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No one is surprised that Bucky has nightmares, especially not you. You had known of the man since the fall of shield. With everything he had seen, it would be surprising to you if he didn’t have issues. He talked to you over the phone every once in a blue moon. You would call him every few days, and about once a month; he would actually have the strength to pick up. With Steve gone, you could tell his nightmares were getting worse. Every time you heard from him, he sounded a little bit more tired. You couldn’t blame him, but you were still worried sick. He assured you every time there was a hint of distress in your voice that he was fine, that therapy was going well, but you had a hard time believing him.
You checked in with Sam about once a week, and you knew that Bucky was ignoring him even more than he was ignoring you. It gave you quite a guilty feeling, but there wasn’t much that you could do about it. You didn’t know where Bucky was, neither did Sam. The other man was doing well. He had a job with the air force, and his family was happy to have him back. You told him you were doing fine, and you were just taking some time for yourself, but that wasn’t really true. You were having many nightmares, much like Bucky. You didn’t want to worry him or Sam or your baby brother though, they each had enough on their plates.
You did not disappear during the blip. You weren’t sure if that was a blessing or a curse. You had been without the three of them for five years, and you were still adjusting to them being back. You were so happy that they were back, but at the same time, it messed with your head, heart, and grieving process. You hadn’t seen Bucky since the day the blip occurred, where you hugged him and cried together. You held him like you didn’t want to let go, and it scared you. Now you just check in over the phone. Wondering if you should ask him to get a drink with you.
You were avoiding seeing Sam in person when you could. You didn’t want him to see how much you were struggling. He had a family with young kids to worry about; he didn’t need you on top of that. You couldn’t avoid seeing Peter all the time, though. Even though you were much older than him and could move out on your own, you moved back in with Aunt May during the blip. Peter was so excited to have you around all the time that you didn’t have the heart to move out again. You and May both knew that you were in no shape to, even though you could have. Tony left a chunk of money to you and a chunk to Peter. Both you managed. You bought a place for the three of you to live in because you knew you were in no shape to go out on your own. Your mind had too much healing to do.
Every morning before school, you gave Peter a huge hug and told him to be safe. He would always tell you to take care of yourself before worrying about him. You knew he, MJ, and Ned were worried about you. You felt terrible about it, but there was nothing you could do. You weren’t an avenger or a shield agent or assassin. You were a scientist. You couldn’t put on a brave face and make everything okay.
This is why Peter decided to take things into his own hands. MJ brought you up during lunch one day, and Peter got really quiet. He didn’t know what to say. His big sister, you weren’t related biologically, but you meant everything to him. He didn’t know why you were so down. He knew if he could find Bucky, it would cheer you up (you had never opened up to Peter about your crush on the super soldier, but he knew). The problem was, how do you find a war criminal who doesn’t want to be found?
The answer was “accidentally.” Peter had started going a little farther out over New York as “the Spider-Man.” He knew it was probably dangerous— you and May made sure he knew that, but he was getting older, and he wanted to see more of the city more often. This is how he ran across Bucky. Little did you know, Bucky was trying to right his wrongs from when he was the Winter Soldier. This led him to a parking garage. Peter saw the police lights and he approached. His duty as Spider-Man was long forgotten when he realized the figure leaving the scene was Bucky (he saw a selfie of you two all the time). “Mr. Barnes! Mr. Barnes! I need to talk to you.”
Bucky didn’t stop walking, but he did gesture for Peter to walk with him. Peter took a few quick strides before he was on pace with Bucky. “What is it, kid?” Bucky knew it had to be about you. Peter had no other reason to talk to him.
Peter waited until they were out of earshot of the police. “It’s my sister. She’s sad.”
He stopped and turned to look at Peter. “What do you mean she’s sad?”
“I honestly can’t really explain it. She just seems like she had all the life sucked out of her during the blip. She pretends she’s okay, but she just looks really worn down. I think it would help if you stopped by and spent some time with her. She misses you, even if she doesn’t say it much.”
Bucky sighed. “Okay, kid. Give me her address. I’ll stop by soon.”
Peter does, and Bucky keeps his word. When he went to therapy the next day, he told his therapist about his odd interaction with Peter. “She’s on your list? Isn’t she.” The therapist was right— you were. When he was the winter soldier, you were a shield scientist that got in his way. He was instructed not to kill you, but he did hurt you. It kills him inside.
“Yes.”
The therapist nodded. “She means more to you than just a name on that list, though, Mr. Barnes?”
“I don’t want to talk about this.”
“You don’t want to talk about most things. I think she should be the next name you cross off.”
Bucky was at your door that night. Aunt May opened it, and she was so happy to see him. She hadn’t met him yet, but she had heard about him from you over the years. She greeted him kindly and showed him to your room. She knocked quietly. “Hey, Y/n? You have a visitor.”
“Who is visiting?” Your voice came out smaller than you expected.
“It’s me, doll.” You shot up from your bed. You hear May whisper that she’ll leave you two to talk. “Can you open the door?”
You quickly attempted to fix your hair and rubbed your eyes. You were sure that you looked like a mess. “Do I have to?”
He chuckled, but you could tell that it was pained. “You don’t have to, but I would really like to see you.” You sighed before opening the door. Bucky’s eyes scanned over you. Your eyes noticed the flowers in his hands before the worry on his face. “Doll…”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you or anyone else to worry. I’m just struggling with the blip and everything. I’m so happy to have you all back, but it is also weird and overwhelming… you know?”
“Can I give you a hug?”
“I would like that.”
Bucky wrapped you in his arms. You could feel the flowers against your back. He rested his head on top of yours. “You could have come to me.”
“I just have these nightmares. One day you and Peter and Sam… You’re just going to disappear again.”
“I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. I promise.”