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Jackson’s grin is wide and easy as he steps up to Mark in the middle of the training room, and despite Mark having to look down just the slightest bit to see into his eyes, he’s nervous. His stomach is twisting itself into knots and all Mark really wants is for this be over. His wings twitch, and Jackson’s grin just turns that much more mischievous.
“Okay,” Chansung yells from the side of the room, even though he doesn’t really need to, “Get ready, when I say ‘go’, it’s time.”
Mark nods, and Jackson gives him a wink, then Chansung’s voice is ringing through the room one more time before Mark stops thinking, and starts moving.
Fighting Jackson is a lot like fighting a hurricane. Mark never trains with him because everything he does is so overwhelming he doesn’t know how to fight back. Jackson is so in the moment, constantly moving in every direction, and it makes Mark’s head spin in all the wrong ways. Now is no different, and it should be, because they’re being graded on how well they do, but Jackson just comes at him with all he has.
So Mark gives it all back. He’s not losing, not this time. Losing means extra time in the training room, and Mark does not want that. When Jackson ends up on his ass, with the wind knocked out of him, he smiles down at him victoriously.
“Not fair!” Jackson whines, struggling to sit back up, looking and sounding every bit the petulant child he is, “You used your wings, that’s cheating! I’ve only got four limbs!”
Mark shrugs, offering a hand down to pull him back up. Chansung is laughing off in the corner, and Mark’s pretty sure he should actually be checking them for any serious injuries.
“Next time?” Mark offers, and Jackson gives him a grin just as wide as when they started.
“Next time.”
---
“So, I heard Mark kicked your ass.” Jaebum throws an arm around Jackson’s shoulder as soon as he catches up to him in the hallway.
“Whatever, I nearly had him,” Jackson groans, pushing at him, “It’s not like every guy you fight has wings anyway.”
Jaebum laughs, shaking Jackson with the arm he has over his shoulders.
"Ah, are you being a sore loser?"
Jackson feels entirely justified in using all of his strength to push Jaebum onto the floor.
“C’mon, man,” Jaebum grumbles, his hands automatically going to make sure his glasses are still intact and secure on his face. He gets back up and immediately slings his arm right back over Jackson’s shoulders. “It’s not that bad is it?”
“It is, now I have to spend my free period training with Chansung.”
“And,” Jaebum leans in close to mock whisper in Jackson’s ear, “the angel boy you have a crush on totally crushed you.”
“That’s not- I don’t-” Jackson’s can feel the heat radiating off his face, and he fans himself harshly, “I do not have any sort of crush on anyone. I am Jackson Wang, if I did I would already have them.”
“Sure, okay.” Jaebum laughs, giving a thumbs up that Jackson thinks is corny and only proves how old he is. “Whatever you say.”
“I’m gonna kick your ass.” Jackson mumbles, shoving Jaebum again.
---
Jackson's next class is basically an excuse for him to nap. Taecyeon is excitedly chattering about something, but Jackson hasn't been paying enough attention to know what it is. Taecyeon doesn't ever bother him, but unfortunately, Jinyoung isn't ever that nice.
"What the hell?" Jackson jumps up out of his seat, staring at where his hand ripped part of the wood off the desk.
Jinyoung has a very carefully blank expression, and he's blinking innocently at Jackson.
"Oh no," he says, "what happened?"
Jackson splutters, waving his hand in front of Jinyoung's face.
"You froze my hand to the desk, you dipshit!"
"Boys," Taecyeon interrupts, fondly exasperated, "please wait until after class to goof off."
"But he froze my hand!" Jackson wails, turning away from Jinyoung to wave it around to the rest of the class. "I could have gotten frost bitten!"
"Could you?" Taecyeon asks, looking mildly intrigued.
"I don't," Jackson pauses, arms crossing over his chest, "I don't know, but that's really not the point."
"Well, both of you can discuss the point with Professor Park after class." With that Taecyeon turns back around, and Jackson flops back into his seat, sending a glare to Jinyoung who only flashes him a wicked smile before turning back to his notes.
---
“I can’t believe you got us in trouble,” Jackson groans, trudging along beside Jinyoung, “wait, actually, I totally can, but I’m still mad.”
“C’mon, man, I did you a favor,” Jinyoung turns to him and winks. Jackson mimes gagging. Jinyoung is so disgusting.
“How did you do me a favor?”
“Pretty angel boy helps Professor Park out around this time, you can woo him with your amazing getting out of trouble skills.”
“Yeah, thanks,” Jackson rolls his eyes, “that’ll really be a great impression. Hi gorgeous, I’m always getting in trouble because of this punk right here, don’t you wanna get with this?”
Jinyoung laughs far too loud for Jackson to keep his temper and he’s about to push him, or whine, or both, but they’re basically outside Professor Park’s office, and he really doesn’t want to deal with getting in even more trouble.
“Whatever, man.” Jackson grumbles, pulling open the door to the office. Jinyoung shrugs, walking in ahead of him.
Jackson had been hoping Jinyoung was joking about Mark, but here he sits, in all his angelic glory. Jackson is so screwed.
“Good afternoon, Jackson, Jinyoung.” Professor Park smiles, and motions for them to sit down. Mark is shuffling through papers in the corner of the room, and Jackson thinks he sees his wings twitch when Professor Park says their names. “What brings you here?”
“Taecyeon asked us to come see you after class, sir.” Jinyoung says, bright and chipper. Jackson really regrets not pushing him when he had the chance.
“Really?” Professor Park’s eyebrows go up, like he’s pretending to be surprised, “And why did he ask you to do that?”
“Well,” Jinyoung starts, and Jackson can visibly see the change in his demeanor, and he already knows Jinyoung’s not actually going to sweet-talk them out of getting into trouble, but he’s going to enjoy watching him embarrassing himself while he tries, “There was just a little accident in class, not a big deal or anything, but Taecyeon thought it would be best if we came and saw you.”
Jackson bites his tongue to stop himself from shouting about how this all Jinyoung’s fault, and he really, really should not be here. He doesn’t think that would impress Mark. Not that he needs to impress him, but he keeps looking at Mark’s expression in his peripheral vision and he can tell that he’s trying to hold back a smile. He’s going to punch Jinyoung as soon as they’re out of here.
“An accident?” Professor Park smiles at them and gestures for Jinyoung to go on.
“Yes,” Jinyoung continues, still smiling brightly, “I didn’t realize what I was doing and froze poor Jackson’s hand to his desk.”
Jackson splutters, whipping around in his seat to stare at Jinyoung. Poor Jackson his ass, Jinyoung definitely knew exactly what he was doing.
“Something you’d like to say, Jackson?” Professor Park asks, looking a little too amused for Jackson’s comfort. He’s about to say that Jinyoung is an ass, who deserves something terrible, before he remembers Mark is sitting in the corner of the room.
“No, Professor,” he mumbles, turning back around in his chair to stare resolutely at the floor. Maybe counting the number of threads in the carpet will distract him from another outburst, and the possibility of actually attempting to punch Jinyoung.
Professor Park’s tilts his head, like he has to think really hard of an appropriate punishment for them. Jackson is nearly positive he doesn’t have to think that hard. It’s not like he and Jinyoung aren’t constantly in and out of his office. “Jackson, I understand you have extra training with Chansung this afternoon. I think Jinyoung will have to join you. Perhaps it can help him with his self-control.”
Jinyoung sinks a little in his seat, barely avoiding groaning out loud. It’s not worth whining around Professor Park. He only gets scary if you push him, but if you do, well, Jinyoung and Jackson have both learned their lesson about that.
“And Jackson,” Professor Park adds, “why don’t you help Mark here? I’m sure he could use a hand.”
Jackson gapes at Professor Park, but before he has a chance to protest, Mark is speaking up from the corner of the room.
“Professor, its not really necessary,” he mumbles, eyes darting between Jackson and the floor.
Professor Park glances at Mark, and then back to Jackson. He gives a little wink, and Jackson feels a little mortified.
“I’m sure that it is. Now, excuse me boys, I have a meeting to get to.”
Professor Park leaves, and all three boys let out a deep exhale. Before Jinyoung interrupts it with a cackle.
“I’m off, since apparently you two have some really serious paperwork to get to.”
He bolts out the door before Jackson gets the chance to hit him. There’s always next time.
“So, uh,” Jackson begins, but Mark is already shaking his head, pointing to Jackson’s chair like he wants him to stay there. Jackson can’t really say he’s surprised when he finds he doesn’t move at all.
“You stay, I got it.” Mark says decisively.
Jackson whines, and wiggles in his chair. “Am I just supposed to sit here and watch you do whatever it is you’re doing?”
“Yes.”
“But that’s so boring, can’t I at least do something?”
“No.”
Jackson whines again, and flops so his arms hang down by side, body slumped down in his chair. He wants to do something, and he can’t possibly just sit here and watch Mark. Well, he thinks, he probably could just sit here and watch Mark, but that doesn’t seem like the brightest idea. Possibly. Mark is beautiful, ridiculously beautiful, if he’s being honest, and Jackson tries his best to be. The windows in Professor Park’s office let in the light perfectly, and Mark looks exactly like a painting of an angel Jackson swears could be in some fancy museum. Mark is fine art. Jackson almost giggles out loud at the thought, and he knows it’s corny, but, well, its true.
Still, he can’t sit here. He’s already squirming around in his chair, and he hates sitting. He could be helping. He’s supposed to be helping.
“Can I please do something?”
Mark turns and glares at him, then sighs, “Fine. Fine, but you can’t ruin it.”
Jackson hops out of his seat, straightening himself quickly. “I won’t ruin anything! Promise. I’m the best.”
Mark ducks his head down, trying to hide his smile, but the glimpse Jackson catches of it is enough to have him grinning twice as wide.
---
“So,” Jinyoung grins, pushing Jackson’s chest, “how was filing with Mark?”
Jackson groans, flailing out and hitting Jinyoung a couple time, but mostly the air.
“He didn’t even want me to help!”
“Big surprise,” Jinyoung snorts, “I wouldn’t let you around important paperwork either.”
“Hey! I’m plenty helpful, and very well organized.”
“Sure, ok,” Jinyoung nods, “more importantly, how’d actually spending time with your angel boy go?”
“Ugh, he’s so beautiful. He’s an actual angel. Do you understand? An actual angel.”
Jinyoung cackles, which Jackson finds highly offensive, because Mark is.
“But did you actually talk to him, or did you just make a fool of yourself?” Jinyoung questions, that rude smirk on his face that Jackson would really love to punch off right now. “I mean, it’s basically the same thing, but-”
“Shut up, Jinyoung. Of course we talked, do you think we filed in silence for an entire hour?”
“Boys,” Chansung calls, “you are actually supposed to be training not gossiping.”
“Yes, sir!” Jinyoung shouts, before kicking Jackson in the leg. He giggles as Jackson yelps, and tries to swat at him.
They can hear Chansung sigh, a muttered “that’s not really what I had in mind”, but he leaves them to it.
---
“Break week!” Jaebum yells, jumping on top of Jackson.
“Get off me,” Jackson shrieks, attempting to wriggle away from underneath him on his bed. “God, you’re so heavy.”
Jaebum rolls off of Jackson so he’s next to him on the small bed, and Jackson gives him one last push for good measure.
“Break week,” he begins with a flourish of his hand, “is next week. There’s going to be a party, and it’s going to be wonderful.”
“Yeah, wonderful.” Jackson mumbles.
“I bet your angel boy will be there, and then you can woo him with your amazing beer pong skills.”
“Are you and Jinyoung in cahoots with this whole wooing thing? Because it’s not working at all. He probably hates me.”
Jaebum snorts, “Yeah, sure, he does.”
“He might!”
“How would you know?”
“I don’t. I mean, he’s started to let me help more when we do paperwork stuff but, god, he’s so perfect. I don’t understand how he got so perfect.”
Jackson sits up abruptly, startling Jaebum out of his eye roll at Jackson’s ridiculousness.
“Jaebum. I want to cook him dinner. I want to kiss his cheek, and tell him how beautiful he is. Jaebum, I’m fucked.”
Jaebum laughs so hard Jackson feels a little worried for him. It’s not that funny, really.
“Talk to him at the party, spend a little time together. Don’t get too drunk and make an ass out of yourself. Or do. I hear boys love that.”
“Shut up.”
---
“So,” Jackson begins, fingers just slightly trembling as he puts folders into the drawers, “break week is next week.”
Mark nods, not really looking at Jackson. They’re standing close to each other, both at a separate filing cabinet with a box of disorganized file folders at their feet. Alphabetizing folders isn’t the worst thing Jackson could be doing on a sunny afternoon.
“Are you going to the party?”
“Probably.” Mark shrugs, and Jackson almost wants to groan at how boring he’s being. Shouldn’t someone this pretty at least be able to string a few sentences together?
“Aren’t you excited about the break?” Jackson asks, exasperated.
“I guess.”
“Mark,” he starts, spinning on his heel to get a better look at him, but his hand catches on the drawer and he ends up yelping in surprise. “Shit. That hurt.”
Mark lets out a surprised laugh, high pitched and, well, if Jackson’s honest a bit hyena like.
“Excuse me?”
“I’m sorry.” Mark says, attempting to keep a straight face.
“No, I’ve been trying to make you laugh for weeks, and the thing that gets to you is me slamming my hand in a metal door?”
Mark laughs again, and Jackson’s mouth opens and closes, before he figures, fuck it. He would like the weird one.
---
Spending so much time with Jackson isn’t unpleasant, really. He’s loud, sort of whiny, and doesn’t ever stop rambling. Mark doesn’t mind it, except the whiny part. He could deal with that stopping.
He’s not bad at helping him either. It’s just that Mark doesn’t really need help, and he enjoys a little quiet time in his day. Helping in Professor Park’s office had been the one time of day where he got to be alone.
His roommate is nice enough, and is almost never home. Mark doesn’t really know what he does when he’s away, since it seems like all he does when he’s home is sleep. Like now, it’s only six at night, but Youngjae is fast asleep in his bed when Mark opens the door to their room.
“Oh, shit, sorry, man.” Mark mumbles, turning the light off and grabbing his phone out of his pocket so he can use it like a flashlight. Youngjae groans a little in his sleep, but seems unaffected.
---
Jackson’s new favorite pastime might be sighing heavily while rolling around in his bed, and daydreaming about Mark. He night dreams about Mark too, actually, but that seems unimportant because he doesn’t have a choice in that.
He could be thinking about other things, like the exam coming up Taecyeon’s class. He’ll probably ace it, if he can stop thinking about Mark long enough to remember what Taecyeon talks about.
Exams are held on the last day before break. Which, to Jackson at least, seems like a bad idea. Nearly everyone is focused on how they’re going to sneak booze into the party, or what they’re going to wear, not at all on school things.
Really, Jackson huffs, what’s the point of being a kick ass mutant if you still have to do all the bullshit normal things people do in school?
---
Jaebum’s got his smug face on when he meets Jackson in the hallway outside of his last practical exam. He nearly turns around and walks right back in. He’d rather deal with Chansung than a smug Jaebum.
“Jackson.” Jaebum says, hugging Jackson way too tightly.
“What are you so happy about?” Jackson groans, but leans in to the hug anyway.
“Oh, you know, getting amazingly good grades, getting amazingly drunk tonight, and amazingly laid.”
Jackson snorts, “Yeah, ok.”
“Sorry I’m not hung up on someone who doesn’t care about my existence.”
“He does too care!” Jackson nearly shouts, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Jaebum.
“Easy there, tiger.” Jaebum holds his hands up in a pacifying gesture.
Jackson sticks his tongue out at him. He is, after all, very mature. Laughing, Jaebum throws an arm around Jackson’s shoulders and steers him towards the exit of the main school building.
“C’mon, be happy. It’s gonna be a good night.”
---
Jackson may spend a good amount of time on getting ready, but really compared to Jinyoung it’s nothing.
“What are you still doing?” he whines from his place on Jaebum’s bed. He and Jaebum have been ready to go for at least forty five minutes, but Jinyoung is still in the bathroom.
“I’ll be out in a second!” Jinyoung yells.
Jackson huffs, and Jaebum shrugs, handing him a glass.
“We’re pre-gaming without you.” Jaebum calls, and it makes Jackson a little happier about the situation when Jinyoung groans.
“Fine,” he hollers, “I’m coming out.”
Jackson doesn’t manage to hold in his laughter when Jinyoung opens the door, and Jaebum doesn’t do much better.
“Oh my god,” he cackles, “what did you do?”
Jinyoung groans, walking over to snatch Jaebum’s drink out of his hand and draining it much faster that he probably should.
“I just thought I’d trim my bangs and it got a little out of control.” He grumbles.
“Here, come here.” Jaebum giggles, pulling Jinyoung closer. “It’s not that bad, put a little more eyeliner on and people will barely notice.”
“I look like a vulcan.” Jinyoung wails.
“I don’t know what that is,” Jackson says, “if that helps.”
Jinyoung whines again, loudly, and Jaebum gets up to crowd him into the bathroom.
“We’ll make your eyes stand out more, people won’t even notice.” Jaebum repeats, putting his hands on Jinyoung’s shoulders comfortingly.
“Hurry up about it, we’re gonna be way too late.”
Jaebum glares at him, and Jackson shrugs back. They are going to be too late.
---
The party is held at the dorms furthest from the main building. They're reserved for the oldest students, since they're far enough away where you can't tell what's going on in them from where the teachers stay.
Most of the teachers know that the party is happening. Its a small school, so its not like the students can really hide anything. They let it happen even though they probably shouldn't. Mutants don't get too much of a break in life. The teachers figure they should at least get a small chance at having a high school experience similar to kids who aren't mutants.
The party is well under way by the time Jackson, Jaebum, and Jinyoung get there. Jinyoung pouts about his hair the entire walk down to the dorms, but the second they set foot on the stairs he shuts up. They're all pleasantly buzzed, just fuzzy enough to feel loose, and Jackson lets out a loud whoop when they get to the front door.
"Ready?" He asks with a grin, and the other two grin back, nodding as they open the door.
Its going to be a good night.
---
Mark isn't the biggest fan of parties. He likes dancing, enjoys the company of a few friends, and sure, he's been known to enjoy a drink or two, but this party is going to be huge. Well, huge by the standards of a school this small. Still, Mark finds himself putting a little effort into his outfit and walking out of the comfort of his own dorm down to where the party is.
Mark's been to enough of these to know exactly what to do when he walks in. A lot of nods and smiles, and gently pushing around people till he gets to the kitchen. He makes himself a drink that's a little on the strong side, and then finds a nice wall to stand against.
"Isn't that uncomfortable?"
Mark turns, and there's a girl standing next to him that he thinks he knows. He can't quite recall her name, but he thinks he recognizes her from somewhere.
"I mean, standing against the wall like that when you've got those giant thing on your back?"
Jimin, Mark remembers, is her name, and he knows her from how often she's in Professor Park's office. She's a good kid, just goofy.
He shrugs in response to her question, and she sticks her tongue out at him.
"Fine, I won't make conversation."
She walks off without another word, quickly finding and clinging to the arm of another girl that looks about her age. Mark really doesn't know her name. That's not too surprising, the new kids are always hard for him to remember. He's been here for a very long time.
A lot of the mutants here can pass as a regular human. They don't have anything that makes them stand out, and as long as they don't act out, there's no reason for them to be out of society.
Mark wasn't so lucky. His wings, well, there's not much he can do about them.
He groans, downing the rest of his drink quickly. It burns a little going down, but its a welcome distraction. This isn't a train of thought he'd like to follow most of the time, and here, at a crowded party, is probably the worst time for it.
---
“Jinyoung,” Jackson whispers, and when Jinyoung doesn’t even look at him he decides it may better to shout, “Jinyoung!”
“What?” Jinyoung snaps, turning around to face him. They’ve been in the kitchen for an excessively long time, Jaebum has already ditched them for something more entertaining.
“He’s coming,” Jackson whispers again, eyes widened as far as they can go. Jinyoung starts giggling, and Jackson pulls a face at him.
“It’s not funny! What do I do? Jinyoung. Jinyoung. I’m drunk.”
They’re both visibly drunk, with glassy eyes and flushed faces. Jinyoung’s a little better off, more because he holds his liquor better than because he’s had less to drink. Jackson has one hand on his shoulder, the other clutching the countertop, and he’s staring Jinyoung dead in the eyes.
“I can’t.”
“Dude.” Jinyoung says, barely managing to hold in his laughter, “You should probably hide.”
“Yes,” Jackson nods, “that is the best idea.”
Jackson releases Jinyoung, and then the countertop, and crouches ever so slowly onto the floor. He starts opening up cupboards one by one, until he finds an empty one with no shelves. He’s about to push himself into it when Mark finally makes it into the kitchen.
“Jackson?”
Jackson stills, and Jinyoung barely suppresses his snort of laughter.
“Mark?” Jackson questions, raising an eyebrow at him. He starts to push himself into cupboard, ass first, bending uncomfortably at the waist. It’s too late to hide from Mark now, he thinks, but he certainly doesn’t want to look like he was trying to hide from him. He has to keep doing what he was doing.
“Jackson, what are you-?” He doesn’t finish his sentence, instead he gestures at Jackson with both of his hands, his face the most puzzled Jackson has ever seen it.
“Oh, just, uh, you know,” Jackson starts, gesturing back like it explains things.
“He was hiding from you.” Jinyoung blurts, helpfully, so helpfully. Jackson is going to throttle him, he really is. He tries to stand up too quickly, but forgets himself and then the cupboard door is shattered and on the floor.
“Shit,” he mutters.
“Well, I’ll be going!” Jinyoung turns and runs out of the kitchen, using Jackson’s moment of distress to his advantage. It doesn’t matter. Jackson will get him later.
“You were hiding from me?” Mark asks, and he doesn’t look angry. He’s got a small smile, just barely there, and, shit, Jackson wants to kiss him. This is exactly why he needed to hide.
“Uh,” Jackson straightens, and pulls one of the bottles on the table closer to him. “Round of shots?”
Mark snorts, and Jackson smiles, nudging him with his shoulder.
“It’ll be fun!” He says, much too enthusiastically, grabbing two clean plastic shot glasses from the counter. “It’s bonding!”
Mark laughs, and Jackson can feel himself melting. He keeps his mouth shut, he doesn’t want to say anything about Mark’s laugh, or his teeth. His teeth are giant. They must be at least twice the size of Jackson’s teeth. He slaps a horrified hand to his mouth, touching his teeth through his lips. No way, his teeth aren’t that small. That would be, weird, or something.
“Jackson?” Mark’s voice cuts through his thoughts, and he nods quickly, twisting the cap off the bottle.
“Shots,” he says, pouring slowly into the empty glasses. Mark gives him a funny look, but grabs his glass all the same when Jackson pushes it over to him.
“To bonding!” Jackson shouts, raising his glass in the air. Mark chuckles, and taps his glass against Jackson’s. The plastic doesn’t clink, but it’s still satisfying. Jackson’s face scrunches up the second he pulls the glass away from his face.
“Too much for you?” Mark asks.
“Never,” Jackson retorts, “and you’re supposed to say the toast out loud too! It’s ruined now.”
“Sorry,” Mark says with a giggle. A giggle. Oh my god, Jackson thinks, taking in a deep breath.
“We have to do it again now.”
Mark shrugs, motioning at Jackson to go for it, so he does. He’s maybe already had just a little too much to drink, but the room isn’t spinning, and he doesn’t feel nauseous, so to hell with it.
---
Jackson stumbles onto the front porch, Mark’s arm around his waist. They’d been fighting with the door for approximately five years, he’s positive of it.
“Mark,” he calls out, dragging out the vowel sound for much too long.
“Jackson.” Mark says back, louder than normal, but still not a match for Jackson’s drunken howling.
“Mark,” he says, seriously, plopping down onto the front step and pulling Mark down with him. They teeter dangerously for a moment at the top of the stairs, before managing to steady themselves. “Mark, I have to tell you something.”
“Hm?” Mark’s eyes are closed, and he’s got his head tilted back, arms laying uselessly at his sides. Jackson fidgets, he wants to kiss him so bad. Even on the cheek, the tip of his nose, god.
Jackson reaches out, and grabs Mark’s hand in his. Mark opens his eyes for that, head lolling to the side so he can open one eye and look easily at where Jackson is at his side.
“Mark, I,” he takes a deep breath in, this is it, “Mark, I really like you.”
Jackson shuffles closer to Mark, and noses at his jawline gently till he gets to the side of his mouth. Their lips are so close to touching, but Mark stiffens, and shit, Jackson thinks, I fucked it up.
“I’m sorry, I just really, really like you. I think about you all the time, and I want to kiss you so much and-”
Mark stands abruptly, and Jackson has to brace himself on the stairs to keep from tumbling down them.
“Mark?”
Mark rushes down the stairs, and Jackson wants to rush after him, but Mark is moving so quickly and before he can really get his body to move Mark is gone.
---
Jackson wakes up the next morning feeling terrible. He tries to move, because his mouth tastes terrible and he needs to brush his teeth, but when he tries it feels like his head is moving faster than his brain and his insides are sloshing around. Nope, he thinks, lying back down slowly, I will stay right here.
He’s not even sure how he got back to his room last night, the last thing he remembers is- shit.
The last thing he remembers is trying to kiss Mark on the front porch.
He groans, rolling onto his face too quickly and it makes him groan again, this time because of how queasy the sudden action made him feel. He can’t believe himself. That was possibly the worst idea he’s ever had.
Scratch feeling terrible, this is the worst he has ever felt in his life. Worse than when he had chickenpox when he was ten, because at least then his mom was there to fix it. Worse than the night this all happened and he ended up in this place without his mom to fix it.
How could he think that a drunken confession was the way to go?
Fuck it, he’ll think about this later. He needs more sleep before he can process this.
---
The next time Jackson wakes up he feels mildly better. He can move without wanting to throw up, but his mouth tastes even more terrible.
He grabs his phone from his bedside table on his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth, and is surprised by the amount of texts he finds waiting for him. It’s mostly Jaebum, and a few from Jinyoung, wondering where he went last night. There’s a couple winky faces in the ones from Jinyoung, and Jackson grumbles angrily, accidentally squeezing the toothpaste too hard. He’s still going to throttle Jinyoung when he sees him. He texts Jaebum back, ignoring Jinyoung entirely, and asks him to come to his room.
---
Jaebum comes over surprisingly quickly. Jackson’s been laying on his bed staring at the ceiling since he finished brushing his teeth, hoping that maybe his bed would fall into a hole that went straight to the center of the earth.
“What happened?” Jaebum asks, bursting into the door without knocking. Jackson is sure that he locked it, but it doesn’t really matter.
“I fucked up,” Jackson answers hollowly. Jaebum pushes him over so there’s room for both of them on the bed, and Jackson immediately turns to bury himself in Jaebum’s chest. “I really fucked up.”
“Tell me what happened.” Jaebum says again, wrapping his arms gently around Jackson.
“I tried to kiss Mark,” he mutters, “I told him I liked him.”
“Ah,” Jaebum says, running one of his hands soothingly up and down Jackson’s back.
“He just left! He didn’t even say anything, he just left me there.”
Jackson can feel tears start to well up in his eyes, and he sniffles, pushing himself closer to Jaebum.
“I fucked it up so much, he’s never going to talk to me ever again.” Jackson’s voice cracks, and he can’t stop himself from crying in earnest.
Jaebum doesn’t say anything else, just holds Jackson until his breathing finally steadies. It’s a while before Jackson finds his voice again, and he half expects Jaebum to get up and leave before he does. Jaebum is a much better friend than he gives him credit for.
“What am I gonna do?”
“I don’t know,” Jaebum says, quietly.
“I have to be alone with him and file papers, the most boring thing ever, when break is over.” Jackson wails. Jaebum pats his back, and Jackson can’t see his face, but he can tell he’s smiling.
“You’ll figure it out.”
“How?”
“C’mon, who’s the better at awkward situations than you?”
---
Jackson walks into Professor Park’s office on Tuesday half expecting Mark to not be there. He wouldn’t be surprised if Mark never wanted to see him again, or if he’d figured out a way to convince Professor Park to make it so they didn’t have to be in his office at the same time. Jackson wouldn’t be able to really help him that way, but he suspects Mark doesn’t really care about that.
Mark is in the office when he gets inside though, standing close to one of the filing cabinets and pulling out certain files with one arm while the other holds a growing a stack.
“Hey.” Jackson says uncertainly, leaving the door open a little bit behind him. He doesn’t want to be boxed in with Mark right now, and he doesn’t want Mark to feel like that’s what he’s trying to do.
Mark barely glances at him, only nods briefly in his direction. Jackson probably deserves this, and at least Mark is being civil. Jackson can’t help wishing he would be a little more- something. He doesn’t know. If he’s angry, or if Jackson ruined this friendship entirely, or if Mark just needs time, Jackson wants to know. He needs to know, really, but he can’t pry at Mark. Not when Mark so easily closes himself off.
They’d spent weeks together in this office, years before in the same school, same classes, building a tentative friendship. Mark was just starting to let Jackson in, and he can’t believe he threw it all away because he couldn’t just keep it to himself.
“There’s a box that needs to be put away over there.” Mark says, pointing to a cardboard box on the floor. It’s nearly overflowing with files, and Jackson knows he has to keep his hands busy if he doesn’t want to start talking. He doesn’t want to start talking. His talking is what caused all of this in the first place.
Jackson sighs, a little too loudly, but Mark doesn’t even look at him. He trudges over to the box, not even bothering to keep Mark in his peripheral vision while he starts filing things away. Normally, he keeps Mark where he can see him while they talk. Jackson doesn’t think they’re going to be talking any time soon.
---
“He didn’t say anything to me,” Jackson whines, rolling around on Jaebum’s bed. Jinyoung and Jaebum are sitting on Jinyoung’s bed, both watching with mild amusement as Jackson tangles himself in Jaebum’s blankets.
“He must’ve said at least one thing to you,” Jinyoung says.
“Ugh, shut up. He told me what to file that’s it.”
“That’s at least something,” Jaebum offers. Jackson can hear the suppressed laughter in his voice.
He’s not wrong, but it’s definitely not what Jackson meant. However drunk he may have been, he still confessed to Mark. He’s used to something a little more dramatic happening after that sort of thing. Shouldn’t there be something more dramatic after that?
“You’re thinking about it too much,” Jaebum says, “just talk to him.”
Jackson sits bolt upright, snapping his head to stare at Jaebum. Jinyoung is giggling, pressing his face into Jaebum’s shoulder.
“Talk to him?” Jackson asks, shrill. “Just talk to him?”
“Yes.” Jaebum says, and Jinyoung has passed into full on laughing now. Jaebum pushes him off his shoulder.
“It’s not that complicated.” Jinyoung shrugs, collecting himself. “Just say, ‘hey we need to talk’ and then apologize, and tell him you’ll back off if that’s what he wants.”
“You make it so sound so easy.” Jackson throws himself back down on the bed, staring intently at the ceiling.
Maybe, maybe it would be that easy. He could just pull Mark aside, say sorry, and try and move on. If Mark doesn’t want to be around him anymore, then he won’t be around him anymore. Jackson wouldn’t ever want to make Mark feel uncomfortable, not intentionally. He still can’t believe himself. He’s making a vow to never drink again, or have crushes. Crushes are evil.
“You can do it,” Jaebum speaks softly, carefully, “Jackson, you feel terrible about this. Mark obviously isn’t feeling great about it either. You have to at least give talking to him a chance.”
“Alright.” Jackson declares, “Alright. I’m gonna do it.”
---
Being determined to actually talk to Mark doesn't help Jackson actually talk to him. They see each other often enough, but Mark is always so stiff and monosyllabic when they do that Jackson feels too guilty to bring anything up. Its been a week and a half since the party, Jackson knows he's got to say something, but he finds himself freezing up whenever he has the chance. He just doesn't want to make Mark feel any worse. He doesn't want it to be his fault that Mark feels bad in the first place, but, well, its a little too late for that.
Chansung's class is usually a safe bet for not thinking. Jackson gets to throw himself into movement and momentarily forget his troubles. Sure, Mark is in the class, but they never work together.
"Jackson," Chansung calls after their warm up drills, "pair up with Mark today. You need someone who can beat you."
Jackson scowls, it makes Chansung laugh a little, but Jackson's only partially scowling because of Chansung's oh so funny joke. He usually lets them pick their own partners unless its a test, and there's no test.
Shit, Jackson's not prepared for this. Mark doesn't really look too pleased either. Its sort of hard to tell, but Jackson can see that Mark's wings are a little closer to his body than normal. He's tense. Mark is tense and its Jackson's fault. Jackson's made it so they can't work together in a situation where they're not even talking. Shit.
Jackson walks up to Mark slowly, shrugging his shoulders and letting out a quiet laugh. Its awkward, but Jackson bumps his elbow against Mark's, trying to diffuse the weirdness between them. It does not help. He didn't really think it would.
Chansung continues to yell out pairs. Jackson supposes he's had enough of them goofing off, and pairing them up himself might eliminate some of that. Jackson's not paying attention. He's staring at Mark, who is staring very resolutely at the floor.
"Alright," Chansung calls out louder, trying to gain back their attention, "There should be practice weapons next to each of you. We're going to work on disarming each other. Let's get started!"
Mark picks up one of the weapons from the ground, and tosses it at Jackson. Its a knife, not that big and made of cheap plastic. Jackson turns it over in his hands a couple times, and then looks up to Mark.
"Ready?"
Mark nods.
This time, when they fight, Mark is ready. They haven't practiced together since exams, but he's been watching. Jackson moves fluidly, always just one second faster and that much smoother than his opponents. He uses all of his body without hesitation.
Mark often hesitates. He tries so hard to keep his wings stationary, pulled tight against his body and out of the way. They're a part of his body, but he never uses them like they are. Jackson is much stronger than many of their classmates and just this one time, Mark doesn't make himself hold back.
The knife clatters to the floor, and so does Jackson. Mark presses his knee into the small of Jackson's back, one arm twisted behind him and Mark's grip on his wrist is too tight. Jackson doesn't try to buck him off. He's lost, so he accepts defeat.
Mark gets off him a second later, and tosses him the next practice weapon the second they stand up. Jackson's mouth drops open, eyebrows comically high, but he catches the weapon all the same.
"Shouldn't it be your turn to be disarmed?" He jokes warily. Mark shakes his head. Jackson doesn't know what's gotten into him, but seconds later he's once again fighting a losing fight.
They go through all the practice weapons. Jackson thinks he's putting up a pretty good fight, and he knows he's stronger than Mark, but he still loses every single time. Mark's attacks aren't enough to seriously injure him, it is practice after all, but they're still vicious, still too much for Jackson to fend off.
They're both sweating heavily when Chansung yells for all them to get out of here. Mark only nods at him before he's walking away. Jackson stands right where Mark leaves him, perplexed. Mark just fought harder than Jackson's ever seen him fight, and he has to know why. He knows he fucked up, but its not like he physically hurt Mark. Not that Mark physically hurt him, but he used his wings to fight him. Jackson spends enough time watching Mark to know he never does that. Not unless he's pushed into a corner and its his only way out, and even then its rare.
Jackson stomps off after Mark, determination pulling his lips into a straight line. He's going to do this. He's going to confront Mark. They're going to talk.
He walks into the shower room, Mark is pretty easy to spot, especially when you spend so much time thinking about him. Jackson grabs him by the elbow, turning him around so they're facing each other.
"Look," he starts, but the bewilderment on Mark's face makes him soften his approach. "Mark. We have to talk."
Mark frowns at him, shaking his arm out of Jackson's grip. He stays in front of him though.
"I know I fucked it up, but we were friends, man. Can we please talk about this?"
Mark sighs, and slumps into himself. It makes something jump in Jackson's chest.
"Fine, we can talk," Mark mutters, "but not here. Just, later, ok?"
"Sure, yeah, whenever." Jackson nods, speaking too quickly. He was fully expecting to have to convince Mark, he was so sure there was no way Mark would just say yes.
"I'll find you later." Mark mutters again, and then he's walking off, leaving Jackson alone.
---
Jaebum is positive he’d be content to never hear about Mark ever again. He doesn’t dislike the guy or anything, he’s just so tired of listening to Jackson go on and on about him. At least today there’s something new in his usual rants on the subject.
“He said he’d talk to me! After he totally kicked my ass, again. I wonder why I can’t beat him? I’m definitely stronger than him. That doesn’t make sense. But Jaebum! He said he would talk to me! He said he’d find me!”
Jackson’s pacing back and forth in Jaebum and Jinyoung’s tiny room, talking a mile a minute, with his mouth and his hands. Jaebum doesn’t think he could keep up if he tried. Thankfully, he’s not really trying. Jackson doesn’t need him to actually listen until he’s calmed down enough to make sense, for now, he needs to talk.
Jackson’s thinking out loud isn’t something Jaebum understands. He can’t pretend he doesn’t go off sometimes himself, but Jackson is always like this. Like his thought process doesn’t count if someone isn’t there to validate it for him.
“Jackson,” Jaebum interrupts him when his pacing starts to slow down, and he’s just repeating the same sentences over and over. “Sit down for a minute.”
“I’m serious, Jaebum,” he says sternly, but still flops down on Jinyoung’s bed, “I can’t fuck this up again.”
Jaebum nods, agreeing soundlessly, but still sympathetically.
“He’ll never talk to me again, and I can’t deal with that. I can barely deal with whatever is happening now.”
“You’ll have to let him talk to you.”
“What do you mean? We’re gonna talk, of course that means he’ll talk to me.”
“Jackson,” Jaebum laughs despite himself, “you have to stop talking for long enough to let him get a word in.”
“I always let people get a word in!” Jackson shouts, throwing one of Jinyoung’s pillows in Jaebum’s direction.
“Ok, but listen. You start talking and you never stop whenever you’re nervous, so you have to make yourself stop. If you want this to get better you have to listen to what he has to say. No matter what it is.”
Jackson yells something unintelligible, and it makes Jaebum laugh even more.
“You’ll be fine, kid.”
“We’re the same age!”
“Then act like it.”
---
Jaebum’s advice, however rude he sounds when he gives it, is usually good. Its true that, sometimes, Jackson can be a little overbearing. He knows that about himself. He gets excited and he can’t stop himself from taking up too much space, from being too loud. He doesn’t want to scare Mark away, so he’s going to be calm. He can do that. People are calm all the time, it can’t be that hard.
When Mark finds him in the hallway after one of his classes, he thinks maybe he’s overestimated himself.
Its the last class of the day, so Jackson is all but running out of the door. He doesn’t even catch a glimpse of Mark before the other taps his shoulder. Jackson jerks his head around quickly, looking both ways before turning around and seeing Mark. He’s looking sheepishly at the ground, and Jackson almost wants to smile, but then he remembers why Mark has found him and his stomach drops.
“Come with me.” Mark says, voice lilting up at the end even though it’s not really a question. Mark is barely looking at him, but Jackson nods anyway. He finds his voice is caught in his throat and he should say something, but he can’t. Mark must have seen him because he’s walking away and he doesn’t check back to see if Jackson is following him.
Jackson wasn’t sure he was ready for this talk. He’d wanted this, but now that its here he’s ready to bolt. He’s barely even looking at where Mark is leading them, too caught up in the feeling of dread in his gut. There’s no way this is going to be good. Jackson’s basically already lost Mark as a friend, this is just a nice way to seal the deal.
“Ok,” Mark says, pushing out a long breath after, “here is good, I guess.”
They’re out in the yard, far away enough where no one else will hear them, or see them really, unless they were truly trying.
“Ok.” Jackson’s throat is dry, and even saying the one word was harder than he thought it would be. Mark’s got his hands in the pockets of his pants, and he’s standing incredibly still. Jackson’s worried he’s not going to say anything else, that maybe he has to start saying something, but what does he say? What can he say?
“I’m sorry,” he blurts. It’s the first thing that comes to his mind, and it’s probably the first thing he should be saying. Mark stares at him, eyes a little wide, he looks surprised that Jackson said anything at all. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Mark stays quiet, stands there stiff as a board, and its making Jackson even more than nervous than he was before.
“It was fucked up of me, and I’m sorry. I can’t say it enough. We were having a good time, I got carried away. You have every right to be mad at me. I’m sorry, I should never have done that. I’m sorr-”
“Jackson.” Mark cuts him off before he can apologize again, and Jackson realizes he’s doing the exact thing Jaebum told him not to do.
Mark takes one of his hands out of his pocket and runs it through his hair, sighing loudly. He looks just as nervous as Jackson feels, and he hadn’t really thought about that. He’d never thought that there’d be any reason for Mark to be nervous.
“I’m not,” Mark swallows, breathing deeply, “I’m not mad at you, really? It was just, you know, we were drunk. Really drunk.”
Mark pauses, chews absentmindedly on his bottom lip, and Jackson has to fight to keep quiet. He has to let Mark finish.
“Do you- do you really like me?” Mark’s voice is shaky, he sounds so unsure of himself.
“Yes.” Jackson answers without hesitation.
“Oh.” Mark says, and Jackson wants so badly to tell him exactly how much he likes him and exactly how much these past couple weeks have fucked him up, but he stays quiet. “I, uh, I like you too.”
“What?” Jackson squeaks, his arms flail upwards and he’s so dumbfounded. If Mark likes him too then what the hell have they been doing?
“I’m sorry.” Mark says, his voice is still shaking but there’s a touch more confidence in his tone. He’s already said the worst of it, might as well let it all out now. “I thought that you just said it because you were drunk, and I panicked. I couldn’t trust what you said then and I, shit man, I’m sorry.”
“What?” Jackson is honestly shocked. He hadn’t expected this. He’d expected to apologize, and then have Mark tell him he never wanted to talk to him ever again. This is, well, Jackson is unprepared.
Mark laughs, shrugging slightly. Jackson has no idea what’s funny.
“You like me?” Jackson says.
“Yeah.”
“Then why did you try to kill me in Chansung’s class?”
Mark laughs louder this time, and Jackson stares at him incredulously. He really needs to be let in on this joke.
“I was working out my feelings.” Mark replies when he stops laughing.
“Oh my god.” Jackson feels like crying, or throwing himself onto the ground and having a full on tantrum. This is ridiculous.
“Sorry?”
“I can’t believe this.” Jackson settles for stomping once, tantrums aren’t attractive.
“I said sorry,” Mark shrugs, “and we figured it out now?”
Jackson groans, rubs his hands over his face. They haven’t really figured anything out, knowing that they like each other doesn’t really do anything for that, except for figuring out that they’re both entirely ridiculous and they could’ve avoided so much awkwardness in the past couple weeks.
“We know we like each other, yes.” Jackson says, and he’s not sure how to phrase what needs to come next, because he wants to figure this out. They like each other, but what does that mean?
“Yeah.” Mark turns away from Jackson, and Jackson is terrified he’s going to run away again and they’ll spend the next two weeks avoiding each other again. “Be my boyfriend?”
Jackson barely catches it, Mark mumbles way too much and Jackson wasn’t really expecting him to say anything like that. He’d assumed he’d be the one to do that. He wanted to be the one to do that.
“Jackson?”
“Yes!” Jackson nearly shouts, coming out of his thoughts too quickly.
“Yes to what?” Mark’s face is red, and he’s doing that thing where he stares off to the side of Jackson’s face rather than actually looking at him.
“Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend.”
“Oh. Good.”
Its Jackson’s turn to laugh. Mark is still bright red, but he doesn’t protest when Jackson reaches out and laces their fingers together.
---
“Jaebum!” Jackson yells, banging on the door to Jaebum and Jinyoung’s room. “Jinyoung!”
“What do you want, asshole? It’s too early!” Jinyoung yells back through the door.
“Open up!” Jackson whines, still banging on the door. He hears some shuffling from inside and then the door finally opens. He’s greeted by Jinyoung, with no shirt on and his eyes barely open. Jaebum hasn’t even gotten out of bed. Jinyoung turns around and goes right back to Jaebum’s bed, leaving Jackson to bounce inside after him.
“You guys,” Jackson says excitedly, jumping onto Jinyoung’s bed. Jaebum groans, turning to rub his face into Jinyoung’s neck. Jackson can only see the back of his head, and he nearly laughs at the glasses cord sticking out. Nerd.
“Why did you let him in? It’s too early.” Jaebum grumbles.
“Because some people can’t sleep through everything.” Jinyoung snaps, although it lacks any real venom. Probably because he’s too tired.
“Guess what happened?” Jackson continues, ignoring their complaining. Jaebum grunts, but neither of them give a real answer. Jackson is undeterred. “Mark and I talked yesterday, and he asked me to be his boyfriend.”
“Congratulations. Now go away and come tell us at a reasonable time.” Jinyoung says.
“It’s ten! This is a reasonable time. Be excited for me! I have a boyfriend.”
“I said congratulations.”
“Did you kiss him yet?” Jaebum asks.
“No,” Jackson pouts, “but that doesn’t matter.”
Jaebum pulls the blanket over his head, and Jackson can see his body shuffle closer to Jinyoung’s underneath it. Jackson sighs, loudly, so they both know how disappointed he is in their lack of reaction.
“We’re happy for you, Jackson, honestly.” Jinyoung says, eyes squinting because of how tired he still is.
“We really are.” Jaebum echoes, not bothering to come out from underneath the blankets. “We’ll be even happier for you if you go bother Mark instead of us.”
“You’re terrible friends.” Jackson announces, jumping off of Jinyoung’s bed. He’s leaving if this is all he’s going to get.
“We love you too!” Jinyoung yells as Jackson shuts the door.
---
Jackson, Mark realizes, is an incredibly corny person. He loves to walk Mark to his classes, to hold his bag, to interlock their pinky fingers when they’re walking anywhere together. The most surprising thing about all of this, is that Mark loves it. He’d always cringed at the idea of anything so comically romantic, but Jackson does it all so naturally he can’t help letting it happen. Still, it’s a little embarrassing when Jackson meets him after his last afternoon class and immediately grabs his hand.
“I wanna take you somewhere.” Jackson whispers. He looks so excited that Mark finds himself nodding before he even thinks to ask where.
Jackson grins, pulling on Mark’s arm to lead him off somewhere. It’s worth it, every corny thing Jackson loves to do, to see him smile so much. Jackson looks so genuinely happy when Mark agrees to things. Its not that he looked sad before, but Mark gets to be the reason for his smile. He doesn’t know that he’s ever been anyone’s reason to smile before.
Mark isn’t really paying attention to where Jackson is leading them. Trusting Jackson comes much too easily for him, considering the amount of times he’s seen him in trouble. (Jackson would blame every one of those times on Jinyoung, Mark knows, but it can’t all be his fault.)
“Here we are!” Jackson says, loudly, dropping Mark’s hand to spread both of his arms out in a grand gesture.
“The roof?” Marks raises his eyebrows at him. Students aren’t allowed up here. Mark didn’t even know there was a way to get up here without a key, and only teachers have those.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” Jackson’s not looking at him, he’s standing a little too close to the edge for Mark’s comfort, looking wide eyed around them. “I love it up here.”
“How did you know how to get up here?”
“I used to sneak up here a lot, when I first came here.” Jackson’s answer is quieter than normal, and there’s a smile on his face but its wrong, somehow. Subdued. “It was difficult, but I liked it up here. Kept me calm.”
Mark nods, he can understand that. He doesn’t know how old Jackson was when he came here. When Mark got here he didn’t- well, he wouldn’t have noticed Jackson. He wouldn’t have noticed anyone.
“I hated it here. Felt like being caged up.” Jackson whispers, tilting his head up towards the sky. “Up here it felt like I was free again.”
Mark shivers, there’s a breeze today that wasn’t so bad on the ground, but on the roof he feels it. It blows over his feathers and he spreads his wings out, just to feel it slide underneath them. Its nice, this feeling. The wind is relaxing when its soft like this. He’s standing far enough away from Jackson where he doesn’t notice what Mark’s doing, but he hears the noise of the first flap of Mark’s wings.
Jackson turns quickly, face still skywards, and he watches with fascination as Mark takes off. He’s not that high, only enough to feel the wind slide smooth underneath him. Jackson’s not sure he’s ever seen anything more beautiful.
---
“I don’t fly often.” Mark admits. They’re huddled on Mark’s bed, both still shivering from the cold. They couldn’t stay on the roof as long they both wanted to. Winter is coming faster than anyone is ready for. “It felt nice, up there. Thank you.”
“Your wings,” Jackson says, unsure, “do they, uh, bother you?”
Mark stiffens, and Jackson feels his own face flush. He doesn’t want to scare Mark away again. He should’ve known better than to ask a question like that. Its too personal It's a part of Mark that he can’t change, that he had no say over in the first place.
“Sometimes.” Mark answers shortly. Jackson is sure he’s crossed a line, he’s about to start apologizing and making his way out the door. He can’t believe he’s messed it up again so quickly.
“They make me uncomfortable.” Mark says, after a long pause. “They’re so big, and there. Everyone is always looking at them. I never-”
Mark stops, and he inhales sharply. Jackson reaches his hand out to place on Mark’s knee, an attempt to soothe him. Mark looks up at him from underneath his eyelashes, and Jackson thinks he can see the glisten of his tears.
“I never got a chance to hide who I was. What I was.”
Oh, Jackson thinks, of course. Fitting in is rough for them, for all of them. Mark, though, he sticks out everywhere.
“I couldn’t go to school. My parents had to hide me.” Mark laughs, bitter, and it barely even sounds like a laugh. Jackson stares at him, surprised. “I can’t even buy clothes. That’s so silly, but-”
“No.” Jackson interrupts, not caring if it’s rude. “It’s not silly to be upset by things.”
Mark hums, his voice thick, and then he’s quiet. Jackson can hear his own pulse, if concentrates he can hear Mark’s too. Both of their hearts are pounding.
“I’m sorry.” Mark says, finally.
“It’s ok, I get it.”
Mark’s head snaps up, and something flashes across his face. Anger, Jackson thinks, he’s angry.
“How would you get it?”
“Ah, well.” Jackson shrugs. Then he stands up, pushing himself away from Mark. He has to pull from deep inside of himself but it happens. His bones pulse uncomfortably, his skin feels too hot, and his tongue too small. He always thoughts that part was funny. That his tongue was suddenly just the tiniest bit too small for his mouth. He blames it on the teeth.
“Oh.” Mark breathes.
“Yeah.” Jackson’s voice is deeper like this, he likes that part.
“I didn’t know you,” Mark shakes his head like he’s at a loss for words, “I didn’t know it was like this.”
“I make stuff, medicine, I guess? To hide it. Of course, that’s how I got like this in first place. I’m a genius or something.” Jackson laughs, a barking laughter, just as bitter as Mark’s earlier.
Jackson gets back on the bed, he takes up more space now. The bed isn’t that big in the first place, but they’re pushed even closer together now.
“Its not as easy to change back without it.”
“I don’t mind.” Mark sounds awestruck. Jackson is a little pleased, if he’s being honest. “Can I-?”
Mark reaches his hand out, not far, there’s barely any space between them, and Jackson nods. Mark places his hand on the side of Jackson’s face, his fingers curl around his neck and his thumb strokes gently at his cheek.
“You’re soft.” Mark whispers, and then he’s scooting closer, bringing his other hand up to touch Jackson as well. “I thought it’d be more, I don’t know, wiry.”
Jackson laughs, shaking his head. Mark is close to him, and its making his heart beat uncomfortably fast. He can hear it even better now, his own and Mark’s, and Mark doesn’t seem to doing much better.
“Nope. A big fuzzy beast.” He says, and then he lets himself sink down onto the bed, so that he’s laying down. Mark follows suit. Its mildly awkward, laying down next to each other without touching. Jackson’s feet touch the end of the bed, and he’s glad he took his socks off when they came in. Socks feel weird on his feet when he gets like this, and his claws almost always ruin them.
Mark drapes his arm over Jackson, pulling his body in closer to his. Jackson notices that even though they’re laying on their sides, Mark is tilted so that he’s nearly laying on his stomach. His wings must get in the way of so much. Jackson shifts so that he’s laying more on his back, pushing his arm underneath Mark’s head, and Mark is forced to turn more onto his stomach to make the position work.
“Are you doing that on purpose?” He asks, his face pushed into Jackson’s chest.
“Maybe. Does it bother you?”
“No.” Mark answers, and honestly it doesn’t. He didn’t even have to think before he answered. Jackson is thinking of him, he’s trying to make things easier for him, but he doesn’t seem to feel guilty about it. Mark hates that. He hates being pitied, hates when people think that something is wrong with him but they won’t say it. Jackson isn’t bothered by his wings, and why would he be, really? Still, Mark expects it, and Jackson, well, he’s a lot of what Mark doesn’t expect.
Mark doesn’t expect the hand on the nape of his neck, running down till Jackson’s hand is stopped by his wings and then back up again. Its soothing, lulling, and Mark suddenly realizes that he is very tired, and Jackson is very warm.
Jackson puts his chin on top of Mark’s head, tucking Mark even closer into him. Mark can feel his jaw work to stifle a yawn, and it makes him smile.
“Nap time.” Jackson announces, his hand still rubbing gently at Mark’s back.
Mark makes a noise of assent, not bothering to lift his head up to say words.
---
Its dark when Mark wakes up, still pressed against Jackson. They'd fallen asleep with Jackson's hand still on his back, and its curled around his neck now. Jackson is snoring, quieter than Mark would think he'd snore. Mark doesn't feel like moving, he's sort of worried he'd wake Jackson, but mostly he's comfortable and warm. Its nice, being this close to someone.
Mark holds his head back a little bit, trying to see Jackson's face when its relaxed with sleep. His nose is still small like this, cute and button like. Mark finds he has the urge to kiss it, and he immediately blushes. He tucks his head back against Jackson's chest in an attempt to avoid such thoughts.
"Hm?" Jackson grunts, voice thick with sleep.
"Nothing." Mark mutters. "Go back to sleep."
Mark's attempt to not wake Jackson up useless, he decides he might as well get up. Its comfortable here, but he's starting to wonder what time it is and if they've missed dinner.
"No." Jackson says, tightening his grip on Mark's neck and grabbing Mark's arm thats laying across his stomach. All he did was lift his head up, but Jackson was apparently aware of his thoughts.
"We should check the time." Mark says softly. He's trying his best not to smile, it'll only encourage this kind of behavior. Jackson is being awfully cute though.
"Why?" Jackson whines, kicking his legs.
"Dinner?"
"I'll eat you."
"Nope." Mark shouts, cringing. He jumps out of the bed and away from Jackson's reach.
Jackson's eyes are still closed, but he's smiling all the same. His canines are huge, Mark thinks, he probably could eat him. He shakes his head, trying to clear the thought away.
"Get up, let's go see if there's still food."
"Go check for me." Jackson whines, opening his eyes just enough to look pathetically at Mark.
"Fine." Mark huffs, but he can't keep the smile off his face. Luckily, Jackson's eyes are already closed.
---
Jaebum has barely seen Jackson in weeks. Normally he's banging on his and Jinyoung's door at least once a day, but these days Jaebum is lucky if he gets his door knocked down every few days.
"Stop pouting about it." Jinyoung says, absently running his hands through Jaebum's hair. "We should be happy about it."
"I am," Jaebum insists. Its not a lie. He can't remember if he's ever seen Jackson this happy before, and he's thankful for it. Jackson is generally a happy guy, but he gets into moods easily, and it takes a lot to draw him out. Mark seems to be able to keep him happy, and that does make Jaebum happy. He can't help missing him every now and then.
"C'mon, think of all we can get done without Jackson constantly breaking down the door."
"Like what?" Jaebum snorts. They're just laying in bed, his head on Jinyoung's shoulder while they catch up on reading for Taecyeon's class.
"Like this." Jinyoung says, turning his head to press a soft kiss to Jaebum's lips.
"Oh," Jaebum says, "that."
---
Sometimes, Mark worries that Jackson is too much for him. Mark thinks about the gravity of Jackson’s feelings for him, and worries that he will never be able to give him the same. Mark feels for Jackson, but he doesn't think he's ever felt with the intensity that Jackson is capable of.
As overwhelming as it is, Mark has never felt more secure. It doesn't seem to matter what Mark is doing, if Jackson is there, he's looking at Mark like he's the most spectacular thing he's ever seen. Mark's always thought people were just talking up the feeling of being loved, it couldn't be that great, but Jackson makes him think differently.
Even asleep, like he is now, snoring softly and spread out over Mark's bed, Mark knows the last thing he thought about before passing out was him. There's a plate of snacks on his desk, a little note attached to it that says not to stay up too late. Its signed 'Love, Jackson', and yeah, Mark does.