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From day one, Rinwell knew Law was going to cause her problems.
He was a nice kid, he really was, but he was so annoying. She wanted to keep her distance, only make herself known when needed, but he constantly kept trying to break through that barrier. He was persistent, no matter how many times she glared at him or told him to leave her alone. Law would walk away, or grow quiet, then try again another day.
She preferred to be alone. She had been alone for so long now, with the exception of Hootle. Her only mission in life was to kill the woman who slaughtered her family. There was no time for bonding with her teammates. While it was nice to have that camaraderie, she could also have made due without it.
No matter what she did to try and tell Law in the simplest way possible that she wanted to keep to herself, it never stuck. Even after she let Hootle become her personal defense that her words couldn’t be, he never got the message. At least once a day, he would ask her something personal, or if she was feeling okay, or if she needed anything, and her answers were always the same.
However, their journey (her journey really) to track down the Renan murderer took time. In that time, Rinwell finally caved and started accepting Law’s presence around her. Sometimes, he wouldn’t talk, just hand her some water or snacks that he managed to keep hidden from Kisara. Sometimes, he would sit next to her around the fire and strike up some nonsensical conversation. Sometimes, he would knowingly poke fun at her, then laugh when she would huff and tell him he wasn’t her boss and she could do whatever she wanted.
Rinwell started to believe that maybe he wasn’t as bad as she originally thought, and that she actually enjoyed his company.
Until they met Almeidrea, and her sole focus in life flashed before her eyes and nothing, and no one, else mattered to her.
She was so angry with Law for stopping her, but there was another pain in her heart she couldn’t describe. It took her a solid month to apologize to him, for saying she would kill him (she really thought she would have), and for taking so long to face him. He, of course, waved it off like he hadn’t been offended in the slightest, even if there was a trace of sadness buried beneath his overly exuberant smile.
“I’m just glad to know you’re okay,” he had told her. It confused her, since he should have been angry with her, but she chose not to comment. She accepted it as his character, far too nice for his own good, but it was something she didn’t know she would have needed.
Rinwell slowly started to feel comfortable around everyone after Almeidrea had been defeated. She began to sympathize for Shionne, her enemy at one point. She began to enjoy speaking to Dohalim about history, and she started to learn more about him. Alphen and Kisara were parental figures to her, always able to tell when she needed a break, or needed some time alone, or needed some words of advice.
Law continued to be Law, annoying, pestering, sweet, but she wouldn’t want it any other way.
She didn’t realize how much she had depended on him to be energetic until she started noticing the changes in his behavior.
It was rare, but she caught it. Law would always sit next to her around their campfire. No one else would dare sit on her right side because that had always been his spot. One night, he was nowhere to be found, but she easily dove into a book or another conversation and forgot about it. But after all the time they had shared, it became uncomfortable without him next to her. Like he was somehow a part of her and when he wasn’t well, she wasn’t well. It was the weirdest feeling, and she was determined to understand it and put an end to it.
Law was extremely quiet another time, literally kicking at the ground as they walked around the plains of Menancia. Rinwell wouldn’t say she missed his loud commentary, or the way his eyes would light up when they were about to fight, but something was off. And it was distracting her more than if he were to be his normal, loud, rambunctious self.
So, she carefully made her way over to him, and frowned when she caught sight of the scowl on his face. “Um, are you okay?”
Hearing her voice, Law quickly shot his head up, twisting it rather comically, like she had scared the hell out of him. “Oh! Um, yeah! Sorry. Did something happen?”
It was like some kind of switch. He was back to his usual self. Chipper. Excited. And it bothered her. Clearly he was hiding something, and he couldn’t be happy all the time, but the drastic change caught her enough off guard that she didn’t ask him about it.
“No. You’re just dragging your feet and someone needed to push you to keep up.”
He laughed shyly, and Rinwell thought she had imagined everything. “Right. Sorry. Don’t worry though. I wouldn’t dare fall too far behind.”
She almost, almost asked him if he was okay, but bit her tongue instead. Everyone was allowed their share of secrets. She certainly wouldn’t hold it against him for keeping to himself once. She let it slide, told him that they wouldn’t rescue him if he got lost, then remained in the back of the group to make sure he didn’t really fall behind.
There was just a feeling of dread she couldn’t shake off that day. It kept her awake that night. It scared her. It was still fresh on her mind after she woke up, sleeping a pitiful few hours. Never once did she ask him if he was okay, and never once did he seem like he was anything other than his usual self.
Over a week or two, it was easy to forget about. Maybe he just had a bad day, or wasn’t feeling well, or had some random dark thought seize his emotions and she just happened to see it.
But then she started to see that he was just better about hiding it than she was about seeing it.
There were nights she would toss and turn, either from nightmares or cold or simply being uncomfortable. Most of those nights, she was able to talk to someone or read a book or let Hootle calm her down so she could fall back asleep.
One night, Rinwell caught Law huddled by the fire. It wasn’t unusual, seeing it was his hour to keep watch, but she noticed his posture. His hands were in his hair, pulling every so often. She couldn’t make out his face being too far away, but she could have sworn he was angry. About what she didn’t know, and she didn’t feel comfortable asking. Rinwell just told herself it was another bad day, and he was allowed to have them just as much as the rest of them.
One night turned into several. Worse yet, some of those nights, Rinwell was close enough to notice the tears on his face. She felt horrible for him, wanting to get up and ask him what was wrong and tell him he could talk to her like he had always done for her. The only reason she stopped herself was in fear of his reaction. He was a boy. Boys didn’t cry in front of girls. Law had his pride, too. It hurt to ignore it, but she worried it would destroy him if he knew she saw him at his weakest.
Law was always back to normal come morning, and that was more than enough to ease her concerns.
For a while.
They needed to leave Ganath Haros for the Wedge, but they needed help keeping the peace. As Cyslodia was the closest realm, it made sense to ask Bregon for help. It would also be nice to check in on some of her old acquaintances, see if the city was still functioning, see how things had changed.
It was weird to say, but Rinwell was happy to be back in Cysloden. The sunshine was bright. The snow was pretty. It was cold, but it was worth it for the scenery. She hadn’t spent an extremely long time in the city, but she considered it her second home. It was nice to be back, even for a short while.
They all split up to do their own thing, so long as they were back at the inn for dinner. Law followed behind her, like she expected, and she didn’t mind. They made small talk as they walked around the city, checked in with some of the locals, and he even felt brave enough to throw a snowball at her shoulder. To be honest, it was fun, acting like a child, acting normal, but she made sure to get the final blow in when she chucked a snowball at his face.
They both laughed. It was oddly nice.
Then, she spotted one of the members of the Silver Swords, who had noticed her as well. Rinwell wiped some of the lingering snow off her shoulder as he approached her, but then she saw his anger. For a moment, she panicked about having too much fun while others still had to suffer so much. She was about to apologize for it, until he walked right past her, his rage clearly not directed at her.
Her eyes followed him just as he reared his fist back and punched Law square in the jaw. A hand flew to her mouth, her heart dropping to her stomach. Law at least was quick enough to balance himself on his feet before the force knocked him over, but she saw the blood on his lip, the confusion in his eyes…
“You stay away from her, Snake Eyes! It’s because of you we’ve lost so many good men! It’s because of you that everything went to hell here! You should have been the one to be executed instead of your father! At least he cared!”
Law didn’t even try to stop the second punch, and Rinwell watched in slow motion as he fell to the ground. The other guy continued to scream at him, tell him it was all his fault for everything, then dropped to his knees so he could continue his beat down with his fists. All she could do was watch, horrified, frozen by something other than the cold, and every attempt to stop the scene before her got caught in her throat until she was suffocating.
“You should be the one who is dead! Not my friends! Not my parents! Not so many good people in this damn city!”
Hootle was the one who flew from the back of her hood and over to her old comrade. He gave his shoulder a few pecks, enough to get him to release Law’s collar, then Hootle flew back to her.
His rage turned to her, and she was terrified he would attack her, too. “The hell is wrong with you, Rinwell? He’s the enemy! All this bastard is going to do is fuck people over to get what he wants!” He lifted his leg, and before she could tell him to stop, he kicked Law square in the chest. “He should be dead. Dead! Not walking free in this town like he was our friend!”
Her heart was hammering in her chest, yet she couldn’t steady her thoughts well enough to say anything. Instead, she walked around him and lowered herself to where Law was struggling to push himself up off the ground.
“Fine. Maybe you’re just as much a coward as he is, Rinwell.”
It angered her, but he had long walked away before she could tell him to shut up. Her attention quickly shifted back to Law, reaching out her hand to slowly help him into a seated position to see how bad his injuries were.
And he slapped her hand away. He wiped at his mouth a few times, coughed on a few breaths, but his eyes remained narrowed on the ground. The look scared her more than any monster she would ever face, because Law was never angry, at least not at her, and he was very much so now.
“I-I…I’m so sorry…”
She tried to reach out again, but he knocked her away again. It was hard watching him struggle to come to his feet, and she was quick to hers in case he needed help. Without even asking, she looped an arm around his back to help support him, and this time, he didn’t push her away.
He did try with words. “Stop. I-I’ll be okay.”
What could she possibly say to him? That her supposed “friend” was full of himself? He had no right to initiate a fight with Law, over something that wasn’t even true. Law didn’t deserve that level of animosity. He may have sided with the enemy once, but she had traveled with him for almost a year, and she knew him better than that. He was too kind, had too innocent a heart, a positive outlook on life and the future.
“Really. I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.” She tightened her hold and started to lead him back towards the inn. Law never protested after that. As soon as they were inside, surrounded by warmth and the aroma of Kisara’s cooking, Alphen and Shionne wasted no time hammering them with questions.
“What the hell happened?”
“Are you okay? Who did this?”
“Did you at least fight back?”
Rinwell left him in the care of the two of them and walked back outside, far too hot and angry to be around people. How could she let this happen? She literally watched someone beat her friend, probably her best friend, in a rage. Had Hootle not been the one to pull the attention away from Law, would they still be fighting? Would Law be dead?
After all he had done for her, all the times he said he would be there for her, she couldn’t offer him the same just once.
Dinner was an oddly quiet affair. Shionne had told her that Law would be fine, and that his missing presence at dinner had nothing to do with her. Rinwell wanted to believe that, but she knew better. He had every right to be upset with her. If she had been in a similar position, he would have fought for her and told her not to believe anything anyone else said because she had a good heart.
Alphen and Kisara tried to settle her down, but in the end, Rinwell remained in front of the fire long after everyone went to their room. She could only stare into the fire, wishing it could reach out and consume her for being a horrible friend. Hootle cooed softly on her shoulder, something he usually did when he knew she was drowning in guilt, but this time, it didn’t make her feel better.
She lost track of time, watching the fire slowly lose its energy and become nothing but a few pieces of smoldering wood. It got cold, but she couldn’t force herself to go to bed. The colder air pierced her skin, and she welcomed the slight sense of pain. She didn’t deserve to have good friends. She deserved to live life alone. She was the one who was the biggest coward…
A blast of colder air from behind her is what finally pushed her over the edge. Rinwell turned at the right time and caught Law walking out the door into the night. She was terrified he was going to confront the guy who beat him up and either demand a rematch, or let him kill him.
She was quick to jump to her feet and ran out the door the second the thought came to her mind. In the darkness, it was hard to see much of anything, so she walked around aimlessly trying to find him. He couldn’t have gotten far, as she noticed a small limp to his gait when he left the inn. Most of the citizens were in their home, asleep, so if he wanted to come face to face with the man he was looking for, he was likely to be very disappointed.
Even though she was freezing, and hungry, and tired, Rinwell told herself she would not return to the inn until she checked every square inch of Cysloden. While she kept her eyes on the road, her mind began to formulate her apology. She was sorry for watching him get hurt. She was sorry for not standing up for him. He was a good guy. He had a good heart. She was sure his dad would be so proud of him…
Something akin to a bolt of lightning hit her, and she was quick to change her direction. She knew where he would be going, she hoped anyway. If he wasn’t at the central plaza, the same place Zephyr was murdered at, then she would have no idea where he would be. He had to be there. It made her sad to think of why he would be there in the middle of the night, but maybe he just wanted to be closer to his dad and maybe it meant something to him…
That was exactly where Rinwell found him. And she felt her heart rip into pieces when she watched Law fall to his knees in the middle of the plaza and scream at the top of his lungs. His fists pounded the pavement several times until finally, he lost his steam and dropped his head to his knees. She could see his shoulders shake violently as he occasionally slammed one hand on the ground, distraught, weak, and shattered.
This was the kid she always expected to have a smile on his face. This was the kid she always expected to make her laugh, or at least make her feel better. This was the kid she always expected to be happy, because his happiness was infectious, and it kept everyone else from being so miserable.
All those times she saw a different side of him and never once did she think he was facing his own darkness. Never once did she reach out to him, even just to ask him if he was okay. It took watching someone she had worked with for months to belittle him for what he was before she opened her eyes.
Well no more. Whether or not he wanted her to be there, she would not make that same mistake again.
Her feet moved on their own, and as soon as she was right behind him, she dropped to her knees and put her arm over his shoulders. He stiffened at the contact and almost toppled over in fright. She didn’t let him get too far. “It’s okay. I’m so sorry for everything that’s happened.”
However, instead of him opening up to her like she thought he would have, Law had to break her heart as he wiped at his eyes, a smile on his lips, and a laugh escaping into the frigid air. “Sorry. I-I didn’t mean to walk off.”
“Law, stop this, please.” Rinwell grabbed the clothing at his shoulder and yanked on him until he was face to face with her. His eyes were wide, but at least she had his attention. “Don’t be fake right now. If you want me to leave so you can have this moment to yourself, then tell me. But please don’t tell me you’re sorry. Not after everything I’ve done to you, or haven’t done for you.”
She choked on a breath, then added, “But if you want to talk, about anything, I’ll be here. T-To listen.”
Never in her life had she been someone to offer a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to listen. She never really had friends until now, so it was all so new to her. Yet, it felt like the right thing to say to him. It always made her feel better when he said it. And slowly, week after week after week of pushing him away, she had finally learned to open up to him.
It was time she allowed him the same happiness. “Will you tell me…what’s wrong?”
Rinwell honestly thought he was going to tell her no, or laugh it off like nothing was wrong. She was quite surprised when he did neither. “Sometimes…I really feel like I deserve to die.”
Her mouth opened to dispute him, but she stopped when he chuckled sadly and looked down at the ground. “He was right, you know. How many people here died because of something stupid I did? My own father died because I was stupid. Sometimes, I wish I never left home. I wish I would have died instead of one of my friends. I wish that…that I could have been strong and smart enough to save my dad so he could be the one saving the world instead of me…”
He ran a hand over his eyes. “And I hate that I feel like this, because I am alive. I have to be strong. I have to prove to everyone that I can change so they aren’t haunting me in my nightmares.” Another sad laugh. “Even if they always do.”
Rinwell slowly pushed him back by his shoulders, but his eyes never lifted from the ground. “Hey.” She waited, and waited, until she shook him and forced him to look at her. It was like she was talking to a different person, someone so devoid of life, of happiness, of energy. It made her realize just how susceptible anyone could be to their own personal demons.
“I am glad you left home. I’m glad that you became one of the Snake Eyes. I’m glad all of this has happened. Because if it didn’t, you wouldn’t be here. I never would have met you. And to me, that’s a loss I’m not willing to go back in time and accept just to keep the masses here happy.”
She inhaled deeply before continuing, unable to stop the words from spilling out into the open. “I don’t think you realize what you do for all of us. When you’re anxious or worried, there’s tension between everyone. When you’re quiet or hurt, no one really talks, or does much of anything.”
Then, she let her heart take over for her. “Your dad was a wonderful man. He treated all of us so well. But, Law, I always feel him around, because he lives in you. You always cheer us up, just like he would do. You always try to make all of us happy, just like he would do. You fight with everything you have, even when you have these feelings, these doubts, and he always did the same.”
It was weird to be so talkative without knowing what she was really saying. However, her words seemed to work in her favor. At least she hoped. There was something different swirling in Law’s eyes, and it could have been bad, or it could have been good. She never really examined him this closely before.
She was about to ask him if he was okay, if she had said too much, or if she had said something to rub him the wrong way, when he dropped his head onto her shoulder. One hand lifted off the ground to her back, followed by the other, and he held onto her like a lifeline. She chose to keep her question to herself for now, letting herself comfort him with actions rather than with more words.
To say it wasn’t awkward was an understatement. Rinwell had never let anyone this close to her, physically or emotionally. The last time she had someone hold her like this was her mom or her dad. The memory was evading her, and all she could remember was the feeling. And she sure as hell felt the same now. The feeling was powerful, enough to shut down her mind and give into her heart for the first time in years. It was weird, but not all that unpleasant.
Law cried softly into her shoulder for a few minutes, then leaned back, exhausted. “I’m really sorry you had to see me like this.”
She offered him a smile, a weak one, but he saw it, nonetheless. “I’m not. If you’ve done anything for me, it’s always being there, whether I want you to be or not, when I’m at my weakest. I’m just doing what you have always done for me.”
Slowly and silently, Law pushed himself to his feet, then turned and extended his hand to her. She accepted, and once she was standing in front of him, she spoke back up. “And don’t ever think you deserve to die. Or I’ll tell Kisara you are a vegetarian, and you’ll never eat meat again!”
Rinwell thought it would bring back his smile, and it did. Law threw his head back and laughed at her. “Oh man, that’s one hell of a punishment!”
Something warm came to her heart, and it made her face heat up. Which made her push against his shoulder lightly. “So cheer up. And don’t be afraid to talk to me if you feel like this, okay?”
He smiled at her, and it was the first smile she saw that she could feel. She hoped to see it more often. “Thanks, Rinwell. I wish things could have happened differently, but, I really am glad that I met you.”
They both began to head back to the inn when Law came to a sudden stop. Rinwell worried that maybe he was still upset about something. He looked up at the sky, but instead of sadness, he seemed…content? Proud, even? She couldn’t find a word to describe it, but in that moment, she knew he was going to be okay.
“I’ll make you proud, Dad,” she heard him whisper in the air, then he met her eyes with another smile. “After all, I have someone who will set me straight when I start to slip, right?”
Rinwell nodded and told herself that she would do anything to keep that precious smile in her life.