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Truth, virtue, and beauty: strands in the braid of a good life. When he is a silly child, zhen shan mei is the cornerstone of Nie Huaisang’s argument for why Xichen-gege should marry him and come stay in the Unclean Realm forever.
“Because you always listen, and you never lie! And you spend so much time with books, reading and copying and checking things so that you know everything.”
“Learning comes first,” Xichen-ge agrees with a solemn nod. “Which is why, perhaps, your studies -”
“Noooo, Xichen-ge! You’ll be truth, and Da-ge is virtue of course, and I’ll be beauty!”
He flicks open his newest fan, covered in delicate grey traceries of clouds. “And we’ll have everything we need!”
“Stop harassing Xichen,” Da-ge rumbles, even though Nie Huaisang knows he wishes his friend would stay, too.
“I don’t mind,” Xichen-ge murmurs, and Nie Huaisang beams at him, because if he says so, Da-ge has to admit it’s true.
*
Virtue dies.
*
“You’ll have to be beauty after all, Er-ge,” Nie Huaisang whispers when he’s already fast asleep, tracing his thumb along the soft skin of Er-ge’s eyelids. Their legs are still tangled together, and Er-ge’s arm is solid and close around him. Huaisang came begging him for help, and Er-ge still doesn’t mind. “I’d tell you the truth,” Huaisang murmurs against his cheek, “But you don’t want it.”
He likes Huaisang as he used to be: silly and sweet, easy to dote on. He likes San-ge as he paints himself: humble and hurt, poised and perfect. Xichen is surrounded by masterpieces, blinded by beauty in both eyes.
Truth, it turns out, goes so much deeper than not lying. And every truth is uglier than the last:
Huaisang is weak, and he still kisses Er-ge long after Lan curfew, when his eyes are closed and he knows nothing, even softer and sweeter than when he is awake and Huaisang plays the games he always has.
Virtue desecrated is a furious, relentless thing, impossible to purify.
Nie Huaisang cries out, and the man behind Er-ge is a danger. The man behind Er-ge would hurt him, and has, and has, and has.
When Er-ge turns, this does not change.
Nie Huaisang puts Lan Xichen’s hand on the blade because he deserves it, because it is both his punishment and his redemption.
In spite of himself, Huaisang still thinks Xichen is beautiful.