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"So, Technoblade, ever think about sex?"
The sudden question makes the piglin raise an eyebrow over his book. He glances up over the edge of his glasses at his younger brother, who sits across the room in a chair trying to look nonchalant about the question he's just asked. If you asked him, it's been weird having Tommy live there with him. Don't get him wrong, he's glad he's not out in the wilderness doing who knows what (although he's heard it's because he was exiled, but better to not assume or bring up touchy subjects), but having company other than occasionally Phil was still taking some getting used to.
"Any, uh, particular reason for this, well, strange question?"
"Just trying to make conversation. As one does," Tommy quickly defends. Techno just stares at him for a second, waiting to see if anything else is going to be added. He sighs.
"To answer your question, no, I don't. I haven't ever really had the need or want to."
He looks back down at his book quickly, hoping to convey that he doesn't want to continue the awkward conversation. Unfortunately, picking up on signals has never been Tommy's strong suit.
"Wait, seriously? Doesn't everyone think about sex and stuff?"
Techno huffs, closing his book. A snarky response dies on his tongue when he sees how genuinely confused Tommy looks.
Interesting.
"Well," he starts, slowly, "not everyone does think about that stuff. Not everyone feels that kind of attraction. I personally don't, nor do I experience romantic attraction. Have I seriously never told you this?"
"I don't think so. Then again, you and Phil left home a lot when we were younger, and then you were the first to officially leave. I didn't exactly have much time to get to know you well."
"Good point. Well, in that case I'm telling you now. I'm aroace, which means that one, I don't experience romantic attraction, and two, I don't experience sexual attraction. All I'll ever need is friends and family."
Tommy looked very deep in thought that it sort of concerned Techno. The kid was never one to really seem to think things through, but this thinking had a hesitant air to it.
"So you've never had a crush?"
"Nope."
"Never really wanted to date someone or kiss someone?"
"That, kinda goes along with the crush thing, so no."
There's silence, so much so that Techno's worried his little brother has stopped breathing until he opens his mouth, shutting it again when no words come out. He tries again.
"So," Tommy takes a breath, "it's, normal, to feel like that?"
Ah. He understands now. Actually, it makes sense if he thinks about it. Tommy's always done a big show of his whole 'loving women's bit just enough to the point where it didn't really feel genuine. He leans forward, arms resting on his knees and hands clasped together.
"Absolutely normal. And if you feel that way, too, then you're also completely normal. I'll fight anyone who says anything differently."
Tommy scoffs at that, but a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.
"Yeah, thanks."
"Hey, you're still my little brother. I'm gonna look out for you if I can."
Tommy hums. "I know."
-
It's been a while since Tommy had that conversation. Almost immediately after, everything went to shit. He was betrayed several times, his best friend was being stolen away from him (although he was yet to realize Tubbo was just falling in love with his husband), and then he was in prison with his abuser.
Fun.
Although, prison wasn't too terribly bad. He did seem to have the power over Dream that time, being able to annoy him whenever he wanted and seemingly have no consequences.
And then he was murdered. Which led to being stuck for God knows how long with Wilbur, which also wasn't fun.
The only good(?) thing about being stuck in limbo was that even though Wilbur blabbered on about who knows what all the goddamn time, he still had time to think. And so, think he did.
Had he ever had a crush? He didn't think so. Wilbur would always come home talking about some boy or girl he'd seen while out and about, but he had never really seen what the big deal was. He remembered now just how exhausting it was to keep up his 'loving women's spiel. He only ever really did it when he had some sort of audience, and he was so tired of doing it.
Aroace. It had a nice ring to it, and also felt like him. It described his entire life thus far. Yeah. He's aroace.
Admitting it made him feel much lighter than he had ever felt. He had debated telling Wilbur while he could, especially since they were going to be stuck together for a while.
Until he was suddenly dragged back to the land of the living by the same hands that killed him. He was now back where he started: afraid of Dream and without Wilbur. And now with a new white streak in his hair. At least he had a new sense of self he could take with him when he was escorted back out into the world. Now he just had to tell people.
Should be pretty simple.
-
It was in fact not simple.
He wanted to tell Techno, even if he suspected the man already knew, but they hadn't spoken to each other in quite some time. There wasn't really anyone that he was close with that he could tell other than Tubbo and maybe Ranboo. He decided against telling Ranboo for the moment. The man was already confused about gender, he didn't need something else to worry about. So that just left Tubbo, which in hindsight seems like the obvious choice. The only problem was finding a time where Tubbo was alone or not working on some project.
A day finally came when Tubbo shot him a message asking if he wanted to come over for lunch. Ranboo was back in the Arctic which left Tubbo and Michael alone in Snowchester, so Tommy figured it'd be a good time to go. Also, free food. He had gone, the stooping frame of the partially built mansion visible from the porch when he knocked, and it was more pleasant than he was expecting. Michael was, surprisingly (at least to him) adorable, and wasn't nearly as annoying as he knew toddlers could be. The food wasn't terrible (Tubbo never had been the best cook), and the conversation wasn't dry. It felt like catching up with an old friend, which is basically what it was if you take out the fact that the two had been friends their entire lives. It was…..nice. Eventually Tubbo had to take Michael to his room for a nap, which left Tommy to wait downstairs.
So now here he is, sitting on the couch and fiddling with the edge of his shirt. He doesn't know how he's gonna say it. He honestly hadn't gotten that far in his planning.
He looks up when there's a creak of a ladder rung being stepped on as Tubbo makes his way back down. Tubbo huffs as he touches the ground, an ear twitching. He sits down on the other end of the couch and turns to face Tommy.
"So, what's up?"
Tommy looks at him, confused.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, clearly there's something on your mind that you want to say." He replies nonchalantly. Tommy furrows his eyebrows.
"How did you–"
"Tommy, I've known you longer than anyone. I've learned your tells, and all this time we haven't been able to see each other hasn't changed that. I'm not saying you have to tell me," he quickly adds, "but I won't judge you for whatever it is."
Tommy looks at him skeptically. "And why is that?"
"You're my best friend? Also, I feel like I don't have much room to judge, seeing the things I've done and said. Figured it doesn't make sense to do it if I've done worse."
Tommy stalls at that. There's truth to what Tubbo says, and it makes the tension in his shoulders ease up slightly. Unfortunately, it also makes his restraining his nervous tears let up, and a few start to slip down his face.
"Fuck, um." He hastily wipes at his face, only managing to smear the tears around. "Man, I don't know why I'm crying, shit."
He lets out a laugh. This whole situation is absurd. His whole life is absurd.
"Ok, well, I've been doing a lot of thinking, which I know, Tommy thinking? When has that ever happened? But, I–I've realized some things?"
Tubbo just nods at him to keep going. Tommy doesn't know when it happened, but Tubbo has scooted closer to grip one of his hands, giving it a reassuring squeeze which Tommy returns.
"I'm aroace," he finally blurts out. "Realized I've just never felt romantic feelings or anything, so. Big man Tommyinnit is no longer a ladies man because he never was." He lets out a chuckle at the last bit. Tubbo smiles at him, headbutting his shoulder lightly.
"Proud of you, big man."
That releases more tears, and Tubbo wraps his arms around him in a hug, Tommy squeezing back tightly.
"Y'know, it kinda makes sense."
"Hm?" Tommy lifts his head from where it had been on Tubbo's shoulder. Tubbo nods at him.
"Yeah, I mean, you've never really talked about having a crush on someone before, and I know that I have, so. I almost thought it was because we just never got a break from all the fighting, but then, y'know, we started getting breaks and still nothing."
"God!" Tommy leans back to sink into the couch and puts his hands over his face. "Did everyone just know before I did?" He asks, voice slightly muffled. Tubbo laughed.
"I mean, you're not the best at noticing things," he teases. "You didn't notice for the longest time that I'm gay–"
"We were in the middle of a war, Tubbo! I was kinda worried about not dying!" He shoots back, playfully smacking his arm and just making Tubbo cackle. His laugh sets off one in Tommy, and when Ranboo suddenly arrives back at the house that's how he finds them, laughing so hard they're clutching their stomachs. He looks at them a bit concerned as he hangs up his coat.
"Did I miss something, or–?"
"No," Tubbo heaves out between laughs, "no, don't worry, Boo, we're just catching up, sharing some news."
He scoots over a bit while they start to contain their laughs to make some room for Ranboo on the couch. Tommy watches as he sits down, and Tubbo seemingly unconsciously shifts to press against Ranboo who in turn wraps his arms around his middle. Even if Tommy doesn't understand it, he can still appreciate it and be happy for them. Hell, he was happy for himself. Has today ended up being a good day?
Yeah. He'd say it had.