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It all happened so sudden. One moment they both were climbing the ladder and then only Jay was hanging from it, holding on tightly so as not to fall with all the movement.
The only thing he remembered was how he called Cole’s name.
But he hadn’t processed the whole situation until now, that he was safe on the deck of the bounty.
Only when his life was no longer in danger, he fully understood that Cole was gone.
He saw him fall from the ladder, how he got lost in the black clouds. Cole’s panicked face was etched on his corneas, his mind.
He saw him died and he couldn’t do anything to avoid it.
They were still on their way to the monastery and Jay was alone on the deck of the bounty, sitting on the floor, with his back against a wall, still thinking about what happened. The whole situation now was just heartbreaking images that played repeatedly in his mind, nonstop.
He felt like he wanted to cry, but he wouldn’t let himself do it. Not now, he couldn’t be crying when Ninjago was on the brink of collapse at the hands of the Oni.
They still have a lot to do and crying wasn’t one of those things, even though the entire team was taking the road back to the monastery as a time to mourn Cole’s death.
Jay got surprised at the thought: mourn Cole’s death.
As if seeing it hadn’t been enough, the thought only hit him even more.
He wasn’t going to see him again, not even if things turned out well. When all was over, they would still be missing a member of the team and the next thing to do would be saying goodbye to him accordingly.
The memories of Zane’s funeral years ago came back to Jay’s mind for a second and then he felt worse thinking that they would do one to Cole now.
Without realizing it, he was already shedding tears from his eyes.
They still couldn’t believe at all anything that happened.
He raised his head and looked around. He sniffed and stood up, then he paced on the deck.
He saw no one.
He peeked over the side and managed to see the stairs still hanging off the side. No one had bothered to remove them. He saw the longest ladder, which he climbed, and then looked at the shortest.
Cole’s ladder.
The rest of it fell with him.
The events replayed on Jay’s mind, and this time he didn’t hold back the tears. He wept, leaning against the railing, thinking of Cole.
Even with years on duty as a ninja, he never prepared himself to have to see someone leave. The truth is that no one was ever ready for it.
No one was ready to say goodbye.
Less to someone as important as Cole was to him. His best friend, one of the few people who really understood him and loved him just the way he was.
Things wouldn’t be the same and Jay wasn’t ready to accept it, he wasn’t ready to go without seeing Cole every day.
This time he wasn’t coming back, and Jay couldn’t stop thinking about how much he still had to live, what they still had to do together.
He would miss playing videogames with him, training with him, go out and spend time with him. He would miss having those moments where they talked and trusted things to each other.
He would miss him very much.
Cole was there to cheer and comfort him when he needed it, and right now he really needed that.
Sadly, his friend couldn’t be there for him.
He never thought he would need someone to comfort him for having to watch his best friend leave, but there he was.
It was in that moment that Jay felt he hadn’t said or done enough to show Cole how important he was to him. How much he appreciated to have him as a friend, the times he supported him, the times he made him feel better when he needed it, that he enjoyed being with him.
That he loved him.
And it was too late for that already. And that only saddened him much more.
Cole left without knowing what his best friend felt about him, without knowing that he was grateful for all he had done for him.
Jay wasn’t sure he could live with it.
Now he didn’t want to think in anything else, he didn’t want to think at all. The only thing he wanted to do was cry, he wanted Cole back.
He didn’t want to think in what was next, in what they still had to do, less could he think about the moment they say goodbye to Cole for good. He didn’t want to imagine himself crying in what might be Cole’s funeral.
He really wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Cole, in a grave they would mount as a symbol, as they didn’t have a body to bury.
Jay shook his head to get all those thoughts out in one go and he just stayed there, mourning Cole, while praying that things had been different so that he would still be with them.