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[KIHYUN] Kihyun’s smile is definitely guilty
Why did you keep smiling? The others would think like me. No, smile. No, Don’t smile. Do smile. I love you. I’m betting my life on Yoo Kihyun. Deal.
He never expected it would come in that way. Kihyun couldn’t control his laughing right after reading a fan cafe post from username shownuayo posted on June 7th.
Back before it happened, it was supposed to be his time to take a light sleep on the way home after the Midnight Idol broadcast with Changkyun. Before he closed his eyes, he noticed the maknae giggled happily. Changkyun was seriously watching something on his phone.
“Why are you giggling like that?” Kihyun asked curiously, seeing the amusing face of Changkyun. He kept giggling while showing his phone screen to the older one. His screeching sounded like a cat.
“Shownu hyung’s monbebe vlog part 2 is up,” Changkyun stated, holding back his giggles. He leaned back in his previous position to watch the rest of the duration. He shook his head in a funny way between amazed and unexpected. “He really made a monbebe account for himself.”
“What?” Kihyun frowned with his signature scrunched nose, not really catching up with the meaning.
“Yeah, he made a fan cafe account. He did album reviews and the commenting under Monbebe’s posts. It was so funny when he found a monbebe post about clenching buttholes.” Changkyun giggled softly, slapping on his own thighs remembering the scene. He put on his headset, ready to watch the next.
“Why monbebe talk about clenching buttholes?” Kihyun seemed to get lost in the conversation. Although he is so diligent in reading Monbebe’s posts, it was around comeback week so maybe he didn’t have much time to read them all due to the packed schedule.
“The title is so funny, right. Actually, it was about voting.” Changkyun peeked at the older, grinning widely. “Just watch it, hyung. Shownu-hyung sent messages for each of us, too.”
“Really?” He rounded his eyes, interested in the “messages” that Changkyun mentioned. It had been a few days since he exchanged messages with the oldest due to lack of time. Sometimes they made phone calls but it wasn’t enough to conquer missing feelings. “What is his account name?”
“Of course, It’s Shownuayo. Who would do it like him?”
That’s when Kihyun finally found the mentioned private message in the fan cafe and then he couldn’t hold his laughter anymore at the “cringe” message from the leader for him but who knows that it actually made him so happy. He replied to the messages shortly with an endless laughing back sound. He seemed to forget how to have a light sleep because that message was too much. Changkyun was frowning deep as he spotted Kihyun’s face glowing, illuminated by his cell phone light in the middle of the twinkling night. He smirked while shrugging his shoulders and then continuing his watch on the interesting vlog of the leader. He had been waiting for all episodes since the first episode.
After arriving at their dorm, Kihyun took his time to take a shower before going to sleep. It was a routine. He couldn’t stop his giggling since he read that an unexpected post, making the Maknae confused with his extraordinary tension that night. Actually, it was a normal thing but why was he so happy? Although each of the members got the messages too. It didn’t mean he was that special but it felt special. Whatever it was, Kihyun thinks it was beyond special.
Of course, he didn’t forget to watch the second part of the vlog as Changkyun said. He would watch it. He didn’t watch it in the car because he didn’t know what kind of expression he would have if he watched it right away after reading the message, especially when Changkyun was there also. It would be embarrassing. He has to be a cool Hyung for Changkyun at least. So he chose time before drifting to wonderland to watch it.
Kihyun crawled over his bed and covered himself under the blanket. With a fresh and clean body, good skincare for his face, ready for sleeping, it was a perfect situation. He took his phone on the nightstand and then his fingers typed fast to find the subject vlog video posted on their youtube account. He clicked on the video and watched it.
Kihyun couldn’t help but giggle as he saw the leader with his trademark white shirt and backward cap show up on the screen. It was the same clothes as the last episode in which he remembered that the leader got so much Kihyun-related merch when did lucky draws and unboxing the albums. He was mad last week because Shownu called him a ghost in the photocard but well, at least Hyungwon also got the same treatment.
It was amusing, seeing Shownu do those things. With his angry eyebrows, while chewing on the chips, typing his reviews of the album, replying to Monbebe’s posts with cheering messages, fighting with the giant bear beside him, Kihyun was amazed by his natural charm. It was easy to do those things in a fake but he could see Shownu did that with sincerity. The way he talks was honestly the cutest, didn’t match with his big build. It made him remember how lonely it was when there was no Shownu when they did the promotion.
He bit his lips, holding back his laugh with his palm in the part of Shownu typed messages for the members. It started with Hyungwon first with clickbait subject and then proceeding to message for Changkyun which had always been Monbebe’s questions all the time. The next one was Jooheon’s message that may be the best way to show how Monbebe always changed their biases every single time. Shownu was known as Joohoney biased but actually, Kihyun is a little bit jealous of it although he knows how great the rapper is. It was amazing how Shownu imitated the way Monbebe usually does. It was touching. Of course, Kihyun didn’t expect that Shownu’s message for him would come next.
“Gosh, I’m blushing.” Shownu said in the video with his reddened face and goofy laugh after typing ‘I love you’ for Kihyun.
Kihyun didn’t know why Shownu typed messages for him like that. It was a happy night after they did the Midnight Idol broadcast but it became more exceptional after watching Shownu’s vlog video, especially the messages for each member. Right after messages for Minhyuk and the ending of the vlog, Kihyun couldn’t help but miss Shownu so much. He immediately opened the kakao talk, searching the name of “Shownu-hyung” and starting to type a message.
KH: “Hyung. Why did you send messages in the fan cafe to me like that?”
He sent the messages and kept his eyes on the screen. There was no answer however Kihyun kept smiling like a schoolgirl waiting for his crush to reply. While waiting for the reply, he scrolled through their last chat which was 3 days ago only to ask about their lunch menu but it was a short chat because Shownu had to go back to work while Kihyun had a solo schedule. It has been hard to have conversations with the older lately due to their respective separated activities.
It had been 15 minutes but the reply seemed not to come in. It was nearly midnight, maybe Shownu had already gone to sleep. It was disappointing because Kihyun was so excited that night and didn’t want to easily end it with this hanging situation. He needed an answer but it didn’t come. He sighed in disappointment and then put his phone back on the nightstand. He buried himself under the blanket, trying to find a comfortable position facing his back to the nightstand because he was dissatisfied with no reply. He closed his eyes for a second and suddenly opened his eyes big because there was a vibration sound from his phone. He took the phone as fast as possible to see what the cause of the vibration was.
SN: “What do you mean? What messages?”
Kihyun was about to throw his phone at the reply. Sometimes Shownu is always like that, either innocent or trying to look foolish. But Kihyun needed to be patient, he didn’t know what kind of situation the older one was going through now so he tried to be in his shoes. He typed so fast due to emotional changes.
KH: “Your monbebe experience vlog part 2 is up on our youtube channel. You sent messages to each of us with your account shownuayo.”
He added the last sentence to make it clear what he pointed about so Shownu wouldn’t play stupid again because 3 days ago before they ended their chats, they talked a bit about part one of the monbebe experience vlogs. His message was read in the next second by Shownu but there was no reply. There was a 5 minutes gap before Shownu replied to the message, Kihyun was about to burst out in a rage.
SN: “Oh. Hahahaha. I am eating pork belly now.”
Such a thing Shownu would do in the midnight but it was not the right time. Kihyun pouted seeing the “hahahaha” part too much. He could imagine Shownu laughing with his shoulders shaking, looking cute but stupidly annoying like a burger rolling on the floor.
KH: “What do you want me to do? Smiling or not?”
He was tired of waiting so he would attack at once. It was happening again, the 5 minutes gap after Shownu read the messages and didn’t reply shortly.
SN: “Don’t smile—”
Shownu replied and Kihyun immediately typed his reply and was about to sulk about that but before he pushed the button send, there was an interruption from the older.
SN: “—No. Do smile.”
SN: “Oh. Wait. Don’t smile.”
KH: “What the fuck.”
Kihyun interrupted the three dots from Shownu before the next message came in. He tried to be patient but it was a waste of time. It had been too many times Kihyun tried to seek confirmation but the older one always played it a fool.
KH: “Why did you imitate Monbebe’s way of speaking?”
SN: “Because it’s a Monbebe experience. I want to experience being a Monbebe when I was on hiatus.”
It was a bit shocking why Shownu suddenly replied so fast although he always replied so slow in this kind of situation. It was suspicious. Kihyun typed eagerly due to Shownu’s fast reply so maybe he would find another answer he needed asap.
KH: “So, why did you give me ‘I love you’ and couldn’t say ‘I love you’ to Hyungwon?”
SN: “I love all of you guys.”
Kihyun rolled his eyes, sighing tiredly at the last reply. ‘You guys’, he said.
KH: “Please be serious, hyung.”
There was no reply but Shownu surely read the message. At the end of the day, usually, Kihyun was the one who surrendered and he felt this time he would do the same thing.
SN: “I’m serious.”
KH: “Then tell me why you only said ‘I love you’ to me? Your bias is Jooheon, right?”
SN: “I complimented him though.”
His short replies made Kihyun’s emotions boil. The most annoying thing was that Shownu didn’t answer the important questions. He punched his bed to express his feelings instead of frustrated screaming that maybe could make Changkyun woke up or the worst was Minhyuk overhearing. It will be a problem the next day.
KH: “Then why are you betting your life on me?”
SN: “It’s the promotion tagline.”
Shit. Kihyun was about to curse under his blanket. He looked so petty with that question, he admitted that but also he couldn’t hold these hanging situations anymore. He lied on his side, facing his face to the wall and peeking to the door to make sure that he already locked his bedroom, afraid that suddenly Minhyuk would break into his room like yesterday. He held the phone with both hands, typing so fast to defend himself.
KH: “You can do that with Jooheon’s messages. He is the composer of the song. Why does it have to be on my messages? You can say another thing like my voice or whatever.”
SN: “... haha.”
The three dots with ‘haha’ were the most exhausting thing he would stare at the screen at night. The light on his phone and dimmed light in his room made his eyes stung. Kihyun had been hoping that tonight will be a clear situation between them. Even in this current separated location and situation, they always communicated well compared to the other members. Shownu was quite active to send him messages and it was mysteriously weird but Kihyun didn’t hate that. Even though his messages were mostly unnecessary, Kihyun waited for them every day.
KH: “What’s with that ‘haha’? Are you joking with me? You always like that to me, hyung. Stop playing with me.”
Kihyun gasped as he realized that he already tapped the send button. His last message was the worst one because he never did such a thing to Shownu. He looked extremely sensitive and insolent suddenly in the conversation. After all, Shownu is older than him. He always shows respect to the leader and never says something that crosses the line to their respective position in general.
SN: “What do you mean? What do you want me to say?”
But whatever it was, Kihyun was beyond saving his life. He already said something crossed the line so there was no going back. This hanging situation between them was exhausting and Kihyun didn’t have enough patience because Shownu was far away and he missed him so much. There was no other way to solve this problem except confronting it or it won’t happen forever. It was hit or miss, trial and error.
KH: “Stop doing those things to me, hyung.”
SN: “What do you mean? I don’t understand.”
Kihyun sighed. Eventually, that night was the wrong choice of attack.
KH: “You said I have a pretty smile. You said ‘Love you’ when you posted my candid photo with the dog in the fan cafe. You said ‘Best view’ with my photo in Jeju as the attachment in fan cafe. You said you want me to piggyback you until we get old in Universe. You said if you can live alone with one of us, you want to live together with me while holding your shit stick man picture of me doing vacuum cleaner. And then now you pretended to be a Monbebe and said ‘I love you’ and bet your life to me? You never did the same thing to the others. What are you trying to do? Stop making me fluttering and giggling like stupid! Just say it to me directly! I’m tired of it!”
It was a long, sensitive message. He tapped on the send button without rereading what he typed for the older. Kihyun was over with these unbalanced feelings towards the leader. If he won’t get the answer then he will finish it now.
There was another silence in the chat room. Shownu did read but didn’t reply. There weren’t any three dots showing Shownu typing. It was quite a long time, exceeding 5 minutes. Kihyun became sweaty and anxious although the room was quite chill yet the atmosphere in his mind and body was fighting with each other.
What if Shownu-hyung overslept while reading this message? What if he is not in the right situation to have this kind of talk? Am I going too far? Am I hurting his feelings? Why he doesn’t reply?
Kihyun was overthinking. He tried to calm down but it seemed not working. He checked on his phone from time to time, waiting for at least a response. Please respond with anything. This hanging situation became more hanging than before if it turned out like this. He scrolled on other apps to waste his time, looking for something interesting in the timeline and replying to Monbebe’s posts but there was no reply from Shownu for more than 15 minutes. It was worrying.
SN: “Kihyun-ah.”
A message popped up. He shortly poked on it to open the chat room. But the next line was something he didn’t want to see.
SN: “I’m sorry.”
Sometimes Kihyun hates Shownu. He never gets mad at whatever everyone does to him. He will say ‘sorry’ first then the others even in the event of someone hurting him. Kihyun felt ashamed of himself. Maybe he always seeks something more than usual from the older, although Shownu doesn’t feel the same as Kihyun. After all, they are friends and Shownu always said he loves them all. It was just like that, nothing more, and Shownu didn’t do unequal treatment for Kihyun. It was Kihyun who guessed the wrong way and thought that his relationship with Shownu was beyond special. It was disappointing and sad but he realized it was his fault.
KH: “I’m sorry, hyung. Please forget our chat tonight. I’ll sleep. Good night.”
Kihyun was about to delete his last long and sensitive message to Shownu but suddenly the leader replied so fast.
SN: “Kihyun-ah, did you know your smile is so captivating?”
I am about to surrender and this guy still did this thing to me?
KH: “I told you to stop doing that. Stop hitting on me like Monbebe. I know you are Monbebe now.”
SN: “Yes. I’m Kibebe.”
“What?” Kihyun raised his voice unconsciously. He turned to see his door to make sure there was no one still waking up in the living room.
He jolted as he felt his phone vibrating continuously. The contact named ‘Shownu-hyung’ showed up filling the screen, indicating that the older man was calling him. Kihyun was panicking, thinking about what he should do. Usually, he is always happy to have a call with Shownu, and sometimes he calls Shownu at will without the older man’s consent but this time was the hardest.
He didn’t pick up the phone due to a long-lasting thinking time.
SN: “Kihyun-ah. Pick up the phone.”
Shownu called him once again, a bit persistent because he kept calling and waiting. Kihyun’s heart was beating so fast as his thumb pushed the button.
“Yes,” Kihyun said, a bit stuttering. He patted on his chest to calm down.
“Kihyun-ah.”
Kihyun skipped a beat after listening to the most missed voice. The last time he heard that voice was when they called Shownu on Monbebe’s day and of course he couldn’t say much that time and they couldn’t talk privately like usual.
Kihyun didn’t answer him and then Shownu let out his usual goofy laugh.
“Kihyun-ah, did you know your smile is so captivating?” He asked the same question with a firm tone but seemed like a flirt with a funny laugh. Kihyun pouted.
“I told you—”
“What do you want me to say?” There was silence between them after that. Kihyun said inside his mind about what the most thing he wanted from the older man but he wanted to avoid any mistake and still, there was a possibility that the older only called him to say sorry and comfort him.
“I don’t want to force you to say what I want.” He buried his face on the pillow while holding the phone to his ear.
“I see. I understand. I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying sorry!”
Kihyun was frustrated when he realized that he said something opposite. It was the same thing as he controlled what Shownu said. Maybe Shownu would never know that Kihyun was about to punch himself.
Shownu chuckled but it was wonderfully making Kihyun calm down. They didn’t talk much but Kihyun was so sure that Shownu did that purposely to make him adjust to the situation. He always has that kind of consideration towards others that’s why Kihyun loves that side of the leader.
Kihyun took a deep breath before continuing to speak, “Hyung, please forget about what we talked about tonight. I’m sorry for catching it wrong. It won’t happen again. I’m sorry for saying rude things to you. Let’s sleep, okay? You work earlier, right?”
“I don’t wanna.”
“Hah?”
It was a fun thing to witness a stubborn and witty Shownu.
“I sent it like that because I want it that way. I sent those messages to you because those are the only things I think about you. Is it answering your questions?”
Kihyun frowned. It was answering but still didn’t meet the expectation. But well, Kihyun was already realizing that Shownu just put him on the same level as the others. So nothing to be wondered about.
“Yes.”
He could hear Shownu laughing through the phone. It became uncomfortable.
“Stop teasing me, hyung!”
“I’m not.”
“So, why are you laughing?”
“Because you are cute.”
“Stop your monbebe flirting mode, hyung. You are annoying!”
“I learned flirting from Monbebe so I can say those things to you because I’m Kibebe.”
“You are not! You are Honeybebe. You didn’t even look happy when you got my photo cards and posters.”
“I’m Kibebe and Honeybebe. I am carrying your photo cards in my wallet so I can get your sign when we meet accidentally.”
“Whatever! I’ll hang up! Good night! Bye!”
“I love you more than friends, Kihyun. That’s what I want to say.”
Kihyun was stunned, not really catching the last phrase. His adrenaline while debating with Shownu was over uncontrolled so he felt like losing his memories.
“I don’t have enough courage to say it directly, that’s why I posted those so it will look like a normal thing. I’m sorry to make you wonder all this time.”
Kihyun held his breath. There was something stuck in his throat and he couldn’t make it out. What kind of situation was that? He wished for it but it amazed him.
“You just don’t know how happy I am when you were looping my arm to your shoulder when we did the photo shooting for W magazine. I can hold you in front of many people. Since then I have tried to show it but still can’t say it to you.”
Kihyun was confused with himself. He couldn’t respond due to short-breaking inside his mind.
“Kihyun-ah? Are you mad at me?”
“Hyung, why did you send me messages like that in the fan cafe? Because you just wanted to try to be a Monbebe, right?”
It was the first question he asked tonight and he didn’t have a satisfying answer for that. He tried to believe that Shownu said that because it was the normal thing as a leader. He tried to deny it.
“If I’m a fan then I can show my love to someone normally. But still, it was hard to hide it, I blushed so hard that time.”
“Hyung.”
“Yes?”
“Say it again.”
Kihyun squeezed hard on his blanket, waiting for the time. If he really heard the right time then this time he would hear the same thing. He held his cheek because it was starting to get burning.
“I love you. I’m betting my life with Yoo Kihyun. Deal?”
Kihyun couldn’t stop his giggling at the same time, his heart beating erratic and his blood flows rushing so fast all over his body. The thing he wanted the most was clear that night.
“It’s just a promotion tagline,” Kihyun exclaimed with too much excitement and couldn’t really hold back his over happiness.
“Yes. But this time it is a confirmation. So, is it a deal?”
“Deal.”
“Are you happy now? I’m happy now.”
“Yes. I am happy.”
Kihyun smiled so widely, shaking his head, scrunching his nose, showing his whiskers dimple. So, he didn’t have to hold back and wonder all the time anymore with the unusual behavior of the older man.
“So, when can I get a sign in my Kihyun photo cards? This weekend? I miss my Kiki.”
“You are good at flirting now, huh.”
“I read all Kibebes’ postings to learn how to impress my Bias so he will reply to my post.”
“Stop it, hyung! You make me shy. You are like Monbebe.”
“Because I’m Kibebe.”
He couldn’t stop giggling. It felt like he wanted to curl up and screech on the bed to let out a happy screaming.
He gasped as he realized that the small clock on his nightstand showed 3 a.m. They talked too much because of the loving tension. He missed Shownu more than before now.
“Let’s sleep. I’ve to work at 7 a.m today.”
“Sorry for taking your time, hyung. Thank you.” Kihyun smiled too much, actually, he didn’t want to hang up but they needed rest for their next activities. “Love you.” He hid his face on the pillow due to embarrassment for the first time saying ‘Love You’ with the most intention he wanted.
Shownu chuckled, amazingly sounding like usual. It felt awkward but funny at the same time.
“Good night, Kihyun-ah.” There was a kiss sound beside his ear right before Shownu hung up the phone. It successfully shocked Kihyun.
“Ya! Son Hyunwoo!!!”
That’s when Minhyuk screamed “Shut Up, Kihyun! I’m trying to sleep now!” in the next door.