Work Text:
Took a deep breath in the mirror
Jo looked at her reflection in the mirror. She didn’t recognize her body anymore. The body in front of her, mimicking every one of her moves, was not the one she had known for years, or even the one she grew to love over the previous months. The person standing in front of her was a stranger. Still, she was grateful and she knew that it was still too early for her to feel like herself again in her own body. It had only been three weeks, after all. Thinking about this, she took a deep breath before moving her eyes to the tiny life that was still asleep next to her. It was a big day for the both of them. Jo was nervous and there was no trying to hide it from anyone.
Walked in expecting you'd be late
But you got here early and you stand and wave
I walk to you
Jo got out of the car expecting to get there before Alex. Getting through the airport is a challenge in itself, and he was still adjusting to the life as a parent of two and, to be honest, he had always been kind of a hot mess, so adding a couple children straight out of toddlerhood did not ease her mind about Alex Karev being late, but she could not pretend it didn’t feel good to watch him sitting there through the shop’s windows, his body shooting up the second their eyes met, and his face lighting up with the sight in front of him, just a few meters and a glass pane between them.
You pull my chair out and help me in
And you don't know how nice that is
But I do
“Jojo, you’re here” the two little ones ran to the door at the sight of Jo.
“Hi, babies” she lowered herself to their level and took them in her arms, kissing their heads and smiling from ear to ear.
“You’re here” Eli said in a shy voice.
“I am. I told you I’d be right here waiting for you” Jo smiled, chuckling at Alexis’ excited nod.
“And she’s here as well” Eli added. “She’s not in your belly anymore” he looked to the ground, sounding almost sad until he looked at the stroller.
He couldn’t see his baby sister. The stroller was too tall, but knowing that she was there made his frown turn into that lopsided smile that made Jo crazy from the minute she first saw it.
“You liked Jojo’s big belly, didn’t you, bud?” Alex finally reached them by the door. Ruffling the boy’s hair as he nodded, he placed a kiss on Jo’s lips.
“You know what? I kinda miss her belly too, but a baby is much more fun on the outside” he said, placing each arm under a kid and taking them back to their table before putting them both down.
“Hey, gorgeous. How was the night?” Alex asked, pulling the chair and helping Jo in.
Jo knew he didn’t know how nice that little gesture was, or even how good it felt to have someone treat you that way, no matter how little the act was. He didn’t know, but she did. He didn’t know, but did it anyways.
“It was good. She woke up just twice” Jo smiled, seeing how anxious Alex was to pick the baby up, but that wasn’t their plan. They really needed the twins to get used to the baby first.
“You treated mom nicely, huh?” he smiled at the sleeping newborn. “You save your tantrums for the nights when dad is around, huh, munchkin? Just like I told you to?” he said, looking at the tiny one and practically melting.
“Did Arizona treat you right?” he asked Jo. “Cause I can call her and yell at her if she didn’t” he said, a serious look on his face.
“You’re not going to yell at anyone. She was an angel, and so was Link, who sent us Chinese food as a surprise. It was from that place we like. The one I always forget the name” she said, not knowing that although she was never able to remember the place’s name, Alex sure did and made sure Link knew too. Looking at the two little Karevs, she realized that they suddenly looked bigger.
“Did they grow? They look bigger” she said.
“I don’t think they did, but it sure feels like it after holding a tiny one” he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. “How are you doing? I missed you” he whispered in her ear.
“Alex, you were away for less than 24 hours” she stared at him. “But I missed you too” she admitted. “It wasn’t a good night of sleep without you by my side”.
“Good thing I’m not leaving your side again anytime soon” he smiled before Eli started calling for him.
And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid.
Jo watched Alex interact with the kids, and the sight made her swoon. She had always known he would be an over the top amazing dad, but he was blowing her away. It took her a while for him to adapt to the idea that he suddenly had two kids without a single warning sign, but he managed to deal with those feelings without letting them affect his babies in the slightest. Just like her, he also had expectations for the way he was going to start a family, and having two kids drop on his lap out of the blue halfway across the country wasn’t in his scripts. And they were not in Jo’s either, but looking at her tiny baby and the way Alex would throw his head back laughing exactly the way those two little kids did, Jo knew that was the way their family was always meant to start
“You are a very lucky baby, little girl” she whispered to her daughter. “And I can’t wait to see you laughing with those three”.
I've been spending the last eight months
Thinking all love ever does
Is break and burn and end
The previous months were the toughest of Jo’s life and, taking into consideration the amount of struggles she had been though, this meant a lot.
It all hit her like one of those lines of domino’s. Little by little, the life she once knew was falling apart. One by one, the news hit her one after the other, slowly, but surely to be followed by yet another piece of her life falling apart. It all began when Alex left and went MIA for days. Being just a few weeks out of a psychiatric hospital, this is the kind of thing that is more than enough to make some people lose it, but she held on. She had no other option, specially after the news that broke just a few short weeks after.
Finding out she was pregnant did not make things easier in the slightest. If anything, this piece of news made everything harder, but it also gave her the peace of mind that things were gonna be fine. Things had to be fine. She was going to bring a baby into the world and she was going to have to be strong in order to do so.
First her husband’s unexpected departure and unknown whereabouts, then a new baby to be added to the most chaotic environment. “What else could happen?” Jo asked herself, not expecting the universe to laugh out loud at her and giving her her husband back, but with two minis by his side.
Learning about the twins’ existence was tough for her, but she couldn’t help but keep her mind wide open because those kids were suffering. Much like her, they now didn’t have a mother and, thinking back, she would have given everything to have a woman welcome her with open arms, to teach her right from wrong and to love on her. She decided to do that for those kids. They were half Alex, after all. They were her baby’s big brother and sister. They were suddenly part of her family and the start point of her road to healing.
That didn’t make things easier, though. With pregnancy and two kids to raise, she started having thoughts. She didn’t know how to raise a child, let alone three. And the baby growing in her belly, kicking her insides and making her constantly nauseous and tired did not let her forget that. Each new milestone of her pregnancy and each new feeling that came with being pregnant made her question everything.
And then things started getting better. Jo began to acknowledge her thoughts and fears. Everyday she would have something to look forward to and she knew that, eight months from the moment she found out she was having a baby, three beautiful and very loved children would fill their house and their hearts.
Alex knew the whole process wasn’t easy for her or his children, who once loved the place they lived and the school they went to with all their friends and all, hence why they chose to stay there for a while longer. Their dad made it work, flying back and forth between the two cities more than once a week while they stayed with the people who were their neighbors and very close friends to Izzie. Alex owed it to the two of them. He knew it was going to make the transition easier for them. For them and for Jo, who already had so much on her back. It gave them time to say goodbye to the place they used to call home, and gave Jo the time to get ready to welcome their new baby in their family, as well as two children who needed and wanted her love so badly.
But on a Wednesday in a cafe
I watched it begin again
Suddenly, looking at the people in front of her, she could see that love did way more than break, burn and end. Her love for Alex and his love for her created a family. The family she had longed for for the longest time.
And we walked
Down the block to my car and I almost brought him (her) up
But you
Start to talk about the movies that your family watches
Every single Christmas
“I love you” Jo said to him while they made their way to the car.
“I love you too, gorgeous. And even more now that I get to watch you be an amazing mama to our littles” he pulled her close to kiss her cheek with his free hand, since the other arm was occupied by a sleeping Alexis.
Jo looked at Eli, who was walking right by her side, his hand holding hers. She wanted to ask Alex if he thought they missed her. Jo was going to be their mother from that moment forward, but even after getting to know them well and developing a wonderful relationship with the twins, she still feared she wouldn’t be enough for them. They had had another mother before. An amazing one at that. Jo had met her before she passed. And, when she did, she understood all those amazing things she had been hearing about Izzie through the walls of the hospital. She knew she was a good person and an amazing mother. A mother who would enter her children’s imagination and bake them during the weekend. Jo didn’t bake, and her imagination phase as a child was cut short. She had to take responsibilities that didn’t really fit a child from a very young age, and that took a toll on her. It was normal for her to question her abilities as a mother. Things were meant to progress in a much slower pace than they did in reality. When she found out she was pregnant, she embraced the idea of having to learn all those things with her baby, but suddenly having two fully formed little people fall on her lap made her too self conscious, and it made her want to ask Alex a few more things about her, but he cut her line of thought before she could say anything.
“Let’s watch a Christmas movie when we get home” he said, all excited with a childlike smile. “Alexis is out, and so is tiny. Eli didn’t sleep a wink the whole flight and will probably sleep as soon as we get in the car” he said, both of them chuckling at the sight of the little boy yawning, confirming his father’s suspicion. “So we get home, maybe we can spend a little while just the two of us before they wake up. We can try to cook something or order some dinner and then we can all watch a Christmas movie when they wake up” he said, rubbing her back up and down.
“I wouldn’t have out first night as a family of five be any other way” she said with a smile on her face.
“How about 'It’s a Wonderful Life?' I used to watch that movie with mom, Aaron and Amber. Amber was practically a newborn, so she won’t remember, but I have good memories of that movie. All I want to do right now is go home, stay on the couch with my gorgeous wife and my babies and watch a movie. I’d love to make a tradition out of it” he said.
Jo knew he was an amazing dad. The few months that anticipated that moment were more than enough to prove that to her. Not that she ever doubted he would be, but knowing she was going to have such an amazing partner by her side during this journey made her worries lessen a bit. At that moment, all she wanted to do was stay on the couch with hthem and watch a movie. All previous thoughts about Izzie and her fears about being a mother being left in that cafe. For the first time, what was in the past was left in the past.
On a Wednesday, in a cafe
Jo watched it begin again.