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Sana was on her bed, pillow clutched to her chest, desperately trying to stay quiet. Sobs wracked her body, uncontrollably. Her members were out and about, some of them in the dorm hanging out elsewhere. She's been looking through the comments of their latest show, upset with herself at how poorly she did and how much she disappointed her fans.
She didn't want any of her members to see her like that so she kept quiet and dealt with it on her own. Her phone dinged, a notification that twice was live on vlive. She opened the app just to see what everyone was up to, and she smiled when she saw the oldest of the group sitting at the kitchen table.
She waved at the camera and gave a bright bunny smile, lighting up the room. Sana momentarily forgot her sadness until another notification popped up on her phone, one of many social sites she'd been looking at. She opened it, promising to only look at the post. That promise was broken as soon as she made it.
She scrolled through for a little while and stumbled upon a post about her, the comments being very negative. She could feel her tears well up again and she threw her phone away in fear. "They hate me. They hate me. I disappointed everyone again. I'm so bad at this." She clutched the pillow she had harder.
Her sobs were making her dizzy, dehydrated after crying so much. She laid down on her bed and closed her eyes, hoping that when she woke up it wouldn't feel so bad anymore. She was almost asleep when she heard a knock on her door. "Hey Sana, I heard a loud noise and I wanted to-" Nayeon stopped when she was a hole in the wall and Sana's shattered phone screen.
"Woah, what happened?" She saw Sana curled up in her bed, anguish on her face. Nayeon gasped at the sight. She quickly ran over and sat next to Sana, pulling her up into her arms. "What's going on, baby?" Sana cried into Nayeon's shirt, clutching to it like it was her lifeline. "Everyone hates m-me. I was horrible t-tonight." Her sentence was broken by a sob, her face buried in Nayeon's chest.
Nayeon ran a hand through Sana's hair, letting her calm down a little before speaking. She lifted Sana's head and looked into her eyes, gave her a small smile, and wiped her tears. "Sana, how long have you been reading this stuff and keeping it to yourself?" Nayeon read her like a book."I...I always read what Onces write about me. I want to be the best for them and I want them to be proud of me..." Nayeon kept eye contact with the younger girl. "Listen to me, Sana. The people who are saying those things aren't our fans, baby. They're people who get a kick out of making people cry, and you're worth so much more than jerks on the internet."
She grabbed one of Sana's hands. "I think you were amazing tonight. Everything you did had me captivated, I just wanted to give you a big hug and spin you around because I was so proud." Sana smiled her bright smile and felt her heart swell at the thought of Nayeon being proud of her. "Proud?" Nayeon nodded and kissed Sana's forehead.
"So proud, Satang." Sana pulled Nayeon in for a big hug, squeezing tight and cuddling into her. "Thank you." Nayeon chuckled. "Hey, Nayeon?" Nayeon replied with an "mhm" and pulled out of the hug. "You can still spin me around if you want..." The younger girl has a shy smile on her face and Nayeon stands up, motioning for Sana to do the same.
As soon as she's up, Nayeon hugs her and spins her around th middle of the room, both of them laughing and Sana wrapping her legs around Nayeon's hips. She puts Sana back on the ground after a few spins, both of them in fits of laughter. Nayeon stops laughing first and takes a moment to admire the younger girl with a soft smile of adoration on her face.
"Hey, Sana? Have you ever kissed a girl?" Sana froze at the unexpected question. "No, why do you ask?" Nayeon stepped closer. "Do you want to?" They both were surprised by her words. Nayeon quickly realized what she asked and backed away, avoiding looking at the younger girl. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I asked that..." Sana was going to tell her that it was okay, but Momo knocked on the door.
"You guys hungry? Jeongyeon made dinner." Nayeon used that as an opportunity to run from the situation with a quick 'yes', leaving a confused Sana in her room.
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Dinner was awkward to say the very least. Nayeon avoided Sana's gaze, no matter how much she stared. Momo felt the tension, Mina, too. "Who all has schedules tomorrow?" Everyone turned to Momo, confused at her question. "We're off tomorrow, Momo." Momo dipped her head, embarrassed. "My bad."
Nayeon finished her food quickly and went back to her room. Sana just left the table in the middle of her meal, she was worried. She made her way to Nayeon's room and when she arrived, she was immediately worried. Nayeon looked like she had been crying. "Are you okay?" Nayeon froze like a deer in headlights. "Why are you here?" Sana stepped further into the room. "I'm worried, you're crying." Nayeon looked at her like she was crazy. "How are you concerned? I'm weird! I like girls, and I practically tried to kiss you! Why are you still being nice to me??!?" Sana was taken aback by Nayeon's words and behavior. She quickly recovered from her shock, Nayeon needed someone to be there for her and Sana was going to be that someone.
"Because I care about you, no matter what you feel or who you feel it for. Your wellness is more important to me than figuring that other stuff out right now." Nayeon sat on her bed and stared at the floor. There was a tense silence, only the sound of Nayeon crying filling the room. Then, "I'm sorry." Sana sat down on the ground in front of her so she had to make eye contact. "It's okay, you didn't do anything wrong."
Nayeon cried harder, causing Sana to grab her hands. "Nayeon, it's okay. You're okay." She just cried and cried and cried until there wasn't anything left. Her eyes were burning and her throat was sore. Sana was looking at her with worry in her eyes. Again, "I'm sorry." Sana shook her head. "Stop apologizing. You've done nothing wrong." She handed Nayeon a tissue so she could clean up. She got up to sit next to Nayeon on her bed.
"Look at me." Nayeon did as she was told. She locked eyes with Sana and her breath hitched in her throat. She felt a rush of love and butterflies fill her entire being at the sight of the younger woman. Sana's hands felt hot on her own, the touch almost like fire. She took in the look on Sana's face and felt her heartbeat even faster. Her heartbeat was pounding through her head and she silently wished Sana couldn't hear it. Her entire mind was occupied by Sana, all of her thoughts about her and the feelings she's been harboring making their way to the surface. She was in love, a burning love so intense it scared her.
"You're beautiful." Nayeon felt her breath leave her body, she felt light-headed. "You're beautiful and you're valid." The older woman didn't know what to say. She thought Sana must have been playing a trick on her. But, she wouldn't do that, and the truth in her eyes told her all she needed to know. "Thank you." The smile that spread across the blonde's face was worth the stress and pain of loving her for so long.
They looked at each other in silence. Each of them had their eyes on the other, no one in the world but them. It was Sana who made the first move. She gently held Nayeon's face, her thumb brushed against her cheek. A sigh from Nayeon, her eyes fluttered shut. Sana leaned forward, her lips a hair-width away from the others. Their breath mingled in the tense air, the silence only broken by two words.
"Kiss me."
Euphoria.
The only way Nayeon could even begin to describe how it felt to kiss the woman she loved. Their lips moved against each other slowly, both women taking their time to savor the feeling. Nayeon's mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that merged into one single thought.
'I love you, Sana.'
They broke apart, foreheads leaned against each other. "I love you." Sana gasped at the admission, the words giving her a hurricane of butterflies in her stomach. "I love you so much, Sana." Her voice was thick with tears and her shoulders were starting to shake. There was an overwhelming sense of relief in her body when she finally admitted her feelings. Sana lifted her head and wiped her tears.
"I love you too, Nayeon." Tears were gathering in her eyes at the happiness she felt. She pulled Nayeon into her arms and they cried together, happier than ever before.