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"Mario we're watching a movie why, are you writing in that...diary?"
"It's a journal not a diary. We're supposed to be studying instead of watching a movie anyway, because one of us currently has a 4 in half of his classes."
"Alright fine. What's in your diary?"
"Journal."
"What?"
"It's a journal not a diary."
"Yeah, whatever, lemme see it." I reached for the journal only to end up getting hit in the face with it.
"No! What's wrong with you? You don't just read someone's thoughts and feelings."
"Mario, that's a diary."
"I hate you Marco."
"C'mon, no you don't."
"Whatever." Mario went back to writing in his 'journal'. "It's literally just me talking about my day and how stupid my best friend is."
"Ouch, I would hate to be him then, you sound like a terrible friend." Mario just laughed and kept writing in the diary while I watched the rest of the movie.
We went to a pretzel place and he was still writing in that damn book.
"Sunny, you're obsessed with writing in that diary, I bet it will be full by the end of next week."
"No I'm not. It's not a diary."
"There are fresh made pretzels in front of you Sunny, you've yet to touch them because you're sharing your feelings with a book."
"Well who else am I going to tell?"
"Um, I don't know...me maybe?"
"No way."
"You tell me everything else what's in here that you can't tell me, damnit!"
"Things."
"I bet you're writing about Ann Kathrin, huh? She kind of obviously wants ya." I myself don't really know Ann Kathrin but the idea of her with little Sunnyboy didn't really float well with me for some odd reason that was completely beyond me.
"No, I barely even know Ann Kathrin why would I like her?"
"You're like a 12 year old boy Sunny, I swear."
"Well maybe that's because I constantly have people calling me things like Sunny and Sunnyboy, one person in particular actually." he said while continuing to scribble words down in that chicken scratch only certain people can understand.
"Well I'm sure that person would stop if you really wanted them to." I gave him this look that signalled I was emotionally damaged by what he said but he wasn't paying any attention to me, just writing more words while giving a simple 'meh' in response to me. I'd started calling him Sunny a couple years after we met. Mario and I go way back you see, not like the 'we used to bathe together when we were babies' kind of way back, but the 'our moms met at some sort of group when we were younger and we were forced to spend time together' kind of way back. You see I'm 3-4 years older than Mario so I gave him nicknames that I found 'baby-ish' to assert myself as 'the alpha male' or whatever, Sunny was just the only one that really stuck.
"I'm going to eat your pretzels then."
"I'll kill you."
"There's my Sunnyboy!"
"Marco, Mario hasn't been over in a while."
"No Yvie, he hasn't been."
"It's been so quiet, I like it."
"Piss off, Yvonne."
"Somebody's grumpy. What's wrong?"
"Mario has been writing in this stupid diary that he absolutely insists is a 'journal' and he wont look up from it for anything. It's annoying."
"So what I'm hearing is that you're jealous because 'your Sunnyboy' pays more attention to a journal than you?"
"What? No! That's absurd Yvonne."
"No it's not, you're going to university in half a year, you may not be able to see Mario for a while and you're mad because he's spending his time writing in a journal that he could be writing in when you're gone rather than spending time with you while you're still here. It makes perfect sense." When she said it that way it did make more sense when I' done with university, Mario would have entered already and I wouldn't get to see him much, considering my lack of of drive in college I wouldn't be going to university for very long though.
"Yeah, I guess that makes sense when I think about it."
"So have you answered that Carolin girl yet about going out?"
"Goodbye Yvie." I was not letting her think she could intrude on me like that because the second she thought she could, she would never leave me alone about anything at all.
"At least let me know how it goes with Mario!" she yelled through the door. "And when you figure out what Mario's been writing about!"
I stopped trying with my homework and I moved over to my bed and laid down on my side, it actually was starting to bother about what Mario was writing in his diary. I hate that thing, not really because he's paying more attention to it than me but because whatever he's writing in there is something he doesn't feel comfortable with telling me. That bothered me, I was actually kind of worried. I mean-do I tell Mario everything?-no but do I trust him with everything? yes, 100%. I don't know why he would feel uncomfortable telling me something but apparently he was, I don't even know what he wouldn't want to tell me, I couldn't fathom anything I wouldn't be okay with, unless he was hurting himself, which I seriously doubt he was but it still worried me. I didn't want him thinking that anything he could do would make me angry at him.
I was feeling tired so I decided to roll around until I fell asleep and I would text Mario whenever I woke up.
After I woke up that day I texted Mario about coming over on the weekend and we could play FIFA and eat pizza or go out to see a movie or something, we eventually settled on Saturday-today-after he and his dad got back from running errands in Essen.
When I got there before Mario and Jurgen got back, Astrid told me I could go wait in Mario's room to avoid Felix. While I was sitting in a chair in Mario's room I started thinking about what he wasn't telling me, I really could not see anything that would end our friendship, which led to me rummaging around his room to find the book. I eventually found it in his underwear drawer. I knew it was wrong to read his diary, swear to god I did, which is why I stared at the cover before throwing it down against his bed. When it hit the bed it popped open to a page, and the only words I happened to catch were 'feelings for Marco'.
If my name was in it in that context I had the right to read it didn't I?
I sat by his dresser with the underwear drawer open so I could get rid of it quickly if i needed to-it was kind of a subconscious thing due to cheating on multiple tests and things like that really-and I started to read the 'journal' Mario was keeping.
25.11.14
ive been starting to feel a little weird around Marco recently i dont really know why but i have been. i feel like im literally going to puke around him. it cant be that i hate him or anything even remotely close to that hes my best friend idk maybe im just getting sick. this is really stressing me out
26.11.14
my mom made me make dinner tonight nothing really special about today in particular
I started skipping through different days to when I saw my name.
14.12.14
So im still feeling weird around marco and i still have that pukey feeling.only now i think i know what the pukey feeling is. im pretty sure i have a crush on him, marco of all people, how does that even happen?
27.12.14
marco got me a germany jersey for christmas, one of those expensive looking ones with the players name and number and everything and i just gave him a picture i worked on in art of his favourite footballer, had this been last year I wouldntve cared but i didnt have a crush on him like this last year. it's gotten worse since the 13 days ago that i wrote about it last. he hasnt seemed to notice me acting weird around him yet but i dont know if he has or not yet
I love that drawing, it's hanging up on my wall. I skimmed through the next ones until I fell upon the one I saw when the diary popped open. I saw a few of him talking about how cute he thought I was-which made me blush a bit-and a few about how he would 'just die' if I found out how he felt.
15.02.15
so today i realized that i have feelings for marco. not that i think hes cute or awkward little thoughts about how flustered i get when he does that smirk thing to me, i mean like real feeling for him. it's actually kind of terrifying, im pretty sure fabian can already tell that i like him. i had a...dream that kind of confirms that it's not really a phase, i dont really care to go into detail about it but i definately wont be able to look at marco the same way i have ever again.
02.03.15
he tried to look at this today. he almost got it too, i think i should probably tear out all the pages wit things about him and burn them and stop writing about him but i cant. ive pretty much learned how to control myself around him which helps because he seems to be paying more attention to me since i started writing in this journal around him which isn't really what i desired but whatever. im really trying to get over it though, because this gorgeous girl carolin has asked him out today and hell probably say yes to her. also im me, hell never go for me ever, he still calls me sunnyboy. i love it when he calls me sunny but sunnyboy just makes me feel like he still sees me as a 5 year old. to make things worse i keep having this reoccuring daydream of marco just kissing me out of nowhere. we havent really done anything except for text eachother for a couple days and i feel like hes annoyed with me. the absence of things to do only makes me think of him kissing me and then just staring into y eyes happen more frequently, which isnt good for my health. i feel like such a girl thinking bout marco like this its driving me crazy.
I was about to read more until I heard Mario talking to Fabian walking towards is room, i dropped the journal in the drawer and pushed it in hurriedly and pulled my phone out while moving to sit on his bed. I opened twitter and scrolled down, trying to process what I just read.
Mario opened the door and my head snapped up. "Sunny!"
"Hi Marco." i started noticing things I had never noticed him doing around me before, like how he scratched the back of his head like he does when he gets nervous and how his cheeks got slightly pink after I called hm Sunny.
We went an saw a movie and then I dropped him back off at home, I can't even remember what movie we saw, I could only think about the things I read.
I eventually started seeing the things Mario normally did as cute, like that adorable smile he has and the was he laughs and even speaks. It took me a lot less time than it took him-according to his diary-to have a...certain type of dream about him and that was pretty much what confirmed what I was feeling for me.
I was picking Mario up on my back home from work so we could play FIFA and eat pizza like we had sort of planned beforehand. The car right was a bit silent for the first minute until Mario opened his mouth.
"You never told me how you answered Carolin."
"I turned her down. I don't like her like that. Did Ann Kathrin ever make her move on you Sunny?"
"Yeah."
"And?"
"I said no. Same reason as you."
"Good." i answered stupidly.
"Good?"
"I um, I just don't really like Ann Kathrin that much." I tried to save myself and it worked, thank god.
We had been playing FIFA for around 20 minutes before we got pizza. I felt like a totally creep watching him the entire time he was eating but I couldn't really help myself. I wanted to tell him so he didn't get over me by the time I did tell him but I'm choking on it. I didn't really know how I would segway into it though, he wrote about that daydream he kept having so i figured he wouldn't mind if i did that, but i did. I couldn't just start kissing him like some sort of sexual predator.
When I stood up to put my plate in the sink my phone buzzed, it was a text from Carolin, I didn't really look at what it said but i saw emojis of a pointing finger and the 'ok' hand sign making a rather sexual gesture, Mario also saw it. His face looked like all of it's colour drained.
"Marco you're disgusting." he said to me, which I did not expect.
"What?"
"She's not your girlfriend but you guys are still-" I had to cut him off.
"No. That's not it. She will not take a simple 'no' from me. I guess I'll have to tell her why then." I made no move to answer her back.
I just got my segway.
"That you don't want a relationship?"
"No there is someone else."
"Dang man, I can't believe you didn't tell me." he looked down and scratched the back of his head, pretending to be hurt about me not telling him rather than me chasing someone that wasn't him.
I had moved right in front of where he was standing at some point and he looked up at me once he saw my feet come into his line of vision.
As soon as he looked up I moved in. I felt him jump when our lips touched and I could feel his arm tense up under my hand.
He relaxed after I started moving my lips against his. I moved my hands to the sides of his face as if to pull his face any closer than it already was and his hands went to the back of my head.
It got really heated very quickly and Mario pulled away quickly, moving his hands to his mouth in shock.
"Marco- I-I don't- I-I'm sorry, I didn't-" he moved his hands from his mouth. I stared into his eyes for a while before putting my hands back on his head and pulling him to me to kiss him again, it was slow this time and it wasn't open mouthed with tongue an teeth all over, I didn't want him thinking I didnt mean it.
I pushed him back to the wall so it wasn't so awkward and he put his hands on my chest. I poked my tongue at his lower lip and he opened his mouth, his hands moved up to rest around my neck and one of my hands fell from his face to under the collar of his shirt right at the base of his neck.
While I was in complete bliss I knew Yvie would be back from her boyfriends anytime soon and I wasn't in the mood to get caught making out with my best friend against a wall. I pulled back from him and his eyes snapped open.
"I'm sorry Marco, I-"
"Sunny, if I didn't want to be kissing you I wouldn't have kissed you. Twice. Yvie is going to be home soon, let's go to my room, yeah?"
About an hour later Melanie caught us making out in a rather compromising position my bed after opening my door without knocking and my entire family knew within minutes, It turns about they were all betting with Mario's family on how long it would take for this to happen and Astrid and my mother ended up splitting 100 euros in half.
I was pretty glad Mario started writing in that stupid diary of his in the end, he was pretty angry with me when he found out that I read it though.