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How had they end up like this?
Suguru is bleeding, hurting but Satoru doesn’t do anything. Even when it feels wrong, even when seeing him makes his soul ache, begging him to act.
Yuta really did a number on him, and Satoru knows he should feel proud. He does, to a certain extent and he barely notices. He’s reliving the last time they met, on the busy streets of Tokyo, surrounded by millions.
Only Suguru and his crimes had mattered then.
Isn’t that still the case?
Satoru doesn’t want to think about that, doesn’t want to remember that moment where he had felt so small under Suguru’s accusing eyes.
Time slows down, Satoru is watching Suguru, memorizing the way his chest moves with effort, the labour of his breathe, his pained expression even when it hurts him to do so. He has precious few memories of him, three years not enough to compensate for the lifetime they were supposed to spend together.
Satoru realises he wants him to hurt a little, for destroying what they had and would have had, for leaving him, for never asking for his help. He had hated him a little, hated their world a lot more for twisting Suguru like that. He knows it isn’t fair, to insult the path Suguru had chosen.
He doesn’t care, after all, he’s always been selfish.
They were invincible, the strongest. There was nothing they could not do together. Now, Satoru must do it alone.
Yes, let him suffer a bit more for what he did. Satoru wasn’t the only he had hurt.
“Any last words?” Satoru doesn’t recognise his voice; efficient, straightforward and dull.
Suguru refuses to meet his eyes. “I didn’t hate anyone from the college. It’s just that in a world like this, I can’t laugh from the bottom of my heart.”
I could never be happy with you.
Satoru wants to leave, wishes that he had never come to see him one last time. He wouldn’t have, had he known the pain it would bring. Satoru was borne into this world, had lived every moment in its crevices and corners. Whether he liked it or not, this world was a part of him.
And Suguru had just admitted to hating that part of him.
For the first time in his life, Satoru wants to disappear.
Is this how they end? With harsh words and painful truths?
No, Satoru rejects that with every cell of his being. He refuses to let them end like this; he owes Suguru that much.
“Suguru.” He finally meets his eyes. “See you later.”
He looks dumbfounded before his eyes crinkle and the tip of his lips threatens to move upwards, then he bursts into a smile.
And he looks so much younger.
Satoru sears the sight into his mind, because this is the Suguru he wants to remember. Not the fanatic, but his one and only, his only equal.
“At least curse me till the end, idiot.”