Chapter Text
Chloe would be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous to be meeting the FBI’s Behavioural Analysis Unit. Dan had been practically fangirling over them since he found out they were coming, going on and on about some lecture he went to on profiling and how he was obsessed with David Rossi’s books (who was rumoured to be back on the team). Despite having his own cases to work, he was waiting around the bullpen, pretending to have things to do and keeping a very obvious eye on the elevator, asking who it was every time it dinged open.
Yet again, the chime rang through the precinct, and Dan’s head whipped over to it, then to Chloe.
“Is that them?” he asked, searching.
“I still don’t know, Dan,” she sighed, “I can’t tell yet.”
“Is it who?” asked Lucifer, who had appeared from who knows where, a coffee mug that very obviously smelled like scotch in hand.
Dan turned to Lucifer. “The BAU! That body you guys looked at yesterday, it’s linked to a serial killer that’s been hopping state borders, so y’know federal jurisdiction and all that– the BAU’s an FBI unit that specialises in analysing human behaviour to catch serial killers and kidnappers and arsonists. It’s awesome!”
“Well, guess we don’t need to introduce ourselves,” said a raven haired woman with bangs, smirking.
Dan’s jaw practically dropped in embarrassment as he stared at the members of the Behavioural Analysis Unit, who had come down the stairs to stand in front of them. “I’m so sorry,” he said hurriedly, “I’m just- it’s- I- Dan Espinoza, big fan.”
“Don’t worry about it,” said a blonde who was standing beside the one with bangs, sending him a friendly smile, “Prentiss likes to pick on people.”
“Hi,” stepped in Chloe, who wanted to stop anymore possible embarrassment, “I’m Detective Decker, the lead detective on the case.”
“Aaron Hotchner, Unit Chief,” said a tall man in a crisp suit, who held out a hand which Chloe shook. “This is Agent Jareau,” he gestured to the blonde, “Agent Prentiss,” the brunette, “Agent Morgan,” a strong-built man in a t-shirt, “Dr Reid,” a gangly looking younger man with floppy hair, “And—”
“David Rossi, as I live and breathe,” interrupted Lucifer, stepping forwards with his arms outstretched.
“Lucifer,” said the older looking man who had been standing towards the back of the group, “How you been? Didn’t think you were the kind to get caught, thought you were more charming than that,” he added, amused, gesturing to the police station.
Lucifer’s smile spread. “Oh, you haven’t heard? I’m not here getting arrested; I am an official civilian consultant with the LAPD now. Wherever the Detective here goes, I follow.”
Rossi raised a surprised brow. “Really? Well, that’s something I never could have guessed. Weirder things have happened I suppose.”
“Sorry,” said the one who was introduced as Agent Morgan, looking sceptically at him, “Your name’s ‘Lucifer’?”
“Oh how rude of me,” Lucifer said, flashing his best ‘charming devil’ smile, “Lucifer Morningstar, owner of the renowned nightclub Lux and giver of favours.” He then turned to Hotch, squinting his eyes a little. “Hotchner, you say? That sounds familiar, but I can’t for the life of me remember why…”
“…Lucifer Morningstar?” questioned Agent Prentiss. “Your parents have a sick sense of humour or something?”
“Yes, I suppose my Father does like to think he’s hilarious,” he said, nodding. “Case and point his placement of the male g-spot.”
“Lucifer!” Chloe scolded, “Seriously?”
Prentiss just snorted in surprise, and Morgan raised a hand to his mouth to hide a grin.
Shaking her head a little, Chloe turned back to Hotchner. “Sorry about him. We’ve got a meeting room just over there that you can set up in,” she said, gesturing to the glass doors further on the other end of the bullpen.
“Great, thank you,” he said, “We’ll just go and get to work, let you know once we have anything worthwhile.” He nodded to the rest of his team, and they all headed over to the meeting room, which had whiteboards and case files scattered throughout.
Once they were out of earshot, the meeting room door closed behind them, Chloe rounded on Lucifer.
“What the hell was that?” she asked, glaring at him, “Did you really have to mention the male g-spot in front of a bunch of elite FBI agents?!”
“I think they thought it quite amusing,” he said, gesturing to where they were, “And why wouldn’t they, I am hilarious.”
Chloe opened her mouth to object, but was interrupted by Dan.
“You know David Rossi?!” he asked incredulously, then shook his head a little, “Who am I kidding, of course you do, you seem to know frickin’ everyone.”
Lucifer looked smug. “Yes, I met him at a VIP event a few years ago and we’ve run into each other a handful of times since. Don’t let his age fool you, the man certainly knows how to party.”
“Oh. My. God. They’re here!” squealed a voice approaching from beside them, and they turned to see Ella practically running over. “I can’t believe they’re here, in our precinct, working on our case! Behavioural analysis is so cool, it’s like- like detective work but inside people’s brains.”
“Don’t tell me you’re going to fangirl too,” said Chloe, sending Dan a pointed glance.
Ella looked at Chloe with disbelieving eyes. “Uh, yes, I most definitely am going to fangirl! I’ve read Deviance: The Secret Desires of Sadistic Serial Killers, like, a million times, and now David Rossi is literally standing a few feet from us! You can’t tell me you don’t think this is at least, like, a little bit majorly awesome?”
Chloe sighed. “Yeah, I suppose it’s pretty cool to meet them, but might I remind you all that they’re here to catch a serial killer? And that we have to help them try to stop said serial killer from murdering more people?”
“Oh, come on, let the nerds have their fun Detective,” said Lucifer, taking a sip from his scotch mug.
She sighed again. “You can have your ‘fun’ as long as you can solve a murder at the same time. Deal?”
Both Dan and Ella nodded.
“Right,” she said. “Now c’mon, lets go do our jobs. And you,” Chloe pointed to Lucifer, “If I hear anything about g-spots again, you’re going home. Got it?”
“Oh well you’re no fun, Detective,” Lucifer whined, but at her glare, held up a hand in resignation. “Fine, alright, okay, no g-spot talk, swear on Dad.”