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Everyone gets sad when a friend dies, some more than others. Death always has a different impact on each one of us and Jonathan Higgins is not an exception.
It has been over a week since his friend died and 3 days since he caught Magnum in the den reading a story that wasn't meant for his eyes and Higgins was still in his writing spree… Magnum was worried.
Not that he would say it out loud, let alone admit to the man himself, but he missed him. He missed their usual banter and their little games. He decided he would try to talk to him soon and maybe cheer him up while giving him the space to grief, just to make him stop obsessively writing in hopes of bringing those memories he cherished so much back to life.
Magnum arrived at the estate after a hard case, it was late and he was exhausted. While parking the Ferrari, he noticed Zeus and Apollo sitting outside and the entrance door wide open. Higgins wouldn't leave the lads outside at this hour, let alone the door open.
Suddenly his exhaustion was forgotten and he rushed inside, gun in hand.
He went straight to the den where he had seen the light still on earlier, he tried to open it but found it locked so, taking out his lockpicking kit, he unlocked the door and walked in ready to find the worst of cenarios.
He found Higgins hunched over the typewriter, forehead resting on his forearm that was on top of the keytops. Magnum silently walked up to him, still alert in case there was someone in the room waiting for the right moment to attack.
"Higgins.." he whispered but the other didn't reply or moved
"Higgins!" he tried again, louder, poking the majordomo's arm with his finger.
He still didn't move.
Magnum tucked his gun in the back of his jeans and carefully pushed Higgins back against the chair and realized, by the soft snores he now could hear, the other man was asleep. All these long, sleepless, nights finally got to him.
Not quite knowing what to do, he observed the soft rise and fall of the other's chest as he breathed, the slightly parted mouth that would let out soft snores, the stubble that had been building up for over a week and the disheveled hair that was so uncharacteristic for Higgins.
He felt his heart getting bigger and warmer, an almost overwhelming feeling of affection and worry rushing through him.
Magnum wondered if he should wake him up. Knowing Higgins he would probably throw a fit, say he didn't need anyone to take care of him, that Magnum had no right to enter the den without his permission and maybe he would set the dogs on him.
But he couldn't just put a blanket over him and let him sleep here, could he?
No, Higgins would be sore the next day…
He could, maybe, carry him upstairs. With a bit of luck he wouldn't wake up. Magnum could do it right? He had done it before.. Kind of.
Deciding it was the best option he had at the moment, Magnum picked him up bridal style.
He wasn't as heavy as Thomas expected but it still took a bit of adjusting in his arms to make sure he could carry the older man safely to his room.
He walked out of the den with Higgins in his arms and slowly walked up the stairs. When he reached the room he thanked Heavens Higgins had left the door ajar. He turned around and walked backwards so he could push it open with his back, then turned around again and carried Higgins to his bed. He didn't bother to turn on the light as the room was already lit up by the moon.
Thomas carefully laid Higgins down after struggling to push the blankets back and took the other man's shoes off before tucking him in.
After making sure Higgins was comfortable, Magnum walked to the door but found himself unable to leave as he reached it. Sighing, he pulled a chair, sat by the bed and watched the other man sleep.
He thought back to when he got caught 3 days ago, Higgins looked exhausted, angry and hurt. He hated this memory and even though Higgins seems to be constantly angry, it's not a look should carry.
Now, as he slept, every drop of grief, sadness and fatigue went away, giving place to serenity.
"Now that's a look that suits him" Magnum thought as he looked at the sleeping man and fought the urge to fix a strand of hair that had fallen to his eyebrow.
He's not sure when these kinds of thoughts started to happen or when his hands started to itch wanting to touch Higgins but he had long stopped holding it down. He decided one sleepless night, that denying whatever thoughts or feelings he had regarding the majordomo, would only be more frustrating for him than anything else, so, he started to slowly accept them. It was hard at first to come to terms with it but when he finally accepted what he truly felt for the other man, life was easier...in a way.
There are moments when it’s hard to not show Higgins what he really feels towards him, but he made a promise to never give in to temptation as it might ruin their dynamic and, the way Thomas sees it, it's better to keep what he has now than to lose everything.
All these thoughts made Magnum’s exhaustion scream for attention, he fought to keep his eyes open but that fight ended up being useless as he ended up falling asleep hunched over the edge of the bed
In the morning, Magnum woke up with a weight being put on his shoulders. He opened his eyes and saw that a soft blanket had been wrapped around him. He lifted his head in time to see Higgins leaving the room. Before he could lose sight of the man, he quickly got up and ran after Higgins, ignoring the pain in his back.
"Higgins, wait!" he jogged after the older man, who turned around at the sound of Magnum's voice. His face expressed annoyance and he still looked tired somehow.
"Higgins…. How are you feeling?" Magnum asked finally stretching his sore back
"I'm feeling fine, thank you for your concern. Now if you'll excuse me I have matters to take care of." Higgins brushed him off and turned to leave but Magnum caught his shoulder and turned him back around
"You didn't shave.." he gently grabbed Higgins' chin with his thumb and his index finger, moving the other's head from side to side to inspect the stubble still present
"That's very observant of you but right now I do not have the time nor the motivation to listen to your silly observations. I have more important things to do." he slapped the intruding hand away and tried to make his way towards the den where he would, undoubtedly, keep writing until he couldn't anymore.
"Come with me" he pulled the shorter man by the wrist in the direction of the nearest bathroom.
"What are you doing?! Magnum!" he demanded, trying to tug his wrist free
Arriving at the nearest bathroom, Thomas shoved Higgins inside, locked the door and kept the key in his pocket.
"Sit." Magnum pushed him down to sit on the toilet
"Magnum, what is the meaning of this?" Higgins enquired, exasperated, while Magnum searched on the cabinets for the shaving kit he knew was present in every single bathroom.
"Well… since you're so determined to not take care of yourself, I'm going to do that for you." He said with his back turned as he rummaged through the cabinet.
"I don't need you to do anything for me, I'm very well capable of taking care of myself!"
Magnum finally found the kit and set it on the sink.
"I know that but you don't seem very capable at the moment, do you? Please, let me do this! Just this once. " defeated, Higgins nodded in response, giving permission
Thomas nodded and turned back to the sink. He started by filling it with warm water and organizing the products as he waited. When the sink was filled, he took a hand towel from the cabinet underneath the sink and soaked it with water.
He turned to Higgins and looked in his eyes, searching for a possible change of mind, when he didn't find any he proceeded to gently wash the majordomo's face.
Higgins closed his eyes and sighed. He had to admit, this was nice. Having someone to take care of him like this felt better than he remembered. He opened his eyes when the small towel left his face and was able to catch Magnum's gentle smile as he turned back to the sink in order to soak the towel once more. When he turned around, their eyes locked and Magnum softly smiled at him as the soaked towel began to make small circles on his cheek.
After the second wash, Magnum put the towel aside for later and took out a small bowl from the top cabinet behind the mirror and set it on the sink countertop. Then he dampened the shaving brush and squeezed a small amount of shaving cream onto it, then proceeded to lather the product on the bowl before spreading the foamy cream on Higgins' face in gentle circles, careful not to spread it over his mustache.
Satisfied with the amount of shaving cream on Jonathan’s face, Magnum switched the bowl and shaving brush for a straight razor.
"Now be still" Magnum warned
Carefully, Thomas slid the blade down Higgin’s cheeks in small, slow strokes. Once again Higgins had his eyes closed, an act of complete trust that made Magnum's heart skip a beat. He cleaned off the excess foam and worked on the other side of the face and finally the neck.
Setting the razor aside, he reached for the trimming scissors and meticulously trimmed Higgins' moustache then leaned back and admired his work. Perfect.
"I made a mess with the shaving cream on your shirt collar, I'm sorry" Magnum apologized while soaking the hand towel he had discarded earlier to clean off the shaving cream still on the other's face and collar before applying aftershave.
"That's quite alright" he tilted his head to give Magnum better access to clean his shirt.
After the last washing and drying was done, Thomas reached for the aftershave balm, scooped a small amount with his finger and rubbed his hands together in order to apply it more easily.
He looked at Higgins once again for consent and, when he found it, he slowly spread the balm on the other man's cheeks.
Thomas' big hands framed Higgins' jaw as if they were always made for this. They fit perfectly against each other. Magnum held his face with both hands and used his thumbs to slowly spread the balm over Higgins' chin and under the bottom lip.
“All done.” Magnum said in a hoarse voice, letting his hands linger a bit more as he let his eyes travel from the majordomo’s bottom lip to his eyes.
It was easy to look into Higgins’ deep brown eyes and get lost in there, as it was easy to forget about his “not acting on feelings” rule and bending down to place a soft kiss on his forehead. It just felt natural.
It also felt natural to angle Higgins' head up so it would be easier for Magnum to align their faces and let his lips ghost over Higgins' without actually touching.
"Are you… perhaps trying to kiss me?" Higgins asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Their lips touched as he talked.
"Maybe" Magnum answered in the same tone
"Then why don't you?" Higgins' hands found Magnum's waist and he gave a light squeeze
"I don't know if I should…" Thomas admitted. He knew he wanted to, he really did but maybe this wasn't the right time. Maybe in a couple of days or weeks, Higgins would accuse him of taking advantage of his current vulnerable state.
"May I ask what is holding you back?"
"I don't want to take advantage of you"
"Ridiculous" Higgins closed the tiny gap between their lips and kissed him gently.
One kiss turned into two, and then three and then four. Each kiss was more passionate than the other and without them noticing, Higgins was standing up and being pressed against the door by Magnum.
Both became aware of their current situation when scratches and muffled whines coming from outside could be heard.
They parted and Magnum looked into the other man's eyes.
"I guess it's time for their morning walk around the beach" Magnum chuckled, fixing Higgins' hair. Not that there was anything to fix, he had made his morning routine before accidentally waking up Magnum, but Magnum could do this now! He didn't have to hold back whenever he wanted to touch Higgins, and it felt great!
"Will you join us?" Higgins asked, sliding one hand down Magnum's arm to lace their fingers together.
"Of course"
--
They're both aware the grieving process is far from over but at least Higgins knows he doesn't have to go through it alone and Magnum will make sure he doesn't forget it.
*The End*