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The heat in the apartment was nearly suffocating. It wasn’t as packed as the other party James and Sirius had thrown that school year, but it was still crowded, college-age bodies crammed into an oddly laid out apartment like sardines in a can.
Lily had retreated to one of the corners where there was a bright yellow bean bag. It crashed terribly with the green couch the boys owned but Lily had a feeling Sirius likely allowed it because one of his friends had somehow formed an attachment to it. It was the surprising thing about Sirius in her eyes, his loyalty, it was sort of like a dog’s.
She’d lost Remus about fifteen minutes ago, last seeing him next to a tall, incredibly handsome boy wearing a cowboy hat. Remus had had his hands stuffed in his pockets awkwardly and Lily had nearly barged into the conversation in an attempt to save her friend from his own blundering; but she had decided not to after studying his expression a little more. Marlene was still in the kitchen, taking over the drinks as she had at the last party. Lily was still sipping the Watermelon Sugar as Marlene called it. It tasted nothing like watermelons, but the allusion to Harry Styles was greatly appreciated. She wasn’t a big drinker; she never had liked alcohol much and she thankfully had other coping mechanisms that didn’t make her feel the need to tolerate it for a buzz.
“Hey, Evans,” said a familiar voice. Lily glanced up from her place practically on the floor in the bean bag. James Potter was standing in front of her, and she craned her neck more than she usually had to in order to see his face. He always seemed to be a little taller than she remembered.
It was unfair because James had somehow gotten more attractive since high school. Maybe it was her guilt at how she’d reacted to his last-ditch attempt to woo her or, in her opinion, embarrass her at graduation. Maybe it was because she felt like she had a serious relationship now, she had someone else who looked at her curves and rolls of skin and still said she was hot. Maybe she could believe his previous claims now. Maybe it was because he was simply trying to be friendly or civil and not her future husband.
“Mind if I sit?” James gestured towards the spot on the floor next to the bean bag. She stared at him and then the spot.
“It’s your house, James,” She replied. He sighed a little and then leaned up against the wall beside her and slid down so he was next to her. They sat like that for a minute, staring out at the crowd from their corner. Lily could spot Sirius talking to a person around his height who was dressed in a cow onesie.
“Hey, thanks for coming,” James said suddenly. Lily turned her head to look at him and he was looking at her already, his dark eyes warm and oddly inviting. It had to be the little bit of alcohol talking though.
“Thank you for inviting me. I think Remus and Marlene are having fun,” She gestured towards the kitchen. James laughed a little.
“Marlene makes a killer drink,” He responded but then he tilted his head some and just really looked at her. “And you?”
“What about me?”
“Are you having fun?” James asked her. His eyes were intense now, still warm but questioning. Lily suddenly felt like there was no way to lie because surely James would see right through her. She had never hated anything more, but her face softened for some stupid reason.
It hadn’t been like this really. They’d been friendlier in senior year than they had been from 6th to 10th. James had matured some, he still asked her out but it wasn’t as often or extravagantly and Lily had been thankful for the break. She didn’t love a lot of eyes on her unless it was for a good reason, and seeing if good ole Lily Evans had finally given in to James Potter’s advances wasn't a good reason. Plus, Severus always got in a surly mood when James asked her out.
She’d tried to start giving James a chance, when it seemed like he was mostly over his obsessive crush. They’d been paired up for a science project and he did his half, and well, she thought maybe they’d be friends. Then he’d done his huge last ditch attempt display at graduation. Then followed that up by announcing they were attending the same university. It sort of felt like the torment may never end.
It was weird though, Lily was actually kind of having fun at this party. Parties weren’t really her scene, but she had people she liked going with now, and this one wasn’t as big as the last one James and Sirius had hosted.
“I think I am,” Lily replied and James’ face broke into a shy but wide grin. It sort of took her off guard. She’d known James was attractive since about their junior year once his face had finally chiseled to go perfectly with his glasses, but the soft, nervously boyish personality he had now was so much more enticing than the overly confident personality he’d had as an actual boy. Lily knew James could still be cocky (and, she had to admit, his ego was rather well earned) but she found his stumbling a little endearing.
Thoughts of her actual boyfriend, Tyler, were nowhere in her mind. They’d argued a bit about the petition and she’d told James and Sirius it had been fine but in reality, it had bugged Lily. Especially when everyone else she knew had supported it. Tyler wasn’t responsible for his frat brothers but still.
“Good. I’m glad you’re having fun.” James said and Lily was broken out of her thoughts on Tyler. “I figured you probably wouldn’t want to dance. You could watch me dance, though. I’m a great dancer.”
“Yeah,” she said off-handedly, not fully hearing the last part, and they returned to silence. The music was loud and her head was starting to hurt. She closed her eyes and felt a bit like she was tilting, a sure sign she was tipsy, probably from Marlene’s drink. Without thinking, Lily let herself tilt until her head hit James' shoulder.
She heard his breath catch, something she could only really hear because her ear was pressed to his shoulder, and his pulse quickened in just a second or two. She was so used to Remus or Marlene being beside her that she sort of forgot that James wasn’t them. This wasn’t something she and James did. But it was already done and her head did really hurt.
They sat there like that for a few minutes. James shifted a little.
“Lily, are you okay?” He finally asked. Lily opened her eyes some.
“Yeah. Sorry, I just have a headache and I’m used to sitting next to someone like Marlene or Remus,” she started to sit up but James waved his hand.
“You’re fine. Do you need water or, like, Advil or something?” James questioned. His dark brows were drawn together so that it was hard to see them behind the rims of his glasses. He had nice brows, Lily noted. They were thick but well arched and taken care of. Maybe Sirius plucked them for James, it seemed like something he’d do.
“Sure,” Lily answered. James nodded and Lily lifted her head off his shoulder. He scrambled to his feet and then held out his hands to help her up. She looked at them before finally taking them and letting James pull her to her feet. He held her hands for a minute longer than necessary before dropping them. She oddly missed the warmth of his hands on hers. How strong was the Watermelon Sugar?
“We can go to the kitchen and then the bathroom,” James said to her and he had to lean down some and speak into her ear for her to hear. He was so close to her. They started in the direction of the kitchen but realized it was busy. “You go on ahead to the bathroom.”
Lily weaved her way through bodies to the bathroom and noticed it was open. Must’ve been a really good song playing, she hadn’t been paying too much attention to the music in the past five minutes. She went in quickly and locked the door behind her. It was only a couple of minutes before a knock was on the door.
“It’s James!” His loud voice called through it and Lily fumbled to unlock it. He burst in holding a cup of water that sloshed dangerously and he closed the door behind him. “Sorry. Uh, here.”
James shoved the cup towards her and Lily grabbed it gratefully. The bathroom wasn’t huge but it was quieter than the former corner they had occupied. There was still the muffled sounds of loud singing and bass boosted music, but it was different, a little more peaceful here. James felt even closer to her than he had out in the crowded living room, like him helping her out made this more intimate.
“Thank you,” She told him sincerely and James waved his hand haphazardly, brushing off her thanks. He ducked his head, pulling his chin in some, and shuffled over to the sink, sucking in his stomach getting past her. He pried apart the magnets and tsked as he moved aside skincare items that screamed Sirius and a bonnet that maybe was Mary’s? Lily wasn’t sure.
Finally, James muttered “aha” and held out an Advil bottle. He struggled for a moment with the child-proof lid but finally got it open. “Two?”
“Please,” Lily said, holding out her palm to catch the capsules as James shook them loose. She swallowed them easily, no stranger to pain medication and their aid in stopping her headaches. He placed the bottle away and then leaned against the sink. Lily sat on the edge of the tub. They lapsed into silence again before she broke it. “Thank you again, really.”
James rubbed his neck with his palm, ducking his chin again so that his hair fell into his eyes. He seemed almost shy, so unlike the boy she’d grown up around. During that time she felt like she’d never see James Potter grow up, like he was stagnant in his 11-year-old maturity. But this James was taller and shyer, like he really did factor in Lily’s opinion, or care about her response.
It wasn’t that he wasn’t proud, she knew he was because James was always proud and a little cocky, and he had valid reasons to be. He was intelligent and attractive and had money from his parents, who were self-made, so it wasn’t even shameful money. He was kind and not particularly in a showy way. When it came to his compassion, he didn’t show it off, it was like it never occurred to him to not be compassionate to someone who needed it.
Lily didn’t mind the money or the intelligence or the generosity. Maybe she simply just minded that he liked her. She, with a face that never quite angled out like a grown woman’s face should, her cheeks were still round and her skin rolled. Her pants either fit her thighs or her waist and never both and her shirts were always too low-cut, not because she bought them that way, but because she was “well endowed,” as her mother said.
She’d heard the comments Severus’s friends had made behind her back, and had heard how he hadn’t truly defended her. James had and when they were older, Sirius had joined in too. But Lily, could for the most part fight her own battles, she didn’t want help unless she asked and she felt like then she owed something to Sirius and James. And it felt like maybe James simply liked her because she was the biggest girl at school, the fiery-tempered red-head who always turned him down,, and by senior year the girl who kissed other girls sometimes.
This James though, those things about Lily didn’t seem to matter to him. Maybe, in reality, they never had. It wasn’t something she particularly wanted to think about.
“Of course, Lily. We’ve known each other forever, I don’t mind helping,” James responded. She wanted to question him. Did they really know each other? Because at the moment it didn’t feel that way. It felt like she was learning more about this James that was in front of her. “Did you make your hat?”
Her hand drifted up to her head and she ran her fingers over the crocheted strawberries. Her mind jumped to the topic change and she gratefully grasped onto it, a little bit thankful to stop her line of thoughts, her fascination on this newer version of James.
“Yeah, I did. Remus’s and Marlene’s too,” Lily answered.
James’s lips curved into a soft smile. “I think it’s cute how you’re all fruits.”
“Eggplants are actually vegetables,” Lily noted. James laughed again, warm and throaty. It sort of sounded like honey. “But yeah. Marlene was so excited when she had the idea. I mean, so excited.”
“I’ve only met her a few times but it seems like her.”
“She’s really great. I think I was kinda worried about the randomized roommate thing? But, uh, it worked out,” Lily twisted her fingers together. She lifted her eyes and green met soft brown, James was looking at her but he looked a bit like a deer in the headlights at being caught staring. He’d never been like that in high school, he’d always set his chin and kept staring.
But she’d been talking, of course he’d look at her when she was talking. She hadn’t made eye contact, that was unusual for her, but this was James , and it seemed like any normalcy went out the window with him.
“I’m really glad, Lily. I think college is just really great, for both of us,” James was still looking at her. “We’ve both just made really good friends and you’ve got a boyfriend and all. I’m happy for you.”
The bathroom felt so small now. For whatever reason Lily felt an overwhelming need to hug James, because he sounded so genuine and so caring. And the thing is, he always had been. He was a joker and silly and immature and cocky, but he could be overwhelmingly compassionate. She could picture her mother saying he seemed like a darling, except the g would hang off the way it always did when someone southern said that particular term of endearment.
“Thank you,” Lily didn't tear her eyes away. “I’m happy for you too, James.”
Someone pounded on the door and Lily was startled, her shoulders jerked up towards her ears in surprise and she stood up quickly. James pushed himself off from the counter.
“ARE Y’ALL DONE IN THERE? I GOTTA PISS,” A voice slurred loudly through the door and James rolled his eyes. He looked at Lily and she nodded, indicating she was fine. He opened the door and a shorter guy stood on the other side. The stranger rolled his eyes at them. “‘bout time.”
“This is technically my bathroom,” James huffed but Lily could tell he wasn’t really annoyed. That was another thing, he was also rather selfless. He slid out of the bathroom and Lily followed.
She spotted Remus and decided to beeline for him but she turned to James one last time. It was loud again so she gestured for him to lean down some. He did and she spoke directly into his ear.
“Thank you again!”
He gave her a grin, soft and genuine, and oddly a little crooked. “Anytime, Evans!”
She rolled her eyes at the use of her last name but smiled anyway. She liked this college James. He was different but still him. It felt like maybe he could actually be her friend. That they could put his obnoxious date proposals in high school behind them. That they could forget about his school boy crush. It was just a crush.
She lost sight of Remus again but took out her phone. Before she could think more of it she changed James’ contact name from ‘Potter’ to just ‘James’.
“Lily!” Marlene was calling to her and Lily looked up smiling. She clicked her phone off, ignoring a text from Tyler and headed towards her roommate.
College changed things, Lily decided. She was simply blooming, like her namesake did. She was just unique enough to do it in the fall and all around her her friends seemed to be blooming too. It was spectacular.