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Miyu Sana’s eyes glittered with mischief as she snuck up behind Rei in Kaminoki. She restrained her laughter as she poked the redhead on the shoulder, Rei’s mossy eyes so focused on reorganizing the philosophy shelves. “Rei? Psst…can I ask you something?”
“What is it?” Rei asked bluntly, not even looking up from her work. Her infant son, Rokurou, slept soundly strapped to her chest.
“Sekkachi’s birthday is coming up, right?” Miyu asked.
Rei furrowed her brows. “Yeah, actually. It’s next week.” Dammit. How could she have possibly forgotten? Not that Sekkachi bothered much with her birthday anyway. The only celebrations she cared about involved getting drunk enough to forget how you embarrassed yourself at karaoke.
Miyu chuckled dangerously, tenting her fingers together. “Perfect” she cooed, her lips curling up into a smile.
Rei glanced back at her, cocking a brow. “I don’t like that look on your face” she said. “What are you planning?”
“I have the ultimate birthday present idea” Miyu replied. Then, sidling up to her comrade, she asked sweetly, “Do you want to help?”
Rei pursed her lips and recoiled so as to create some space between the two of them. “What kind of present are we talking about here? Do you mean something sincere, or something pranky?”
Miyu’s face fell. “Do you not know me at all?” she asked, offended.
“Pranky it is” Rei decided.
“So will you help me? Come on, Rei, please! No one knows Sekkachi better than you do!” Miyu begged.
Rei considered the request for a moment. She didn’t particularly have time to spare, but it had been so long since she had done something wacky and fun for once. And pranking Sekkachi always did fill her with a disgusting sense of excitement. After another moment of deliberation, Rei sighed and finally made her choice. “Alright, fine, I’ll help you.”
The plan was simple: acquire as many rolls of toilet paper as possible, and build a large throne out of them right in the center of Sekkachi’s living room. Rei had to admit, it was a genius plan especially against someone like Sekkachi. It was playful enough to not hurt anyone and so fitting that it was hard to resist.
After their shift at Kaminoki had finished, Rei and Miyu walked alongside one another to the general market in the center of town. “So how much toilet paper, exactly, are you hoping to get your hands on?” Rei asked skeptically.
“Probably $200 worth” Miyu shrugged.
“Two hundred dollars?!” Rei spluttered. “Don’t you think that’s a little overkill?”
“What’s a little overkill?” a voice then asked from behind, and Miyu and Rei both froze. Luckily, the tone was far too lilted and light to be Sekkachi’s. The pair slowly turned to find instead Harusame Kankitsurui standing before them, a curious expression crossing her face.
“Um…toilet paper” Rei stammered. She flashed her cousin an awkward grin, unsure of how else to explain what was happening. It wasn’t like this was her plan specifically, anyway.
“Toilet paper…” Harusame repeated, as if trying to comprehend the significance of such a phrase.
Disappointed, Miyu groaned and took Harusame’s hands in hers, guiding her along with them to the market. “We’re playing a prank on Sekkachi for her birthday” she began, explaining the whole scheme. Then, with a devilish grin, she asked, “Do you want in?”
“Oh, well, um…I don’t know” Harusame stammered. She toyed with the ends of her hair and bit her lower lip, glancing over her shoulder. “I was just picking out flowers for me and Yamato’s home, a-and I have some other errands to—”
“Oh, come on!” Miyu whined. “You can do all those things later. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, Harusame! When else are you ever going to get the chance to build a giant toilet paper chair?”
“She has a point” Rei mocked with a matter-of-fact point of her finger.
Harusame huffed as she tried to quell the chaos rising in her mind. This shouldn’t have been such a hard decision to make, and yet she was floundering. “I don’t—I mean—do you really think this is a good idea?” she asked. The fact of the matter, truthfully, was that Sekkachi genuinely scared her. Harusame was certain that Sekkachi never liked her much, and her involvement in a prank of this magnitude would surely only further cement that opinion. Harusame did not cope well with being disliked. She could not stand to further tarnish her reputation, especially with someone so important to Rei.
“It’ll be fine, I promise” Rei assured her. “I’d really love for you to join us.” Worded like that, it was a difficult offer to refuse. Harusame hated being left out almost as much as she hated being disliked. Unfortunately, the two often went hand in hand.
A panicked little squeal broke past Harusame’s lips as she clasped her hands together and chewed her lower lip. Voices swirled in the back of her mind, echoing for her to do it, do it, do it, do it. “O-okay, fine!” Harusame exclaimed. “Fine, I’ll help you with your paper chair!”
“Toilet paper chair” Miyu corrected. “That’s a very important distinction.”
“Either way, I’ll do it!” Harusame said, urging them all to the market before she could change her mind.
By the time they were finished, the three of them were carting two dollies each of toilet paper rolls stacked as high as Harusame’s head. They hoisted them up one by one from the balcony of Sekkachi’s third story apartment, then got to work.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen this much toilet paper in my entire life” Harusame muttered as they constructed their throne.
“Really? Clearly you haven’t seen the Kiri warehouse shops” Miyu jested.
Harusame laughed nervously then before turning her attention to the village sprawled below them. “Where is Sekkachi, anyway?” she asked.
“Last I heard, her and Mikazuki were on a mission together” Rei replied. “I think they ought to be back by sunset, though.”
Uncertain, Harusame pointed out the window and said, “B-But it is sunset!”
Miyu immediately popped her head out from behind one of the stacks of toilet paper, her eyes wide and frantic behind her thick glasses. “Shit! We gotta get to work!” she exclaimed, clambering out of her toilet paper pit and beginning to stack rolls one on top of the other with high speed. Rei and Harusame followed suit.
As the key turned in the lock and voices echoed from the hallway, the three of them ducked behind the back of the throne and tried to steady their breaths. Rokurou squirmed and cooed against Rei’s chest, his little eyes slowly creaking open, and Rei prayed that he would stay silent enough for them to pull this off.
The door swung open. Sekkachi flicked on the light switch only to pause mid-sentence. “What the fuck is that?” she asked. Mikazuki peered around her shoulder and yelped.
“Surprise!” Miyu suddenly shouted, bouncing out from behind the throne. “Happy birthday!”
“Is that…toilet paper…?” Mikazuki asked softly. She had truly never seen anything like it.
“You bet your ass it is!” Miyu laughed.
Sekkachi huffed a disgruntled sigh, rubbing her temples. “The rest of you can come out now, you know” she called out. Harusame helped Rei to her feet, the two of them slowly rising from behind the mountain of toilet paper. “I should have known” Sekkachi shook her head.
“Do you like it?” Rei asked with a mocking smirk.
“I-It was all Miyu’s idea!” Harusame exclaimed, as if that would save her from facing blame.
“I figured” Sekkachi groaned. “Why the hell did you ever think this would be a good idea, hmm?”
Miyu, seemingly unaffected, grinned and rested her chin in her hands against the top of the stack. “I mean, it’s really a throne fit for an IBS queen like yourself, and you deserve to be treated like a queen on your birthday, so…it only made sense!” she explained.
Sekkachi’s eye twitched at the phrase IBS queen. She gritted her teeth as the temperature gauge in the back of her mind began to steadily rise.
Mikazuki approached the throne cautiously, unsure of it’s stability, then chuckled under her breath. “Well, look on the bright side” she said, glancing to her wife over her shoulder. “At least now we’re well stocked!”
Sekkachi scoffed and rolled her eyes, skirting around her living room’s eye sore. “Yeah, for the next week, at least” she muttered. She picked up one of the rolls, considered it in her hand.
Harusame blinked despondently. “Wait, do you really use that much toilet paper in a week?” she asked innocently.
Her last nerve quickly defeated, Sekkachi grunted and pelted the roll in her hands straight for Harusame. She ducked just in time with a manic squeal and the toilet paper instead hit Miyu straight in the head. Her only saving grace was the padding that her wild, curly hair provided her head. Rei gasped with laughter, shielding Rokurou on her chest as she snuck around to hide behind Mikazuki.
“Have mercy! Baby on board!” she shouted through her laughter.
Meanwhile, Miyu smirked as her head bobbed back upright and she reached for another roll of toilet paper. “Oh, it’s on!” she shouted, gathering as many rolls as she could manage in her arms. Readying her aim, she narrowed her eyes on Sekkachi and shouted her ultimate declaration: “This is war!”