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The portal between purgatory and earth shimmers with moving blue light.
" We got to move! The portal's closing! " Dean yelled at Cas. They climb up towards the portal. Cas stumbles.
" Cas! Damn it! Come on! " Dean reaches the portal and steps into it. He stretches out a hand to Cas " Come on! Hold my hand! We're going home together. You promise! " Cas looks at him in the eyes and grabs his hand.
" I got you! Hold on! "
" Dean! " Cas's heart clenched. He know Dean need him. But after everything he had done. He know he doesn't deserve this.
" Hold on, Cas! We're gonna make it! "
" Dean! I'm sorry! " Cas breaks Dean’s grip. " Go! "
" No! " Dean shouts. It's like Cas ripped his heart with a hand he pulled away. " You son of a bitch! " He steps out the portal and moves as fast as he can to grabbed him again.
" Dean, I said go! " Cas writhe in Dean's arms that hold him tight.
" Yeah, Cas, and we go together. I told you! You don't make a choice here. " Dean throws Cas into a portal and jump after. The portal closes behind him. Dean breathe heavily, his back lay down on the ground.
" Dean, are you okay? " Cas asked. Dean immediately raises up.
" No! I'm mad at you! " Dean croaks and stands up. He pulls Cas off the ground and take him walk in the wood of nowhere under the moonlight.
" Dean, your hand. " Cas asked Dean who step before him and grabbed his hand tight since they start to walk.
" What? " Dean turns around and looks at him. His angry show through the light that cast on his face. Cas raises they both hands up to show what he asked for. Dean sighs as when he realizes and pulled off.
" There no leviathans here. Nothing will followed you. So don't--" Dean points his finger to the angel. " Don't you dare , Cas--" He swallows. The word ' don't leave me' stabbed in his throat. It's so hard to say it to Cas right now. " Just follow me. I hope we can find someone. We need to change our clothes. Do you understand? " Cas nods.
" Okay, Dean. "
........
In a tent two young man are asleep. A bright light appears outside. A one man sits up in alarm and shakes his friend.
" Will, get up. Something just happened. " The light outside disappears. Footsteps approach the tent and a figure walks past.
" Come on, Will. Do something! " He slaps his shoulder.
" W-what are we supposed to-- " Will sighs and rolls his eyes. He grabs a flashlight and goes outside the tent.
" Hello? Hello? " He stands for a moment pointing his flashlight into the darkness. " I think It was just a deer, Simon. " He turns back to the tent door. " I don't know. It was like – it was-- " Will pauses as he hears a noise, then turns around again and gasps. " Oh no! "
He found Dean bloodstained and dirty. He is holding an axe like weapon and is standing in front of him.
" Dean, stop making him scared. " Cas step closer to Will.
" Hey! Ahh-- " Cas smiles awkwardly. " We just want some clothes and money. Can you-- " Simon steps outside a tent and throws a bag on to the ground.
" Here! And don't hurt us. "
" Oh! We don't gonna hurt you. My friend is just-- " Cas look at Dean who Still holding the axe tight. " Paranoid. "
" Paranoid? Excuse me? " Dean asked in a high pitch voice. Cas ignored him.
" You're lost in the wood? " Simon asked with concern.
" Yeah, kind of. " Dean answered and picks up the bag. " Where's the road? "
Will points the way behind Dean. " Twelve miles, that way. " Dean nods. " Okay, thanks and sorry. " He pats Cas back and run off.
" Hey, Dean. Slow down. " Cas catched Dean shoulder. " Is it worse? "
" What? "
" Your arm that you've carried Benny inside. " Cas touches his arm gently. Dean nods
" It's burning like hell. " Cas sighs and presses his fingers on Dean's forehead. The place changed
" I think he's in there. " Cas pointed out a sign on a stone pillar marking someone’s land reads “Lafitte”
" This better be you, you son of a bitch. " Dean smiles and then drops it. " But I don't have a shovel. "
" Let me. " Cas's palm face the grave. A shining power from his hand dug the ground and show the uncovered bones.
" Holy shit! Cas, you should go with me and Sam every hunt. " Dean's laughing and punched on his shoulder. Cas's mouth raises up with smile until Dean starts to holds his left arm and grunting in pain.
" Dean! "
" It's fine, Cas. It's fine. " Dean say then grits his teeth. " Hold on, you bastard. " He steps close to the edge of the grave and rolls up his left sleeve. His forearm is glowing red and pulsing. " Hold on! "
Dean cuts his left arm with a knife. " Anima corpori... " He holds his arm out over the grave and red glowing liquid drips from his arm onto the bones. " Fuerit corpus.... .....totem resurgent. " After the last word he groans in pain as the light plays over the bones. When the light vanishes, he would drop to the ground if Cas didn't stand by his side and hold him. Dean rolls down his sleeve, still gasping in pain but not for long. Cas touches his arm soft and gentle as always. His pain go away as the time Benny appears behind them.
" Hello pals. " Benny cracks his neck. When they turn around to face him. Dean grins
" Everything working? "
" Good enough. " He opens his mouth wide and vampire teeth descend, then retract as he closes his mouth. " So-- what now?
" Like we talked about, I guess. " Dean say. Big grin still on his face. Benny nods
" Then this is goodbye. "
" Keep your nose clean, Benny. You hear me? " Benny walks towards Dean and staring at him fondly.
" We made it, brother. I can't believe it. " He laughs and pulls Dean into a hug.
" You, me and Cas. A whole fucking year is worth it bro. Thank you so much Benny. " They pat their back and laugh. Seem like they will hug each other for hour if Cas didn't clearing his throat, interrupted them.
" Wait, hot wings. Are you jealous? " Benny say and scoffs. " Wanna hug me? " He opens his arms and walk closer to him
Cas push him away and looks at him, intimidating. " Stay away from me if you don't want me to smite you. "
Benny laughs. " Hey, Dean. I think your angel is flirting with me. "
Cas looks at a vampire spitefully and clenched his fist tight. If Dean isn't standing between them. Cas swear to his absent father that he will throw a fist to his annoying face.
" Come on you two! Be a good friend for a second. " Dean looks back and forth between an angel and a vampire. " Please. " He patted on their shoulders. Cas rolls his eyes and sighs. His fist loose and throw a bit up. Benny laughs and grips his hand. Then they shake.
" Thanks for helped Dean. " Cas says.
" Yeah, and thank you for bail on him. "
" Benny! " Dean scolds at his friends. Benny rolls his eyes and stares at Cas.
" I will be grateful if you don't do that to my lovely brother again. " Benny smiles and shifts his eyes to Dean, pulls him into a tender hug. " Take care yourself, bro. I will miss you. "
" Yeah, you too, Benny. " Dean smiles and nods. " Hope I will see you again. "
" Yeah, one day, Dean. " Benny patted his shoulder and walk away from them.
After that Dean and Cas change the clothes of a young man they found in the wood before. Cas's wearing jeans and plaid. Dean can't fit in jean so he wears a rainbow sweet pant with a navy hoodie.
" You're look good in this pant, Dean. " Cas says while he's looking at Dean pouty face.
" Shut up and walk. " Dean says grumpily. Cas smiles.
" Dean, I can zap you into the the town right n-- "
" No, Cas. You know I don't like it and--- it's-- it's good to have a time-- " Dean pauses a step and glances at Cas. He bites his lower lip and sighs. " Just walk Cas. I just want to walk. " Dean steps forward and they say nothing along the way.
It's an hour they get into the town. The first thing Dean do is reach for the public telephone and call Sam. He sighs with relief when he know that his brother and poor young man Kevin still alive and be safe right now.
" We'll meet you tomorrow, Sammy. And I'll tell you everything. " Dean says and hung up the phone. He turns around and flinches. His and Cas's nose almost touch.
" Damn it, Cas! Personal space. "
" I'm sorry. So where's he? I can za-- "
" No! Now I need a room to sleep. " Dean cut Cas's word and walks to a motel nearby.
" But Dean you can rest after I--- " A hunter gazes at an angel like he has a superpower to punch him in the face with his big green eyes. Cas sighs and nods. " Alright! No more fly. No mojo on you. "
" Great! Thanks for learned that. " Dean turn around and enter to the motel. He bell a ring at the reception. Young girl walks of the back room. She looks at Dean and Cas.
" Oh, great! " She's smiling. " A king. " She said then put a paper form Infront of Dean. Dean glances at Cas with flutter.
" Ah-- sorry. We need two queens. " Dean says.
A receptionist narrows her eyes. " Oh! You're not-- "
" No! We--ah-- we're just friends! " Dean stammers. She nods and smirks with a slightly chuckle.
" What? " Dean asked.
" Nothing. " She smiles. " But tonight we have one room left. "
Dean rolls his eyes. " Okay. " He says and going to walk off but Cas grabs his hands.
" We take this room. " Cas told the receptionist.
" What? " Dean narrows his eyes. Cas sighs
" You're tired, Dean. And you know I don't sleep. So this not a problem. " He pulled Dean to counter and wait for him to fill the form.
....
After everything done. They get into the room Dean immediately throws his back onto the bed and groans with pleasant.
" I think you better should shower before sleep, Dean. "
" What, Cas? Are you my mother now? " Dean says with his eyes close.
" No, Dean. I don't know how to be parent. "
" Why? "
" Obvious, Dean. I've never have a child before. And I--- "
" No. " Dean opens his eyes and pushes himself up, sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at Cas who sits on the chair. " I mean at the portal. Why did you pull your hand off of me? "
" Dean, I'm sorry. "
" Okay! Do you rather want to say sorry more than stick with me? Cas, I was fighting 24/7 in a whole year. I always finding and waiting for you to come back to me. But you do this to me and sorry? Didn't my word mean something to you, Cas? Didn't my prayed mean something to you? "
Cas sighs with guilt. His eyes stare on the ground, isn't brave enough to see Dean's eyes. " It's mean a lot, Dean. Ever since-- ever since I know you, your word mean a lot to me.
" But you still want to leave me? " Dean asked with a little shatter in his voice.
" I have to Dean. "
Dean scoffs. " Oh yeah! Everyone I need. Just tell me something that I don't know. "
" I just didn't want to be saved Dean. It's where I belonged. I needed to do penance. After the things I did on earth and in heaven, and to you. I didn't deserve to be out. And I saw that clearly when I was there. I-- I planned to stay all along. I just didn't know how to tell you. Or if I tell you, you will--"
" So throws me back to hell then. "
" What? " Cas looks up and is gazing at Dean's eyes.
" I didn't deserve to be out and I didn't deserve to be save neither. "
" Dean, it's not the sa-- "
" And I've done a God's fuck shit order already. So throw me back to hell that I think I deserve. And after that if you want to do a fucking penance, punishes yourself for your eternity life. It's up to you, Cas. "
Cas shakes his head. " Dean, listen. It's different. You do nothing wrong. "
" I broke the first seaI, Cas. I start the apocalypse. I start everything! " Dean yelled.
" You didn't know what will happen! "
" So why is it different? You didn't know the bad thing will happen neither! "
" But you was tortured, Dean. That's the difference. "
Dean rolls his eyes and walks to sit on a chair near Cas. " I'll tell you what is different. The reason I did. It because I'm selfish. I dealt with a demon because I just can't lose my brother. Without him I mean nothing and I don't give a fuck if the world would end or how much people die. I don't care at all, I'm lost. The only thing I thought is the way to bring him back and I know that deal isn't the right thing I should do. It will tortured my brother inside, I know how it feel. But I still put it on him, just because I can't bear with my own pain, I can't. " Dean wipes the tears that rolls down his cheeks. " And I'm the one reason that make him sucked that blood and everything bad go after. "
" Dean. " Cas reach to his hand then hold it softly. Dean looks at him and put his another hand on top of the angel hand.
" Cas. I know you're in pain. You're guilt. And it's keep punishing you, I know. I feel it too, everyday. So I want you to know that you're not alone, I'm with you. And all the thing you did. It's so selfless, man. You're the most selfless angel that I've ever known. You fight for a better place for everyone. It's mean you care so much and I'm so proud of you, Cas. And I forgive you about everything. If my word really mean something to you, Cas. You're forgiven. "
" Dean! " The tears run out of Cas's eyes for the first time. Dean smiles and gently wipes it away.
" It's hard to choose the right path if you don't know the future, Cas. Don't push yourself so much. You did wrong but not just you, we all fail. The important thing is you want to do the right and you should learned. Cas listen! " Dean put his hand through Cas's hair and caresses his face. " You've been learning how to have your own free will. You've been learning about caring, about guilt, about pain. Please, Cas. You should learn about forgiveness. And should learn that you're a part of my family. And family always got your back. Always pull you up when you stumble. We need you, Cas. I need you. Don't run from me because you want to protect me bullshit! How the hell you know that I'll be safe if you're not with me. It doesn't make sense at all. Cas, I know I always asking you too many things. You may be boring but-- " Dean bite his lower lip and pleading looks at Cas. " Stay with me, please. "
The tears still endless rolling down Cas's cheeks while he nods. " I will, Dean. I will. " They're staring at each other until Dean slightly chuckles to interrupt his own tear.
" Come here, crying baby. " Dean pulled his little angel who cry non stop in his arm tightly and run his hand through his hair gently. They griped each other for a long minutes pass before Cas pulled himself off.
" I've never ever cry before. " Cas says while he's sniffling. Dean chuckles.
" Yah. And now you're professional. "
Cas looks at him and shakes his head. " Thank you, Dean. For saying this to me-- after I betrayed you like that. "
Dean rolls his eyes. " Stop it, Cas. I understand that you have a reason even it's stupid. And whatever it is, I forgive you, okay! Don't bring it up. I want you to focus right now that you have to be honest with me. No more lie, Cas. If you learned you will see that everytime we lie and hiding secret to each other. It's fucked up. " Cas look at him with a big smile.
" Yeah, I learned. And I will not lie to you, Dean. I promise. "
" Great! " Dean grins and pats Cas's shoulder. " It's time for shower! " He walks to the bathroom door and then turn around, looking at Cas. " Don't flap your wings to go anywhere, okay? " Cas smiles and nods.
" And hey, Dean. " Cas calls him when he opens the door half way.
" What? "
" You're not selfish. Your feeling just crafted in you so deep. You did it for love. And Sam understand it. I do too. " Cas says and Dean gives him a laugh.
" So you're my teacher now? "
" Just to be honest with you, Dean. " The angel tilts his head and genuinely smiles. Dean find that is the cutest thing Cas does. He smiles back at him and nods.
" But for love can be selfish. Mr. Honest. "
" And selfless, Dean. Maybe you have both at the same time. Like two side of a same coin." Dean listen to Cas and squints his eyes.
" Okay! Whatever you say, professor. " He scratches his head and grins. " Thanks. " They started at each other for a long second before Dean get to the bathroom, shower for the first time in one year.
....
" Cas! " Dean get out after finished his business and then find the room empty. " Cas! " He called and only just heard his voice echo in the room. The wave of angry and disappointed are boiling his blood. " Son of a bitch! " He grabbed a chair and smashes it on the ground and does with another one the same. Then he punches on the wall twice and grunts in pain.
After that in a few minutes someone opens the door. " Dean! " He suddenly drops a plastic bag in his hand and run to Dean who sit on the bed, crying and holding his hand that smear with blood. He looks at Cas and swiftly wipes his tears away.
" What's happened? Demon got here? " Cas asks with half worry and half angry while he's healing Dean's hand with gently touch. Dean just look at him and say nothing. " Dean, what's happened? " Cas asks again and caresses his head with concern. " Are you okay, Dean? Where else you hurt? "
" Where have you been? "
" What? "
" I asked where have you been? "
" I just walk to the store, find some pie and beer for you. " Cas says and grabs a bag he dropped at the door. Put it down beside Dean. " I think you will be hungry. " Dean glances at it and sighs.
" You should told me, Cas. Or give me some note."
" So you broke the chairs and punched the wall because of you though I leave you. "
" No! I'm just hungry! " Dean yelled and take a deep breath. " Yes, dumbass! I thought that you would do that to me again. I'm so angry. I need to break something. I don't know why. I can't stop it, maybe it 'cause I always think that I'm not-- " Dean pauses and suddenly change his attention to the bag. He take the box of pie out and chuckles like he didn't just mad at Cas who left the room without a sign that he would come back. Like nothing happened.
" You're forgiven again, Cas. " Dean eat his pie with joy. " This's awesome! I miss pie so much! " He says with the pie full in his mouth. Cas sits down beside him.
" What do you think you aren't, Dean? "
" What? " Dean looks at him with eyes narrowed.
" You thought that I leave you then you so angry. You can't stop it because you always think that you're not. Not what? "
" Your boyfriend, I guess. " Dean says it with a tone of joke and smirks at him. Cas squints his eyes.
" Dean! Who the hell said to me that no more lie. "
Dean ignores him and keep eating his pie. Cas shakes his head and yanks the pie from his hand. Dean looks at him with unsatisfied and snorts.
" Be honest Dean Winchester. I want to stay with someone that honest with me. "
Dean sighs deeply then swallows. " Okay, fine! " He looked at Cas for a second before looks away. " I just think that--- that I'm not good enough to make you stay. I'm not good or not strong enough for you to trust me. To believe that I can help you. I tried to stop you to worked with Crowley. You know, Cas? I think I can because I made you rebel the heaven once. But I'm just really dumb, I thought I'm special to you, I'm the reason you change your mind and turns out--- I'm not. I never was. I don't know how hard I have to do. " Dean looks at Cas's blue eyes with the tears flooded in his eyes. " Everytime I need you. You always keep yourself far far away. " His voice break and a single tear drop down his cheek. " I don't want to be saved, Cas. I know my life, I live with it. I just want someone to fight with me. Someone who need me as I need them. Beside Sam and Bobby, you are the one I always need. I stay in purgatory for you, Cas. I know everything you have done it come from your good heart. You just so naive and idiot. But you're my family, Cas. I want to bring you back. To start everything again. To tell you that it's okay. That I forgive you. I have hope and faith but when you pulled your hand off of me, everything fall apart. " Dean shakes his head and wipes his tears away. He blow his breath out, trying to hold his feeling back in and be cool. " But I don't give up on you and I make it. I thought after that everything will be better and then boom! " He stares at his angel. " You're gone and I-- " Dean points out to the broken chairs. " I don't know, Cas. Maybe I'm insane. I'm crazy! That's it. So! Are you happy now? "
" You're not crazy, Dean. And, yes! This is the most happiness feeling that I've ever felt in my celestial life. " Cas says with a big smile. Dean rolls his eyes and yanks the pie back.
" It's mine! " Cas chuckles and is staring at the soft cute Dean who put the pie on his mouth non stop. Human have so much for him to learn. And watching Dean is the best part of learning.
" I need you too, Dean. " Dean looks up at Cas with surprised. Cas smiles and looks at him fondly. " I've leaned from you a lot. You changed me since I pulled you out of hell. All the thought and feeling inside of you make me wonder. You're special to me, Dean, more than anyone. You always be. And you always beautiful. "
" Alright enough! " Dean flustered look away. He grabbed a food bag and clear his throat. " This is for me too, right? " Dean asked without looking at Cas when he take another pie box out.
" Yeah, everything for you. " Cas answers. His eyes never off of Dean. Dean shakes his head and continue his pie with his cheeks that red.
" Dean, It's not because you're not good or not strong enough. I came to you and when I saw you with Lisa and Ben. I just know that I can't-- Everything you get through, every pain you feel I saw it. That moment I just can't, Dean. I can't take that happiness life away from you. And when you asked me to stop. I want but I don't want. I don't know what's going on in my head, Dean. It's scared and confusing me. I doubted myself. I asked my father but no reply. I'm lost. I feel lonely. And I failed. I'm so sorry. "
" Hey, hey! " Dean pulled an angel into a hug. " It's okay, Cas. Human's feeling is suck and God is douchebag. But I'm here now. You're not alone anymore, okay! Just calm down, buddy. It's okay. It's okay. " He's patting Cas's back gently until he calm down. After they pulled off, Dean put a pie on his hands.
" It's yours now, Cas. I know you don't have to eat but you should have something for yourself. " Cas nods and put the pie in his mouth. Dean stares at him then chuckles. He wipes a piece of pie out of Cas's lips with his sleeve. " You're really like a child, Cas. " An angel smiles and grips Dean's wrist.
" What? " Dean narrows his eyes.
" I love you. " Dean's eyes widen and his heart is racing when the word blow out from Cas's mouth. A big lump stuck in his throat, almost choke.
" Ahh-- Ah--absolutely! We're family! Yeah! Of course! that-- that you love me. " Dean stammers and flicks his hand out. He opens beer bottle with his trembling hands and gulp it down quickly.
" Dean, Can I be your boyfriend? " As the question come out, beer was spat on the ground. Dean choked, lost in his breath.
" Come again. No! What! This is really bad joke, Cas. "
" I don't know how to joke, Dean. I just tell the truth. I feel something for you since the first time we met. I just don't know what it is but I think I figured it out now. " Cas says and presses his lips on Dean's who just stuns. " I want to do this for so long, Dean. And it's-- it's feel amazing. " Cas smiles big, proud of himself and feel free. But in a long minutes of staring without Dean's response, the air of joy was deflated. His smile smaller and smaller until it's gone.
" Oh! You didn't-- I thought that you--- I'm sorry, Dean. I fail agai-- " before the word done the angel got a kiss from a human he love. It's deep, sweet, and gently. The warmth bath on Cas as the way he has never been touched before.
" You're not fail, Cas. I-- I-- Ah-- I'm-- " Dean falters. He doesn't know how to process the things in his head. Cas hit him like a truck. The hot is prickling on his cheeks after what he did and a single tear fall down. Cas smiles, he knows now.
" It's okay, Dean. " His thumb dried away Dean's tears and traces on his noble face. " You don't have to say anything. I heard your pray. "
" My pray? " Cas nods softly
" Sometimes I heard something in your head when I get close to your beautiful soul. I know it must be hard for you to say that you love me. But that's fine. Because now, I understand. Your eyes when you looks at me. The way you talk. The way you act. That's your word of love. Thank you, Dean. I love you. " The angel said and plants a passionate kiss on his beloved lips again.
......