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2027, May.
"Are you sure you'll be fine, hyung?" Taehyun's worry resounded over the soft whirring of the air conditioner inside Yeonjun's hospital room. Standing by the door, looking back at him.
The older officer is seated on the bed, right leg in a cast after his bullet-removal surgery; after their stupid stunt of going after Seokhoon without any back-up. Taking one of the most wanted criminals with their inexperienced asses, Taehyun especially.
His surgery was hell; watching doctors mess about the open hole through the skin of his thighs and pulling out the metal lodged deep between his muscles. It also doesn't help that the morphine is a little too strong for his liking, making him just a tad bit dazed from different overpowering sensations; one more powerful than the rest.
Frankly, he didn't know why he'd involve himself in this shit. Saving a criminal when he's supposed to be doing otherwise. And at the cost of his own fucking leg? Great.
He didn't voice it out to Taehyun though, knowing what he just did for Beomgyu. Maybe they could address this some other time; the fact that his friend didn't think twice — didn't even blinked! — before pulling the trigger is sending him alarms of impending doom.
"I am. If you're worried about Seokhoon's people going after me, then don't. I heard that the whole hospital is guarded as a personal request of the owner. If you're asking me who and why, I have no idea either." Yeonjun says instead. He briefly wonders if Taehyun's feelings had gone to the point of redemption, hesitating his next words before continuing. "I know you want to be with him, and you should. He needs you more than I do, idiot."
And he's right. Just as expected, Taehyun waves goodbye to head towards Beomgyu's room, which is probably at the intensive care unit from the amount of blood he just lost.
Yeonjun sighs when he was finally left alone. Liar , he scolds himself. You know damn well who owns this hospital.
But a question arises in his head; Why would Kai do this? How did he even know? Did Kai know the criminal they saved? If so, how? His head hurts just thinking of possible connections between Kai and Beomgyu and Taehyun, but there seems to be a missing piece somewhere, an important factor that ties all these strings together . . .
As if hearing his thoughts, the said person enters the room. Unannounced, uninvited.
"Hyung." Kai calls, in that familiar tone he was once accustomed to. Yeonjun's heart skipped just hearing it, yet he schooled his expression to mask the prolonged yearning.
"Mr. Huening." He addresses, ignoring the way Kai's lips upturned at the formality. Don't be swayed, Jun, don't—
"Junie-hyung." Yeonjun's façade cracks just the slightest at the nickname; his throat constricting from the feelings he long buried under the grave of what they once were. Yet he couldn't deny the occasional visits and offerings of flowers, a silent prayer always on his lips.
Because even if Kai broke his heart, Yeonjun realizes he never returned it.
"What do you want." The officer asks monotonously, keeping this interaction strictly for business purposes only. Yet Kai wouldn't let that happen. Of course, he wouldn't.
"I just wanted to see if you're doing well."
Maybe it was the worry laced in his tone, or the concerned look in his eyes. Maybe it was the situation he was in, or the fact that Kai made it personal. Maybe it was the medicine in his system, or that he was right in front of him.
Is this because of guilt? Is this because of genuine intentions? Will he suddenly say sorry? Maybe it was just Kai, and Yeonjun—
"Why do you care?"
Yeonjun was frustrated.
The pressure over his job, the questions bombarded his way as he covered up for his best friend— The knowledge that Taehyun threatened him in his own goddamn apartment just hours ago— Heck, Yeonjun almost lost his ability to walk just for this mess.
He doesn't want any of it. He didn't need Kai to add on to the list.
Of all people that could barge through the door, it just had to be the guy he hates and loves the most. He almost wanted for it to be one of Hoya's men, seeking to avenge their fallen leader, anyone! Just not the one who came. The fact that Kai even knew— no , the fact that Kai locked up the whole hospital just to ensure his safety was sending him signals he couldn't decode. Why—
Why is he suddenly showing that he cares?
Kai was surprised at the spite in his tone, something he should've expected in the first place. It doesn't settle the ache in his chest upon the reminder.
"Of course, I care about you hyung—"
"Bullshit!" Yeonjun growled, unable to stop himself and the tears from breaking through. His emotions exploding right on their faces, wrecking anyone close; leaving him in more ruins. "Cut the crap, Kai. It's been 5 years since you left me in the dust—"
"I wasn't given a choice!—"
"—As if I meant nothing to you! When I gave you every fucking thing I had!—"
"—I thought I made the right decision—"
"—And then you go disappear on me like you weren't just saying how much you love me—"
"—Hyung, just let me—"
"—I had nothing! You knew that! I'm a broke college student after losing both my parents and you're all I had!
"And even if I barely had a penny to my name, I was willing to give you the world! Because you mean to me just as much. But you— You can't . . ." He sobbed, the fight cooling off as his heart shattered in the hands of the person he entrusted it to. "You couldn't— didn't even fought for me.
"You left me . . . and you didn't even said goodbye."
2021, April.
There was a time in their lives when Yeonjun and Kai were genuinely happy.
One of them wouldn't figure it'll be the last, the other wouldn't realize he'll carry the burden years forward.
Yeonjun was an average individual— scratch that, he was far less than average. A college student who lost his parents at a time he needed them most, killed in an accident caused by people of the empire. Adolescent years went unmonitored, relatives unnamed and unfound.
Struggling to find part time jobs just to get by. Juggling his college scholarship and his parents' lasting dream; the only force pushing him to continue this godforsaken life.
Kai entered it like a hurricane; his presence is demanding and pulling him in, hurling everything into its rightful place. When they met at one of the cafes on campus, coincidentally during Yeonjun's shift, it's like the world tilted on its axis. Two worlds colliding in a single rotation, axes entwining like threads of fate— They were destined to meet, they believed so.
“What do you mean you have a boyfriend? Kai Kamal Huening, you better explain who it is this instance."
Albeit his life status, Kai's feelings for Yeonjun were as real as the sun. He approached first, he made the move; and despite the reluctance in Yeonjun — I mean, you can't blame him when it's a Huening hitting on you — he opened up his heart. Accepting the love he badly wanted to receive.
And they were home. Yeonjun loves Kai with everything he has, and Kai loves Yeonjun with everything he wasn't.
The sounds of sizzling oil and smell of meat being cooked smacked Yeonjun in the face as he entered his humblest abode — a small studio apartment tucked in the deepest corner of the urban area. One that has rent cheap enough to leave him money for at least a meal a day.
"You're dating a college student who can't even pay for his tuition? What on earth are you thinking!"
"Baby?" He calls, a smile already on his lips as he toes his shoes off, quickly making way around the room to see Kai in his dainty kitchen; frying chopped pieces of meat as water boils for ramen.
"Hyungie!" The younger greets, turning and greeting him with a peck on his cheek. Yeonjun's smile grew wider. If this is the sight he sees the moment he gets home, then he wouldn't need anything else. "How was today?"
"You know, the usual. I managed to finish my project before lunch time and the café was bustling with people so I'm exhausted. Not to mention the lectures today were boring." The older ranted, nuzzling his face at the juncture of Kai's neck and shoulder, looking over what the other was cooking. As if a knee-jerk reaction, his fatigue dissipates immediately.
"You're doing so well, hyung." Kai coos, booping his nose with a giggle, putting the noodles in the pot of boiling water. "Pick a movie on the laptop. I'll bring the food in a minute."
Hours later and they're cuddling on the rugged floor, surrounded by old pillows and plush toys, plates empty and stomachs full. The sun had long set outside and the stars had littered up the sky, the moonlight barely lighting the room, sounds of chatter from the screen and soft snores. Yeonjun had fallen asleep by the middle of the current movie, warm and cuddly on Kai's chest, even breaths grazing his collarbones. Serene, that's what he is.
Yeonjun looks so happy like this. Contentment is painted on his face like a blush, the smile on his lips visible if you look close enough. Kai feels his heart rest as he holds its owner—
"It doesn't matter what his status is, what's important is that I love him."
"Hm, how long was I asleep?" Yeonjun stirs, yawning. A little rasp in his tone.
"Maybe an hour?" Kai chuckles, placing a peck on the tip of his boyfriend's nose. His voice deep and rich that Yeonjun just wants to melt. "Rest more love, I'll be here."
He hums in response, blinking heavy eyelids awake to focus on Kai's face. Yeonjun stares at him dazedly, eyes scanning from the perfect curve of his brows to the pointed slope of his nose to the thin pair of pink lips. And he finds him beautiful under the radiation-infested light of the laptop screen.
"You're beautiful." Yeonjun murmurs in the small space between them, uttered in the softest voice Kai has ever heard him speak, a secret only meant for the privacy of this place. "I want to kiss you."
And he did. With the slightest tilt of his head, their lips meet in a sweet and gentle kiss; lazy brushing in some ways and splashes of colors in others. Painting a love that could've lasted centuries.
"Leave him." The man said, blunt and frigid as his glare.
Kai shivers and Yeonjun giggles against his mouth, thinking it's because of him. Well, for a fact it was. But not for the same reasons. Desperation peaks in Kai's body and he grabs Yeonjun's waist, pulling him close until the older is settled on his lap.
The kiss deepens as Kai wraps his arms around Yeonjun's body, the latter yelping at the sudden change of position. He squirms on top, the last bits of his sleepiness fading like a thought long forgotten. Kai held onto Yeonjun like a lifeline, as if it was the last time, as if the other would slip away.
"Fucking leave him, Kai Huening! Or else, I'd get rid of him myself."
His thoughts don't go away and Kai forcibly closes his eyes, not letting any single tear fall as he pushes his tongue in Yeonjun's hot mouth.
Yeonjun moans, a breathless sound from deep in his throat as his fingers tangle in Kai's brown locks, tugging to anchor himself, feeling as if he was floating away from reality. Kai's kisses always made him feel that way; like he was drifting, head in the clouds and laying over cotton, nothing to hear but the sounds of their lips.
"I love you." Kai whispers breathlessly, peppering kisses on Yeonjun's jaw down to his neck. Uttering the words over and over again, etching it on his boyfriend's skin like a promise. "I love you, I love you, I love you."
"You can't do this to me! I love him!"
"I can, and I will. You don't deserve him. And he's not worthy of you."
Another moan slips past Yeonjun when Kai sucked a hickey on his collarbones, slick tongue licking the blossoming purple. Kai pulls him impossibly closer as he leaves more marks around Yeonjun's neck, the older male unconsciously grinding his hips from the sensation— Both of them gasping at the friction.
"Are you sure about this?" Yeonjun asks, looking down at him while catching his breath. His cheeks a dust of pink and eyes hazy with desire. They had never done this, hadn't even talked about it either; still a boundary they wanted to take the time to cross.
But Kai is running out of time.
"Either you break up with him, or I'm breaking him. Your choice."
He kisses Yeonjun again, and just from that, he already knows the answer.
It's Yeonjun who pulled them to the bed and hovered over the other. It's Yeonjun who roamed his hands across Kai's chest. It's Yeonjun who unbuckled his belt and slipped his hand in. It's Yeonjun who took his clothes off first.
It was for Yeonjun he gave everything of himself to.
Kai remembers every second of how they made love. The mumbled curses and soft moans, the hands on his body and marks on his skin. How Yeonjun looks when they peaked, eyes rolling to the back of his head and hair messed in all directions from Kai's incessant tugging. Sweaty bodies tangled on the sheets. The scratches on his back, bruises on his thighs; how Yeonjun feels like inside and out.
How they uttered their 'i love you's with all the love they have. A promise whispered in the wind and tattooed on their skin; witnessed by the stars and the moon just outside Yeonjun's window.
And then there was silence.
He watched as his boyfriend slept peacefully on his bed, from groans to soft snores caressing his ears like a lullaby. Kai indulges himself in the sight for a long while, knowing full well what'll happen next. And he wishes for time to stretch further, the minutes to go slow so he can never leave; that the clock across Yeonjun's room would stop ticking and send them in a complete standstill.
Hoping. He hopes and wishes and prays and begs and he's on his knees. Kai didn't want to do this. But he's left with very little to no choice.
His father's threat rang in his ears like static, crawling underneath his skin like the itch that doesn't go away even when scratched. He's taught to handle it even at the cost of his own comfort — being a Huening brings so much etiquette and unwanted attention — and if doing this can assure Yeonjun's safety, even from his own fucking family, he'd stay forever uncomfortable with his own goddamn name.
Kai sits up on the bed, which creaks a little at the movement; the blankets falling off his upper body and showcasing the galaxy of love marks Yeonjun left. His boyfriend doesn't wake, but his arms around Kai's waist tightens just the slightest. Kai swallows the lump in his throat.
"I'm so sorry, Junnie." He whispers, carding his fingers through blue strands. His vision blurring. "Please understand that I'm doing this for you. I won't let anything happen to you, that's a promise." A tear fell from his eyes, and he didn't wipe them away. Embracing the grief brought about by a decision he didn't choose to make.
"I love you." Kai says, leaning over Yeonjun's face and placing a final kiss on his forehead, a teardrop landing on his cheek that Kai wiped away with the gentlest touch. "I'll always love you."
And with that, he pried away the arm trapping his body, replacing it with one of the plush toys he had gifted on of their dates. Gathered his clothes from the floor with the utmost silence. And walked to the door.
One last glance. Kai looks around the room Yeonjun's residing in for the last year, probably just the size of his own personal bathroom at the mansion. The kitchen he spent the mornings cooking almost burnt pancakes from the lack of sleep. The laptop that also served as a television with the amount of times they've watched movies from Kai's netflix account. The cramped and too old bed that's too small for two grown men, where they end up tangled in too many ways and where lazed afternoons in.
Every corner of this place had been Kai's home from their year-long relationship; matter of factly, he felt more at ease in this rundown place than he ever did in those fully-furnished rooms he grew up in. And he'll miss it, cursing himself that he would. With every fiber of his heart, with every part of his being.
Watching his first love sleep without the knowledge of what's to come aches him to his core. But it's a small sacrifice than losing him whole.
Kai left, leaving his heart behind and carrying Yeonjun's in his. And he never looked back.
2027, May.
"Just leave ." Yeonjun grits, "That's all you're ever good at, right?"
"H— Hyung . . ." Kai pleads, walking a few steps closer towards the older. Yeonjun leaned back at the headboard in response, and his heart broke at the sight of him so terrified. He couldn't get too far with his injury, but the movement was enough to stop Kai's approach.
Once upon a time, Yeonjun craved for his touches. For the littlest skinships under library tables or behind cashier counters. Yeonjun sought for his warmth as if it was the only shield from the cold. Now, he avoids it like plague. Would rather freeze to death than feel Kai's burning heat.
"Don't touch me."
"I didn't mean for it to be that way, hyung. I was just trying to protect you." Kai tries explaining, again . And for the second time, Yeonjun doesn't accept it.
"It wasn't your choice to make!" He insists, repeating the exact words he said in response. It was as if they're stuck in this time-loop of regrets and heartache. "If I wanted to be with you, then I would. If I have to prove myself worthy of you, then I would. If I have to face whoever the fuck your father hires to get rid of me, then I goddamn would!
"But you didn't give me a chance." Yeonjun spat, every word dripping with venom. "I woke up that morning without you. Not even a text or a call. And then the day after. And the next. Until I haven't heard from you for a whole week and I was driving myself insane because you weren't anywhere! When you're usually around . . . me."
Yeonjun recalls the first time he heard from Kai after that. It wasn't a direct meeting, nor was it any form of a message. But a rumor going around campus, whispered by unnamed mouths and heard by every wall. That one of those rich girls was about to be engaged to his ghost of a boyfriend, that Kai had been stuck to her side all week, that Kai had left him for her.
". . . And it doesn't make any sense! You're gay as fuck and you expect me to believe something wasn't up? I'm not dumb, Kai! I know what your parents could possibly think of me."
He isn't blind to the Huening's sophisticated tastes, and he knows he doesn't meet any of the standards they set for their one and only heir. Kai had told him a couple of times when they'd mull over a list of choices to be his significant other, but he never wanted any of them. And what he did want, he couldn't get.
"What hurts is . . . you stopped trying. For me, for us. Your parents cursed at me in front of you, while I begged for you to take me back and you stood and watched them spit on my face. You showed me I wasn't worth shit, that I can be easily thrown away after I give you all of me."
He's breaking him again, and Kai couldn't do anything but watch Yeonjun crumble with the love they used to have. A love that should’ve lasted ages and lifetimes. A love that was worth fighting for.
"I'm sorry." Were the only words he could say. Yeonjun shakes his head no.
A love that Kai failed to fight for.
"Please, Kai. I'm going to beg you for one last time . . ."
Kai looked just as broken, but Yeonjun didn't give himself the benefit of the doubt.
"Leave me alone. And this time, never come back."