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I've always wanted a relationship that was full of love and care for each other. I also wanted a relationship that I could tell the world about, however, life isn't fair. Especially for me, Sakusa Kiyoomi.
I'm a third year in high school. I've been secretly dating Atsumu Miya, one of my fellow classmates.
He's always been a fun, caring, amazing, stuck up, brat. A brat that I've loved for a long time. I asked him out at the end of our second year of high school, god was I a mess when he said he liked me back. He never cared to talk to me in our second year (except for asking for homework answers) so I assumed he didn't have any interest in me.
Here we are, sitting at the same table. We aren't talking or looking at each other, but at least we're holding hands... under a table so no one sees.
He's talking to his douche friends and their girlfriends and a couple of other girls who are drooling all over Atsumu. Atsumu's eating it all up too, flirting back even.
God, I want to cry.
8:15 PM
My favorite time of the day, I get to finally meet up with Atsumu, ignorant to the fact that we only get to meet up in his room. I still get to see him, and talk to him. In his room we don't have to act like we don't know each other, we can talk, laugh, kiss, cuddle. Normal couple activities, though they can only be done when we're all alone.
When we are alone I feel like the most special thing in the world, I feel like I'm on top of the world.
Once people arrive, that world comes crashing down on me, leaving me by myself with no source of comfort. The only comfort leaves me for another person.
There Atsumu is again, with another person, making out, in public. If only I could do that with him, sadly, that is a silly dream that'll never come true.
If I was in a Disney princess story maybe a shooting star would help me, but I don't see that ever being possible.
Every school day. Monday through Friday, I wait for him, maybe he'll consider walking me home and not the random blonde girl he met two classes down. Just maybe, he'll realize the pain I'm in, and finally relinquish me from it. That's only something that could be done if Happily Ever Afters were a thing. For now though, I'll have to sit here watching him be all in love with another person whom is not me.
What am I supposed to do with this feeling? the feeling of love that can only be received behind the public eye. I can only be loved by him if no one is to know about it.
Every day. I'm told by him that everything will be okay and all the things he does is to keep us safe, and that everything is good. I have to accept it everyday.
Yet again, he's letting go of me and hugging a random brunette girl from behind. She seems to be enjoying it, I wonder when he'll hug me in public too. Will we be able to last long enough for us to do anything like that? Will he break us up for another person? God, I need to know, What is wrong with me? Why do I have to feel this pain? Is it only me going through this pain? Did I do something to deserve this?
Dear everyone who knows me,
What do I do with a loving feeling if the loving feelings makes me all alone?
What do I do with a loving feeling if he only loves me when I'm all alone?
Why does he only love me when we're all alone?
Here I am, again, in his room. He shows me something so pure that can only be described as a loving feeling. Anything he does, it mesmerizes me. Same must go for other people that he shows this love to.
His kisses are like pink cotton candy, so sweet. His kisses are so powerful, it almost feels like abstract art, it makes you feel something. No matter how it is, it will always give you a feeling, what type of feeling it is doesn't really matter. After every kiss, I just want more, I want to feel more. I want to feel something other than misery.
The way he sweet talks me makes me fall in love again. It's like hearing beautiful music, you want to hear it on loop, never ending. It makes you believe you're on cloud nine, nothing can stop you now. Sadly, you're stopped by a huge storm knocking you off your thrown. Then another person is placed on your spot.
He is my storm, a storm that I can never get rid of because the type of storm he is makes him look so majestic when he breaks down everything, it make me not want to get rid of the storm. When he pushes me into a black hole of despair, he still looks handsome.
Even if he puts me through the worst pain I will still be with him, I will still admire him. He puts salt in the previous wounds he gave me, while he does so, I'm still stuck in a trance of a loving feeling. He amazes me, everything he does amazes me.
The damage he causes me hurts so much, but at the same time, I'm still okay because he still stays with me.
"You know I love you"
"Of course I do, Atsumu"