Chapter Text
At 7:00 AM, I wake to the sound of my alarm. My eyes flutter open and I roll out of bed. As I get ready for classes, I take my time as I always do. The date is the 13th.
When I glance at the mirror, I stop for a moment and think. Why do I even bother going anymore? No one would notice if I simply vanished. When even was the last time that someone even so much as looked at me?
In the end, I simply shake my head and leave my dorm.
Classes go by as they always do. Nothing has changed... it never will. I may not be sure of much, but this is one thing that I am certain of.
By the end of the day, I find myself on the rooftop. I come up when my mood gets especially low... and today is no exception. Standing at the edge, I look down. The ground looks so far away.
The fear of the fall is usually enough to make me turn around and walk away. Today, I don't feel that fear.
What's the point of holding on like this?
When no one seems to care if I exist
My alarm goes off at 7 AM. The date is the 13th. What a strange dream... it felt so real.
I climb out of bed and dress as always. A glance at the mirror. I'm hit with a sense of déjà vu...
I shake it off and head to my classes as I always do. The day passes just as the dream did and I end up back at the roof again.
Once more, there's no fear to hold me back.
So let me fall, let me break
Under everything unsaid
At 7 AM, my alarm sounds. Today is the 13th. Another strange dream? No... something feels off.
This moment I'm in has happened before. I shake my head and glance at the mirror before I rise and dress for school. Dream or no dream, nothing seems like it's changed.
I stop to change my shoes. There's a redheaded male at his own little cubby. His attention is on his fingers... slowly unwrapping the tape around them. Once freed, he gives his hand a couple of quick flexes and then he glances my way.
I pay it no mind and continue about my own business. He's no one that I know... probably a first year. Not that it matters. Neither of us bothered to say a word to the other, so no reason to dwell on it.
Classes pass the same, uneventful way. When the day ends, I'm back at the roof, just as before.
Just let me die 'cause I can't take
Living with what's in my head
7 AM on the 13th.
Whatever this is, it's not just some dream. Is this hell, I wonder? Doomed to repeat this same day for all eternity?
I get up and dress much quicker than I normally do. When I get to the school building, it's much earlier than I usually arrive.
As I change my shoes, my mind flashes to the redhead with the taped fingers. He's not here this time... instead where he stood are a couple of second-years who slip a piece of paper into a cubby. I think that was redhead's.
Those second years... I know them. I know them all too well. We've gone to the same school since childhood. They're not nice people... I've even been a target of their bullying on more than one occasion.
I choose to keep my head down and avoid any eye contact until I've gotten away from there.
The rest of the day passes just as the last few times. I end up at the roof. There's no fear... and no hesitation.
If you could see under my skin
You'd realize why I hold it in
Why it's a fight I don't wanna win
This has to be hell... I wake at 7 AM and it's once again the 13th.
I don't understand what's going on... Why do I keep repeating this same day over and over? Will it ever end? Is this some kind of punishment?
I dress. I get to school at the same time I always do. Redhead is at his cubby. In his cubby is a note. Was it really put there by those second years?
It's not my business. Even as his gaze meets mine only briefly, I pay it no mind. I just go on about my day... and once more, I find myself on the roof.
This moment here seems like it doesn't change. No matter what else plays out differently, I always find myself right here, staring down at the distant ground.
There's still no fear to hold me back, but this time I hesitate. Is this it? Is this the moment that has doomed me to this?
From the corner of my eye, there's just a glimpse of red. My head turns and I see him.
He's down next to one of the storage sheds, leaning against the wall. He seems to be fine... but then I notice the three second years that approach him. One gives him a shove.
I take a step forward to get a better look, forgetting that I'm already at the edge. My body tumbles over... The choice this time wasn't mine... and only then do I feel the fear.
Will anyone believe the hell of being me
Before I decide to be the dying proof?
This time, I wake with a start. Immediately I check the date and the time. 6:57 AM on the 13th. For once I wake before my alarm. There's no sense in going back to sleep... and with the way my heart is pounding, I doubt I could sleep anyways.
Just as I always do, I dress and head off to attend my classes. Redhead is by his cubby, unwrapping the tape from his fingers. He flexes them a couple times before he catches me watching him.
This time, I let my gaze linger for a moment before moving my attention to the cubby next to him. In it is a note. While I'm looking, his attention is drawn to it. He picks up the note and begins to read it. That's when I slip away to my class.
As classes begin and go on like usual, all thoughts of the redhead and the note are forgotten. Nothing about this is any different than the times before. These same lessons... this is how I know that none of it was just some dream.
When classes end, I start to head toward the stairway that leads to the roof. As my foot lifts to go up that first step, there's a quick flash of the redhead's face in my mind. That alone makes me freeze.
He's just some nameless first year... He's not anything to me... so why is it that I'm hesitating now? My decision happens in a split second.
I already know where he'll be... I know that the note was meant to lure him there... Normally I'd never bother, but if I don't do this now, nothing can change... I'll be forever stuck in this loop. This cycle has to break.
When I get there, he's standing by the shed. Redhead seems calm, but I know there has to be some fear in there. The three second years stare him down. I can't hear a word that they're saying, but I don't need to. When the leader of the trio gives redhead a rather hard shove, knocking him into the wall, that's all I need.
Anytime it was me on the receiving end of a bully's wrath, I never bothered to stand up for myself. I simply let it happen, keeping my head down and avoiding eye contact until it was over.
Now seeing them turn on him, I'm infuriated. All of them are bigger than me, but I don't even think about that... it won't stop me from trying. Putting all my weight into it, I shove the second-year back, managing to catch him off guard and knock him over.
Redhead seems as surprised as the other three. The odds are less uneven now, but they do still outnumber us and I'm not particularly big.
As the second year stands back up, I start rethinking my decision to get involved. What am I even doing? I don't even know this guy! Why am I even trying to stick up for him?
"Tendo! Coach is looking to you." At the voice, all five of us freeze and look at the source.
This guy... I know this one. He's one of the first years. Name's Semi and apparently, he's got a bit of a temper. Maybe that's why the bullies choose that moment to get lost.
Semi and Tendo don't say a word to me as the redhead rushes off. Before he's out of sight though, he stops for only a second to glance back at me. Semi calls his name again and Tendo hurries off.
This time, I don't go to the roof.
If I surrender, surrender
To the monsters in me
Will it set me free?
At 7 AM, I wake up to the sound of my alarm. Today is the 14th.