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Joe falls in love slowly and gently, the same way in which the first snowflakes fall in the winter, suspended and with breaths held.
If he’s honest, Ranmaru has always been there. He has always been around, sending him sly and gentle smiles. He has always listened to him ramble, has always helped him when he needed it. Ranmaru has always been his best friend, maybe the person he cares about the most in the whole world. He should have seen it coming, really, since apparently everyone but them realized early on.
Joe falls in love gently, almost as gently as the way Ranmaru strokes his cheekbone with his thumb when Joe forces him to cuddle. He falls in love with the way Ranmaru runs his fingers through his hair. He falls in love with the way Ranmaru looks at him, so impossibly fond it makes hope flourish in Joe's stomach, even though he gets angry at himself for thinking that Ranmaru could ever want him like that.
There's no sudden realization that he’s fallen in love with his best friend, just a bubbling feeling building up in his chest every time he sees Ranmaru. He first realized he loved Ranmaru’s smile, then he figured out that the reason he always made him laugh was because he loved the sound of his laughter.
He feels guilty, in a way. Ranmaru is the best friend in the world, and he should already feel grateful that he has a person like him in his life, but he is so selfish. He’s so selfish for wanting everything; he wants to know every version of Ranmaru there is to know. He wants to know how Ranmaru is with his lovers, wants to see how Ranmaru is when he wakes up, what it’s like to go to sleep with him by his side, and each thought makes him ache.
“Hey, Maru,” he asks one day, when they’re both sprawled out on the floor of Joe's living room, looking at the ceiling and just enjoying each other’s company.
He loves being like this with Ranmaru. What he has always loved the most about their friendship is the way words aren’t always needed between the two of them; they have that kind of connection that writers talk about when they write of soulmates and everlasting bonds.
(And, if you put it that way, Joe should have realized sooner that his fate was to fall hopelessly in love with Kageyama Ranmaru.)
Ranmaru just hums questioningly, and Joe takes a deep breath.
“Have you ever been in love?”
“Maybe,” says Ranmaru, and although he can’t see it Joe can feel the shrug in his tone. “I’ve never felt love for anyone, but then again, I don’t know what love feels like.”
“I think that you would know if you had,” Joe starts, turning his head to the left so he’s staring right into Ranmaru's eyes, already on his face.
“I think that’s the whole point of love. It burns you inside, it makes you need the other person like you need air.”
Ranmaru chuckles, and Joe can feel the speech about codependency coming, so he continues. “It can be painful, but I’m sure that once someone reciprocates, it must be the happiest feeling in the world.”
“You sound like you're in love,, why are you saying this out of the blue” says
Ranmaru a teasing smile on his face.
“I think I might be,” Joe lies, because he knows he is. His voice is soft and tender, and Ranmaru frowns a little.
“Who?” is the only thing he says, and Joe’s hope dies a little because he had been hoping that Ranmaru would be able to read it in his eyes.
“I’ll tell you,” he says. “Just not yet.” And it’s more of a promise to himself than to Ranmaru. He’ll be able to tell him one day, he’s sure. But today is not that day.
He looks back at up the ceiling again, missing the way the white haired's gaze lingers on him for a moment too long.
-
Ranmaru falls in love fast and without much finesse, like a tsunami hitting the shore and destroying everything in its reach. He truly wonders why he had never realized how pretty Joe looks when the light of the sunset caresses his skin or how pretty his smile is when he bats a boxy one at him, because now it just seems so obvious to him that he’s ashamed he didn’t see it sooner.
He knows exactly the day that this stupid infatuation with his best friend started. Joe was talking about being love, and Ranmaru felt like someone had stabbed him and twisted the knife inside of the wound. At first he thought it was because Joe didn’t want to tell him who he loved, but then he started to notice the little things, like the way Joe pats his head when he’s nervous, or the way his voice softens when he talks about the people he cares about.
(Ranmaru is so glad he gets to be in that small group of people.)
His feelings for Joe are like a flame that was been fed with gasoline, and now Ranmaru understands what Joe meant when he said love burns your insides. He wonders if it’s the same kind of burn for Joe, but mostly he just asks himself who could be the person that gets to make Joe feel that way, and what’s so special about them.
Because Ranmaru knows that you have to be special to inspire that kind of feeling in someone. He knows, because now he’s in love and he can confirm that Joe is the most special person he has ever met.
It doesn’t feel okay, because it puts him through pain, but he doesn’t want to let go, either. He doesn’t know if he ever will after knowing that loving Joe is like this.
Ranmaru loves being in love, but he fucking hates it just as much.
He stops going home with random people when he goes out at night, because it doesn’t feel right anymore, and he stops telling Joe about the people who try to flirt with him. Joe notices and asks him about it, and although every cell in Ranmaru's being is telling him to yell because they don’t matter anymore, all I see is you he just saves it, and says "I guess I lost all of my sex appeal", at last.
Joe laughs, and Ranmaru wants to punch a wall.
But he is Kageyama Ranmaru, and he doesn’t know how to keep quiet about stuff, especially not with Joe, so he decides he needs to tell him. He doesn’t know how to, and honestly he doesn’t want to think too hard about it, so he calls Joe and invites him over. He’s glad Joe just agrees and doesn’t ask for a reason, and tries to distract himself so he doesn’t go crazy.
When Joe arrives and knocks on the door of his dorm, Ranmaru feels his heart skip a beat. He opens the door and Joe flashes him a big smile, and Ranmaru tries to reciprocate it even if he feels he’s choking on his fear now.
For a moment, Ranmaru feels scared, because maybe he loses Joe forever after tonight. Maybe he breaks the most beautiful thing in his life, but he still needs to do it, otherwise he’ll explode.
“So,” asks Joe, stepping inside before Ranmaru invites him to. “Why did you want me to come?”
“I realized something,”
Ranmaru closes the door after Joe is inside and sitting on his bed.
“Huh?” Joe asks, turning around to look at him, his hands on his hips. “And what would that be?”
The words are burning on the tip of Ranmaru’s tongue, wanting to be said but not quite leaving his mouth.
“I’m in love,” he blurts out, and Joe raises an eyebrow.
“You’re in love,” repeats Joe. He takes a deep breath and looks at his feet. “Great. Who?”
Ranmaru feels the déjà vu wash over him, because he had asked the same question a few months ago at Joe’s, but it feels different.
“I asked first, you tell me” he replies, maybe because he wants to grasp at a little time, maybe because he wants to know before he makes the confession that might cause him to lose Joe forever. Or, maybe because there is a small part of him that hopes that Joe loves him just as much as he loves Joe.
“I don’t think you really want to know,” Joe mutters , his gaze still fixed on the floor.
“Why? Do I hate them?” Joe shakes his head. “Then why?”
Joe doesn’t say anything, and Ranmaru feels like he’s about to burst. He stands up and takes a couple of hesitant steps towards Joe cupping the brunette's cheek with his hand.
“Hey, Joe” he mumbles when Joe doesn’t look at him. “Look at me. Why won’t you tell me?”
Joe does look at him, but his question is still left unanswered, and Ranmaru sighs.
“Do you want to know who I’m in love with?” he asks, and Joe's eyes widen, almost like he’s scared.
“I’m not sure,” he says, his voice almost a whisper. “Do I?”
“I don’t know, maybe you don’t want to.” Ranmaru swallows, trying to get the lump in his throat to disappear. “But I think you should.”
“Alright, then. Tell me.”
The way Joe's eyes are staring into him is almost painful, sending shivers down his spine. Joe is expectant, he’s waiting for Ranmaru's words, and now Ranmaru wishes he had thought of something, some beautiful way of telling him. Joe deserves every stupid romantic gesture in the world, Ranmaru thinks. Even if they’re both cheesy and ridiculous, he deserves them.
“It’s you,” breathes Ranmaru. He sees the way Joe's lips part slightly, the bottom one trembling slightly as he stares at Ranmaru, doubt in his eyes. “It’s you, Joe.”
“Me? Are you sure?”
Ranmaru laughs, because Joe isn’t running away, and that’s better than what he had expected. “I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life.”
“You love me,” mumbles Joe, amazed.
“So much,” confirms Ranmaru, nodding.
He doesn’t realize he’s leaning in until his lips are almost brushing Joe's, the hand on the brunette's cheek bringing their faces together, and Joe gasps. For a bitter moment Ranmaru thinks that this is it, Joe is pulling away and telling him he doesn’t feel the same way, but then one of Joe’s hands is tangled in his hair, bringing their mouths together, and Ranmaru drops a muffled hum against Joe’s warm mouth.
Kissing Joe is a lot like coming home, and it’s a weird thought because he’s never kissed him until now. The way Joe's lips move against his feels almost like it’s already been rehearsed, so smooth and just perfect, like they’ve been doing this forever and know each other’s mouth like a perfectly routed map.
A whimper dying in Ranmaru’s mouth as Joe deepens the kiss. He drops his hands to hug Joe’s waist and suddenly arms are curled around his neck, bringing them impossibly closer as they melt into each other’s mouth.
Joe is the first to pull away, pulling slightly as he pulls away, and Ranmaru feels his soul leave his body.
“Do you want to know whom I love?” he asks, a teasing grin on his face.
Ranmaru doesn’t really need to ask, because he has always been one to believe that actions speak louder than words, and the way Joe and him have kissed just now is very telling, but he still does, because he wants to hear it. He wants to know the feeling of hearing the words fall from Joe’s lips.
“Who?” he asks, pressing their foreheads together.
“It’s you,” he breathes against Ranmaru’s lips. “It’s always been you, Maru.”
And Ranmaru smiles, because Joe is perfect. He is loud and clingy, some may even say that he’s annoying at times, but he’s perfect. He’s caring and tenderhearted, optimistic and lovable, and Ranmaru knows that even if loving him is still pretty new, it’s always been Joe too, in a way. Maybe it wasn’t romantic at first, but Joe has always been the first Ranmaru would turn to.
“I love you,” mumbles Ranmaru, pecking Joe's lips just because he can.
“I love you, too,” Joe giggles. “So much. God, how good it feels to say it out loud.”
Ranmaru smiles and presses Joe close again.