to him and he pulled her into his lap. “I didn’t know you were coming,”
“I didn’t either, Towa. But I had an opportunity to come and see you all tonight, so I decided to take it. You and Setsuna were already asleep when I arrived.”
“Why didn’t you wake us up?”
“The two of you are still growing. You need plenty of rest,” he said gently. “And because you’ll be cranky for your mother tomorrow if you do not sleep.”
“Will not.” Towa huffed.
“Hush, now,” he said softly. He lifted her up in his arms and rose from the floor. “Would you like to go outside with me?”
Towa smiled. “Uh-huh.”
Sesshomaru quietly slid the shoji door open and stepped onto the porch of the small manor. He closed the door behind him and walked with Towa in his arms down to the little garden that Rin had planted. It was the middle of fall and most of the flowers had died back for the winter, but a few chrysanthemums were still blooming. Rin had told him about their botany and herbalism lessons in the garden and how the girls had made a flower crown for him that they dropped in the river, hoping it would find him.
The night air was chilly. Towa shivered against his chest. He wrapped Mokomoko around her for warmth and comfort and felt her instantly relax.
“Did you have a nightmare?” He asked gently, settling on the ground.
Towa nodded. “I was being pulled into a tunnel. It felt real.”
Sesshomaru held her a little tighter.
“It was only a dream. It’s over now.”
“Promise?”
He bent down and placed a kiss on the top of her head. “I promise.”
Towa smiled and snuggled into his chest. She looked up and saw that a crescent moon hung in the dark blue sky, surrounded by stars. She saw that her father was gazing at them, too.
“Mama told us that she wished on a shooting star once.”
“Oh?”
“She wouldn’t tell us the wish, though. She said that you have to keep a wish private for it to come true.”
“Your Mama is very wise. Before the two of you were born, we used to enjoy watching the stars together.”
“Have you ever wished on a star, Papa?”
Sesshomaru thought.
“I don’t think so,” he said. “But when I was a pup I used to sit with my mother and watch the stars and the moon come out at dusk.” He paused. “I always searched the sky to see if my father was coming home,” he said quietly.
Towa sat up. “Your Papa went away, too?”
Sesshomaru looked down at her. He propped her up a bit on his knee so that their gazes were level.
“My father was often away conquering foes in battle and running his empire,” Sesshomaru explained. “He was very strong. When I was a pup I wanted to be like him, and eventually I wanted to be even stronger than him.”
“Did you get stronger?”
“Yes. I met your mother and she helped me become stronger, which is how I acquired Bakusaiga.” He patted the sword at his hip. “In the end I decided that I wanted a life with her more than I wanted supreme conquest.”
“So you married Mama?”
“Yes. I married your mother and we had you and Setsuna a year later.”
Towa nodded. “Papa, if you wanted a life with Mama, how come you’re always gone?”
Sesshomaru brought her closer to him and ran a large hand through her white hair that matched his own.
“For right now, it is safest if I live apart from the three of you. There are…,” Sesshomaru knew he had to choose his words carefully. “There are some youkai who are not pleased that I married your mother. I have to quell their anger before I can return permanently.”
“But you will come back and stay with us forever, right Papa?”
He nodded and leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Yes, Towa. I cannot promise you when that will be, but I swear that we will all be together someday.”
“Grandfather Jaken, too?”
Sesshomaru nodded. “Jaken, too.”
“We miss you when you’re not here, Papa. Mama cries sometimes, but she tries not to show it.”
“I miss you all, too,” he said gently.
His heart ached at her words. He could always tell when Rin and the girls were sad even across a great distance. It broke him every time he felt Rin’s tears, knowing he was unable to fly to her as he once would have to offer her comfort and support.
He pointed a long index finger at the crescent in the sky. “Towa, you know that the moon always hangs in the sky even on nights when it is dark, yes?”
Towa nodded. “Mama explained moon phases to us.”
Sesshomaru brought his hand down and stroked her cheek with his knuckles.
“When you miss me, Towa, you can look up at the moon. Even if it is dark, you can be sure that it is there.” He brought her closer to him and tucked her under his chin. “As am I.”
Towa smiled. “Will you be looking at the moon, too?”
“Yes.”
“Thinking about us?”
“There is not a minute of the day when I do not think of you.”
Towa smiled. She reached upwards with her small hand and traced the crescent moon on his forehead. He closed his eyes and allowed her to trace his facial markings as she wished, as if she were committing his face to memory.
“You are the moon, Papa.” She giggled.
Sesshomaru opened his eyes and looked at his daughter. She was so much like Rin, from her facial features to her sunny personality and bright smile, but he could sense there was a little bit of him in her, too, beyond the white hair and pale skin she inherited from him. He could feel a profound strength coming from her, not only in the demonic energy that flowed in her blood, but in her heart. He knew that she was capable of being strong for her mother and sister and that she would do anything to protect them and keep them safe, though he couldn’t help but think it was incredibly unfair for her to carry such a burden at the age of three. But when has life ever been fair to us? He thought bitterly.
He looked into her magenta eyes and cupped her cheek, gently running his thumb over her skin, mindful of his claws.
“Towa, do you know why the moon glows?”
She shook her head.
“The moon has no light of its own. It only glows because the sun shines behind it at night. If I am the moon, then you are the sun. You, your mother and sister. The three of you are the light that keeps me going.”
He would never, ever say such a thing to anyone but his family. Before marrying Rin, if anyone had told him that he would one day forsake everything he had ever wanted – his title, his father’s empire, supreme power – to marry a human woman, make love with her and father half-demon children, he would have lopped their head off without a second glance. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe that the red string of fate had led him to this very moment, but as he held his eldest daughter in his arms, he knew without a single doubt or hesitation that he would repeat the journey one thousand times over. Even though the current circumstances prevented him from being the husband and father he wanted to be, he could not imagine the alternative. He knew that without Rin, he would have continued down the dark, lonely path of conquest, living in the shadow of his father, hating his brother and clinging to his obsession with the Tessaiga, until the darkness consumed him completely. He would have never overcome the insecurities he hid under a mask of arrogance and coldness, surpassed his father, acquired Bakusaiga and become a powerful daiyoukai on his own strength and merit. He would have never known compassion, love, intimacy or joy.
And he would not be sitting underneath the stars, in the garden his wife had lovingly planted and tended to, holding a little girl who was half of him. One of the three people he loved more than anything in the world. He had many doubts and fears for their future, but he knew that he would never stop fighting until his wife and daughters were safe and free from Kirinmaru and Zero’s scheming. Even if, gods forbid, it meant laying down his own life.
I understand you now, Father.
Towa smiled as brightly as her mother, as bright as the sun. She wrapped her chubby arms around his neck and yawned against him.
“I wish you didn’t have to leave tomorrow, Papa.”
Sesshomaru rubbed her back. “Towa, I am never far away. Even if you can’t see me.”
“Just like the moon.” She said, her voice becoming heavy with sleep.
Sesshomaru nodded. “Just like the moon.”