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Dimitri had never truly looked at the ocean before until going to the Aquatic Capital—to Derdriu after Claude had called for help. It had a distinct beauty to it. It of course did not compare to the mountains at home in Fhirdiad but in another life, he could easily see himself as loving it just as much.
The crashing waves spoke louder than the mountains did, and they were acceptable company for the screaming thoughts in his head.
His uncle—no, Arundel—had told him that Mother had played a role in the Tragedy of Duscur. He didn’t want to believe him but he… He liked to think that he knew how to spot a liar. Lord Arundel did not seem as though as he were lying. And neither did Cornelia for that matter. What was he supposed to do if she was both alive and had knowingly worked as an accomplice for an assassination?
And… Why had she done that?
He had always known, even as young as he was, that she was not always the happiest of people. Because of who she was and her role in the Kingdom, she was never allowed outside of Castle Fhirdiad and even inside, many areas were restricted. But… Even being unhappy surely did not mean that she hated Father enough to have him killed, did it?
A knot formed in Dimitri’s stomach. Had she ever even loved him?
He jerked in surprise when he heard someone clear their throat behind him. Despite himself, he found some of his earlier tension leaving his body when he saw who it was. “Professor.” The corners of his lips pulled up into a small smile. “What are you doing out here?”
“I’m looking for you,” she answered simply. “Enjoying the view, Dimitri?” She tilted her head so she could see over his shoulder at the ocean and the setting sun behind him, its lights painting a cascade of colors in the sky and through the clouds. Her face looked so lovely in this lighting. It was not often that he could see her under such circumstances.
“Ah… Something like that.” He paused. “Were you not enjoying the celebration?” He asked. He wanted to tell her what was on his mind, but he felt listening to him was all that she ever did at times.
“It started being less fun once Hilda drank Sylvain under the table,” Byleth answered. Like usual, there was little intonation in her voice, but he could tell that she was amused. When asked how he could discern what the stoic woman was feeling, he found that he could not entirely describe it, but he knew for certain that he could. He was nevertheless glad for such a skill; it made him feel closer to her.
Dimitri chuckled. “I see,” he said. “Is that all that they are doing? Drinking?”
“They’re having a good time.” She crossed her arms. “Judith said it was the only way to properly celebrate a victory and Claude didn’t have a problem with agreeing.” To his surprise, Byleth had the smallest hint of a smile on her face. It made him feel as though his stomach was performing flips. He certainly knew why it was happening but… Now was not the time for addressing it.
“It’s been a while since I’ve celebrated that way. Seteth keeps the Knights of Seiros so straitlaced so it’s not common for us to celebrate by seeing who can get the most drunk. I’ve missed it,” she continued.
“I did not think you would be one to celebrate in such a way, Professor,” Dimitri said to her. He hoped that it would prompt her to say more about herself. She rarely did and any piece of information about her he stored and treasured. It made him feel that he knew her just that more intimately.
“Of course I do,” Byleth answered matter-of-factly. “It was how my father and his mercenaries always celebrated completing a difficult job.”
“I did not know that about you,” he said, sounding surprised. “Truth be told, it is easy to forget that your origins are that of a mercenary.” It was far too easy; especially since mercenaries were looked down upon so greatly in Faerghus. With its cultural emphasis on loyalty and honor, mercenaries’ willingness to have any master as long as they were given enough coin was looked at with disdain at best. It also was not aided by the fact only truly corrupt nobles in Faerghus were willing to hire mercenaries in the first place. He did not want to believe that Byleth had done anything underhanded for a bag of gold.
Although you’re learning today that people you love so dearly are not nearly as innocent as you think they are, aren’t you?
Dimitri shook his head, trying his damnedest to shove those thoughts (voices) to the back of his mind. All things considered, today was a good day. He did not want it to end in such a way.
“What sort of things did you do as a mercenary? Y-You never speak of your time as one to me,” he added quickly. The last thing that he wanted was for her to believe that he was judging her. Perhaps he already had, in a way. Maybe that was why he had found it so easy for himself to forget that particular aspect of her.
Byleth did not even blink at his query or awkward add-on. She answered simply and to the point. As she always did. As he had grown comfortable and accustomed to.
“Delivery, most of the time. Sometimes people, sometimes weapons. We were used as guards against bandits. On some rarer occasions, we would be asked to find someone. Once or twice we had to deliver a message to someone who didn’t want it. That was interesting.” Byleth looked thoughtful for a long moment. “I haven’t really said anything because it’s not very interesting. And I know how you Faerghus nobles dislike mercenaries. Not that we took many jobs there anyways though. Most of our work was in the Empire and Alliance.”
Dimitri cringed. He hated when she brought up their class difference. Especially in the way that she did. You nobles, she’d said. Saying it in a way he’d heard so many times by people who barely knew him but this time said by the woman he was fairly certain he’d fallen for twice over. It hurt. He knew that she did not mean malicious intent but truthfully, that made it hurt just a smidgen more.
“We—” he caught himself “—the nobility here certainly do not judge you for your past,” he said. He sorely wished that there was something that he could say that would defend himself better. He could not differentiate himself from the nobles in the way that she said it.
“You haven’t met some of them,” Byleth replied without missing a beat.
He bristled. “If they have mistreated you in any way, then I will—”
“It’s fine, Dimitri,” she looked ever so slightly amused. “I can take care of myself.”
“Of course.” He chuckled, feeling encouraged by her light mood. “I know you can.” Dimitri wet his lips before continuing. “I hope that you do not feel as though I… That—that my rank or any such foolishness is a barrier between us. I trust that you know that I cannot stand such formality.”
“Of course, Your Majesty,” Byleth replied.
He ignored her joke. “I am serious, Professor. You are not below myself or any other nobles. You are much my equal and still my teacher in so many ways.”
She frowned. “Of course I know. It was one of the first things that you made clear when we met.” Her tone was puzzled and it made Dimitri feel foolish. She could still do that to him, even outside of the classroom.
“I simply wanted to set it right. Since… Because of the phrasing ‘you nobles’ I had…” he shook his head. “Never mind. It had simply made me uncomfortable. That is all.”
Byleth looked sympathetic but she crossed her arms with a look in her eye that told him that she was about to give him the closest thing to a lecture she could give. “I wasn’t implying that you were above me. Nobles are different from everyone else and…” that look faded in her expression. “Since I’m back in such familiar territory it was easy to fall back into some old habits,” she admitted. “My father’s company didn’t like nobles and especially ones from Faerghus. Calling you nobles as a way of belittling you is an old habit. I’m sorry.”
“You… You do not need to apologize.” He found himself smiling at her. “I see now that this is yet another divide within my nation that needs to be fixed. Thank you, Professor.”
Byleth’s body language was amused, but her eyes wore that smile that he so loved. (Something he especially loved about it was that she only smiled just so for him. He had never seen her smile in this way for anyone else.)
She shook her head and looked past him to the view of the sunset. “Why are you out here, Dimitri?” She said. “I know that the view isn’t the reason you would leave. Was the party too much?”
Dimitri’s mood fell, the lightness that came from her presence suddenly dropping like a weight in his stomach. “I… Did you come to see me because you believed something was wrong?”
“Something has been wrong with you since Aruendel’s forces retreated,” Byleth answered. “Now is just the only good time I’ve had to talk to you about it.”
“You noticed then, did you?” He exhaled sharply in what otherwise would have been a laugh in different circumstances. “Nothing gets past you, Professor.”
When she did not respond, Dimitri took her silence as her prompting him to continue. “I… I was thinking about what my uncle told me. …And Cornelia.”
“Which was about your mother?”
“Yes.”
Byleth frowned. “I see,” she said. “What about it?”
“They were not lying. My mother played a role in the Tragedy of Duscur.” His tongue felt like lead as he said it. “I… I am not certain how I am meant to progress from here.”
Byleth’s frown only deepened. “Do you need to?” She asked.
“I wish to learn what truly happened,” Dimitri said firmly. “It has not only affected me but all of the people of Duscur.” He grit his teeth and looked away. The lightness that Byleth had made him feel for a while was most certainly gone now. “It is the least I can do for them. And could be some sort of repayment for all that Dedue sacrificed. For me.” Undeservingly. Not that he would say that aloud. He already knew what Byleth would say to that. Or at least he liked to think so.
“I hope you can,” she said. She was prompting him to speak further, in her own way.
“It’s just… If my mother truly played a role in putting the assassination into motion and is still alive, it would be reasonable for people to expect that I find and punish her. I… I no longer wish to hide—or run from—anything. I have found that there have been enough conspiracies for the rest of my life.”
Byleth pursed her lips and averted her gaze. It was uncharacteristic of her. “I’m tired of them too.”
He wanted to press her further, but Byleth spoke before he had the chance to.
“Is looking for Patricia what you’re going to do after the war?”
“Not…immediately,” he answered slowly. “I will want to, but I believe that we can both agree that there are more concerning matters that I would need to tend to first.” Assuming he made it to the end of the war. He was not going to let Rodrigue’s death be in vain, but he knew better than most how sudden even the smallest of skirmishes could be. Skill only got one so far. So much of it all seemed to come down to luck. Even with his professor’s uncanny ability to predict their enemies’ movements.
“I can help you look,” Byleth said. “I want to find my father’s mercenaries once I’ve finished helping the Kingdom’s army and the Knights of Seiros. I have plenty of resources that I can fall back on for finding people.” The corners of her mouth curved into an almost-smile. “Tracking people is one of the only things I’m good at.”
“You’re good at a great deal of things, Professor,” Dimitri told her immediately before entirely processing what she had said. The weight in his stomach felt as though it became even heavier once he did. Byleth was planning on leaving; of course she was.
“I am glad that you’ve found what you will do after the war. It is good to have something so tangible to fight for.” He tried to sound sincere. He wanted to be sincere, and he knew that he would be, come a few days. It was just that he was finding it difficult to do in this very moment. He did not want to reach the day where he and Byleth would part. She had never even implied that she would leave Garreg Mach until talking with her after Arianrhod’s recapture mere weeks ago.
“Thank you.”
He licked his lips. “Truthfully,” he started, “I was hoping that you would take longer to decide. I… I know that the end of the war is drawing near. I do not wish to say goodbye to you just yet,” Dimitri confessed.
“You’ll be seeing me again,” Byleth promised. “And I will remain with you and the Knights of Seiros until I believe it is stable. I won’t take off immediately once things are done. And even if I did, I would still be under your contract. If you’d be willing to.”
He’d rather not be under the threat of her leaving at all but the idea of delaying it for possibly years was appealing to him. Assuming that he hadn’t already…
Now was not the time to consider such things. Now was not even the time to consider to the depths he had come to love her. As a mentor, friend, and companion. It was so different compared to the other relationships he had developed over the years.
“I am relieved to hear that, Professor. And… I would be more than willing to contract you when I am able.”
Byleth smiled at him in that way again. It was not with just her eyes or her lips; it was with both and she was looking straight into his eyes. It made him almost bend just enough to confess all that he was feeling.
Almost.
There truly were more important things to think about and in the circumstance where Byleth did not return his feelings, compromising their professional relationship would most certainly have only negative effects. And… If Dimitri were being entirely honest with himself, he did not truly believe that Byleth reciprocated anything that he was feeling. The last thing he wanted was to lick his proverbial wounds after a rejection that he knew would hurt more than he was willing to admit to himself.
“It’s a beautiful evening,” Byleth said suddenly, turning to face the ocean.
“It is,” he agreed without thought, eager to push the idea of Byleth’s rejection to the back of his mind. Later, he said to himself.
“We should appreciate it now while we have the chance,” she continued.
Dimitri smiled ruefully at her, the feeling of pure light overwhelming his senses once more. “You are right, Professor. We should.” Every moment of peace with her he would treasure. He had as a teenager and he continued as an adult, somehow more smitten with the woman than he had been before.