Chapter Text
FUCKING POTATOES-!!! It was a cake! A glorious, delicious, shitty cake! Satsuki paused in her admiring. Where the fuck had shitty come from? Oops, that must've been natural instinct. Oh well! This was one good looking shitty cake, after all. Just like her one good looking shitty girlfriend who'd gotten it for her. Wow, what an awesome shitty girlfriend to get her an awesome shitty cake!
"Hey, Satsuki! Back off of my dessert!"
Satsuki's eyes narrowed. Did this bitch want to go to war or something for this cake? Because if so, Satsuki was soooooo there. Bring it on bitch. She's got mix-ups. Whipping around to tell this bitch what was what, Satsuki refrained from yelling a string of curse words. Well, maybe she didn't really restrain herself. Ryuko had bought her a cake and was trying to take it back?! THE FUCK?! CONSPIRACY!
"It's mine." Satsuki huffed, stretching her arms out in order to defend her new girlfriend. Oops, I meant the cake, which actually did resemble Ryuko if you close one eye and squint.
"No, it isn't." Ryuko replied firmly, crossing her arms.
Satsuki was beginning to become pissed. If she wanted the fucking cake, she'd get the fucking cake, and no shitty girlfriend was going to get in her way!
"Think again. It's mine." Eyes were narrowing. Fists were curling. Farts were flying-Oops, I don't think I was supposed to include that part, was I...
"Satsuki, stop being such a douche bag and give me my cake!" Satsuki's eyes lit up in absolute fury. It was on. No one, and I do mean no one, called her a douche bag and got away with it. Ryuko was going down. Deep, deep, deep, down.
Okay, so maybe she didn't go that far down. She sort of just got her head stuck into a bucket and was wiggling her ass in the air in an attempt to get out of it. Satsuki pulled up a chair and grabbed some popcorn. Ass wiggling was rather entertaining. Hell, it should be a fucking sport!
"Satsuki."
"Yeah?"
"You're staring at my ass, aren't you?"
EXPOSED! "Um, no."
"Don't lie or else I'll kill your mother."
"I ain't got no mother, bitch."
"What did you just call me?!!"
"B.I.T.C.H."
"And what does that fucking stand for?!"
"Uh, Best In Terminating Cute Hogs?"
"..."
An awkward silence followed. Satsuki felt slightly guilty for saying that at first. Then she began to reconsider. One, hogs weren't even fucking cute. Two, hogs produced bacon, which produced food, which produced a happy Satsuki. In this case, it was one for one and all for-Fuck that Muskrat-teer or whatever it was called. Bacon was fucking delicious and hogs needed to perish if it was going to exist in this world.
"Speaking of that, our neighbor has a pig named Kain." Ryoko remarked, sticking her head out the window to watch the swine run into circles. Taking her eyes off of Ryoko's slightly exposed twin girls, Satsuki stuck her head out the window as well. Sure enough, there was a fucking pig.
"HEY PIG!" Ryoko yelled, "WANNA BE BACON?!"
The pig squealed in response. Was that a yes or a no?
Unfortunately for the pig, Ryoko took it as a yes.
Satsuki grinned devilishly. Ryoko was off murdering some pig, which left the perfect opportunity. Prepare to be eaten, cake!