Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tiny footprints littered the shore where the waves met the sand, but were gone within seconds, washed away as if they had never existed. Giggles accompanied those small as pebbles imprints, the voices of children floating out into the open air as they bounced around, enjoying themselves without a care in the world.

One boy, a boy with long hair, shimmering eyes, and a radiant smile that could warm even the iciest heart, laughed the loudest out of all of them, the noise bubbling up from his tummy as he sprinted across the sand with arms out at his sides.

“Nanase!” His voice rang out over the sounds of the ocean as he raced up to another young boy, one who stood watching the waves with a serene expression. “Nanase!”

“You’re loud,” Haruka muttered, nearly losing his balance as Rin’s arms flew around his shoulders, the younger boy practically hanging off of him. Scoffing, Haruka tried to shrug him off. “Guess that’s how young people are, nowadays…”

“Huh?” A pout appeared on Rin’s lips as he stepped back, arms crossing over his chest as he tapped his foot and glared straight at Haruka. “What’s that supposed to mean? Just because you turned five first doesn’t mean anything!”

“I’m older, so I’m right--”

“No way!”

They were young and naive. For all the time they had known each other, they were prone to trivial spats. Their arguments hardly ever lasted longer than ten minutes, though, ending in Haruka sitting beside a sniffling Rin and wiping his tears, telling the boy that his crying was ugly and annoying. He would never, ever admit to hating the sound of the other boy’s sobs. His pride would be shattered.

After huffing and puffing at each other, Rin turned on his heel and made his leave, his stride soon turning into a sprint as he hurried down the coast of the beach. Haruka only watched him from a distance, taking a seat in the sand after giving a quick glance back to their families. The adults all sat together under umbrellas, holding pleasant conversations with one another.

If it hadn’t been for the fact that Makoto was all curled up in his mother’s lap, fast asleep, Haruka would have gone to him so they could entertain themselves.

...Whatever. Haruka had more fun playing alone, anyways.

Burying his fingers into the sand, the water lapped at his skin and he smiled, feeling soothed to the core. The water was really pretty... He remembered Rin saying something about his dad being out at sea that day, and how he hoped that the fisherman would return soon.

“Nanase!”

Ah, he was back.

At first, Haruka didn’t give Rin his attention, the smile he wore fading as he tried to ignore the boy that shouted his name.

“Nanase!”

It was obviously no use, though. He turned his head to Rin, not pleased with how the other boy was interrupting his quiet time with the water. His irritation instantly faded, however, when he saw just how ecstatic Rin seemed to be, jumping in his spot with arms flailing about.

“...What?”

“Nanase! Come here! Follow me! Hurry!”

He didn’t have time to protest whatever it was that Rin wanted him for, because Rin grabbed for his wrist and hoisted him up, dragged him for a few minutes before their families were just specks on the horizon behind them. That sent a little shiver up his spine, knowing good and well that they would be scolded for wandering off later.

Ready to tell Rin that, he stopped when his wrist was let go of and Rin was pointing down at their feet.

Following Rin’s finger, Haruka’s heart fluttered with pure wonder. Below them, nestled in the grains of sand, were glimmering blue and green stones of some sort. A few pieces looked like glass, and Rin bent down to pick one up, holding it up to his eye to peer at the ocean through it.

“Nanase, what are these?”

“...I don’t know.”

“Huh? But you’re older, so you should know.”

Haruka grunted at the very obvious teasing, ignored Rin’s smug grin, and grabbed a stone for himself. It was a green one; he rolled it over in his palm a few times with a growing smile. How pretty, he thought. Didn’t he have paint that was this color? A little spark of hope nestled in his chest.

“Nanase, there’s more!” Rin was bouncing with excitement at this point, rolling up the hem of his shirt to where it had formed a little carrying pouch. He placed the first stone in there and motioned for Haruka to do the same as him. “It’s like… We can be kangaroos, Nanase!”

“...Kangaroos…”

To get his point across, Rin hopped about, giggling as he went to gather more.

...What did Rin take him to be…? A four year old like him? No, he was five now-- His maturity level had increased.

...Still, the way that Rin would lean over to pick the stones up, his tongue peeking out from between his lips, seemed fun…

Well, Haruka could afford to act like a child again for just one more day. Copying what Rin had done, minus the hopping, Haruka made a pouch for himself, wearing a bitesized smile.

The entire area seemed to be covered with the pretty stones that reminded Haruka of his mother’s jewelry. When the sun shone down on the beach, they were easier to spot, little glints catching their eyes here and there. Rin would run for them, making it out to be a race to see who could gather the most in the shortest amount of time.

It didn’t take long for their shirt pouches to become full and heavy with the stones, seeing as how the two boys picked up every single one they found. Rin stared down at his newfound collection with his eyes shining, lips parted in wonder. “Nanase, Nanase, let’s come here again and get more.”

“...Yeah.”

“What?” Turning his gaze back to Haruka, Rin beamed, larger than Haruka had ever seen his smile before. “Really? You’ll do this with me again?!”

Haruka’s cheeks heated up and he avoided Rin’s eyes, fidgeting in his spot. It had been fun, collecting these stones with Rin... If they were given the chance, he’d gladly do it again. (Not for Rin’s sake, of course. Only his own.)

Telling himself that, he gave Rin a curt nod as he turned on his heel and began to march away. He heard Rin laugh from behind him, and soon, they were side by side.

On the trek back to their families, Rin would pause every so often to readjust his shirt before he was ready to go again. Haruka waited for him each time, sometimes copied him, and they would be right back to walking. Haruka’s legs were longer than Rin’s, and his stride was too, so more than often he would slow down so Rin could catch up.

Despite his best efforts, Rin did fall behind Haruka at some point, making Haruka look back to see if he was alright. His chin was pointed up, his gaze directed at the sky above them. Looking up as well, Haruka found himself staring at darkening clouds that gathered together. The temperature was dropping steadily.

“Rain...?” he mumbled, making Rin sigh.

“Aw… I wanted to stay here longer.” Digging his toes into the sand, Rin pouted before moving closer to Haruka, their shoulders touching. Haruka had half the mind to step away, but he remained still. “Nanase, why does it rain?”

...How would Haruka know that? Grunting, he shrugged, feeling a drop of water hit the top of his head. “I don’t know. Ask your mom.”

“But I wanted you to answer!”

“I can’t.”

Rin finally fell silent and turned his body away from Haruka, staring out over the waves that grew harsher as the wind began to pick up. He looked as if he had something to say, but was staying quiet for some reason.

That wasn’t like him, though. Before Haruka could point it out, Rin spoke, cutting him off.

“Nanase, will you really come here with me again? To help me find more stones?”

Rin had already gotten an answer for that before, so Haruka tilted his head, a tad bit baffled.

“...Yeah.”

“Even if it rains?”

Pursing his lips, Haruka hesitated before speaking again. “Yeah.”

“Really really?”

“Yes.” Stop asking already.

“...Then promise me!”

The raindrops were becoming more frequent, larger, and Haruka began to shiver from the cold breezes that brushed past his bare legs and arms. He just wanted to get back to his mom and dad, go home… Maybe color for a little while before taking a nap.

But no. Instead, he was making promises that they’d probably forget about in a week’s time.

“...I promise.”

“Doesn’t sound real enough.”

“It’s raining--”

“Make a better promise!”

Why was Rin so aggravating. Clicking his tongue, Haruka tried to say he promised again, but Rin waved that one off, too. Their parents were probably beyond worried by now.

Glaring down at his feet, Haruka’s eyes met the stones that lay in his shirt pouch. Most of the stones they had found had been either green, blue, or white, but Haruka had been lucky enough to find a single pink one. It reminded him of a cherry blossom tree’s petals. He knew that Rin loved the trees…

“Dad says him and Mom met at a viewing! Romantic, right?”

Haruka couldn’t remember when Rin had told him that, nor why he had been so eager over telling it. Haruka didn’t care to ask.

Clasping the pink stone, Haruka hesitated before he held it out to Rin. Tilting his head to the side, Rin held out his palm, waiting.

“I promise,” Haruka muttered, shoving the stone into Rin’s hand. “So let’s go back. We can come here again.”

Rin let the stone roll around in his palm for a few moments, eyes wide. It was only seconds later that he was wearing a huge grin and lunging forward, all of the stones he had been holding falling to the ground as he wrapped his arms around Haruka’s neck.

“Nanase! Nanase!”

The force of Rin’s embrace caused all of Haruka’s stones to join Rin’s forgotten ones, and he reluctantly hugged back, pouting against Rin’s shoulder. Really, what was his deal...

“You’re loud, Rin--”

“Rin?!” Pulling back from Haruka, the boy was nearly in tears. “You’ve never called me that! Haru!”

“Stop shouting…!”

“Is this our promise?!” Putting the stone back in Haruka’s hand and clasping his own hand around it, Rin bounced in his spot, waiting for an answer. “Like a ring!”

“...A ring?”

“Like the one our parents wear on their fingers--”

“It’s not a ring.” Haruka knew too well what those stood for, and he was not ready for that kind of commitment.

“Oh... But it’s like a ring.”

“Rin--”

“It definitely is! Haru, you gave me something like a ring!”

“No I didn’t!”

“You did!”

Taking the stone away from Haruka again, Rin held it close to his chest, grinning from ear to ear. Haruka felt himself bristle up. Whether it was out of embarrassment or agitation, he wasn’t sure.

But… Rin looked really happy…

Well, as long as he wasn’t crying.

“Pick your stones up,” Haruka mumbled, kneeling down to gather his own, watching as the waves washed a few away. Rin’s hand was over his just a moment later, a warm presence.

“Leave ‘em. You promised that we’ll come back, so we’ll just get more then!”

“But--”

“Besides, I already have my favorite one right here!” He held the pink stone up to Haruka’s eyes, as if he were showing it off.

Despite the cold winds, Haruka felt his entire body warm up at the comment, his heart racing as Rin giggled.

...What a weirdo.

It was pouring by the time they made it back to their parents, who weakly scolded the two boys about how long they had been gone. They cared more about not getting soaked to the bone, though, and hurried to find an overhang of some sort.

Rin fidgeted next to Haruka, holding his mother’s hand and admiring the stone. Haruka watched him from the corner of his eye, lower lip jutted out. It wasn’t anything that special, and it definitely wasn’t a ring. It was just a promise. Nothing more.

When they had all parted ways, Haruka heard Rin’s mother say something about how his dad would probably be getting home soon, since the weather was taking a turn for the worse. Rin had cheered at that, making his little sister cheer along with him, and Haruka could remember how Rin had told him that his father was the one who taught him to not be afraid of storms.

That night, Haruka listened to the thunder rumble overhead as he moved his paint brush against the white paper his parents gave him. He used blues and greens, and eventually moved to pink, his chest tightening when he remembered his and Rin’s tiny promise, that small little stone that was probably laying on a bedside table.

...It had been a lot of fun.

Haruka liked the way Rin had smiled. Had smiled at him.

The memory made him lay his head against the picture he made, not even noticing the wet paint that stuck to his forehead. That smile had been absolutely radiant… He wanted to see more of it… Much more, actually.

The next morning, Haruka woke to gentle shakes, his mother’s hand on his shoulder. His parents sat at his bedside, but remained quiet. As he sat up, he stayed quiet too, hands curling into fists against his thighs. Both adults wore grave expressions. He easily noticed how puffy his mother’s eyes were, and how tired his father seemed, judging from the dark circles under his eyes.

“Haruka,” his father started, reaching over to smooth a few strands of Haruka’s hair down, “You’re a strong boy. So you’ll have to be strong for Rin, too. Alright?”

Not knowing what to feel or think, Haruka pursed his lips as a quiet panic set in. What was wrong with Rin? Had something happened to him? Was he alright?

Questions like that flooded his mind and shook him to the core until his father was speaking again.

“His father was in an accident. We’ll be going to his funeral next week.”

--

In the time they had known each other, Haruka had come to learn that Rin was someone who was very in tune with himself, his emotions. He was a boy who followed his heart without question and let it pave his path. He wouldn’t know where it would lead, and Haruka thought it reckless.

Especially when it lead to nothing but tears. Rin was a child through and through, truly. He would cry at even the smallest things, going between scraped knees, a missing sock, a broken toy… A complete opposite from what Haruka was.

Even at the age of five, Haruka would shed no tears. He knew it was only trouble for others, and that was the last thing he wanted to be; a burden. So he would keep his feelings encased in a heart of glass, never allowing it to even crack. He believed that, if he weren’t careful, the smallest flaw could lead to a massive downfall.

Haruka thought he had a good hold on his feelings. He really, truly did. But on that grim day, a day where his sun didn’t shine, he wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he was meant to have. All he could do was stay quiet in the silent room, not trouble others.

No, he couldn’t do that one bit. Whatever he felt… He knew it was irrelevant, compared to how Rin was surely feeling. While his father was gone and never to return, Haruka had the comfort of his own father right next to him. A man who was living, breathing…

Rin was a child, and children were supposed to cry.

...And yet, his cheeks were dry. No tears rolled down them, no lips trembled. Instead, all Haruka could see was a boy with dull eyes, the light having left them. He was a shell who held onto his trembling mother’s hand, while his other hand combed through his confused little sister’s hair.

Haruka was a child, too. He didn’t want to accept it, but as his throat tightened and tears sprung to the corners of his eyes, he would have to. The unsettling feeling that lay in his chest screamed at him, screamed at Rin.

Why aren’t you crying?

Aren’t you sad? You’re upset, right?

Don’t try to act stronger than you are!

His thoughts didn’t reach the other boy.

...Of course they wouldn’t.

After the ceremony, Haruka found himself wanting to go to Rin. He wanted to hug him, and he wanted to say, “It’s okay to cry now.” But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t even budge from his spot, only having the strength to grasp his mother’s hand and hold in the tears that threatened to spill over.

He remembered his father’s words. “You have to be strong for Rin.” So when Rin glanced in his direction, Haruka smiled, no matter how difficult it was, and gently waved to his friend. The surprise in Rin’s eyes was apparent, but somehow, he managed to return the smile, the wave, but both were as weak as Haruka felt.

After dinner that night, Haruka didn’t touch his paints, didn’t even glance in their direction. He had no inspiration, and how could he?

Instead, all he could manage to do was curl up on his bed with the sheets covering his head. He lay there in silence, the clock on his wall ticking by, it being the only noise filling the room. A sharp pain passed through his chest once, and then once more.

One sob passed through his lips, no matter how he tried to suppress it. From there, more came, and he was a whimpering mess moments later, his fingers curling into the pillow as he wailed into it.

He knew he was supposed to be strong. He knew he didn’t want to be a child. But there was no way he could be strong for someone like Rin, who already had all the strength he needed in himself.

He wasn’t like Rin. While Rin was facing his troubles with his head held high, Haruka was just a trembling, weak little boy who could never hope to be on Rin’s level.

Thoughts like that plagued his mind as he tried to fall asleep, but it was of no use. He could only lay there with a headache and stinging eyes, curled up into a ball. He lost track of time, his mind wandering to other places.

...It was like children to change their mind easily. Haruka didn’t think he was childlike, not at all. He thought that coming to a sound decision was very mature of him.

He knew too well that Rin wasn’t strong. The Rin he had seen that day was someone totally different, someone Haruka didn’t know. Under a guise of strength was a scared boy who wanted comfort, just as he always had. That boy was the one Haruka desperately wanted to see again.

A boy who was full of energy and put off a warmth that was hard to find in people. No matter what, Haruka wanted to see Rin smile again, as purely as he always had before.

Haruka knew that… He knew that, unlike Rin, he wasn’t a warm person. He couldn’t easily offer hugs, and he couldn’t speak kind words that gave comfort to others. Though he had tried in the past, it was easy for a child like him to realize that he was just a little different from everyone else.

Giving Rin that solace that he needed wouldn’t be a simple task. It required patience and hard work, and there was only one thing that Haruka could think of to do. Something that only he could do.

When the tears ceased, Haruka dragged himself away from his bed, a new sense of determination settled in him. Grabbing his paints and a blank sheet of paper, he sat himself down and worked as hard as he could, wanting to create something beautiful for Rin. Something that would show the grieving boy that Haruka was strong… He wanted Rin to know that he would be strong for him, too.

For an hour and a half, he used pink colors to paint out a picture of a cherry blossom tree, remembering Rin’s love for them. Once he was proud of what he had made, he set it out and wiped his forehead, the corners of his lips turned up in a smile. Leaving it to dry, he returned to his bed and burrowed himself under the sheets, heart fluttering.

Everything would be fine after Haruka gave Rin that picture. Rin would wear his usual smile, but it would be brighter this time, happier. And then, Haruka would take him back to the beach, and they would gather more stones together. Haruka would be the one to hug Rin this time and tell him to cry, and Rin would, because he’s weak, and Haruka is strong.

A week passed and all of Haruka’s dreams were of visions like that. Each morning, when he woke up, he asked his mother about Rin, when he would be able to see the boy again. All she told him was that Rin needed time, needed space.

--

For Haruka, that space was much too large. When a month had passed with no word from Rin, Haruka was beginning to get fed up. After Rin had shoved his way into Haruka’s life, forced himself to become a constant in it… He was suddenly just gone? It was too weird.

Later, his parents were sitting him down, wearing gentle smiles that Haruka knew were just there to offer him comfort. From them, he learned that the Matsuoka’s had moved out of Iwatobi, going to Hokkaido to live with Rin’s grandmother.

They hadn’t been given a new number, nor an address. Asking the Tachibana’s came up with no new information either. Haruka stood holding Makoto’s hand as their parents talked about the situation, and he heard Makoto sniffle a few times, just as upset about Rin’s absence as he was.

When the adults finished, it was decided that the Matsuokas had left without a single word to anyone. No one blamed them for that; they had been put in a difficult situation. It was only natural they make the best decision. But Haruka was different. He didn’t want to let it slide so easily.

For that, he thought himself childish.

But he just couldn’t understand, and he knew he was angry about it. Who did Rin think he was, just up and leaving like that without even saying goodbye? What about the picture Haruka had painted so earnestly for him? To show Rin that he was strong?

...What about their promise? That tiny pink stone?

And why… Why wasn’t Rin there to dry the tears that wouldn’t stop falling? Countless times in the past, Haruka done that for him, made sure he was happy and smiling, his cheeks rosy with glee rather than wet with tears.

It had been a long, long time since Haruka had felt alone in the world. With Rin or Makoto always at his side, he always had someone.

Through his sobs, Haruka held his pillow close, buried his face into the soft fabric. The realization had hit him too hard. The realization that he wasn’t a strong person. He never had been.

Truly, he was just as weak as Rin, a sun who had lost its shine.

--

Years passed, and in that time, Rin grew to be a fleeting memory for Haruka. Some days, he didn’t cross Haruka’s mind once, but others, he was filled with an image of a boy who shone beautifully.

It was aggravating. If he could have had it his way, he would have forgotten about Rin completely. That way, it wouldn’t hurt anymore, and he’d be done with it. But there was always something that came up that reminded Haruka of him.

Spring would come, the cherry blossom trees would bloom, and Rin would be in his mind. He’d pass a toy store and see a little model police car sitting in the window, and he’d remember how Rin had always said he wanted to be a cop someday.

What was the most irritating was when Makoto would bring up Rin’s name. Whether it was a conversation about their old friend, or just a passing thought, Makoto always mentioned how he missed Rin.

Haruka thought, “If only I could wipe our memories of him. Then it would be okay.”

At the same time, Rin was someone he never wanted to forget. There was no way he ever could.

Even painting, something he once used as an outlet, a way to express his feelings, became something dull to him. Each time he would touch a brush, he would remember how he felt on the day he had learned about Rin leaving.

He could remember the way he had stormed into his room and grabbed the painting of the cherry blossom tree, crumpled it between shaking hands until it got to the point where it was unrecognizable. He hadn’t even given it a second thought as he tossed it into the trash bin, wanting to be done with it completely, wanting to be done with Rin.

It was only mere hours later that he had realized his mistake. Digging through the mess, he grabbed the paper out, his heart pounding in a panic as he bit down on his lower lip. He tried everything he could to fix it, but he could hardly see what he was doing through the tears that clouded his vision.

He hadn’t meant to ruin it. He didn’t want to lose this, too. Nothing worked, though. There was only so many times his small hand could try and smooth the paper out. The wrinkles were too deep, the rips too large.

Pulling his knees up to his chest, he sat there for a while, staring at it with trembling shoulders. He didn’t hear when his parents came in, and nearly flinched when his mother put her arms around him, rocking him back and forth like he was an infant again.

He had desperately clung to her that day, soaking her shirt as he weeped into the fabric of it. He didn’t want to appear like that before them, but he felt he had no choice. After he had let it all out, he berated himself. No matter what, he didn’t want to burden them. He had no right to.

After that, Haruka tucked his paints away in the back of his closet, fully content with never having to see them again. A year passed like that, him not daring to acknowledge them, ignoring questions about his art. He had lost his inspiration. Even if he wanted to pick it back up, he felt that there was absolutely no way he could paint something like Rin’s ruined gift again.

Soon, though, he found it wasn’t that easy. His parents, his teachers, even Makoto… All of them had nagged him enough until he reached a breaking point. He would paint again, sure, if it meant they would get off his case about it.

The brush felt foreign to his hand. The strokes were too long, too short-- He was only a child. He had time to improve, they said. Haruka couldn’t count the number of times he had heard “Practice makes perfect!” as a form of encouragement.

Their words didn’t feel like ones to spur him on, though. All he could hear was perfect, something he could never hope to achieve. In the first place, he didn’t even want to. There was no point in being perfect if it wasn’t for yourself. He had no desire to better himself.

He said none of that out loud. Instead, he continued to accept praise from adults and from his classmates. Often, they would say something about how jealous they were over his talent, and how he surely had a great future ahead of him if he kept improving.

With little effort, he did just that. He covered canvases with intricate details, entered them into competitions, and won awards. By the time he was sixteen, he had already been critiqued by those much older than him, and it became routine.

“Don’t you think it’s dull? Nanase’s illustration?

“Too bleak. Is he just an unhappy person?”

“Quite frankly, it’s boring.”

Haruka wanted desperately to ignore their harsh words. He wanted them to not mean anything to him, so he would pretend and block the noise out, and continue to do as he pleased. Never touching his warm paints, he’d only use cool colors, dipping the bristles of his brush into the blue and greens, the blacks and greys, until those paints had run dry and he’d be on his way to get more.

He didn’t hate the warm colors. There was just no need for them, he felt. Not yet, at least. In his heart, there was a tiny hope that maybe someday, he’d find the same warmth that a certain beaming boy in his memories had possessed. That when he found it, he’d use the warm colors again, and he would make something beautiful.

Any time he had that thought, though, it would disappear in an instant. The last time he had seen that boy… He had been bleak and dull, just like Haruka’s paintings. A boy who was hidden behind a stone mask of strength.

It was too often that Haruka caught himself wondering how Rin was doing since they had been apart. Was he still putting up a strong front? Had he actually grown to be a strong person?
Thinking that, Haruka’s stomach would twist. If Rin was a different person now, then that was good for him. If he were strong...

If Rin were strong, him and Haruka would be complete opposites. Haruka hadn’t changed one bit.

He would lie to people, deny that cruel comments hurt him. He would say that he was comfortable with how he did things, and in turn, he began to actually believe it. Because of that, he failed to venture out of the glass case he had built around himself, always fixing a new crack with a new lie, telling himself that he was fine.

That wasn’t true, obviously. But he had just forgotten how to care.

Weak. He was still weak, and that had never changed, and it never would. He’d continue to be as weak as the day of the funeral, the night he destroyed his last shred of strength and cried himself to sleep, and as weak as the day Rin had left his life and took all the colors in it with him.

--

When Haruka graduated from his high school, he parted ways with his underclassmen friends and went to continue his life in Tokyo, attending university as an art student. Through the help of his parents, he was able to get an apartment of his own, and eventually found a job at a dry cleaners that would help him pay his rent.

Makoto had joined him in the move, which he was silently thankful for. It was more comforting knowing that his friend would still be near him, even though the scenery around them had changed dramatically. Their apartments only had a train ride between them, and for Haruka, that was enough.

His paintings remained the same as they always did. Not a hint of warmth came from them, only dark colors mixing and melding together. Night sky sceneries, or pictures of rainy days, those were all that Haruka seemed to be able to produce.

His art professor took notice and didn’t immediately ask questions about it, but when all of Haruka’s works had the same idea to them, the same emotions, she found herself growing worried about it.

“You never touch the warm colors,” she said, a hint of concern in her tone. Sitting across from her, Haruka could only shrug, and didn’t even try to make eye contact. He’d heard it all before, and he would just answer as he always did.

“I don’t like them.”

“Is there a reason for that?”

“Not really.”

Haruka was like an unbreakable wall to most people. After getting a few tips from the teacher that he didn’t need, he went on his way, seating himself at a bench on the campus. For a while, he sat there and sketched. The architecture of the university buildings filled his pages, and a few figure drawings joined them. But that was it. Just black scribbles against the white page.

In Haruka’s eyes, it was just ugly.

Ugly and weak.

--

His graduation from university came, and even after that, he remained in Tokyo. Despite his parents offering him the chance to come home and stay, he declined the request, stating that he would be fine. He was an adult, after all. Adults weren’t supposed to burden their parents.

Taking on a job as an assistant for his former art professor, Haruka spent most of his time at the campus, becoming something like a teacher to the students still there. His professor said they admired him, but he couldn’t really tell. All he did was give tips here and there that he couldn’t even execute himself.

Alongside that, he had managed to keep his job at the dry cleaners as the years went by. He had been told that he was very thorough in his work, and that their customers never had complaints when he was the one helping them. A hint of pride settled in his heart at that, but it wasn’t like dry cleaning was a passion for him.

“Painting is your passion, right?”

Many asked him that, but he could never give a straight answer. It really wasn’t. Not anymore.

The only thing that had really changed in his life was that, as his years in university went by, the art exhibits grew to be a bore. Soon, he had stopped altogether. He continued to paint as he pleased instead, more content with that than just doing it for award money.

Besides, there was no critique he hadn’t heard before. Listening to the same thing over and over again had grown dull, and there wasn’t a point to it.

That was fine with him, though. He wouldn’t complain, because really, life was treating him well. Days passed, and he got by just fine. It was a simple way to go about things, and there wasn’t much excitement, but he was content with his choices, he supposed.

He said that, but no one really listened that well.

“Yokohama?”

When they had come of age, him and his friends had decided on a regular drinking spot, and frequently visited the bar. Glass in hand, Haruka sipped at it, pointedly staring at Kisumi as he waited for the other to continue.

Makoto had been the one to introduce them to each other, and a few years had passed since then. According to Makoto, they had met at their shared university’s library, but Haruka had never even asked. He could remember giving a light greeting to Kisumi, and despite not knowing each other, Kisumi immediately took to him. More than often, he’d shower Haruka with words of praise and encouragement, then follow them up with a light teasing that Haruka usually just ignored.

“That’s right!” Kisumi chirped, swirling his drink around with a toothy grin. “Haru, you should definitely enter! I bet you could win in a heartbeat with those watercolors you do.”

“He’s right,” Makoto piped in, turning on his stool to face Haruka. “You haven’t done an exhibit in so long, Haru.”

“So what?” he muttered, avoiding their eyes to watch a few drops of water slide down his glass. “I don’t really care about them.”

There was a sudden weight on his shoulders as Kisumi grabbed them, and he was forcefully turned to meet the man’s eyes. “Haru, don’t be like that! Don’t you enjoy winning?”

“I don’t--”

“Okay, forget about winning. At least enter?”

The hope in Kisumi’s eyes was evident, but Haruka wasn’t going to sway. “No.”

After pursing his lips and groaning out, Kisumi leaned against the counter, totally defeated. “Makoto, comfort me~. Haru is way too strong willed~. I’ll never win against him~.”

Haruka didn’t respond and instead took a long gulp from his glass, ignoring Makoto’s laugh as he threaded his fingers through Kisumi’s hair. He had said time and time again that art exhibits just didn’t do it for him anymore. He couldn’t even remember if he had enjoyed them as a kid or not.

“Why do you want Haru to enter this one so badly?” Makoto’s question prompted Kisumi to sit back up, turning his attention completely away from Haruka, which he could only be thankful for.

“Ah, well. I just always loved Haru’s artwork, so--”

“That’s not the reason,” Haruka muttered.

“You’re too witty, Haru,” he laughed, sipping his drink and clearing his throat before continuing. “But this time, I speak only the truth~. I have a few other friends in Yokohama who are entering this one, so I thought it would be really cool if you did the same.”

“It’s still a no.”

“I thought so~.”

After the final rejection, Kisumi switched back to Makoto. Haruka hadn’t meant to become so bristled at the topic, but it was something he couldn’t help, and was silently glad that they had seemed to agree to just leave him be about it.

He really should have known that it wasn’t the end of it, though. The next time they got together, Kisumi was asking him again, hoping Haruka had changed his mind. He even went as far as to offer to buy them a round of drinks, but the answer remained the same. A solid no.

On the walk back to the station, Makoto spoke up. “Haru, lately… You haven’t been very inspired, right?”

Only giving Makoto a glance, Haruka shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, pursing his lips. Having Kisumi on his case was enough, so to have Makoto join in… It was hard, having such persistent people in his life.

Makoto wasn’t wrong, though. There had been no inspiration, and unlike other artists, Haruka had no desire to find it. He couldn’t tell Makoto that. Maybe his friend already knew.

“So what?”

“Why don’t you at least go with Kisumi? You might get some ideas.”

“Why don’t you go?”

“I’m not the aspiring artist here.”

...That was point enough, really. Looking to Makoto with brows raised, his heart jumped when the man smiled at him, and he had to look away with a grimace. Throughout all their years, it had always been hard to say no to Makoto. To think, even as an adult, he would still be falling to the same ploy…

He didn’t give Makoto an answer at first, but as they parted ways at the station, he said that he would give it some thought. The look of relief that Makoto gave him put a sense of guilt on his shoulders. He hadn’t thought that Makoto had been… That he had been worrying about him, about this situation.

As soon as he was inside his apartment, he pulled out his phone from his pocket and flipped through the names until he landed on Kisumi’s. He didn’t think it would do much, but… He supposed it was worth a try.

Dialing for him, Haruka raised the phone to his ear, ready to give Kisumi his answer.

--

It wasn’t often that Haruka traveled outside of Tokyo. It was usually only to visit his parents or his friends back in Iwatobi, and it was definitely never to go to an exhibit he didn’t even enter. He was just glad that the train ride was short, only around an hour. Throughout the ride, Kisumi chattered on and on, which Haruka usually found aggravating, but his words made the trip seem to go by faster. He was glad for that much.

The winter winds were chilly and made Haruka wish that he had dressed warmer for the occasion, but figured it didn’t really matter. They’d be inside soon enough, but really, he despised the cold. Shoving his hands into his pockets after wrapping his scarf tighter around his neck, he trailed after Kisumi, silently admiring the city around them.

“I’m still so surprised you agreed, Haru. Did Makoto have to convince you~?”

Haruka huffed at Kisumi’s words, tempted to pull away from the arm that slid around his shoulders. “I decided on my own. I still don’t understand why you wanted me to come, though.”

Humming, Kisumi smiled down at him, eyes softer than usual. “Because I love your art, and I’d like to see you in exhibits someday. If you could get inspired, I think that’d be great.”

He wanted to be flattered, but all he could think was that his friends were trying too hard for his sake when they didn’t need to. His inspiration was gone, and he doubted it would return at this point. It was like a wilting flower at its breaking point.

“...Thank you, but--”

“Don’t say but, Haru! We’re in a new city, you know. Your options are wide open, right now! Our futures aren’t set in stone--”

“Since when were you a poet.”

Haruka felt Kisumi slump against him and mumble something about him being so cold, and he had to snort, patting the other’s back. Times like these weren’t so awful.

Before long, they had arrived at the building and Haruka’s cheeks were completely frozen. It was warm inside and he breathed out, standing still for a few moments as his body happily adjusted. Kisumi was already raring to go, removing his coat and grabbing for Haruka’s wrist a moment later. Haruka pulled back and told him to go on ahead, saying that he should meet up with his friends.

After a little more convincing, Kisumi finally left Haruka on his own, giving him the freedom to wander the building and go into different rooms to admire the various pieces of art that had been brought to the exhibit. There were many different kinds of works, from paintings to pottery and so on. Some looked professionally done, while others were at amateur level.

At one point, he stopped to admire the watercolor paintings, one in particular catching his interest. A scenery of a pond with vibrant flowers growing around its edges was on the canvas, the colors bright, mixing together perfectly. The thought came to his mind that, if he were to stare long enough, the image would begin moving.

To put it in one word, he found it to be positively breathtaking.

It was nothing like his own works, which were so often described as bleak, lifeless… Dull. Those words had been spoken too many times before, often in hushed voices from critics, from his classmates… As he recounted them all, his stomach began to sink, and he had to swallow down a lump that formed in his throat.

As he went between the rooms, what little confidence he had shattered at each new wall of paintings his eyes fell on. His admiration had stopped, and as he stared at each piece, he began to pick it apart in his head. Works like these… They were things he was completely incapable of. He was surrounded by what he would never be able to accomplish.

Why had he ever agreed to come along? He should have known better. He should have known that a place like this was somewhere he didn’t belong to. Not anymore.

...Kisumi knew his way home. He didn’t need Haruka there. Thinking that, Haruka took his phone from his pocket, fully ready to send Kisumi his excuse as to why he had to leave. He couldn’t stay there a second more.

Finishing his message, his thumb hovered over the send button, hesitating. It was just like him to run away… That was all he seemed to be good for anymore. Excuses and lies.

Grimacing, Haruka shook his head and lifted his gaze, something catching his eye from the side. A glare of light had shimmered, coming from a room he had yet to venture into. Staring at the entrance to it, he felt something drawing him closer, even though he wasn’t sure what. Not saving the message, he stuck his phone back into his pocket and moved forward, peeking at the sign above the entry.

Glass art. As soon as he stepped into the room, only the word fragile came to mind.

Entering slowly, Haruka took his time to take it all in. One wrong move, a bump into a table… It could end up in total disaster, if he weren’t careful. It was intimidating, but at the same time, totally fascinating.

There was a different aura to the room. It made Haruka feel something he hadn’t felt with the paintings, and though he couldn’t quite say what, he wanted to know more. It wasn’t often that he was around glass art, only ever really seeing small sculptures in the antique stores him and Makoto liked to frequent.

He had no expertise in the making of the glass art. It was a totally foreign concept to him, and because of that, admiring the pieces came easier to him than it had with the paintings. In that room, he had nothing to compare himself to. It was a relaxing change, one that he was thankful for.

In admiring the works, he lost track of time. It was easy to be distracted with how beautiful each piece was, and how they so gorgeously glittered in the lighting. Vases and bowls, wind chimes and animal sculptures, the entire room was filled. There was almost too much to see.

Going to the back of the room, he came upon the last case of sculptures. Kneeling down to get a closer look, he smiled as he admired each one. There was one in particular, though, that really caught his eye. A small boat, made from clear glass, its sail standing proudly.

It was nothing too extravagant, but it did well in making his heart flutter. Though he knew that he wasn’t allowed to touch the art, there was a strong desire to, especially with that certain piece. A great sense of nostalgia had washed over him at the sight of it. It felt familiar, as if he had definitely seen it before. Perhaps in a painting, or in a story book he had read years ago… He wasn’t too sure.

...Then again, he had grown up in a fishing town. He was positive he had seen many boats in his lifetime, so vaguely remembering one wasn’t anything too special. The boats that drifted at the docks had never been an amazing sight to him, and even as a child, stories about pirate ships had never excited him.

There was a memory of a certain child, though. A boy who had been enamored with the boats, who could go on and on about them until it was just plain annoying. Looking back, Haruka could only find it to be more endearing now, something he should have cherished.

It was odd how just one little instance could cause many memories to resurface. A light smile playing at his lips, Haruka leaned his head against the case, not hearing the footsteps of another person entering the room and approaching him. It was only when another form was at his side did he take notice.

Standing straight and adjusting his jacket, he didn’t look to the other, flustered that he had been caught on his knees admiring something like a child. Surely that would look odd to anyone else.

“Do you like these things?”

A soothing voice came to Haruka. It didn’t sound condescending, and honestly, Haruka was surprised. He wasn’t particularly used to being spoken to out of nowhere. Glancing at the newcomer, he was hit with a sense of deja vu, like him and this person had met somewhere before.

“...I don’t usually look,” he admitted, brushing off the feeling. “But they’re nice.”

“Is that so? I’m glad.”

It was at that point that Haruka decided it was best that he left before the stranger could say anything else to him. Turning to the man, Haruka bowed his head and said a small goodbye, ready to make his leave.

Something stopped him, though. Glancing back at the other, he couldn’t help but stare. They had to have met at some point, but for the life of him, Haruka couldn’t recall. Still, the familiarity was too strong.

The other didn’t look his way until moments later, a brow raised and a puzzled smile on his lips. “Is there something…?”

“No, uh…” Haruka knew he looked like a fool, but he couldn’t just leave. Not yet. Even this person’s smile was familiar, and Haruka truly wanted to know, but… “I’ll… I’ll be going…”

“Mm.”

Haruka could have just asked if they knew each other, but if he were wrong… He didn’t want to deal with it, really. He’d rather just move on. Before he could go, his arm had been captured, making him stall. The man’s touch was warm… Welcoming. He had felt it before, definitely--

Turning his head back to the man, Haruka noticed that his brows were knitted together, as if he were mulling over something. He opened his mouth once, closed it again, and then finally spoke.

“Sorry. It’s raining outside, so if you don’t have an umbrella, you can use mine.”

Looking at the hand holding him in place, Haruka could only stare as memories began to flood into him. A rainy day, a warm touch, a beautiful smile that he could never forget…

His heart began to pound as he lifted his chin, gazing into the eyes of someone he had known long ago. He felt silly for not realizing sooner. Really, there had been hardly any change, so little that it was incredible.

Parting his lips, Haruka tried to find his words, wanting to say something that wouldn’t make him sound foolish.

“...Rin?”

Surprise was written all over Rin’s features as he pulled his hand away from Haruka’s arm. Moments later, it was replaced with skepticism, and he tilted his head to the side.

“...Do we know each other?”

“Yes, I--”

Stopping mid sentence, Haruka’s stomach twisted, and he was overcome with a sense of dread. He didn’t want to think of it being a possibility, but Rin not remembering him… Something like that was absolutely possible. Haruka was guilty as well; there had been times when he had forgotten Rin’s appearance, how his voice had sounded… He never had completely forgotten, though. There was no way he ever could.

...For Rin to forget him, it would be awful.

Whatever he had wanted to say was long gone at that point. Rin was staring at him, and his gaze had grown to be something intense, totally different from what it was like when he was four. Haruka felt as if he were being scrutinized and almost turned in on himself, ready to leave the room with his head ducked.

Rin spoke before he could escape.

“Nanase… Nanase?”

At hearing his name, Haruka lifted his eyes to meet Rin’s again, watching as his expression shifted to something of pure bewilderment. In an instant, a wave of relief washed over Haruka, all of his worries being dispelled.

“Yeah--”

“Nanase!”

The next thing he knew, Rin’s arms were around him, pulling him into a crushing hug. Haruka returned it after he got over the initial shock, patting Rin’s back. He could feel Rin’s grin against his shoulder, and his body shook with little giggles. When they finally stepped away from each other, Haruka’s chest was filled with an unbelievable warmth.

His smile was as radiant as ever. It was just a bit different now, yes, but a lot about Rin had seemed to have changed over the years. Haruka thought that, and yet, it was like no time had passed at all. Rin was still the same person that Haruka had known all those years ago, a person who remained as bright as the sun.

What he was now was totally unlike the last time Haruka had seen him. In those last moments together, Rin had been a boy who carried the grief of just losing his father on his shoulders, a boy who had been sad, dull looking… One who held not a shred of pleasure.

At those thoughts, Haruka felt his throat tighten, and he had to will away the tears that threatened to spring up. He should have known better. He was silly for thinking that Rin would still be like that, that he wouldn’t grow into a happier person.

Rin… Rin was someone strong.

“You know, I was thinking you looked familiar, but I just couldn’t tell-- It’s been so long!” Wiggling in his place, Rin beamed at Haruka, looking as if he had just won some magnificent prize.

“It has been,” Haruka agreed, opening his arms when Rin moved forward to embrace him again. “You look well, Rin.”

“I am-- Well, I’m better now, but…” He shook his head, moving away but keeping his hands on Haruka’s shoulders. He was staring, looking Haruka over. Usually, an action like that would have made Haruka anxious, but it was different this time. “Wow…”

“...Wow?”

Grinning, Rin shook his head and patted Haruka’s shoulders. “Just wow. I’m really… Oh, did you enter something into the exhibit?”

It was an odd turn in direction, but one that Haruka vaguely expected. “No. I’m just here with a friend.”

“That so.” Rin glanced around the room and caught on that it was only the two of them in it, and he snorted right after. “Uh, did your friend ditch you or something?”

“I ditched him,” Haruka corrected, brushing Rin’s hands off of him and moving to leave the room. It was best he actually catch up with said friend, now that it seemed his plans would be changing. He nodded for Rin to follow, and the other did, walking up alongside him. “He just wanted to meet up with some friends, so I let him.”

“...Did he say who?”

“No.”

“Ah…” Rin grimaced as he rubbed the back of his neck, digging his phone out from his pocket and flipping through a few messages. Glancing at Haru, he gave a light smile. “By any chance, is his name Shigino?”

...That changed a few things. Even though Haruka knew that Kisumi hadn’t done something like this on purpose, he at least deserved a thank you for it. Haruka made a mental note of that, returning Rin’s smile.

“That’s right. Were you one of the people he was going to see?”

“Yeah. We made plans to go out drinking later, so-- Ah, that’s perfect, actually. You can come with us! How long were you and Kisumi planning on staying in Yokohama?”

Haruka had hardly heard Rin’s question, more caught up in just listening to his voice. It had really matured, and naturally, Haruka’s had too, but… Rin’s was smooth and beautiful. It was a voice that one could listen to all day if they so pleased. Haruka found himself thinking that that was something he wouldn’t personally mind doing.

Snapping back when Rin repeated his question, Haruka had to look away, lips pursed. “We didn’t agree on an overnight stay, but I’ll still go drinking.” The earlier thoughts of going back to Tokyo without Kisumi had all disappeared with the changing circumstances. All he wanted now was to be around Rin for as long as time allowed.

Rin visibly lit up at Haruka’s words and he nodded, patting Haruka’s back with an eager giggle. “That’s great! I really can’t believe this, though… It’s been so long!”

“...You already said that.”

“But it’s true!”

Puffing out a small laugh, Haruka smiled at Rin before turning his gaze forward. He knew the excitement that Rin was feeling, even if he wasn’t as open about it. Truly, he was happy they were able to see each other again.

When they met up with Kisumi and his group of friends, him and Rin exchanged a hug, saying usual greetings like “It’s been forever!” and “I’ve missed you!” and the like. When Kisumi finally noticed Haruka standing behind Rin, he quirked a brow up and looked to Rin for answers. Rin put on a smug smile as he began to explain.

“We already know each other from way back when.”

“Before we had even started school,” Haruka added, moving to stand at Rin’s side. “We haven’t seen each other in a long time.”

“Way too long.”

Peering at him from the corner of his eye, Haruka nodded, and jumped slightly when Kisumi had slapped a hand down on either of their shoulders. He wore a huge grin, his eyes practically sparkling.

“That’s great, you two! To think that I helped you both come together, after so long--”

“What did you do.” Shrugging Kisumi’s hand away, Rin laughed as Kisumi huffed at him, lower lip jutted out in a pout. Haruka knew the answer, of course, but he would save his thanks for later.

After being introduced to the rest of the group, Haruka followed behind as they went through the exhibit once more. He avoided staring at the paintings for longer than need be, only stopping to admire them when someone would point out their own piece. They were all very talented, and Haruka was definitely impressed.

When asked about his own entry, Rin became flustered and refused to show them, despite their protests. All he could say was that he wasn’t too confident in what he had done, and he’d rather wait to show them something incredible. Though they seemed unconvinced, everyone finally agreed and decided to move on from the topic. Haruka heard Rin breathe out a sigh of relief, and he felt that he could understand the feeling.

Leaving the building with everyone in high spirits, Haruka ducked under Rin’s umbrella when he offered, their shoulders touching as they trailed behind the rest of the group. They all spoke amongst themselves, mostly about being nervous over the awards. It had been a long time since Haruka had felt the same anxiety, but he still understood where they were coming from. They didn’t have much to worry about, though. Their potential was high.

Evening was only just settling in when everyone had seated themselves at a bar that Rin had recommended, glad to escape the rain and the frosty air outside. Haruka still shivered slightly, but tried to hide it as he followed Rin, who had silently beckoned him to sit together away from everyone else. They were more keen on just catching up with each other.

“I’m still in shock,” Rin murmured, resting his chin in the palm of his hand, his eyes on Haruka. “To think that we’d run into each other like this… Especially after all this time!”

“Yeah. It’s a surprise.”

“Definitely.” Falling silent, a few beats passed, Rin taking a sip from his drink. “Still living in Iwatobi?”

“No. I’ve been in Tokyo for almost five years now.”

“For real? Are you in university?”

“Graduated earlier this year.”

“Not bad~.”

Leaning against the counter, Rin shook his head with a sigh, a smile on his lips. Haruka could only watch in silence, momentarily forgetting about his own untouched drink. Rin’s appearance had really changed over the years. He was more muscular now, and had grown taller, probably taller than Haruka. A firm jawline, slender fingers… His gorgeous smile hadn’t seemed to have changed at all, because it still made Haruka feel an unimaginable warmth.

A sudden chill shot up Haruka’s spine and he had to take a long drink to distract himself from those strange thoughts. He set it back down on the counter with a grimace; he wasn’t even that fond of alcohol. Whatever, though. “What about you? Still in Hokkaido?”

“Hell no,” Rin answered with a laugh.. “No, no. I haven’t lived there in years. Mom got a new job when we went there, since she didn’t want for the three of us to live off of Grandma forever. Mom’s good at what she does and got promoted a lot, so we ended up moving around pretty often.”

“To where?”

“All over, to be honest.” Rin looked pretty distant, his smile fond as he relived the memories. “We lived in Kyoto, here for a bit, and moved to Osaka after that. For a while, we even stayed in Okinawa.”

“Okinawa?” Haruka repeated, mouth going a bit agape. “That’s… That’s pretty far off.”

“I know, right?” Running his fingers through his hair, Rin exhaled. “But that’s not even the furthest we’ve lived.”

“Where…?”

“Alright, get this. Australia.”

“Really?”

“Really!”

It was incredible, the stories Rin was able to tell him. He had been so many places, and he had seen so many sights. There was almost too much for him to say. There was no way he could share almost twenty years worth of stories in one sitting, but knowing that just made Haruka want to hear all the more. Leaning against the counter, Haruka watched and listened, smiling at the hand motions that Rin used to express himself. He had done that a lot as a child, as well.

“And finally, I ended up back here in Yokohama. I’ve been living here for around four years now? I think?” While Rin thought it over, Haruka felt his heart clench at the realization.

To think that Rin had been so close to him all this time… Things would have been different if they had stayed in touch with each other. They would have known.

...Then again, if they had kept in touch, Haruka wouldn’t have had the opportunity to sit at Rin’s side and listen to all of his tales. Really, this wasn’t so bad. It wasn’t like they could change the past, so embracing the future was better.

“Hey.” Interrupting Rin’s thoughts, Haruka looked back to his glass and swirled the liquid around. “You’ve lived in places in close to Iwatobi, so why did you never visit?”

Rin looked as if he had been expecting that and he gave an apologetic smile, moving his hand to rest over Haruka’s. “Sorry, Nanase.” That name coming from Rin’s lips felt odd, but Haruka didn’t comment on it, more focused on the warm handing covering his own. “We came back every few years to visit Dad’s grave, but I didn’t… I didn’t have the strength to face you and Tachibana--”

As if.

Taking his gaze away from Rin’s hand, Haruka looked to him and gave a long, icy stare that made Rin wilt. He leaned back, taking his hand away to rub at the back of his neck as a laugh spilled out from his lips.

“Alright, alright, you caught me. I actually just couldn’t remember where you two lived.”

“You always did try to sound more poetic than you actually were,” Haruka murmured against the rim of his glass. “You haven’t changed much, have you?”

Huffing, Rin emptied his drink and requested another before he crossed his arms, glowering at Haruka. “I have! But what about you? You’re still as cold as ever, Nanase--”

“Haru.”

“What?”

“Call me Haru. It’s not like we have to be formal with each other.”

A few moments of silence passed before Rin smiled, giving him a nod. “Right. Haru.”

That was much better.

“Why didn’t you just ask your mom where Makoto and I lived?” Haruka continued, making Rin sigh out.

“Well, I didn’t want to be selfish, I guess. We were there for Dad and no one else.” His hands curled into fists on the counter and he furrowed his brows. “But, I never forgot you two. Not for an instant.”

“...You didn’t even recognize me at first--”

“Shaddup.” Sticking his tongue out at Haruka, Rin kicked gently at his ankle. “That’s only because you’ve become way more handsome, you hear?”

His mind went blank at the comment and he had to turn his gaze away from Rin, though he could still feel the man’s eyes on him. He had no idea how to respond to that, and almost considered returning the compliment, but he couldn’t form the words. His entire body felt like it was growing warm from Rin’s stare alone, something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Anyways,” Rin started, taking a gulp of his new drink. “As I was saying before, you’re as cold as ever.”

Haruka wanted to be relieved for the change in topic, but all he could feel was a small irritation bubbling up at Rin’s words. Knitting his brows together, he drew his lips into a thin line and weakly glared at Rin. “Am not.”

“See, right there! That expression you’re wearing is proving my point perfectly!” Snickering, Rin leaned in closer, patting Haruka’s cheek as he teased him. Haruka brushed his hand away and he backed off, though he wore a pompous grin. “Well? Still painting? Back when we were kids, you always had a paint brush or a crayon in your hand. Sometimes I felt like you liked your artwork more than you did me, ya know!”

It was impossible to remember if that statement was true or not, but he did remember Rin sometimes complaining about it. Snorting, he nodded. “I have an art degree. Right now, I’m working as an assistant to my former professor.”

“Impressive,” Rin hummed, though he seemed puzzled. “But you didn’t submit anything to the exhibit…?”

“I don’t do competitions like that anymore,” he admitted. “It’s not my thing. I just like painting.”

For a moment, Haruka thought that he could see a hint of disappointment on Rin’s face, but it was gone before he could really tell. “I see. Well, as long as you’re happy with that. I’d like to see how much you’ve improved, sometime.”

That put an unsettling feeling Haruka’s stomach, but he brushed it off. If it was Rin, it was fine. “Alright,” he agreed, having to smile when Rin did. “And you? You had something in the exhibit, right?”

“Ah--” Rin’s cheeks went red and he didn’t look at Haruka, merely drumming his fingers against the counter. “Well, yeah.”

“I would have liked to have seen it.”

“...You did.”

“Huh?”

Pursing his lips, Rin didn’t immediately say anything. He peeked at Haruka, but his gaze was gone moments later. To encourage him to keep talking, Haruka nudged at his ankle until he gave in. “The blown glass. I saw you looking at the boat. That was what I submitted.”

Haruka was speechless. That was… That was Rin’s sculpture? One Haruka had been so enamored with? He knew that it had reminded him of Rin, but for it to come to this… It was like fate was playing with them.

“It was beautiful,” he mumbled. “You’re really talented, Rin.”

“You think so...?” Rin wore a dopey smile and rubbed the back of his neck, a giggle that grown men usually didn’t possess leaving him. Haruka couldn’t remember Rin ever being this bashful, but… Well, it was cute. Really cute. “My inspiration was Iwatobi, actually… I was thinking, what’s something that’s really sacred to me? I remembered the boats at the docks, and I thought, if I sculpt a boat, then maybe the waves will carry me back to where I belong~... Ah!”

Rin stood suddenly, his romantic speech ending as he glared at his watch. Haruka furrowed his brows. “What’s wrong?”

“Sorry, Haru. I was supposed to get home earlier than this, and I lost track of time…”

Pausing in his fumbling to get his coat on, Rin stared down at Haruka, and Haruka tried to hide the evident disappointment he was feeling. Rin caught on easily though and put a hand on Haruka’s shoulder, gently squeezing.

“Do you have to go home tonight?” he asked. “You could come back to my place for the night. I have beer and food, and we could have some more time together…?”

“...Are you sure? I don’t want to impose.” Even though he said that, he was already standing with Rin, a new hope kindled.

“You won’t~. Let me just tell Kisumi.”

After telling their plans and saying their goodbyes, they moved to make their way out of the bar. Kisumi’s voice stopped them, though, calling after Haruka. He wore a devious grin, one that gave Haruka a bad feeling.

“Haru! Be careful around Rin! I don’t know how he acted when you two were little kids, but he’s a real charmer nowadays~. Be on guard--”

“Kisumi.” Rin wore a grin, sprinting over to give a punch to the man’s shoulder. Turning away as Kisumi began to complain, he puffed out a laugh. “I’m no charmer. Come on, Haru.”

Leaving the bar behind, Haruka buttoned his coat up and walked alongside Rin, glad that the rain had stopped. The sky was black now, only lit up by the city’s lights, not a single star in sight. Haruka had gotten used to that after living in an urban area for so long, but he had come to miss the views the countryside had offered.

Sticking close to Rin, Haruka pulled his muffler tighter around his neck, the biting cold absolutely torturing him. He hoped that it wouldn’t take long to get to where Rin lived, because his legs were already quivering.

Taking notice, Rin snorted and nudged Haruka, brows raised. His cheeks were rosy from the cold as well, but otherwise, he seemed rather unaffected. “You look so cold~,” he purred, laughing when Haruka gave him a glare.

“I am.”

“How weak~.”

Haruka’s heart fell at that single word, and he had to look away from Rin, his frown hidden by the scarf. Yeah, he supposed so.

After a bit of walking, the two men found themselves in a neighborhood that Rin seemed to know like the back of his hand. Following close behind him, Haruka said nothing, watching as Rin checked his watch once. Turning a corner, they reached a convenience store that was obviously closed, all the lights inside turned off. Haruka could only feel baffled when Rin went right up to the doors, digging keys out from his pocket and unlocking them.

It was warm inside, but Haruka didn’t get much of a chance to enjoy it before he was being shuffled up to an apartment above the store. He hadn’t been able to get much of a look at the dimly lit place, but from what he had seen, it was just normal.

Blinking when the lights in the apartment were on, Haruka shed his coat and followed Rin into a nicely sized kitchen. A note lay on the counter, neatly folded with a plate of saran wrapped dinner resting right next to it. Reading through it, Rin clicked his tongue in distaste before he tossed the note into the trash can, taking the plate to warm it up.

“Damn, what a good shopkeeper,” he muttered under his breath, punching numbers on the microwave and removing his coat. He took Haruka to a sitting room right after, which looked pretty well inhabited, judging from the magazines and empty soda cans on top of the kotatsu.

Hurrying to tidy the room up, Rin told Haruka to take a seat, stating that he would start some tea up for them. Doing as he was told, Haruka practically melted into the heat of the kotatsu, laying against the wooden surface with a happy sigh.

When Rin returned, he laughed, setting a cup in front of Haruka as he took his own seat. “You look comfy,” he said, his tone teasing. Haruka waved it off, sipping from the cup.

“I am.”

Nodding, Rin grabbed for the remote, turning on the news station. They sat like that for a while, enjoying each others presence, but Rin soon muted the TV. Once Haruka’s belly had been warmed up from the tea, he looked to Rin, then glanced around the room. It was a pretty standard place, but comfy.

“So, you live in a convenience store.”

“No. I live above one.”

“...Same thing?”

Rin brushed off the teasing with a grunt. “Don’t be so mean, Haru. This is a fine place to live.”

“I didn’t say that it wasn’t. Do you live alone?” It wouldn’t make sense if he did. He couldn’t really imagine Rin owning a store.

“Ah, no. I live with a long time friend of mine.” Digging his phone out of his pocket, Rin brought up a picture of him and another man, one who was taller. Both were beaming at the camera, looking like they were having a good time. “Yamazaki Sousuke. We’ve known each other since elementary.”

“Ah.” Haruka took another sip, waiting for Rin to continue.

“This is Sousuke’s family store. He took over a couple of years after we graduated. His parents moved to the countryside after that, so he let me come live with him. I just couldn’t let the poor guy be so lonely~.”

“You’re a savior, Rin.”

“Hehe, right? Anyways, it’s easier to pay for stuff when it’s two people. I also sell my glass work in the store--”

“You sell your artwork in a convenience store?”

“Your tone is gonna piss me off if you’re not careful, ya jerk.”

Both snorted and Rin put his elbows on the kotatsu, watching Haruka in silence for a little while. Haruka felt tiny under Rin’s gaze and he didn’t make eye contact with him, instead finishing off his tea. He waited for Rin to say something more, but nothing came, so Haruka decided to continue himself.

“Where’s Yamazaki right now?” he asked, noticing that Rin seemed to be pulled out of a daze by his question.

“Ah. He’s out at some club with friends or whatever.”

“You didn’t go with him?”

“Nah. We’re best friends. sure, but we’re not glued at the hip or anything.” Tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, Haruka noticed that he was wearing a few piercings. “Besides, I’d rather be here talking to you.”

Haruka’s face went warm at that comment and he tried to take another sip from his empty cup, grimacing when he realized his mistake. Rin laughed at him for that and he only weakly glared in return, putting the cup down. “...Kisumi wasn’t lying. You are a charmer.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing.”

The rest of their night was spent reminiscing, talking about how their friends and family were doing. Hearing Rin talk about Sousuke made Haruka feel glad that Rin had someone so important to him in his life, someone who he could so easily rely on.

In return, Haruka answered questions about Makoto, telling Rin that their friend had been doing well for himself, and that he would surely like to meet up with Rin again soon. Rin lit up at that and eagerly agreed, saying that he had missed Makoto a lot as well.

“He’s planning on moving back to Iwatobi soon,” Haruka told Rin at one point, his heart aching a little as he thought about it.

“Ahh, really? I’d like to do the same.”

“I figured. Your poem from earlier told me--”

“It was not a poem.”

Though he teased Rin about it, Haruka liked the sound of returning as well. He had missed his hometown for too long now.

It wasn’t long before Rin was slowly blinking, yawning, and soon, resting his head on the surface of the kotatsu, fast asleep. Holding in a laugh, Haruka stood to turn off the TV and the lights, returning to huddle under the warmth of the table. He didn’t fall asleep immediately, and his eyes slowly adjusted to the dim lighting, allowing him to see Rin clearly again.

Truly, Rin had become a strong person. Haruka had always hoped for that, and always wished for Rin to be doing well. It felt great, seeing Rin again, knowing that his silent prayers had come to fruition.

His stomach still sank, though, knowing that Rin had become someone better than him. He knew it was awfully selfish, but in the quiet of that room, his mind couldn’t help but wander. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to have those kinds of thoughts about Rin, of all people.

Slowly, he reached out, brushing his fingers through Rin’s hair. In a whisper, he gave Rin goodnight wishes, and closed his eyes.

--

When morning came, Rin saw Haruka off at the station, the two men exchanging phone numbers before Haruka stepped onto the train. Giving a small wave to Rin, the doors slid closed and Haruka was off, but his phone was buzzing just minutes later with a new message from Rin.

Come back and visit soon! Or I’ll come get you! Watch out! (lol)

Staring at the text on his screen, he eventually snickered and pocketed his phone. Rin was actually kind of lame, but that wasn’t a bad thing. Rather, it was actually very cute.

Once he was back in Tokyo, his first stop was Makoto’s apartment, practically inviting himself in to tell his friend the news. Upon hearing what he had to say, Makoto had been overjoyed, and they were quick to make plans with Rin for the following week.

When Rin made it into Tokyo, he was nearly in tears as he embraced Makoto, the two of them laughing together. Haruka watched with a smile, thinking about how it had been such a long time since he had seen something like this. Him and Makoto were ecstatic to have Rin back in their lives, and it was obvious that Rin felt the same.

For the entire day, it was just the three of them hanging around Tokyo. Window shopping, showing Rin where their apartments were, they all had a great time together before they ended it at the bar. After just a few drinks, Rin stated that he had to get going, afraid he would miss the last train out. Hugging them both, his embrace with Haruka lingering ever so slightly, he went on his way.

Two months passed like that, the friends getting together as often as possible, Kisumi usually tagging along. It was a nice change of pace for Haruka, who had been used to going between work and the bar, and then home right after. With Rin around, things had become different.

Eventually, though, Makoto became more busy, and come February, he had moved back to Iwatobi. The day he left, Rin and Kisumi had taken Haruka out for drinks, thinking that he would find some sort of comfort in alcohol. To Haruka, though, it seemed like Kisumi was the most torn up about it, nearly getting blackout drunk that night.

After making sure their friend got home safely, Rin returned to Haruka’s apartment with him, thanking Haruka as he rolled out an extra futon. Once both were snug, the heater keeping them warm, Rin began to speak, his tone of voice low.

“Will you be lonely without him?”

“...Not particularly.”

Haruka was lying, and he knew that. After him and Makoto always living near each other, it was odd, not having his friend’s presence there. Time would pass and he would get over it, but it still felt a little off.

He was just glad that Rin had come back into his life when he did. If he hadn’t have been there, Haruka felt that he would have been worse. Imagining a life with only Kisumi to keep him company… Well, it was best that he didn’t think too hard on it.

In the silence of the room, Haruka had almost fallen asleep, his eyes fluttering open when he felt Rin shift next to him. He began to speak, prompting Haruka to listen.

“Remember how we used to have sleepovers when we were little?” he mumbled. Haruka could practically hear the smile from his tone of voice alone.

“I remember that you were afraid of the dark,” Haruka replied, feeling a sense of pride when Rin didn’t immediately respond.

“...That’s only because you told me that monsters were lurking in the places I couldn’t see clearly,” he finally said, voice tiny. “It really freaked me out, you know. You were such a jerk.”

“Mmhm. Sorry.” Holding back a snort, Haruka closed his eyes again, curling further into his blanket. “I also remember that you used to beg to climb into bed with me.”

“Shut up.” Heaving out an exasperated sigh and rolling over to where he could see Haruka’s back, Rin reached out and curled his fingers into the man’s shirt, a small smile playing at his lips. “It’s just, I always felt safe next to you. You were always so strong willed, so I figured you would protect me. Like a prince or something~.”

The prince part didn’t phase Haruka, but rather, the words strong willed did. The phrase repeated itself a few times in Haruka’s head and he pulled out of Rin’s grasp, moving to where he was facing the man laying beside him. Rin’s eyes were as clear in the dark as they were in broad daylight. As always, his gaze made Haruka’s chest fill with warmth.

Reaching over, Haruka took Rin’s hand in his own, noticing how Rin’s entire body tensed up. “You would always make me hold your hand until you fell asleep, too.” Shifting slightly, Haruka laced their fingers together, watching as Rin hesitantly curled his fingers down. “Like this.”

Haruka watched Rin stare at their joined hands, and even in the dark of the room, a light blush spreading out on his cheeks was visible. He parted his lips once, then drew them into a thin line before he spoke.

“...I don’t remember,” he mumbled, letting Haruka hold his hand for only a few moments more before he pulled away and rolled over, curling in on himself. “Sorry.”

“Well, you were only four.”

“...Yeah.”

They said no more to each other, and Haruka slept soundly that night. In the morning, he was greeted by Rin, who had dark circles under his eyes. Every other few minutes, he would yawn and rub at them, prompting Haruka to ask about it. “Couldn’t sleep?”

Rin grimaced at first, then looked away, voice small. “...Guess not.”

For a few days after that, Rin didn’t contact Haruka. That didn’t bother him, as he was busy with his own things, but his heart did flutter when he checked his phone one evening and a new message from Rin was waiting for him. It was a simple apology, Rin stating that he had been helping Sousuke with the store, and that they had been flooded with business.

Haruka had to wonder just how busy a convenience store could get, but said nothing about it, only sending Rin a text back to tell him that it was fine. Right after, he asked when they could meet up again, and once the plans were made, he was settled.

Life was changing, bit by bit. Makoto was gone, back in Iwatobi where he would continue living his life. For Haruka, that was still odd, and he wasn’t sure how long it would be before he had gotten used to it. He knew he would be fine, though. A new routine would come around, one with Rin finely weaved into it, and that would become his new norm.

...It had been a while since things had felt this... Okay for him. It was only a small hope, barely flickering in his glass encased heart, but it was there. Forming a silent prayer, Haruka wished for his life to continue like that for him, wished for it to continue to treat him well.