Work Text:
Zuo Ran nods at the woman and gives her his best imitation of a smile when she sets the alcoholic beverage down in front of him. He pretends that he doesn’t notice the mildly pitiful look she throws his way and instead returns his gaze to the infinitely interesting pattern of the wooden table. It’s been a long day – no, scratch that, it’s been a long week (in all honesty it’s been a long month, but Zuo Ran doesn’t want to sound too whiny) – and he feels emotionally and physically drained. Cases of domestic violence are prone to leaving him this way. It’s a fine line between being compassionate and letting emotions cloud your judgement, and nothing makes balancing it harder than advising a victim of domestic abuse. This case has been especially difficult due to the client’s dependence on her husband, and cost Zuo Ran multiple nights of sleep as well as the good relationship with some of his colleagues. He certainly doesn’t mean to come off as cold and indifferent, but apparently that’s the impression most of his co-workers got of him as he worked the case. And maybe they’re right. Maybe all these years alone have left Zuo Ran with no empathy to speak of.
He considers the glass of alcohol before him for a moment, knowing full well what it’ll do to him, and downs it in one go. The effect is immediate. The world around him softens and a pleasant buzz fills his head, muting his doubts and overshadowing his insecurities. He hates it when he lets a case affect him to the point of having to resort to alcohol, but maybe sometimes it’s alright to flee. He leans back and tips his head against the wall behind him, closing his eyes for a moment. The bar he chose is on the other end of the city and relatively quiet. All that echoes through the tap room are the hushed conversations of other patrons and soft background music. Zuo Ran lets the white noise wash over him and bans all thoughts from his mind. It’s easier with the help of the alcohol.
The bell above the door jingles and multiple people seem to enter, judging from the footsteps and the jovial voices that disrupt the peaceful quiet. Just as well, Zuo Ran thinks. The sudden liveliness is strangely soothing as well, reminding him that the world keeps turning regardless of how stagnant he feels. He lifts his head from where it was resting against the wooden wall.
That’s right. What is the point of this pathetic self-pity? Zuo Ran knows exactly what his profession entails and he should not let it get to him like this. What right does he have to be miserable when the victim he defended had it so much worse? What use is there in him feeling bad for himself? It’s not like anyone cares, or that it matters in the greater scheme of things. So get it together! Zuo Ran tells himself forcefully. Tonight, he’s going to rest and charge up the energy he lost over the past month, and on Monday he’s going to return to Themis and apologise to his co-workers for being inconsiderate. And then everything is going to go back to normal.
He looks around for the waitress to pay for his drink when his eyes fall on the newly arrived group that gathered around a table. Several men and women who look strangely familiar are currently touching glasses and laughing. Zuo Ran squints, the alcohol making it somewhat difficult to focus on their faces. The voice that carries over, however, resonates clearly in his ear.
“Good job on the case. We couldn’t have hoped for a better outcome. Drinks are on me.”
Zuo Ran turns away so quickly that his neck makes an unhealthy sound. Is his luck really this bad? Because that deep, pleasant voice, mildly rough from years of smoking, can only belong to one person, and coincidentally that is the person Zuo Ran least wants to see in his current state. For a brief, embarrassing moment, he downright panics. Isn’t it enough that his co-workers consider him cold and uncaring? Must the respectable police captain now see him as a pathetic drunkard? Out of everyone, Yan Wei is the one person about whose opinion Zuo Ran actually cares (though he would rather not elaborate on why that is). He absolutely cannot be seen wallowing in self-pity as he drowns his worries in alcohol. Maybe he can hide in a toilet stall until they leave. But the path to the bathroom leads directly past their table, and anyway, Zuo Ran isn’t sure he wants to spend three hours in a small cubicle. His eyes flicker to the emergency exit – this is an emergency and he needs an exist, so this would be fine, right? If he runs really fast…But he doesn’t know if he’s quite ready to do something illegal just to keep his pride. And so he leans forward against the table in an attempt to make himself as small as possible. The group of officers seems very immersed in their celebration, so it’s highly unlikely that any of them is going to take note of the pitiful suit nursing his drink in a corner. Zuo Ran takes a deep breath. It’s fine. He’ll just sit here until they leave. It’s not like he had any other plans. Just as he resigned himself to his fate, a hand takes the glass from in front of him.
“Are you alright, Sir?”
Zuo Ran flinches and straightens back up, making the waitress raise an eyebrow at him.
“Fine,” he says hoarsely and clears his throat. “I’m completely fine.”
“Alright…another drink?”
“N-“
The word isn’t quite out of his mouth when his luck slaps Zuo Ran in the face and leaves the bar without him.
“Zuo Ran?”
He clenches his fist atop the table at the familiar voice calling his name. The waitress seems to sense impending drama and quietly moves back to the bar. Her place is quickly taken by a much taller, much broader form. Zuo Ran takes a calming breath and forces his expression back into neutrality as he looks up at the man.
“Yan Wei, what an unexp–“
The words die in his throat and his mouth turns very, very dry. Yan Wei isn’t wearing his uniform (which is dangerous enough as it is). Instead, he sports a black button down which, to Zuo Ran’s greatest horror, has the top three buttons undone and reveals collarbones and a hint of toned chest. It’s tucked into tight black pants that hug those ridiculously long legs and Zuo Ran wonders what he’s done to deserve this. Seeing the man he’s had a crush on ever since the first time they talked dressed this deadly is making it very hard to form coherent thought. Add to that the alcohol that slows his usually so sharp brain, and he realises a second too late that he’s been staring at Yan Wei’s exposed skin a little too obviously. He quickly looks away and pretends everything is fine and he’s not the worst person on the planet, who’s been leering at a police captain. Normally, he possesses enough integrity to force his eyes into obeying him, no matter how good Yan Wei looks in the dark coat of his uniform.
He hears a chuckle from Yan Wei, which is good on the one hand because it means he isn’t angry, but bad on the other because it means he knows exactly where Zuo Ran has been looking.
“Got some room left at the table?” Yan Wei asks and sits down before Zuo Ran can politely tell him that the two other chairs are occupied by his good friends Panic and Regret.
“What’re you doing here? Didn’t take you for someone to go out drinking on a Friday night.”
Zuo Ran makes a noncommittal noise and doesn’t look at the pleasant smile on Yan Wei’s lips. Or Yan Wei’s lips in general. Not at all. Gaining what little of his professionalism hasn’t downed in alcohol, he forces himself to make eye-contact.
“Then what did you think I do on a Friday night?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Yan Wei leans back and drapes an arm over the chair’s backrest, making the shirt stretch over his muscular chest. “Hmm, maybe read a good book? Take care of leftover work? Fall asleep at 9PM from exhaustion?”
Zuo Ran can only gape at so much accuracy. “Am I that easy to read?” he asks before his brain has a chance to stop his mouth.
Yan Wei laughs that deep and pleasant laugh of his and Zuo Ran suddenly think that the emergency exit might have been a better option. “I wish you were. Would make everything a whole lot easier. But no, I was just guessing.”
“Oh,” says Zuo Ran, not quite sure what to make of it. Also, Yan Wei is now leaning forward on the table and his pushed-up sleeves present Zuo Ran with very nice forearms, so he’s a bit distracted. As if reading his thoughts, Yan Wei shifts a bit, making the muscles of his arms flex, and Zuo Ran quickly averts his eyes.
“Then what lured you away from your quiet home and into a bar?”
“Is this an interrogation?” Zuo Ran asks jokingly because he really doesn’t want to answer that question.
“Nah. Just one good friend asking the other about his day.”
Zuo Ran’s eyes snap up and he stares at Yan Wei. The other smiles mildly, but it’s not a smile that indicates ridicule or pity. It just looks patient. Inviting. Friendly. Friends, Yan Wei said. Are they friends? Zuo Ran has never really had one of those – in school he was considered weird and in university he never had the time to join his fellow students in their non-course-related activities. And now, as an adult, what need is there for friends? Acquaintances are already enough, Zuo Ran doesn’t need anything more.
“-Ran? Zuo Ran?”
“Hm?”
“Hey, I’m not trying to force you or anything. If you don’t wanna talk about it, you can just say so.” Yan Wei’s smile turns lopsided and he sits back.
“No, I’m not – I mean…it’s nothing special. I’m just a bit-“
“Yo, Captain!” comes a yell from the other table. One of Yan Wei’s subordinates gestures with her bottle at him. “What are you doing over there flirting with strangers instead of entertaining your team?”
The man next to her slaps the back of her head and whispers something into her ear, causing her to blush fiercely. Zuo Ran does the same thing, but probably for different reasons.
“Sorry! Please ignore what I said, Senior Attorney Zuo!”
Yan Wei clicks his tongue and jabs his finger in her direction. “No bonus for you this month, Yang Man!” Then he turns back to Zuo Ran and shrugs apologetically. “Ignore those unruly children. You were saying…you’re just a bit- A bit what?”
But Zuo Ran has completely lost his train of thought. He faintly knows he wanted to tell some half-truth, but now the term “flirting” is inconveniently fluttering through his mind like an agitated bird.
“A bit exhausted,” he finally manages, which is closer to the truth that he’d have liked.
“Oh. Rough case?”
“Mh.”
For a moment, there’s silence. It leaves Zuo Ran enough time to calm his nerves and the mild panic gets replaced by a true, bone-deep exhaustion, as if his admission spoke it into reality. He ventures a glance up at Yan Wei and finds the other looking back at him.
“If you wanna talk, you know I’m here to listen, don’t you? If you don’t, that’s fine too. I just…” he laughs a bit awkwardly and scratches the side of his neck. “Dunno. We’ve known each other for what, five years now? I’d like to think we’re somewhat close.”
Zuo Ran’s heart stumbles in his chest. A strange warmth fills him, even though the AC is doing a good job in keeping the bar cool. When he doesn’t reply, Yan Wei continues talking.
“After all the things we’ve been through together. Remember that time I was under suspicion of falsifying evidence, and you got my name cleared?”
“You don’t owe me anything for that,” Zuo Ran mumbles. “You rescued me when I was threatened by gangsters, so we’re even.”
“No, no, no!” Yan Wei says, so loudly that Zuo Ran flinches. “That’s not what I mean at all! I’m not doing this because of some debt of gratitude or something. Aiya, I’m really bad at this, aren’t I?”
“I’m not…sure?” To be honest, Zuo Ran has absolutely no clue where Yan Wei going with this.
“Okay. Alright. I’ll just say it then. I’d like to be the person you tell things to. Mundane things, funny things. Uncomfortable things. ‘Cause that’s what friends are for, right?”
The warmth intensifies, causing Zuo Ran’s palms to start sweating and making him want to get rid of his suit jacket. Defending a potential murderer is a lot easier than this. What is one to say in such a situation? The truth? No, the truth is dangerous.
“Thank you,” Zuo Ran finally settles on without looking at Yan Wei. “I’ve never had a friend before, but I’ll try my best.”
Yan Wei snorts and suddenly Zuo Ran feels a palm covering the back of his hand. Yan Wei’s hands are larger than his, with long elegant fingers and callouses from the years spent as a police officer. Zuo Ran wants to turn up his palm and feel the texture of skin under his fingertips, but even his alcohol-induced mind knows that it would be inappropriate.
“It isn’t about trying your best. It’s about allowing yourself to be worse. Come on, Xiao Ran, you can’t always bottle everything up. You look so tired all the time.”
Zuo Ran stopped paying attention about two words after ‘Xiao Ran’ and simply stares at Yan Wei. He seems to realise what he just said and laughs, patting Zuo Ran’s hand.
“Well, I am both older and taller than you. Also that,” he gestures to his face and smirks, “blush makes you look a lot younger.”
“Please stop talking,” Zuo Ran mutters and withdraws his hand before he does anything stupid. Yan Wei raises his arms in mock defeat.
“Alright, alright. I see your off-duty attitude is a lot different from mine. But I’ll stop pestering you now. Don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.”
He’s halfway out of his chair when Zuo Ran’s mouth betrays its owner and says, “You’re not making me uncomfortable. The opposite, actually…” His voice gets quieter with each syllable until he’s pretty sure Yan Wei doesn’t catch the last words.
“Oh.” Yan Wei slumps back down. “Could’ve fooled me.”
Zuo Ran contemplates his next words very carefully. In any other circumstances, he wouldn’t have said anything. But now it suddenly feels imperative that he asks.
“Do you think I’m cold then?”
“Cold? What do you mean? Like…body temperature-wise or character-wise?”
The joke makes it somehow easier to continue. “People say I’m cold and indifferent. Do you think I’m unapproachable?”
“I’m currently approaching you, right? Who even said that? They probably don’t know you very well.”
“Do you?”
“Well,” Yan Wei drawls and scratches his stubbly chin. “I’d like to think I know you better than some others. For example, I know how angry you get whenever something unfair happens. I mean, you hide it pretty well, but I’m very good at observation, and let me tell you.” He points at Zuo Ran, his finger almost touching the other’s nose. “You get angry. The way you just exude pure fury. Definitely not cold.”
Zuo Ran focusses on Yan Wei’s finger before realising with dread that he’s probably gone cross-eyes. He hastily shifts his gaze to the other’s face. “So I’m…indifferent and angry?”
Yan Wei laughs. “Twisting the words in my mouth like a true lawyer! That’s not what I mean. It was just an example. You’re also compassionate as f – as hell. You care way too much for your own good.” Suddenly, realisation dawns on Yan Wei’s face. “Is that what happened? Did you care too much about a client?”
Zuo Ran briefly closes his eyes. He sees the woman’s dejected face in front of him. Even though they won the trial, she’d probably be scarred for life.
“It’s unprofessional,” he says in lieu of answering.
“It’s human,” Yan Wei shrugs. “I’ve been in this job for almost 20 years and I still get nightmares after certain cases. Experience doesn’t mean anything, it just teaches you how to cope more efficiently.”
“And how do you cope?”
“Oh, don’t take me as an example, I’m bad influence.” Yan Wei laughs and raises his bottle. “Speaking of bad influence and all that. Would you allow me to buy you another drink? To celebrate, you know?”
“Celebrate what?”
Yan Wei winks. “Friendship.”
Zuo Ran knows he probably shouldn’t. His alcohol tolerance is abysmal and the one drink he’s had already rendered him light-headed. But how could he refuse this offer of friendship?
-
Zuo Ran wakes up because a sliver of light directly hits his face, which is unusual considering he normally takes meticulous care in closing the curtains so something like this doesn’t happen. He blinks against the harsh brightness and tries to shift to the side to evade it. Instantly, his head protests the motion and he lets out a small groan as the world starts spinning. His first thought is that he’s coming down with some illness and that it’s going to be very inconvenient, considering he still has the aftermath of the case to deal with. But then he recognises something about that stinging headache. It feels just like…oh. Oh no.
Zuo Ran shoots up. His head immediately lets him know just how bad of an idea that was, but the pain is completely overshadowed by dread. He’s not coming down with anything. It would be great if he did, but no. He’s hungover. For the third time in his life, he’s heavily hungover and of course the person who had to witness his road here is none other than Captain Yan Wei. Zuo Ran slumps back and resists the urge to bury his head in the pillow because he’s not quite that pathetic yet. And also because his head doesn’t land on his pillow, but something a little stiffer, something that smells unfamiliar in a familiar way… Zuo Ran’s eyes widen and he stares at the jacket his head is resting upon. Unwanted memories slowly trickle back into his mind.
A large hand covering his own. Amused expression, gentle eyes. A toast.
“To friendship!”
“To…friendship?”
Glasses clinking against each other, a wide smile, the feeling of warmth in his chest.
Then a gruff voice, “You should have told me you can’t hold your liquor!”
Arm around his waist, sturdy body against his side. A huff of laughter.
“Don’t hold it against me in the morning. I’m really not trying to take advantage of you.”
Soft cloth. A pleasantly familiar smell.
The gruff voice, softer now. “Well, if you want to have it then I’ll give it to you.”
Zuo Ran squeezes his eyes shut as if that could get rid of the images, but it only makes them clearer without the backdrop of the present. Yan Wei ordered him a cab and drove home with him. Yan Wei helped him up the stairs. Yan Wei caught him when he stumbled. Yan Wei left him his jacket when he didn’t let go of it. Zuo Ran is briefly grateful that his memory cuts off after that point, but the feeling lasts only for a heartbeat before it’s replaced by more dread. What else did I do?
He scrambles out of bed, ignoring his pounding head, and notices that he’s still wearing his shirt and his slacks. Small blessings. His flat is as empty as always and there is no sign of any past disaster. Zuo Ran’s eyes fall on the kitchen table, and he spots a note weighed down by a glass. Slowly, as if he were approaching a snarling dragon, he ventures towards the table. The writing on the paper is familiar, rough characters made from bold strokes. He’s used to seeing them on reports, not on little post-its in his kitchen. Zuo Ran carefully reaches out to the note, afraid of what incriminating evidence he might find written on it.
Good morning! Hope my jacket made you sleep well after you clung to it so fiercely. Don’t think of stealing it tho cause I know a pretty good lawyer ;)
Drink a lot of water and take some medicine. Call me if you need anything. Yan
Zuo Ran stares at the note. He wonders if he could change his identity and start anew in a different country where no one knows him. Yan Wei must think him a complete idiot now. A senior attorney who not only cannot hold his drink but also turns clingy because of it? What does that even mean, did Yan Wei carry him into bed? Moving to another country sounds more enticing by the second.
A loud ringing from the bedroom disrupts his emigration plans and he realises that it’s his alarm telling him to get up and make good use of the day. Yeah, that isn’t happening. Zuo Ran plans to use his time to wallow in self-pity while considering the next best course of action. Now it would actually be helpful to have a friend to ask for advice, but unfortunately the only one he has is also the cause of his plight.
Zuo Ran makes himself a coffee first and sits down on the sofa to stare at the opposite wall. He should treat this as a case. Solving cases is the only thing he’s good at, after all. But in this one he’s victim, perpetrator, and defence all at the same time, and there probably hasn’t been a precedence for that. When his phone announces a new message with a soft ding, he’s almost too afraid to pick it up. What if it’s Yan Wei telling him their friendship has been terminated on accounts of Zuo Ran being a human disaster? But his curiosity, as always, is stronger than his fear and he reaches for the phone just as it dings with another message. The little WeChat notification onscreen indeed proclaims the sender to be Yan Wei. Zuo Ran’s headache intensifies as his finger hovers over the screen. He squeezes his eyes shut and clicks.
Yan Wei (09:02)
morning! how are you today i hope the headache isnt too terrible. i feel bad for making you drink but i really didnt know. you were very cute tho
if youre willing ill make it up to you. you free for lunch on sunday?
Zuo Ran regards his phone with disbelief. How is Yan Wei sorry if Zuo Ran is clearly the one in need of apologising? Or is he being sarcastic? It’s very hard to gauge through written text. Zuo Ran starts typing a reply three times and deletes all of them because he isn’t sure if they’re appropriate. As he’s pondering, another text bubble suddenly appears.
Yan Wei (09:16)
leaving me on read i see ;)
Zuo Ran isn’t completely sure what he means but he suddenly feels pressured into replying quicky. He composes and deletes another two messages, then reads the third multiple times while his thumb hovers over the send button. It should be fine. It sounds professional and appropriate…he thinks, and pushes his thumb down.
Me (09:28)
Good morning, Officer Yan.
I am feeling quite alright this morning, thank you for the inquiry. Please refrain from apologising for your behaviour last night, it is absolutely not your fault. I myself should have known my limits, and I should also be the one to apologise. Please forgive my terribly unprofessional behaviour. I truly hope our work relationship doesn’t suffer from my foolishness. Should you still be inclined to accompany me to lunch, I would gladly be the one to invite you.
Best wishes
Zuo Ran
Yes, that is definitely a well-worded message. Zuo Ran is glad that years of experience with email- correspondence have prepared him for this moment. He looks at his screen and waits for a reply. Seconds pass. Minutes pass. He’s feeling a bit warm. More minutes pass. He’s getting a bit nervous. After half an hour, he understands what Yan Wei meant by “left on read”. Dejectedly, he drops his phone on the cushion next to him and tips his head against the backrest. He lets out a deep sigh. It’s fine. So what if his crush of many years thinks Zuo Ran is an idiot? It’s not like he ever expected Yan Wei to actually return his feelings. And luckily, both he and Yan Wei are mature enough to not let this affect their work, so there should be no actual problem.
Suddenly, a loud knock comes from the door and Zuo Ran’s head shoots up so quickly that it starts swimming again. Who would come to visit on a Saturday morning? Zuo Ran considers the door, then looks down at himself (dressed in a creased button-down and wrinkled slacks, and he doesn’t even want to know how his hair looks like), then decides he’s just not going to open.
The knock comes again.
So what if it’s important? Is he not allowed a single moment of peace? Apparently not, considering how insistent the person on the other side of the door gets with their knocking.
“Zuo Ran? You in there?”
“Yan Wei?” Zuo Ran replies unthinkingly.
„Yeah. Could you open the door maybe?”
No, is Zuo Ran’s first thought, but that would be horribly rude. Having to choose between politeness and his dignity, he’d rather go with the former. “One moment!” he allows himself and runs a hand through his hair in a fruitless attempt to make it look not terrible. His shirt and pants are beyond salvation and he doesn’t have time to put on makeup to hide the shadows under his eyes, so he has no choice but to resign himself to his fate and make Yan Wei consider him even more of a wreck. He at least tries for a somewhat dignified expression when he opens the door. Yan Wei leans against the doorframe and has his hands inside the pockets of his coat, giving the impression of someone completely calm and collected. Zuo Ran feels even worse.
“Good morning,” he says and considers how to best get started on his apology, but Yan Wei only returns a merry “Morning!” and pushes himself off the wall and past Zuo Ran inside the apartment.
Zuo Ran first closes his mouth and then the door, a bit confused at what’s happening. He turns around, intending to ask whether he can offer a drink (he might have lost his self-respect, but not his manners), but before he can say anything he startles because Yan Wei is standing right in front of him and holds up a phone in Zuo Ran’s face.
“Explain this,” he says, no, commands, in the exact same tone in which he usually asks suspects why they were at a certain place at a certain time (Zuo Ran does not find this incredibly attractive, he does not!). Zuo Ran’s eyes focus on the screen and he sees the message he sent about an hour ago.
“I, uh… Was it not worded clearly?” He thought it was pretty unambiguous.
Yan Wei turns the phone around as if to examine the text again. “Oh no, it’s perfectly understandable. What I’m asking is why you chose to send me a message students send their professors when they forgot their assignment. Best wishes, really?” He takes a step back and Zuo Ran realises only now how close they were (and how good Yan Wei smells).
“Honestly, I can’t deny that I’m feeling mildly insulted.”
“Insulted?” Zuo Ran echoes. That’s the exact opposite of what he wanted to achieve.
“And this here. Work relationship? After everything you said last night, that’s what’s important to you?”
Zuo Ran almost falters. “What did I say?” he asks with horror.
Yan Wei’s eyes widen and his expression falls. After a second, he catches himself and gives a smile that doesn’t even try to look natural. “You don’t remember? So you…you were that drunk?” He runs a hand through his hair and turns around, letting out a self-deprecating laugh. “Aiya…and here I thought…”
Thought what? Zuo Ran is really starting to panic now with all this uncertainty. “If I said anything untoward, please tell me. I definitely didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, and I would rather we clear up all misunderstandings before they have a chance to settle.”
That makes Yan Wei pause. He slowly turns again to face Zuo Ran. His eyes are slightly narrowed. “You want to avoid misunderstandings?”
“Yes, of course!”
Yan Wei takes a measured step forward. “Then…you want me to be direct?”
“I…yes?” Zuo Ran is mildly confused at the intense look in Yan Wei’s eyes. Yan Wei continues to walk towards him, step by step, and Zuo Ran instinctively backs away.
“Then will you be direct in turn?”
Zuo Ran swallows. His back hits the door. “What do you mean?”
Yan Wei comes to a halt right in front of him. He’s a lot taller, Zuo Ran suddenly realises when the other looms over him.
“Just that it takes two to avoid misunderstandings.” Yan Wei places a hand next to Zuo Ran’s head and leans down. Zuo Ran can do nothing but forcefully press his back against the wall while his body demands him to do the exact opposite and arch towards Yan Wei.
“Yan Wei what…what are you doing?”
“Avoiding misunderstandings.” Yan Wei’s quiet voice is even lower than usual and Zuo Ran can’t help the shiver that runs through him. “Let me start by answering your question from last night: No, I don’t.”
He leans even closer, his breath ghosting over Zuo Ran’s lips, and now Zuo Ran’s treacherous body really does arch away from the door, making Yan Wei chuckle.
“You don’t…what?” Zuo Ran manages to find words amidst the haze of his mind.
“I don’t just consider you a friend. Yan Wei, you said, do you really only consider me as a friend? Is what you asked. And I don’t.”
Zuo Ran’s breath catches in his throat. Suddenly he’s hyperaware of their position; of how close Yan Wei is standing, so close that if Zuo Ran were to raise his head, he would have to tip it back against the door to make eye-contact. As if reading his thoughts, two fingers gently grasp his chin, lifting it up.
“But what about you? You gave me an answer yesterday,” Yan Wei continues, and Zuo Ran can read the words from his lips. “But I’d like to hear you say it now. Just to make sure…”
Zuo Ran swallows once, twice, against the lump in his throat. He would have never imagined, never dreamed that–
“I-“ He raises his eyes, meeting Yan Wei’s intense gaze, and speaks without thinking. “Thinking of you as a friend already feels like I’m taking what I don’t deserve. I never dared to hope for mo–“
Yan Wei leans in and covers Zuo Ran’s mouth with his own, swallowing the unspoken words. His lips are soft yet demanding, coaxing Zuo Ran to follow his lead, and Zuo Ran tries to stifle the embarrassing noises that threaten to spill from his mouth. Yan Wei’s hand falls to his waist and he pulls Zuo Ran closer against him, their bodies pressed together, sharing heat, and Zuo Ran feels his head swim and his knees go weak. He clutches at Yan Wei’s shoulders, half to pull him closer and half to have something to hold on to, and tries to keep up with the kiss despite his lack of experience. When Yan Wei nips at his bottom lip, Zup Ran can’t help the low moan that escapes him. Yan Wei uses the opportunity to lick into his mouth, slick and hot tongue sliding against Zuo Ran’s, feeling him, tasting him, and Zuo Ran can only hold on as his mouth is being ravished. When he tentatively responds, pushing back against Yan Wei’s tongue with his own, it’s Yan Wei who gasps and whose hand tightens on Zuo Ran’s hip, digging into flesh; not to the point of being painful, but rather – pleasurable.
When Yan Wei breaks away for air, Zuo Ran automatically follows him, chasing after the kiss even though he’s already breathless. His lips briefly catch against Yan Wei’s, but the other chuckles and takes Zuo Ran’s face between his hands, touching their foreheads together.
“A-Ran,” he says, more a sigh than anything and Zuo Ran feels it against his skin. “You deserve everything, you foolish man.”
“Then kiss me,” Zuo Ran murmurs and pushes himself fully away from the wall and against Yan Wei. Yan Wei stumbles back, but Zuo Ran curls his arms around the other’s neck and holds him close.
“So it’s–“ Yan Wei’s voice is hoarse and he looks down at Zuo Ran with half-lidded eyes, as if the kiss affected him just as much as it did Zuo Ran. “It’s true what you said yesterday?”
“What did I say?” Zuo Ran asks. Suddenly, all the anger at his past self has evaporated. All he knows now is that it somehow brought him here, into the arms of the man he’s embarrassingly been pining after since the first time they met. The man who’s almost ten years older than him, more experienced, more competent, more mature. The man he thought would never be interested in someone like Zuo Ran.
“That you wanted me from the day we met.”
“True,” Zuo Ran replies easily and looks up at Yan Wei though his lashes.
“Fuck.” Yan Wei leans back in, lips barely touching Zuo Ran’s before he trails them over his jaw and down to his neck. Zuo Ran tilts his head to the side to give him better access and tangles his fingers in Yan Wei’s hair, scraping blunt nails over his scalp. Yan Wei makes a sound almost like a purr as he gently bites the soft skin of Zuo Ran’s throat, and Zuo Ran can’t shake the image of a fierce lion he somehow managed to tame.
“So we could have done this ages ago?” Yan Wei speaks the words against Zuo Ran’s skin and he shivers.
“Mmh.”
“Ah…all those missed opportunities of indecent acts in the court bathroom.”
Zuo Ran tightens his grip on Yan Wei’s hair and pulls him back so he can throw him an indignant look.
“The court is no place for…for…that.”
Yan Wei flashes him a toothy grin and Zuo Ran is yet again reminded of a lion. This time definitely a feral one.
“You only say that ‘cause you haven’t tried it yet. Don’t worry.” He leans in and gives Zuo Ran’s lips a small peck. “Lady Themis is wearing a blindfold. She won’t see.”