Work Text:
Mikey was having a bad night. It was one of those shitty nights wherein his nightmares kept him screaming at the break of dawn.
So damn bad that he loathed waking up sweaty and breathing hard. So utterly bad that he would again be reminded of how alone he was in his shitty life of crime and filth.
How lonely he was and just feel like crying all over again when his dear sister had died years ago.
But because he was the invincible Mikey, he could not cry. Not in front of Sanzu who immediately went to his room, barging and kicking his door like a paranoid subordinate that he was. Asking on so many questions that made his head ached so much with all the fussing he was spouting about.
"Sanzu if you don't shut the fuck up I'll seriously blow your fucking head and I won't be fucking caring at your fallen body you'll be surprised how nonchalant I am at killing you."
Now that made Sanzu zipped his mouth which was good only if the fucking lunatic was not having a fucked up expression on his face which made Mikey more pissed at the pink haired.
"Just. I'll go out for a bit. And don't ever follow me you hear?!"
"A-Alright boss. Just be careful please."
"Just go back to sleep."
Mikey went out riding his old motorbike from those days that he has dutifully keeping in good shape despite his executives' consistent nagging on buying a new one instead.
He just wanted to feel alive again and maybe to clear his mind from those nightmares that kept on reminding him that he should just die like everyone precious of him. There were no nights that he was free of their clutches, torturing him of their bloody bodies and regretful smiles. Always. Every single night.
His doctor said that he was experiencing severe PTSD and his nightmares were side effects of it apparently. Due to extreme stress and regret and longing. Due to his bloody work activities and not so healthy food cravings. All were contributing to his trauma and he was not getting better.
He knew this day would come.
He knew the day he would finally fall apart due to everything had happened to him would come at him unannounced and he would not be able to do anything about it. Even his dark impulses would not be able to stop it.
Only death would bring him peace. He knew that. He, of course, knew that. After all, nothing was important to him anymore. There were many back then but now after pushing everyone away, he had nothing.
Maybe Bonten was somewhat important to him in a way but he knew that flimsy hope was not enough to keep him feel alive.
That was why he slowly went to an abandoned building and went upstairs. It was winter already. He loved the cold breezes touching his skin. The soft swaying of his bleached hair against the wind. The slight freezing sensation because of the thin shirt he was currently wearing. The clear and loud footsteps he was making while going at the rooftop because of how serene and quiet the whole place was.
When he reached the top, he was surprised with all the stars so vividly clear on the night sky.
It was beautiful. Almost a pity for it to witness his death.
He still made it to the edge of the building. Carefully assessing the ground below. It almost seemed like a straight dive to hell with how dark the bottom part was. Like his lightless black eyes.
He then looked at the ethereal sky once again. Silently wishing to any gods to be able to see his siblings once again in the afterlife. Silently wishing for his old friends to always be well despite him leaving them behind. Also feeling bad for not being able to say sorry for all the hurtful things he had done. Silently wishing for Bonten to be.. he guess well? For them to finally find their peace and happiness as well. Because he knew how twisted his group was and he nevertheless wished them to be alright and just to be normal again. He knew they still deserved that kind of settlement.
He was ready to take his life. He was tired. So so tired.
He wanted to be with his family.
He wanted to see them so badly. And maybe apologise for not saving them. Yeah he would do that. Hopefully they would let him for a hug before scolding him of taking his life because he so badly need them. He just--
"U-uhm would like a hug then?"
And all of this internal (and maybe not) farewell was interrupted by a soft meek voice.
There was a person standing beside him, arms wide and strangely looking at him with teary blue eyes like he was really expecting to give a hug.
The fuck. Who the fuck was he? And he did not feel him coming closer beside him?! What a creep!
"Who the fuck are you? Do you want to die? Can't you see I'm busy?" He stressed every words with venom with how pissed off he currently was. 'Just how dare this sickly looking guy interrupt him?'
"Uhm. I'm sorry mister. Just that I saw you with my telescope at the other building near this one and I panicked and thought you were going to jump and the next thing I remember I am running and climbing this building and hopefully to stop you from jumping because you know life is so precious and--"
"Just shut for a moment okay? Don't you know how to breathe while speaking? You are making my headache worse.."
"Uhm I also has medicine in me here and--"
"Just don't talk okay?!"
Then the stranger finally shut his mouth.
'Thank god he finally stopped talking. Ahhhh and here I thought I would be able to jump this time around. No doubt this guy would stop me and all the fuck up concerns and that would just make me feel so annoyed to have someone convince me with his nonsense view in life. Though on a second thought, I could just kill him right?'
He then looked at the stranger and was dumbfounded to realise that the guy was still standing beside him with his arms wide open.
'Really the fuck was wrong with this guy?'
"The fuck are you doing? With those open arms?"
"Oh! Uhm you said you want a hug?" the stranger asked with a tilt of his head.
'Cute.... Wait what?'
"Huh? The heck are you saying? I did not say that..." that was when he realised he might be saying those farewell thoughts the whole time.
"fuck. Did you hear all of my fucking farewell?" he was seriously looking at the stranger now and already planning on how to kill this guy just to relieve him of that embarrassing moment.
"Oh! Don't worry! I did not hear all of it, I just arrived before you said that part where you want a hug." he stranger smiled.
"Oh. Okay you're lucky then. But what's with the fucking arms? Do you think I want to hug you?"
Now if the stranger sadly smiled at him after hearing that he would choose not to admit feeling a little bit bad.
"Uhm. My grandmother said that if a person genuinely need a hug, even if they are a stranger, it is best to offer it to them anyway. She said sometimes, there are things that only a stranger can give comfort to other people. Because they don't know you and don't have any attachments that's why the person's emotional boundaries are not applicable. I think it was like when you seek some help to a therapist."
"But I doubt you are a therapist."
"Hehe no I'm not but my grandma said that I'm emphatic even to people I don't know so yeah that's why I'm here hoping to help you ease your loneliness. I'm not a professional neither am I going to start asking about your life which lead you to this decision but I hope I can fulfill your wish for a hug? I'll gladly give you some." the stranger again, just smiled at him.
He could not feel any bad intentions to those words and smile. He was proud of being good at reading people but this guy. This weird guy was not like that. He just wanted to give him a hug it seemed.
And the offer was, surprisingly, tempting.
Maybe the stranger was right. There was no reservations needed to some stranger you did not even know. He could just do it and forget it the next day and move on with his life.
He was tempted.
Because sometimes when it was just so hard to keep it to himself, he would wish for someone to be able to let all his frustrations out and just cry. And cry until he fell asleep. Without thinking of any consideration and the like.
And now when that someone was finally offering it on a silver platter in front of him he could not stop coming closer to him.
He could not stop himself to just reach out.
And encircle his arms around the guy.
And to just cry.
And cry like a child.
They sat on the ground and he continued letting the waterworks out. He was not a crier but it has been years since the last time.
He did not think when he was bawling like a baby to the stranger, so out of character for someone like him. He swear even his old best friend has not seen him so pathetic like this.
The stranger thankfully did not comment on his messy crying. Just content on hugging him tight and patting his back like a friend. The stranger would also say soft words of 'it's okay', 'everything's going to be alright' along the way.
This was comfortable.
For once in his life, those dark impulses were quiet.
He was at peace for the first time in the arms of this stranger with black curls and blue eyes.