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For what concerned the Shirasagi Himegimi, Thoma had a rather simple job: to always be at her side when she ventured outside the Kamisato Estate, no matter the destination. Be it formal duties, business meetings, leisure activities— he had to be there and keep watch.
He was only a teenager when he had been tasked with the trouble of surveilling a child, and it didn't come without its struggles. Although it was far better than any manual labor (and the pay was excellent, he had to admit), it wasn't easy to help raise a difficult lady as Ayaka was.
She lived in her brother's shadow, and in her father's before him. Talking to people sent shivers through her entire body, making her stutter on her words and choke on her breath. No fellow noble heir wanted to be her friend, for they considered her strange and boring. And for the longest time, Thoma quietly agreed with them deep inside his heart.
He grew fond of her over the years. Cast aside part of her insecurities, Ayaka grew up to be a sweet, gentle woman with impeccable manners and a huge heart. Social interactions remained her biggest weakness (a field in which Thoma, on the other hand, had no rivals), but she made up for them with her splendid demeanor.
Eventually, Thoma's job of looking after her had turned from a taxing chore to respectful devotion. Though his feelings for her were bleak at the beginning, he had taken care of them as a gardener would do with a precious bulb: he watered them with affection and care, with stolen glances from a distance, and with mental notes about her tastes and hidden wishes… until the day they blossomed into a fondness that he could only label as "love". Not the lustful, violent kind of love that many adults sought— Ayaka was simply too pure for such ideas to come to his mind.
In most of his relationships, Thoma tended to be the one who gave advice. Building networks among people had always been his strong point, for a long list of reasons. First of all, it made his job easier: if everyone owed him favors, manipulating people conveniently to the Kamisato Clan's desires was a piece of cake.
He was also a people pleaser. He loved meeting new friends, and he was quite fond of mundane life. His favorite hobby was to play guessing games while strangers spoke, studying their outfits, body language, and speech patterns to pinpoint their personality and their ambitions. Thoma wasn't dissimilar from a collector, gathering different types of humans instead of precious relics.
Last but not least, he genuinely enjoyed being helpful. A gentle smile on the other person's face and sincere words of thanks filled his chest with pride, at the thought he had managed to bring a change into the world, albeit small.
With all things considered, Thoma could boast a certain experience with dealing with others. It made sense that everyone ran to him for advice, seeking his opinion as if it was wisdom from the gods. And yet, sometimes life managed to surprise him anyway, having eye-opening revelations pour out of the lips of the most unexpected person in the world: Tomo . A drunk Tomo, to be precise.
One fine night of spring, they were all gathered at Uyuu Restaurant, comfortably seated behind the folding screen of the VIP room. He was taking part in his favorite game, all sorts of weird food simmering in the hotpot under Kazuha's concerned gaze, and his heart was at peace.
That is, until Tomo opened his mouth. "C'mon, pass the turn already, Thoma!" he complained, eagerly waving his hand in Ayaka's direction. "You wouldn't want your princess to not lay a finger on food, would you?!"
Those words marked the beginning of Thoma's personal inner hell. His cheeks caught fire as he repeated his sentence inside his head, twisting it around to make out its meaning. His princess. He had called Ayaka his princess, nonchalantly, as if it was a matter of fact.
Kazuha, ever so observant, noticed the discomfort flashing across Thoma's face. "Don't embarrass him, Tomo," he kindly scolded him, poking at his side with his elbow.
Their bickering turned into muffled background noise to Thoma's confused brain. He barely noticed when the banter stopped, turning into a passionate make-out session right in front of the two bystanders. He could only stare at the void in silence, shocked.
"Aren't you going to stop them?" Ayaka asked in a chuckle. Because yes, that's what Thoma would have usually done. But that time… Oh, he couldn't. He's too occupied with his troubles to find the strength to step in the lovebirds' tender moments.
His princess . He had never seen Ayaka that way. Despite being conscious of his emotions, he hadn't considered the option of actually calling her "his" in any way. She looked unbothered by Tomo's words, though, as if there was nothing wrong with them. Nothing false, nothing bold— just the truth.
He couldn't let her in on his confusion, or else the risk of ruining their bond would have become a dangerous reality. So, he did whatever he could to stay in character and not let his inner panic leak out. He jumped between Tomo and Kazuha, interrupting their shameless snog, unaware of Ayaka's amused smile as she watched them argue.
From that night, everything got delirious. He couldn't stop thinking about it. It was almost as if he had been suppressing his crush for over ten years, and it was now flooding outside of his heart with strength unheard of.
Since Ayaka was a grownup, his surveillance on her didn't need to be continuous anymore, his duty limited to escorting her outside of the mansion. For an entire week, Thoma avoided her with rude persistence, refusing to stay in the same room as her for more minutes than strictly necessary.
Nonetheless, he was worried. What if, seeing his vehement rejection, she began to think he hated her? But he couldn't help it. If he remained too close to her, he would end up doing something he'd regret later. He was usually great at hiding his feelings for the sake of his job, yet for some absurd reason she made it impossible for him to lie. It was only fair for her to get the wrong idea about his intentions.
Most of his evenings were spent at Komore Teahouse, drinking his worries out with his friends in front of a lavish dinner. He didn't suggest the hotpot game anymore, fearing more odd sentences coming from Tomo— he was experiencing enough panic for a lifetime thanks to his careless words.
And one time, upon sliding open the door to his room, he froze on the spot. Ayaka was sitting there, politely perched on the pillow in the center of the room, waiting for his return. Thoma's first wonder was how long she had been waiting, followed by a sharp gust of guilt cutting through his chest. Her eyes were swollen and red. She must have cried while he wasn't home.
"Thoma," she spoke as soon as he stepped in, going straight to the point. "Do you hate me?"
The moment of confrontation had finally come. Thoma swallowed, wishing he hadn't drunk so much— because alcohol never made it easy to talk about feelings with a clear mind. Especially when everything was already a mess per se.
Thoma sat in front of her, resting his elbows on the tea table. "Of course I do not. What made you think so?"
He pitifully feigned ignorance, his acting skills muddy from the sake still twirling in his stomach. Obviously, she would guess he hated her. Who wouldn't? He had been avoiding her like the plague for seven long days.
Ayaka's fan snapped shut. "You went out without asking me to join. Didn't Tomo and Kazuha comment on my impromptu absence?"
Ah, yeah, they did. And they had assaulted him with an ocean of questions right afterward. To which Thoma had answered by vomiting out his problems one by one like a waterfall, while he poured more sake to fill his cup.
Tomo's laugh echoed across the room like a roar at the news. "Wow, did it really take my teasing to make you realize?"
His words were still engraved in Thoma's mind despite the haziness from the alcohol. But after mocking him a little, and after being poked by Kazuha's elbow once more, his friend had actually proven to be helpful, lending him a firm shoulder to cry on.
All of their advice was absolutely to discard, though. Because Tomo suggested he'd show her his love through affectionate actions (he had been doing that for most of his youth, and it apparently wasn't enough to convey his feelings to her), and Kazuha had insisted for him to be direct and tell her the truth straight-up. He wouldn't dare.
"No, they didn't," he lied.
He realized a moment too late that was the wrongest answer he could give, because her eyes widened in surprise, pure pain taking over her features. Damn, he messed up. Thoma knew more than anyone else about her struggles with being included in social groups, and his denial cruelly rubbed salt in an open wound.
Ayaka covered her mouth with her fan again, and Thoma noticed her rapid blinking, a desperate attempt at shooing away the incoming tears. "I see."
Thoma, addressed by most people in Ritou and Narukami Island as "the fixer", had no idea how to fix the disaster he had just made. His one-track mind saw a single way out, and that was confessing . Because he couldn't stand seeing her so hurt, a blink away from crumbling. And more importantly, he couldn't stand knowing it was his fault she was breaking.
"Miss Kamisato—"
"Thoma," she interrupted, her voice shaking slightly, "don't worry. I understand."
Thoma shook his head. "It's a misunderstanding, actually, I—"
His hand reached out for hers, but she politely moved it out of his reach, placing it over her lap. She smiled, faking calm when she had none. "It's perfectly fine. They were your friends before you introduced me to them, and you're all men," she said, "It's only fair for you to have a boys' night out. I didn't mean to meddle."
"You did not," Thoma insisted, "I'm sorry I didn't invite you, Miss Kamisato."
He lowered his gaze, regret twisting his insides. He wished he was brave enough to confess and stop looking for an easier path out. He lacked Tomo's confidence and pride, his ability to show his feelings with no hint of shame or regret, whether in private or in public. And he didn't have Kazuha's skill of subtly showing affection either, his actions always too facetious or too honest. Never before had he felt so powerless and inadequate.
"Thoma, is something up?" Ayaka asked, peering up from behind her fan with a curious gaze. Wow, he was losing his cool. His facade was starting to crack, if even his gullible lady was peeking at his vulnerable side.
He smiled feebly, hoping it would be enough to soothe her worries. "Yes, but it's nothing bad. I promise I'd tell you if it was."
"I see." Ayaka opened her mouth to add something, then gulped it back. Eventually, her uncertainty won her over, because she exposed her doubts to him. "Thoma, are you… tired of me, perhaps?"
Thoma blinked in surprise. "Huh?!"
"What I mean is… You have been taking care of me since I was a child," she explained, nostalgia coating her voice, "It must be tedious to be forced to follow me wherever I head since I'm an adult as well."
Thoma might have agreed with her in the past, when he was young and bored. But not anymore. Every second spent at her side was never a waste. "It's not. I enjoy your company."
His simple sentence didn't fail to light up her eyes in sparkles, as if that was the happiest news she had been told in a lifetime. Watching her smile, Thoma felt relief spreading inside his chest. "If what you say is true," she shyly asked, "Mind accompanying me for a while tomorrow, Thoma?"
"It will be my pleasure."
That was the perfect chance to make up for his mistakes. And, maybe, to finally set free what he held captive in his heart.
As usual, shopping with Ayaka was hectic. Everyone in the city recognized her with a great deal of affection, asking her to stop by their shops and stalls to have a small chat. Her reputation preceded her, all vendors and citizens wishing for her opinion on their products and purchases.
Thoma couldn't force her to refuse their demands, for it would have been a stain on the Kamisato Clan's reputation; still, he wished they could be more mindful of his health. The bags he carried were heavy, dangling painfully from every inch of his arms.
Their first stop was Ogura Textiles, to fetch a kimono Ayaka had ordered a month prior. Sewn with the finest silk from Liyue and precious golden embroidery, the pink dress seemed to shine in its own light even from inside the packaging.
"What is this for?" Thoma inquired. Although she often had to attend important social events, the quality of the fabric was simply too high compared to the rest of her wardrobe. Almost fitting for a marriage .
Ayaka chuckled, dodging the question. "A special occasion."
Next came Netsuke no Gen, with its stock of unique jewelry and souvenirs. As soon as he saw them approaching from the street, the owner retrieved an ornate box from the shelf behind his back, displaying it on the counter for them to see.
"Look at this," Ayaka said, gesturing the contents of the box to Thoma. "I had it handmade in Liyue Harbor."
Thoma peeked at the jewel. It was a hairpin, golden metal shaped like a crane, Ayaka's associated animal. Its eyes were dots of jade, and Cor Lapis decorations ran across its wings. "It's beautiful…"
He stole a glance of her profile as she handed the due money to the seller, watching her smile grow bigger with each passing second. He imagined the pin settled on her head, gold highlighting the fair color of her hair. Thoma didn't think it could be possible, yet he seemed to fall more and more in love with her the more they stayed side by side.
Their final destination was an artisan shop in the outskirts, a place Thoma couldn't remember visiting. He assumed Ayaka must have placed her order on a visit with her older brother. When she exited the cramped atelier, she proudly held a fan between her fingers.
"What do you think?" she asked, handing him the object.
Thoma took it in his palms and inspected it from up close. It was a deep blue, matching the hue of her irises, and seemed to be woven with pure Silk Flower threads. A work of art indeed, yet he believed her usual fans were much more precious to the naked eye.
"It's beautiful," he said, "but what about your favorite one?"
Ayaka shook her head, giggling at his question. "This is exclusively for a special occasion."
That odd sentence yet again— special occasion. Thoma hadn't heard of any upcoming events. There were no birthdays in sight, nor any public holiday to celebrate, and not even formal events. Just what was she scheming behind his back?
The answer he sought came rather soon. As soon as they moved away from the buildings, welcomed to the countryside by the pleasant scent of cherry blossoms, Ayaka bowed her head to him respectfully.
"In truth, these objects were the preparation for something else," she said, "I apologize for deceiving you."
Thoma gulped, suddenly nervous. Was he that close to finding out her secret? And what would he do if the news didn't sit well with him— what if it was an arranged marriage or something of the sort? He had a feeling he might snap. "The special occasion you mentioned before, I assume."
Ayaka nodded. "Mind following me to Chinju Forest for a moment, Thoma?"
With confusion swelling his chest, Thoma followed her lead to the enchanted forest. The gloomy atmosphere, mingled with the eerie blue light coming from the flowers and the dancing flames in the air didn't help his tense nerves, his heartbeat accelerating at every step.
Ayaka seemed to have a clear destination in mind, because she walked ahead with certainty, her eyes focused on the road before her. The thick layers of the woods gave room to a broader space, as they reached the small lake in the center of the forest, near the watchful statue of the tanuki overlord.
"Please wait here for a moment," Ayaka asked him. She lifted the shopping bags from Thoma's arms and carried them with her behind a tall tree close by. Thoma assumed she was wearing her special outfit, and the thought sent a pleasant shiver down his spine. Soon, he'd get to see her more beautiful than ever.
And he was right— wrapped in her brand new kimono, with her hair tied up in an elegant bun kept in place by her golden hairpin and her blue fan in hand, she looked like a princess who had jumped out of a romance novel.
Then, under Thoma's astonished gaze, Ayaka took off her shoes and stepped in the dark water. "M-Miss Kamisato?" Thoma called out for her, his voice unsteady. "What are you—"
Ayaka stopped in the center of the lake. She turned around to face him, the sleeves of her dress brushing lightly against the surface. "Keep your eyes on me, Thoma."
And with that soft-spoken request, she began to dance. Her favorite type of dance, when she spun elegantly on the spot, making magic with her fan. No matter how many times Thoma had seen her practice or perform in public, he was always as astonished as the first.
Faced with such beauty, all Thoma could do was stare . His cheeks flared up with each one of her twirls on the spot, his eyes failing to follow the movements of her fan, focused on only one thing, much more precious and beautiful— her bashful smile. Surrounded by the glow of the flowers, blue and cyan framing her face, she was prettier than a fairy, dancing carelessly in her magical spring.
If Thoma had any lingering doubts about his feelings, they all melted like snow in the sun. He realized only at that moment that the special occasion she meant was this private show for him, and that no one else was going to take her away from him. It filled him with calm and excitement at the same time— the thought that she might seriously belong at his side.
Once the dance was over, Thoma clapped his hands. He put all of his love and enthusiasm into it, showing her just how delighted he was to witness such a wonderful spectacle. And Ayaka smiled, her cheeks red with a thrilling mixture of strain and embarrassment. But it all cracked soon, tears pooling at the corner of her eyes as she hid her face behind her palms.
"Miss Kamisato?" Thoma asked, worry grabbing him by the throat, "Are you alright?"
Receiving no answer, Thoma stepped into the lake, feeling his pants and shoes drenched with water. It didn't matter— he had to be at her side. He placed his hands gently over her shoulders, supporting her silently as he always did.
Ayaka turned around in a dash, burying her face against his chest. Speechless, Thoma swallowed his tension (hoping she wouldn't hear the frantic beating of his heart) and wrapped her in an awkward hug.
"Please, Thoma," Ayaka's voice was a broken cry, muffled by the fabric of Thoma's shirt. "Don't get tired of me. You're the only one I can trust, the only certain thing in my life, please—"
It was so untypical of Thoma to be so naive and dense. And still, it didn't hit him until then, that Ayaka was still overthinking his intentions. Contrary to his wishes, he had made her worry to the point of breaking down, after going out of her way to put up a show just for him. A secret between the two of them, a pleading gift.
And it became clear as day that, if he was ever going to take the fateful step forward in their relationship, it had to be then and there. There was no more postponing it.
"You misunderstand me, Ayaka." It was the first time in their life together that he spoke to her so frankly, without using honorifics or titles. She noticed as well, because she looked up to meet his glance, eyes full of tears and blush across her nose. "I was running from you not because I hate you, or because I'm tired of you… Rather, because I cannot hide my feelings for you any longer."
Confusion crossed Ayaka's face. "Your… feelings?"
Now or never, Thoma . He grabbed her hands firmly between his palms and offered her his fondest smile, the beating of his heart echoing in his ears. There were many things to consider. She might turn him down, or look at him differently from there onwards. And even in the bright case she accepted his confession, how would things play out in the future? He couldn't know. But he had to do it.
"I love you," he said. Simple, direct, straightforward— yet, full of emotion.
Ayaka gaped for the longest time, so much that Thoma thought the blow might be a little too much for her to bear. He brought one of her small hands to his lips and placed a feathery kiss over its back, encouraging her to react.
"Y-You love... me ?" she stuttered, "But why? You're so… popular, and you have many friends and admirers, and…"
Thoma chuckled, his mouth still pressed gently against her hand. "I might be all of that or none of it. What matters is that there's nobody I'd want by my side more than you."
She stood in shock, slowly taking in his words. Her lips were sealed, though, no words threatening to leave them. So, Thoma decided to let his feelings be shown rather than merely declared. He bent his head towards her, stealing her mouth in a kiss.
Ayaka didn't pull away, and that was enough of an answer for him. She didn't need to say a thing— her actions spoke by themselves. Sweetly, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and stepped on her tiptoes, leaning more into the kiss. That gesture held much more meaning than words alone.
" Your princess ," Tomo had said. Well, perhaps he should thank him, next time they'd meet. Because as they hugged close in the middle of the lake, without a care in the world, he felt like no other definition suited her better than that— his princess.