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see, damon thinks the worst thing about dating liam gallagher is you never quite know which one you're gonna get. one day, it could be happy, jittery liam with too much energy to spend, and the next it could be sulking, depressed and irritable liam.
but even then, it's not that bad. it's just part of what makes liam, well, liam.
when damon got home, he noticed all the lights in the house were off, not even a television playing or a radio. damon immediately dropped his calm demeanor, worry taking place.
"liam? love, are you home?"
he got no answer, so he shrugged off his coat and hung it up by the door, stepping further into the house. in the kitchen, the little light above the stove was on, so he made his way there.
"li— oh."
liam sat at the table, a small bowl of cereal in front of him, hand grabbing his spoon weakly. his ankles were crossed and his face looked... blank.
damon made his way over, pulling out the chair next to liam as quietly as he could, sitting down. liams face didn't change, body didn't waver. he was completely and utterly still, lidded blue eyes zoned out, looking into his nearly untouched bowl.
reaching a hand up, damon brushed his boyfriends bangs out his eyes as soft as possible. liam didn't react. "are you alright, darling?" he placed a hand on liams cheek, running his thumb a bit under his bottom lashes.
at that, liam blinked, eyebrows furrowing. he took a shaky breath- the first one damon heard him take since he arrived.
"i can't..."
"can't what?"
"...i really, really don't like myself right now," liam whispered, voice cracking a bit.
and it damn near broke damon's heart. he wiped a tear off liams face as it fell, shifting to sit closer to the younger man. he leaned forward, nosing against liams head, kissing his temple. "what's happened?"
liam sniffed, dropping his spoon and shifting to press in to damon, head falling into the crease of his neck. damon's hand came up to tangle in the mans long hair, twisting the strands between his fingers.
"can't do shit proper, can i?"
"course you can, liam. what's brought all this on? talk to me, darling."
"dunno. i dunno what's wrong anymore. i never feel happy anymore, yknow? an' it's just stressful and shitty an' i fuckin hate it."
damon nodded, kissing the top of liams head, sighing. "i understand. you don't always need a reason to feel shitty. you just can. it'll pass, it always does."
liam shrugged, shaky hand reaching up to grasp damon’s shoulder tightly, nuzzling into him as close as he could get.
“it never gets better. what if i never get better?”
and if damon heart nearly broke before, it definitely, completely broke then.
“liam...” damon pulled away from the hug, holding liam at arms length, wiping away at the tears in his eyes. liam always cried unabashed and without shame, and damon admired that. there was never any shame the day after either. liam just... showed his emotions as they came.
liam leaned into damon’s touch, looking up at his through thick lashes. he always looked pretty when he cried.
“it’ll get better,” damon confirmed. in all honesty, he didn’t know. he’d never dealt with this as hard as liam had. sure, he had been depressed, but liam seemed to be born as such. he rarely seemed truly happy, he was always struggling to stay afloat deep down under the surface. but what was damon supposed to say? liam trusted him. he trusted that damon would tell him the truth...
“love you, damon,” liam said, and it snapped damon out of the trance he was in.
damon looked over liams face once more.
“love you too, liam. always, okay?”
liam leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to damon’s lips before pulling away. he looked down at his sleeves, clearing his throat.
“i’m sorry i’m... the way i am. yknow, i hate liam gallagher, too,” liam mumbled.
immediately, damon’s face broke, and he yanked liam into another tight hug, grabbing his shirt tightly. liams hands wrapped around his shoulders, grabbing the fabric of damon’s sweater loosely. he sniffed, squeezing his eyes closed in attempt to stop the tears.
“no... no, no, no, no, liam... no, i don’t hate you, baby, i could never hate you. hey, come on, now..” damon’s hand came up to tangle in liams hair, and he placed small kisses along the side of his head. “i love you, okay? i love you, liam. you’re having a bad day. fuck, you’re having a bad life, and that isn’t your fault. if i hated you for that, i’d be a fucking arsehole, yeah?”
“i’ve never been able to do anything right,” liam sobbed. “not with my dad, not with school, not with noel, not with fuckin oasis, not with....” he trailed off. he said, quietly, “not with you.”
what was damon supposed to say?
he grabbed a fist in liams hair and pulled him away, earning a quiet whimper from his boyfriend. he recognized maybe he was being too rough, but liam hadn’t responded to softness.
“stand up,” damon ordered, and liam immediately rose to his feet, as if burned. damon followed suite, grabbing his upper arm tightly and leading liam down the hall.
“damon—“
“quiet.”
“damon, i’m sorry, i—“
“liam, i said be quiet for a second.”
liam nodded, and damon lead him to the bathroom, pushing him against the sink and forcing him to look in the mirror.
“wash the tears off your face,” damon said, turning on the sink. liam dipped his hands under the stream, wiping the water on his face hurriedly, again, as if the water burned.
damon grabbed under his chin, stared into liams eyes through the mirror. liam looked terrified, and it hurt damon just a it knowing he was the cause, but he steeled himself.
“you’re liam fuckin gallagher, love. one of the most talented rock stars i’ve ever met. once you let people in, you have the greatest personality i’ve ever seen. you’re the bitchiest, most stubborn, idiotic, beautiful person i have ever met. i—... i love you, so, so much, liam. you...” he trailed off, and liam was crying again, struggling to keep composure. “you —“
liam spun around and crashed his lips against him.
“shut up,” liam sobbed out. “i get it, you love me, i’m amazing.” he covered how truly touched he felt with jokes, as he always did, but damon didn’t mind. “i love you too.”
and damon knew that in a few weeks time, maybe even a few days, liam would be back where he started. crying at the table, filled with self hate.
but it was enough for now that liam was okay.