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Loneliness is something that has become intimately familiar for both of them. It wraps around both of them and slowly hurts them. Makes them long for a past already gone, maybe even broken beyond repair.
Keeps them in the hole they had fallen in, preventing them from climbing out of it. Slowly poisons them with malicious words and memories of a now lost past.
Keeps them at night awake with what ifs, if only, if you weren’t, maybe if you. And on the occasions that sleep is possible torments with memories of their mistakes, nightmares born from reality where they have nothing left.
It’s a cruel existence to go by, a signal that truly no god is by their side.
But is it really surprising considering who they are?
The prince of the godless nation and the star-born outlander.
No, the fact that even the gods have abandoned it’s only fitting for them.
Still.
It doesn’t change the fact that it is a cruel fate to live by.
Maybe it’s a good thing that both of them can be pretty selfish when it comes to each other.
***
The night is tranquil and serene, there’s a constant light breeze that doesn’t allows the weather to felt to hot or too cold.
The place is filled with the calls of crickets and frogs, and at the distance the noise of the different hilichurls encampments that had been established all across dadaupa gorge.
The moon and stars their only company, they shine brightly over in the sky not allowing darkness to engulf them, their reflect clear over the water.
They should have already made their way back hours ago, the night is already advanced and the walk back to Mondstadt will take them some time, if they start to go back now, they’ll be able to get at least 3 or 2 hours of rest before their day begins once again.
But they don’t.
The place is ever rarely vacant of people, usually no matter the hour somebody is always here. Adventurers that stop to rest, a scholar investigating the zone, merchants passing by.
No matter by who, the zone was a very concurred one, all with the exception of today, and the reason of it, being the reason as to why they had been send here.
An emergency commission of defeating a ruin hunter that had appeared at the zone, and had no intentions to leave. They had been the only ones mot busy with another thing at the moment, so they had no problems in taking the job.
Once at the zone they had make quick work of it, the little water body that could be found at the middle of the place was perfect to allow him to constantly freeze the hunter. And every time he did Lumine was immediately attacking it wielding Geo.
It had been quick, both of them working in perfect synchrony and already used to each other fight style after months of fighting side by side.
Once with their work done they should have returned to Mondstadt, report the success of the mission and then rest before the new day.
But.
But once finished the work they really didn’t found themselves in a hurry to get back, they didn’t want to go back.
Moments like this, in which it was just both of them were scarce, they usually found themselves in presence of others, and even went they went out exploring Paimon was a constant.
And sure, with Paimon temporally at Liyue helping Xiangling getting prepared for a cooking contest, they really had no extra company for the next few days.
They are aware that they could just enjoy each other company while staying at their rooms over the Knight headquarters, but it wasn’t what they wanted.
Going back to Mondstadt meant going back to being the Cavalry Captain, and the Honorary Knight. But here out in the wild, they are just Kaeya and Lumine. No complicated titles, no need to act in a certain way to kept appearances, there are no walls to be lift and facades to maintain.
There are no secrets, no playing pretend.
It’s just both of them and the loneliness that accompanies them.
***
No words are said, but when it’s just both of them they are rarely required.
Kaeya is sitting near the water, a bunch of freshly picked Calla lilies at his feet, he’s observing the reflection of the moon and stars over the tranquil water, eyes occasionally straying to observe a frog passing near him.
Lumine is busy collecting materials all over the place, sunsettias and apples, mint and berries, there’s no exclusion to what she picks. She gives the zone a few more rounds searching for things she had previously missed before finally settling down behind him.
None of them will interrupt the silence but he lets out a questioning hum when he feels Lumine’s hands on his hair. She simply shows him a little stick, and with a quick pass of his hand over his hair he feels the mess that it has become.
He can feel a bunch of sticks and leaves are tangled and incrusted all over his head, must have got there when he had jumped out of the way of one of the Hunter’s attacks and fell directly over a bunch of bushes.
He’s about to start the process of taking out what he can, but before he begins Lumine’s hands are already once again on his hair.
As with everything she does she’s efficient, the sound of sticks falling to the ground is constant. And even though he knows that some of them must be completely tangled on his hair, not even once he’s subjected to painful tugging, or aggressive pulling.
The leaves go after, they are easier to get rid off and once Lumine finishes with all of them he expects her to go away to do other things.
But her hands remain on his hair.
And once again in a gentle manner her hands start moving once again, they go all over his hair, her fingers combing through it and getting rid of tangles.
It’s, nice.
Her presence behind him, not expecting nothing more than his company, how long has it been since he could trust someone like this?
For nothing to be wanted of him. For him, all, of him to be wanted.
A breeze passes by, the rustle of the leaves alongside it, frogs and crickets singing by, her light breath behind him.
How long, since, he had last felt the touch of someone else in this way?
Fragments of days long gone rapidly surface, he doesn’t remember the way in which the comb and hands that used to do his hair when he was younger feel, but he has the memories.
Memories of waking up and having to get ready for the day, clothes previously prepared by the maids, breakfast already being done.
He remembers being able to change his clothes and making his bed all on his own, but never managing to tie his hair correctly.
Some days he tried to do it alone, but all of his attempts would always end with his hair all made a mess, so it was just easier to not try to do it himself and wait till Master Crepus dad could help him.
He remembers days spent outside training with no rest, remembers the way in which thanks to all the movement and scuffle the hair tie would snap and how of his hair ended up all over his face.
Remembers the way in which his brother Diluc would then help him tie it again, and then between laughter and smiles go back to train.
He remembers, and he grieves.
Grieves for a past that slipped by him, while he stood and did nothing.
Grieves for the relationship he allowed to die between fire and blood.
He wonders how much time he has before the one with Lumine dies to.
There’s a sudden thug that takes him back to the present.
Lumine’s fingers are still traveling all the length of his hair, they slowly go from the top of his head to the tips, there’s no set rhythm, some passing of her fingers are fats, and then she slows down for a time, only to pick the pace again.
From where he’s sitting he’s slowly moved backwards until he’s lying down on the floor, his head rested upon Lumine’s lap, her fingers never stopping moving.
He moves his eye upon her face, her eyes are closed but there’s a little smile adorning her lips.
He wants this, he decides, wants this touch so gentle from a so deadly being all for himself, wants to kept her company by his side, wants her.
He wants her.
And he will do what he can to be allowed to be by her side.
He closes his eye and focuses only on her touch.
***
It’s been quite a while, she realizes.
Since she had held someone so close to her, since she was able to just enjoy the presence of someone alongside her.
She wants this, wants him.
And this time no matter what she’s not letting it go.