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“Remember: Rinse, lather, repeat!” Kaminari yelled as he, Kirishima, and Sero tore off Izuku’s muddied and ripped clothes, throwing them carelessly in the air. They dragged the worn-down boy to the bath and tossed him into the water not caring about how it splashed everywhere.
Most of the boys were already appreciatively soaking in the warm water, except for Katsuki who stood to the side; eyes shooting lasers if they could. Irritation pricked under his skin at the sight because as always, these idiots were making such a mess. The dirt he spotted on the ledge of the bathtub completely obliterated the last bit of patience he had. Could they use their brains for once?
“Oi, dumbasses!” He snapped at the trio who were too busy laughing as they submerged Izuku. “Quit making a fucking mess! You trying to fill the whole damn tub with dirt? Scrub his skin with that wire brush we have and the strength cleanser!”
Katsuki’s line of sight moved to the topic of their conversation, who hadn’t said a single word during the commotion. He seemed far away—lost in thought and somewhat sad while his eyes focused on something. It took Katsuki a moment to realize that something was his own bare torso that fully exposed his newly acquired scars.
Katsuki really did that. Why? It was a question that burned in Izuku. He remembered Katsuki pushing him out of the way and taking Shigaraki’s hit, though it felt like he dreamt that part of the attack. But here he was, face to face with proof that it really happened.
An overwhelming amount of guilt and sadness sluiced through Izuku as he took in the pinkish red blotches of skin that contrasted to the tone of the rest of Katsuki’s body. There was one that ran along his left shoulder and another along his right abdomen. He hated that he got hurt, and hated the fact it was because of him even more. Katsuki had really been willing to die—give up all of his goals and dreams and future—for Izuku. It was incomprehensible. Izuku still couldn’t wrap his brain around it.
He also couldn’t help the pang of remorse in his heart. He had really put Katsuki, as well as the others, in grave danger. Katsuki could’ve actually died and it was all Izuku’s fault, and now he had scars to remember that. He tried his best to blink away the tears that welled in his eyes before they could fall.
“Yeah we will! Gotta make sure to follow the instructions and use the correct amount though,” Kirishima replied, ignoring whatever was going on between the childhood friends.
“You may have apologized but I don't see any changes…” Tokoyami commented from his corner of the bath.
“Hey, man… Easy…” Sero whispered to him before he raised his voice to the blonde. “Yo, Bakugo! Why don’t ya just get in the water already?”
“Don’t tell me what to do!”
Katsuki remained where he was, internally seething. What, just because he wasn’t okay with dirt on the bathtub they were supposed to be cleaning themselves in meant his apology wasn’t genuine? What did they have to do with him bearing his heart to Izuku anyway? Katsuki may have apologized to Izuku for the fucked up way he treated him over the years but that didn’t mean this side of his personality had changed. He was still the same explosive, short-tempered person. Still the same competitive classmate of theirs determined to surpass them and make it to the top.
He finally removed the towel wrapped around his waist and once in the water, used one of his arms to thrust forth a wave of it into their direction. Take that.
“I’m still aiming for number one, I ain’t giving up on that. Which still makes all of you my rivals,” he declared. He had to let them know that his apology didn’t mean he was gonna back down and play nice. It made Izuku smile to know this part of Katsuki would never change.
Katsuki turned to said boy and upon noticing his smile, splashed water in his face. “Don’t think that doesn’t include you, De—”
Nobody in the room missed how he stopped himself before the word could fully slip out of his mouth.
“—Izuku.”
Izuku’s heart skipped a beat.
So. Katsuki was determined to call him by Izuku, discarding the nickname he had used for over ten years. It warmed Izuku to know that Katsuki wanted to call him by his first name, because it meant a new beginning for them. Things had already started to change between them after their fight at ground beta but this? This was a way to establish it. A way to rid what Katsuki had attached to ‘Deku’ all of those years and proof of how his feelings towards him had changed. It was a step in the direction Izuku had wanted to go in ever since Katsuki turned his back to him when they were kids.
This seemed to pull Izuku out of the place his mind had him in and back to reality. Although he didn’t have much energy, he managed to chuckle at Katsuki’s self correction before rubbing the water out of his eyes. “If it’s too difficult, Deku is just fine, Kacchan. You don’t have to force yourself.”
“I’m not forcing myself. And I dunno the meaning of difficult,” he retorted before his lips slightly pulled into a smirk. “Don’t underestimate me.” It was notable how his words lacked the animosity they would’ve carried months ago.
“Your determination is really admirable, Bakugo. So manly!” the blonde’s best friend added with two thumbs up and a radiant smile.
“Dude you think everything’s manly,” Kaminari rolled his eyes.
“And you probably don’t even know what manly means,” Sero snickered.
“Hey, what the hell?! It’s like the easiest word,” he whined before quickly recovering. “Anyway, I say we take this perfect opportunity to dunk Bakugo under the water! Sero, grab his arms!” oh the balls this boy has.
“Just fuckin’ try it, see where it gets you!”
Their bathing session ended with a short-circuited Kaminari, a triumphant Katsuki, and a clean Izuku.
✦✦✦
The boys moved into the common room where they met up with the girls of their class. It was the first time they could all relax and be together after the war, and they fell into conversation faster than ever.
Izuku took this chance to apologize for the trouble he felt he had caused and also to thank them. He was incredibly grateful for everything they had done for him.
He had made the decision to leave UA after what went down during the war in belief that he was putting everyone in too much danger by being around since he was All For One’s target. After he saw the people dear to him so close to their deaths, he decided he couldn’t put anyone else in danger because of him again. He felt so horrible and so guilty. He had left letters for everyone and ventured off to deal with it all on his own.
That was until only a few hours ago when every single person in his class showed up to retrieve him.
He wished Uraraka wasn’t asleep so he could thank her a million times over for what she had done for him, even though that would never be enough to express his gratitude. She had always been so good to Izuku.
Everybody seemed to have questions for him regarding One For All but Shoto decided there was another time for that. He stepped forward.
“Midoriya must be exhausted, so we should let him sleep. Why else did we drag him back here?” He turned to the half-asleep Izuku on the couch. “One second.”
He disappeared into the hallway and in the promised second, returned with a blanket and gently placed it over Izuku.
Shoto was right; the boy was so, so tired. Within just a few minutes, Mina noticed the quietness coming from him and the calm, relaxed pattern his breathing had taken. “Looks like he’s finally asleep!”
Katsuki, who hadn’t taken his eyes off of him since they sat down, clucked his tongue. Damn nerd really fell asleep sitting like that. He wanted to walk over and fix his body into a lying position at least, but the other people in the room and the peaceful state Izuku seemed to be in kept his feet grounded.
He took in the sight of the sleeping boy and couldn’t help but think that he looked adorable. Tucked under the blanket, head slightly tilted to the side with a mess of green and black curls, some still damp from the water and stuck to his forehead. Lips that had formed a small, placid smile that indicated he must’ve been content. Finally, he’s finally getting rest.
Ojiro and Sato did the honours and gently moved Izuku’s legs on the couch so that he lay down with his head placed on a pillow.
“We’ll talk more tomorrow. We should let him rest as Todoroki-kun said and get some ourselves. We’ve been through quite a lot,” Yaoyorozu said quietly into the room.
Everyone nodded, some through their yawns, and made their way to their dorms.
Katsuki waited until everyone was out of the room to take in one final, long glance at his rival. He would be lying if he said he didn’t feel relief now that Izuku was back. He would lie, though, if anyone asked.
Red hair suddenly came into his peripheral vision. So he wasn’t alone. Great.
He looked over to see a knowing smirk on his best friend’s face and grunted as loud as he could before stalking away. Kirishima always had something to say and it was clear he was about to spew some (not so) bullshit that Katsuki surely did not want to hear.
“Wait up!” Kirishima yelled before he hurried his pace and fell into step with the blonde. He grinned wide and gave a couple nudges. “You’ve got it so bad, man.”
Katsuki threw him a look. “I what?”
“You and Midoriya.”
“The hell are you talking about?”
“You were staring at him like he was a painting. Again.”
That was more than enough to make him stop in his tracks. His whole face twisted in repulse. “I’m gonna give you one fucking warning to never say shit like that again.”
“But you so were. You were thinking he looks cute while sleeping, weren’t you?”
If a glare could kill, Kirishima would’ve been dead in that instant.
But it had no effect on the red haired boy. “Or maybe you’re worried about him leaving again… which makes total sense. But I don’t think he will. Especially after everything you said.”
Katsuki gritted his teeth. How did he always know?
“C’mon Bakugo, you’ve apologized. Which, by the way, I’m so proud of you for, man,” he threw his arm around the blonde’s shoulder and ignored the eye roll he received. “I was so touched. Now all that’s left is telling him how you feel about him.”
If only it were that easy.
“I’d pay a shit ton for you to stop talking.”
It was Kirishima’s turn to roll his eyes. “Just think about it.”
They turned the corner for the elevator, clicking the button for the fourth floor once inside. The two of them were on the same floor, their dorm rooms beside each other. Katsuki considered that more of a curse than a blessing at the moment.
“There’s nothing to think about, I got nothing else to tell him.”
“How long are you gonna be in denial for?”
“How long you gonna keep testing my patience?”
“You risked your life for him and you’re afraid to tell him you—”
“I ain’t afraid of a damn thing! How many times do I gotta say there’s nothing to tell him?”
A sigh. There was no getting through to him. “Fine.”
“Good,” he turned to his door to open it. “I’m going to sleep now.”
“Wait! Still down for training in the afternoon?”
“Duh.”
His friend gave him a smile, revealing all his sharp teeth. “Night, Bakubro!”
“Call me that one more time and you’re never training with me again.”
“What’s that? You love me and wish me to sleep well and have sweet dreams? How sweet of you, bro!” He clutched his chest for dramatic effects.
Katsuki shot him the middle finger but couldn’t stop his lips from curving upwards. Kirishima was something else.
✦✦✦
As Katsuki lay in his bed, he thought about the sleeping Izuku in the common room. He would never admit it to anybody, but he felt a disgusting amount of ease now that the green haired boy was back. Funny how the presence of the person he always told to leave him alone made him feel better.
An idea popped into his mind. He took his phone from where it sat charging on his shelved headboard and opened the clock app to set an alarm for 2:00am, just five hours away. It was a good idea to check on Izuku, right? To just see if he was still sleeping peacefully and if he was okay and… you know, still there. Nobody would see as everyone else would surely be asleep by then, so he wouldn’t have to worry about any of his annoying classmates sticking their noses in his business. It was a harmless idea that nobody would find out about and would ease his mind.
Suddenly, Katsuki felt a slight throbbing pain that came from his wounds; the places where he had been impaled by Shigaraki’s blades. It had been only a few weeks since the incident, and to be fair, he hadn’t even really given it the proper chance to heal. Recovery girl did help a lot, but he moved around so much, especially on this day when they went to find Izuku, and could never stay in bed too long. He let out a throaty grunt of irritation at having to get up to get the medication.
On the surface, it might be hard to make sense of it. Why sacrifice your life for somebody you detested and spent so many years rejecting and bullying? But Izuku and Katsuki’s relationship had never been one of simplicity.
He often thought about that day although everything had happened in a blur.
He remembered being in the air with Izuku and half remembered what flashed through his head. But there were thoughts about what it meant to be a hero—what it used to mean to him and what it meant to him now. Thoughts about his failures. Thoughts about him and Izuku over the years. The vivid memory of the time Izuku saved him from the sludge villain; the time he needed someone to save him and Izuku was there. Izuku was always there.
He remembered using his explosions to help him move Izuku out of the way and take his place as Shigaraki’s target and the way he had done it without a second thought. How the world began to move in slow motion the moment his flesh was torn into. The sharp pain and numbness he felt all at once. The hospital and the scene he threw when he first woke up, demanding to see Izuku. It still pissed Katsuki off that he wasn’t allowed to see him then.
The throbbing, excruciating pain that later spread throughout his body, but was bearable in comparison to the feeling of not knowing if Izuku was going to be okay. All of the rest that consisted of slipping in and out of consciousness with dreams—nightmares of Shigaraki succeeding in taking Izuku’s life.
But most of all, he’ll never forget the sheer panic and dread that filled his body at Izuku in danger, a hair's breadth away from death. Along with the overwhelming sensation of needing to do something to protect him and the nauseating fear of no longer having him in his life. Katsuki came to understand later on that’s what drove his body to move.
He swallowed down the last pill and returned to his bed, not realizing how tired he was until his head hit the pillow.
Though he couldn’t sleep, not yet, for his brain loved to keep him awake.
You’ve apologized. Now all that’s left is telling him how you feel about him.
Kirishima had figured Katsuki out a while ago. He could read him almost as well as Izuku could. Or maybe Katsuki just wasn’t as good at hiding things as he thought he was.
It had taken Katsuki a long time to understand his own actions towards Izuku and an even longer time to understand his feelings. He had spent the majority of his nights since he started UA thinking about it. Almost every time it was just him and the darkness of his room, he would be forced to face what he’d spent the day hiding behind a facade of anger. Forced to reflect; to try and understand why he was the way he was, why he did and said the things he did, and why he treated Izuku the way that he did for all of those years.
From the moment Katsuki learned what a hero was, he was determined to be the best and the strongest. He believed strength was everything and looked down on those who were weak, and especially those who were quirkless. He viewed Izuku as useless, a good-for-nothing, and couldn’t understand how somebody like him could even think they could be at the same level as him or worse—be a hero.
He spent so many years of his life forcing superiority over everybody, especially Izuku, because that was the only thing he could accept. The only thing he knew. He based so much of his self worth on the belief that he was the best of the best; it was important to him that he proved it. It had been so much easier to put on that facade than face reality and his own weaknesses.
Katsuki’s mind often liked to take him back to the day when he and Izuku were kids at the river, the memory playing in his head like a scene from a movie. He remembered falling in the water, his friends yelling to each other above him that he was just fine, and Izuku rushing over to him to make sure of that. He remembered Izuku’s hand that reached out to him and how he slapped it away in refusal.
His years of rejection also came from fear. Izuku, who not only had the courage and determination that made one a hero, also had the compassion and altruism. Izuku, who was supposed to be weaker than him, always had a more heroic spirit compared to him. He always had a side to him that Katsuki could never understand. And as it’s said, people tend to hate what they don’t understand.
Izuku, who had the heart of a hero, had also gained the power to be one. Katsuki feared him for what he could become. His progress only intensified all of Katsuki’s feelings and made him feel even more behind. How did he become somebody far ahead of Katsuki and not behind him, literally and figuratively, like Katsuki always thought?
Katsuki had spent so long trying to avoid his own weaknesses, so focused on Izuku and his strengths, but finally began to acknowledge them. After his and Izuku’s fight at ground beta, he had a clearer understanding of his faults and how wrong he had been. He felt angry at himself, hating himself for what he did, and was taken over by regret.
And that regret often liked to wrap its hands around his neck and suffocate him. It stayed with him like a dark cloud above his head, and reminded him of all these words left unsaid.
The truth had been something that weighed heavily on his mind for a long time, nagging at his heart every moment it could no matter how much he tried to ignore it.
But he had made the decision to atone in his own way, through actions. He had always been better at those. He knew that Izuku would tell him he didn’t need to apologize if he were to, and would easily forgive him since he never took himself into account. Atoning in secret felt like the better way to get what he wanted to say, and his regret, across.
However, after he almost lost Izuku for good during the war, all of his doubts and hesitation faded away. It was as if the blades that had pierced through his skin had finalized the truth in him, and let him live so that he could speak it. After that, he knew he needed to tell him the next chance he got; he was given a taste of what it would’ve been like to never get to, and he wasn’t going to let it happen. Izuku had to hear it to know.
And now he did. But where did it leave them?
Izuku didn’t get to respond at the time because he was so out of it, fighting consciousness until he lost and pretty much fainted in Katsuki’s arms. The lack of response didn’t bother him though. He didn’t expect it to change anything and he didn’t expect anything out of it.
There was the letter Izuku wrote for him before leaving UA, however. It read:
"Kacchan,
Thank you for keeping my secret safe all this time. I knew I could trust you. I trust you more than anybody, after all. I’m really sorry about what Shigaraki did to you. I’ll make sure you never get hurt because of me again from here on. It feels wrong to thank you for it but you saved my life, Kacchan. You really are an incredible hero, and the most amazing person I know. Thank you for your help and all the training you did with me, and everything else you’ve done for me up until now. Thanks to you, I feel strong enough to finally do what I need to. I’m leaving UA, but I’m glad I got to experience all of this with you. I hope we can all smile together again soon.
Deku"
The letter was bullshit to Katsuki. Not the words, but the action itself. It pissed him off to no end. There was no way Izuku believed Katsuki would accept him running away to deal with everything on his own and leaving a goodbye letter behind.
Even though he ripped it to pieces, it left him with a feeling in his heart that he couldn’t explain. It might have been the final push for Katsuki to say his truth to Izuku.
…But to tell Izuku how he felt about him? That had never been easy to confront let alone formulate into words. He wasn’t sure he could do that. How would it ever even make any fucking sense?
Katsuki didn’t understand how he went from always making sure Izuku was far behind him, to wanting him beside him. Close to him. With him. His anger and irritation and rejection towards the other turned into fondness and love and acceptance. But it wasn’t supposed to be that way and he hated that he felt like that, mainly because he knew he didn’t deserve to.
But also because he didn’t know what it exactly meant for him—he had never felt that way towards anyone. He had never cared that much for someone or had his emotions intensified by a tenfold because of somebody else. Plus, Izuku would never feel that way about Katsuki, right? How could he? After everything?
The most amazing person I know.
A face appeared in his mind.
Green eyes that were lit up as if by the moon that had split itself in two halves; and rose dusted cheeks that were sprinkled with freckles, rounded by a smile that secretly always felt like home.
How could Izuku still see good in him after everything he had done? How did he still look at Katsuki as if he was the whole world? Izuku deserved better than that.
A buzz from his phone pulled him out of his thoughts. He squinted at the notification as the brightness of the screen assaulted his eyes.
From Kiri:
Dude
This is you
[Reply]:
This is the shit my sleep gets disrupted for
[Kiri]:
And this is you when you see Midoriya
[Reply]:
Kirishima
DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH OR???
[Kiri]:
Heheh am I wrong
[Reply]:
Want me to block you and never speak to you again
[Kiri]:
You won’t cause it’d make me sad
[Reply]:
Could cry yourself to sleep about it and I wouldn’t gaf
[Kiri]:
Do you mean that
[Kiri]:
Bro… do you ⁉️💔
[Reply]:
You're lucky I don't
[Kiri]:
I knewwww itttttt you love me 🤜🏼🤛🏼
Plus you’d miss me too much
[Reply]:
🖕🏼
Maybe for 2 mins then I’d get over it
[Kiri]:
WHAT
[Reply]:
Jk I guess
Now stop sending me dumbass memes dunce face prob sent you and lemme sleep in peace
[Kiri]:
You’re just mad bc you don't have any memes you grandpa
[Reply]:
OH YEAH???
[Kiri]:
Yeah ok... if my mom is Midoriya
[Reply]:
UR DEAD MEAT
TMRW IS UR LAST DAY OF LIFE
He tossed his phone to the side and finally went to sleep.
Banter was part of the beauty of their friendship. Katsuki’s anger or threats or superiority complex never got to Kirishima — he knew exactly how to deal with him.
✦✦✦
Izuku woke up to find himself in the common room sprawled out on the couch. He rubbed the sleepiness out of his eyes and wiped the drool off of his mouth before checking the time. 1:04am. His head, still groggy, pounded slightly and his body hurt. It felt heavy and drained. He really didn’t want to move, but he was so thirsty. He stumbled to the kitchen to grab some water before he sat back down, chugging it as if he just spent days in a desert.
He lay back in the darkness, alone for the first time since he had returned. In an instant, what felt like a thousand thoughts flooded into his mind.
He honestly couldn’t wrap his head around the efforts his friends had put into bringing him back, the things they had said. No matter how many times Izuku refused, they insisted—they would not leave without him going with them. They made it clear they would not let him carry the burden alone; it was to be shared amongst all of them. He wasn’t sure how to accept that, with the risk of them getting hurt. But he was going to try.
He thought about how each and every one of them spoke from their heart in an attempt to get through to him.
How Iida had grabbed his hand and refused to let go and the words that had resonated with him; words that would forever be engraved in his heart.
“Ingenium the hero will dash across the land to take a lost child by the hand. Because giving help that’s not asked for is what makes a true hero.”
And Katsuki’s words that felt surreal and managed to finally bring him back to himself.
“We’re here to step in when you can’t handle it all on your own. Because to live up to those ideals and surpass All Might, we gotta save you, the civilians at UA, and the people on the streets. Because saving people is how we win.”
And Uraraka’s that warmed his entire being and he felt he didn’t deserve. She had stood up to a crowd of civilians for them to allow his return back to UA.
“This power of his… It’s a power that exists to beat All For One! That’s why he left and went through who knows what out there. More than anyone, he wishes he could fix everything. You’re looking at a guy who could be attacked at any second but continues to move forward anyway. Special powers are one thing, but there’s no such thing as a special person!”
Izuku had people in his life that really cared about him and didn’t want him to deal with things alone. People that looked out for him and wanted to help him; people that loved him. He wiped away the tears that rolled down his cheeks, unsure of when he started crying, but they kept flowing. He couldn’t seem to stop.
He felt so awful for the things he said to them.
“Get out of my way!”
“Please, get away from me. I’m begging you!"
“This fight is between One for All and All for One. You all… can’t keep up.”
He couldn’t let All for One take the people he loved and cared about away from him. The strong desire—the need—to prevent that from happening made him say such ugly things.
He had muttered out an apology before his body gave out. He would’ve hit the ground if not for the quick, familiar arms that caught him; arms that he stupidly wished for years to be wrapped around him. His ears went hot at the remembrance.
Then there was the apology that put Izuku in utter shock, which his sleep-addled brain now fought to believe wasn’t a dream. Had Katsuki really said all of that to him?
Izuku had spent countless days wondering what he did for Katsuki to turn his back to him. He knew that Katsuki had looked down on him because he was quirkless, but he never fully understood what he did wrong for him to stop being his friend, or what he did that made the other so mad and detest him so much. It hurt more than words could ever explain and often sent him to a very dark place.
He only ever wanted to be seen by Katsuki and to be treated as an equal. He loved and admired him so much, but had to deal with the painful fact that it was never going to be reciprocated.
In the many days during his childhood that was spent in solitude, he would fluctuate between anger and sadness. He felt angry at the world, too, for how cruel and unfair it was with him. If he had been given a quirk, things could’ve been different. Maybe he could’ve kept Katsuki as a friend.
Through time, Izuku learned how to deal with it. He gradually accepted the wall that was between them, grew accustomed to Katsuki’s wrath, and did his best to not take his words to heart because he knew he didn’t truly mean them.
No matter what Katsuki said or did and no matter how hurt or angry Izuku was, his heart could never find a space to fill with hatred. He did hate how cruel Katsuki was to him, but he never let it distort how he saw him. He learned how to compartmentalize the front Katsuki put up and the Katsuki he knew that was still underneath.
He had also always admired his childhood friend to a great extent, and somewhere along the line, his admiration grew into love. To Izuku, there truly was no one like Katsuki. Despite everything, he was the one person that he could not imagine a life or a world without.
Izuku had forgiven him in his head a long time ago without ever really expecting a verbal apology. Though he should’ve sought and demanded one because he had every right to, he wasn’t that kind of person. He didn’t want or need to hear one. Yet he got one. And all he knew was that he really, really wanted to see Katsuki.
Katsuki’s voice had carried so much vulnerability and slightly trembled as he spoke the earnest words earlier. It was a side to him Izuku had only ever seen a few times before. He knew there was a lifetime’s worth of regret behind the words and that Katsuki meant them with every fibre of his being. He also knew it probably wasn’t easy to say all of that, especially in front of their classmates.
He thought about how their relationship had changed in the past few months. Katsuki was kinder with him—still obnoxious as ever but his words lacked any real venom. He would go to every meeting Izuku had with All Might, and the two of them could actually have conversations. He even helped with his training, which Izuku was beyond thankful for (and really happy about). Even though he foolishly longed for more, it meant everything to Izuku. He knew that Katsuki would rather be caught dead than call himself a friend of his, so he gladly took whatever he could get.
He thought about how Katsuki had followed him into battle when he tried to sneak away to Shigaraki. How he protected him. How he took the hit for him. How he was the first person he saw from their class when they came to get him and the feeling he got when their eyes locked.
How Katsuki... cared about him. He cared...about him...?
Izuku checked the time on his phone and was shocked to see that an hour had gone by already. It was so easy for him to get lost in thought. He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his fists before getting up to use the washroom. He used his phone’s flashlight to guide him around the corner and down the hallway.
At the same time, Katsuki had woken up from his alarm and made his way, quietly, to the common room. Once he reached the main floor, he arched a brow when he noticed the kitchen light was on. Deciding to ignore it, he treaded softly towards the couch only to find it empty. Dread began to bubble in his stomach before a familiar voice spoke from somewhere, soothing it.
“Kacchan?” Izuku stood dumbfounded, briefly wondering if he had summoned Katsuki with all of his thinking.
The older boy froze. This wasn’t how he expected his check on Izuku to go. Why was he up? He needs rest—so much rest. Was he trying to leave again? Katsuki clucked his tongue at the realization he was, yet again, concerned about the other.
He turned so they faced each other. “You’re s’posed to be asleep.”
“I was!” Izuku felt himself unnerved under the crimson gaze. “I-I just had to use the washroom.”
“Tch, of course. Always had a bladder the size of a fuckin’ pea.”
A sheepish laugh. “You’re coming at me for being awake but why are you?”
Katsuki’s brain searched for a reason as he walked towards the other. “Was thirsty,” he lied.
“And the water is by the couch?” the younger boy lifted a brow incredulously.
“Aren’t you like… I dunno, exhausted? Shuddup and go back to sleep.”
He quickly caught that something must’ve been bothering Izuku, hence the look that encompassed his face and the way he was no longer looking directly at him.
“What? Can’t sleep?”
“I guess I just have a lot on my mind,” he rubbed the back of his neck.
“When do ya not?” the blonde sneered but breathed out of his nose at how defeated the other continued to look. “What’s goin’ on in there this time?”
“Um. Well… earlier,” he said slowly.
Ah. Earlier.
Katsuki stiffened. “There’s nothin’ you gotta say. I already said I don’t expect it to change things between us.”
“Yeah,” he nodded and a few moments passed.
They stayed there, the kitchen’s dim light their only way of seeing each other. They could finally talk. There was still so much to be said between the two of them and they were finally alone with nobody else around.
Yet neither of them spoke; silence hung thick in the air, grabbing them by the throat.
Izuku took a deep breath. The fact that Katsuki hadn’t left gave him resolve.
“Thank you for everything you said, Kacchan,” his voice was gentle and soft as he’d always been. “I wasn’t expecting that but it means a lot to me.”
“Y’don’t hafta thank me. I was just explaining why I was so shitty to you all those years.”
“I know,” he looked down at his feet to avoid the other’s gaze while he tried to collect his thoughts.
The blonde was silent, busy biting the inner flesh of his cheek. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to have this conversation right now, or at all for that matter. Confronting things and talks about feelings had never been easy or comfortable for him. He hated them. What he said out in the rain earlier was enough for a lifetime. Yet he made no effort to leave or put his attention elsewhere.
“But I want you to know I never thought I was better than you, quirkless or not,” Izuku broke the silence between them causing Katsuki to look at him again. “When we were little, you were everything I wanted to be. And still, now, I—” he paused for a moment. “I never wanted to tell you this before since it’s embarrassing to say, but you’re my image of victory. I mean…your confidence, your determination, your strength…” he looked directly into crimson. “You’re amazing. I’ve always admired you.”
Katsuki released the breath he wasn’t even aware he had been holding with a tch. He had never been good with receiving compliments, and although his heart reacted to this one, it also felt like a punch to the gut.
“And in return I was an asshole,” he laughed a hollow laugh. “I dunno why I’m sayin’ was, I still am.”
“You’re not,” Izuku gave a sad smile.
“Dunno why you’re even trying to deny it.”
“Because you aren’t the Kacchan I went to middle school with anymore. You’ve changed.”
A scoff was all he got in return.
“It’s true. I’m past all of that now, Kacchan. I forgave you a long time ago.”
Katsuki held back the of course you did, and you shouldn’t have that sat bitterly on his tongue.
“You shoulda hated my guts this whole time, y’know.”
“Maybe if I was somebody else and you weren’t you. I could never hate you.”
There could not be more truth to that statement. He loved the other boy regardless of how he treated him, rejected him, hurt him. He loved him despite all of his flaws and faults. Beneath his surface, down to his bones.
The words filled the room with silence once more as they both fell into deep thought.
It didn’t go unnoticed how Izuku opened his mouth to speak again then quickly closed it. He hesitated, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He took another deep breath and tried to compose himself.
“Why did you…” his voice was so small. “Before. Why did you put yourself in danger like that? You could’ve died.”
It took Katsuki only a moment to register what was meant by that. He thought back to the letter and the distant look in Izuku's eyes when they landed on his scarred torso earlier.
Scars that Katsuki didn't look at in resentment, acrimony, or regret. Nor did he look at them with triumph or pride, as one may think he might for saving Izuku’s life. Sometimes when he needed to re-bandage them or when he found himself in front of the mirror in his room, he would stare at them with an almost vacant mind. But most times, he would stare at them and the entire day of the attack would replay in his head and he’d be forced to feel it all again or reflect. But he was growing used to them and already accepted their permanence, and he understood why he had them.
There’s a story behind every scar. For Katsuki, his told of his growth as a person and painted his love for Izuku on his body.
He contemplated.
I did it because I was scared to lose you.
Because I can’t stand the thought of living in a world without you.
Because I—
He huffed, ignoring what his brain was telling him to say. Maybe he’ll admit that another time.
“Like I’d ever let nutsack face and his shitty puppet kill me. You were the one at death’s door, idiot.”
Izuku laughed through his nose at the nicknames before he sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Kacchan. It’s all my fault.”
“Haah? Enough apologizing, dumbass. Nobody has control over what I do except for me. I decided to do what I did."
“Does it… hurt?” he managed.
“You’re really asking me this after all the shit you just went through?”
Izuku just stared at him, waiting for an answer.
A sigh. “Nah, not all that much. Doc gave me a buncha meds so whenever I feel any sorta pain I just down ‘em.”
Katsuki watched as Izuku only stared at the floor space that distanced them from each other, unresponsive. He was guilt-ridden; his cruel brain too busy reminiscing Katsuki getting impaled and conjuring up images of him bleeding out, then laying in the hospital bed hurt and in pain because of him. Alone, wrapped up in bandages. His eyes were tearing up. When he imagined Katsuki lying lifeless on the ground, he winced. He could never bear that.
“S’not like I had a choice even if I wanted one. ’Member I told you my body moved on its own?”
Izuku did remember, and he was quite familiar with that feeling himself. The sludge villain incident quickly flashed through his mind; his own quirkless body had moved on its own in that very moment, without any thoughts, once his eyes had met Katsuki’s.
He nodded slowly before Katsuki continued.
“There was still stuff I needed to do and tell you. I realized that a while ago, but losing the chance to ever get to and…” he paused. Losing you were the words that fought to flee their way off his tongue but he forcibly swallowed them down. He really didn’t like these kind of conversations. “Yeah. My body took over.”
Izuku seemed to let it go, but his face quickly crumpled. He was stuck on one thing.
“But you could’ve died."
“Y’gonna just keep repeating that or something?”
“No, I just—”
“Quit talkin’ about me when you were basically digging your own grave. I didn’t die, and I’d do it again if I had to.”
And it was true, he would. He would risk his life for Izuku all over again, in a heartbeat, without a second thought behind it.
He saw something like fear flash across the freckled boy’s face.
“I don’t know what I would’ve done if something worse happened to you. I don’t want you to get hurt, especially because of me. Any of you—that’s why I left.”
“Yeah, left like a damn idiot! You really thought you could just leave us behind with those stupid letters and take this on all on your own?”
“I’m—” he swallowed down the apology he was about to give. “I was trying to protect everyone.”
“Only thing you did was probably give everyone grey hairs like some shitty old hags with that little escapade,” he shook his head. “You never stop to think about what could happen to you.”
He received no response; all the other boy could do was look down.
Katsuki didn’t know what took over his body then to make him do everything he did next. Maybe it was the urge to completely wipe off the sad expression Izuku still wore, or Kirishima’s words from earlier, or the way his fingertips prickled with the strong urge to touch.
He moved forward, his steps gingerly eating up the distance between them. Neither of them dared to say a word just yet; they stayed like that for a few moments.
"No more runnin’ away to do things by yourself,” he finally spoke. “We do it together from here, got it?”
We’re here to step in when you can’t handle it all on your own.
“No more running away,” Izuku promised softly. As he parroted the words, his lips formed a small smile. Together.
Katsuki felt as if he was no longer in control of himself. Although it was rare for him to be nervous and even more rare for him to show it when he was, this was one of those times when his body entered fight or flight mode. His stomach was twirling itself in little knots. The truth of him and Izuku had long haunted him, but he never planned for anything like this.
He focused on the star-sheen pools of emerald that stared at him and found himself ease under their familiarity.
Fuck it. He never was one to choose flight.
“You wanna know why I don’t regret what I did that day?” he sounded like velvet. “‘Cause you’re here.”
Izuku’s breath caught in his throat. His body was still in response.
“I’ll do whatever I gotta fuckin’ do to make sure of that.”
The younger boy's eyes widened at that, and it looked as if light had been restored in them. He stood there stunned, unable to utter a response, with his face hot and a wildfire in his chest. His heart was going crazy; he briefly wondered if it could be heard within the mere inches they stood apart.
The blonde felt himself giving in and every wall he had ever put up come crumbling down; it was a feeling he had never felt before.
He studied the face that was across from his own.
Doe eyes that carried a hint of expectancy; eyes that had always looked at him with nothing but love. He could’ve cursed himself for the fact he ever dared to make such beautiful eyes spill tears.
Freckles that were dusted across his nose and cheeks that Katsuki had seen so many times in his life he had no doubt he knew exactly how many there were. He wanted to count them and prove to himself he was right one day.
Rose pink lips that looked plump and soft; lips that had always smiled at him as if he had never wronged the boy in his life. He couldn’t help but think that they looked like they would fit perfectly on his.
His fingers made their way to a scarred hand; the feeling of their fingertips touching caused a fire in them both to ignite.
“I should’ve taken your hand that day at the river,” he started, voice low and husky. “That’s what I do regret.”
He watched green eyes glisten from the tears that slowly made their way. His heart was pounding. There was no going back now, not that he’d want to.
“I’ve been so wrong, Izuku. I want you around,” for the first time, trepidation could be heard in his voice. “I want you close to me.”
The two felt delirious, half because of what was going on and the other half due to their bodies burning need for more sleep.
Izuku could hear the pumping of his blood in his ears now. Later he would recall this moment with disbelief over the fact he didn’t faint upon hearing these words. But for the moment, all he could do was glance down at his childhood friend's lips with so much desire that it burned.
“I’ve never stopped wanting that.”
That was all it took for the remaining distance and any or all fear existing between them to dissipate.
After plenty of mutual waiting, wishing, and wanting, Katsuki met Izuku's lips with his own. When he felt a hand gently clasp his face as he was kissed back with the same amount of certainty and fervor, he took no time in pulling Izuku closer by the waist. Izuku found himself relax under the firm grasp; his touch felt like tiny sparks and instantly became his favourite feeling.
The feeling of their lips pressed together was so foreign, but it felt so right. It felt perfect, like everything had finally fallen into place. It was as if Katsuki had finally found what he had been chasing after for so long, and Izuku didn’t need to dream or wonder of it anymore.
Their bodies tingled as liquid lightning reached their every nerve, heat surging through them as they both ardently drank each other in. The sweetness and wet warmth of one another was so intoxicating, all they could do was indulge in and chase after it.
God, they needed more. So much more.
“Kacchan…” Izuku mumbled into the mouth on his and Katsuki was reminded of just how much he loved that stupid nickname.
“Mm?”
They broke apart, panting slightly and already feeling a sense of emptiness from the absence, wanting to pull each other in again. Their foreheads rested against each other as they basked in what just unfolded.
“I’m really happy I came back. Thank you.”
”Y’thanking me for kissin’ you?” the blonde smirked.
He was given a look that said ‘really?’ and they both laughed. This dynamic was so different; scary and new and it felt surreal, but it was so nice.
“I can’t believe you remember that day at the river. I didn’t really think it was anything to you… and I can’t believe you feel the same about me! I always felt like an idiot for wanting this—even for just thinking about—”
“You’re still an idiot. Just for other reasons,” the older boy jested, stopping the rambling and receiving a nudge. “I felt like a dumbass ‘cause I don’t deserve it after what I put you through.”
Izuku shook his head. “You don’t even realize that you’ve done more than enough to make up for it. That’s what makes you a good person, Kacchan. That stuff is the past now, we aren’t the same people we were back then.”
He was right. They were no longer the little kids catching bugs at the park together, or the gifted and the quirkless that had drifted apart, or the bully and the bullied. They were now two individuals that were learning the ways of the world, undergoing a vast amount of self improvement, reparation, and growth. They were Katsuki and Izuku now. Heroes, together.
Vermillion and emerald looked deep into each other. Karsuki realized he didn't want to leave him.
“If you think I’m done making it up to you, you’re dead wrong,” he murmured as he began to plant soft kisses along the other’s neck. “Come sleep in my room.”
“We can’t do that! Someone might see,” Izuku giggled, melting under the gentle and ticklish touches.
At the sight of his favourite smile, Katsuki was sure. There was nothing that would ever compare or come close to Izuku.
“Nobody will see shit. And if they do, I’ll just kill ‘em or something. Come.”
The two of them went.
✦✦✦
They lay close in Katsuki’s bed, bodies entangled and eyelids heavy. Izuku could feel the warmth of the other’s breath against his skin and it sent shivers all over his body. He nuzzled his head into the blonde’s chest and buried himself impossibly deeper into the secure embrace, breathing in the scent of what felt like home. He couldn’t believe he was in Katsuki’s dorm… in his bed… in his arms… after kissing him… it all felt like a dream. He wasn’t dreaming, right?
The feeling of a kiss on his forehead quickly confirmed everything was real. “G’night, Izuku.”
Okay, wow. His heart needed a warning for that.
His mind brought him back to that moment, again, in which Katsuki had used his given name for the first time since they were kids. It had made him feel a mix of emotions, as did this whole entire day, but hearing it felt surreal. It was difficult to comprehend it at the time since he was fighting consciousness, but he could recall it now. It felt nice. Fresh, like a clear spring morning after a nights worth of rain. It carried the same effect as a drug would to its consumer, alcohol to its drinker. It sounded beautiful and he wanted him to say it again and again.
But for a moment, he briefly thought about Katsuki never calling him Deku again and it brought a sense of hollowness to his chest. He would be lying if he said he wouldn’t miss it. Even though he had longed for things to be different between them, they had always been Deku and Kacchan. He didn’t want to let that go entirely.
“Hey, Kacchan?” He fought his sleepiness.
No words came out in response, only a noise like a hum.
“I was just thinking… I don't hate it when you call me Deku,” he paused. “I mean, I used to, but now it sort of just… feels right…” The last part of the sentence was said so quietly that if they weren’t as close to each other as they were, Katsuki wouldn’t have heard it.
The elder smirked to himself half asleep. "Well you did make it your hero name y’nerd. Do you not like me calling you Izuku?”
“N-No! I wasn’t saying that.”
“Good. 'Cause I wasn’t gonna stop,” his smirk widened. “I-zu-ku.”
He emphasized each syllable slowly and beautifully, making Izuku’s stomach flutter and face burn. If it weren’t for the dark of the night and his closed eyes, Katsuki would’ve seen the deep blush that covered freckled cheeks. Izuku wasn’t sure he would survive hearing him say it again.
As they lay there, the world felt as if it reduced itself to the small four walled dorm room just the two of them were in. To be like this with each other, finally, was a feeling neither wanted to be deprived of ever again.
Moments before the two quickly fell into a much needed deep sleep, Katsuki pulled him in closer for one final, drowsy whisper.
“Always been my Deku, 'n' now you're my Izuku too.”